Do you think if someone cheats on you they have no respect for you, or they just made a mistake?

Some friends and I have been having a debate about cheating and if it is just a mistake that could be forgiven or a sign that they have no respect for you.

Clearly anyone who cheats on you more then once doesn't respect you and should be kicked to the curb immediately. But if it just happens once and they come clean do you think it was just a mistake? And what if they never tell you but you find out from someone else, is that disrespect or a mistake?


Most Helpful Girl

  • if it's been long relationship then no respect. at all.

    if its a short one (1-2 weeks) he's just testing the field, but isn't worthy of dating, for me at least.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Generally, cheat once, cheat again. There may be exceptions, but it's most often a sign that something is very wrong in your relationship. What's wrong in your relationship is probably him. You know him, so its your choice whether or not to give him one more chance.

  • It is always a mistake, but they also don't respect you if they cheat on you. If I have respect for someone I would not do anything to hurt their feelings if I could avoid it. You can avoid cheating on someone, I don't care if you are drunk or the person is extremely attractive you should stay loyal or break up with the person before moving on. Period.

  • Do you desire to be loved or respected? Of course you want both, but in your case I think there is some real hangup on respect.

    Someone you love can make a mistake, but will that mean you no longer love them? If it does, you were just deluding yourself in the first place. Love must by nature include acceptance, understanding and forgiveness. It can not be switched on and off. Real love takes time to grow, and time to die.

    • Have you been cheated on before? or cheated on someone?

    • Yes

  • A little bit of both. Honestly. Why? you ask do I say both. Well it totally depends.

    1. Was the person sincerely honestly upset that they made the "mistake." You can typically tell if it's a bs drama fest.

    2. Was it planned or did it just "happen?"

    3. If the person is sincerly honest yes mistakes "can and WILL happen" in realationships. Am I going to hate on my girlfriend for it no. I've made mistakes I'm sure, would I make a habbit of her just making mistake after mistake. No. That's not right either.

    That's just my .02.

    Although I am a open realtionship type of person anyhow. So if my girlfriend wanted to do stuff with somebody all she'd have to do is say so. I'm not so stingent. Although I am very carefull "protection wise" because of that ;).

    So personally, in my realationships. I don't typically have that problem. Cause it's pretty well known about me, that if they want to all they have to do is say so. I'm not going to get upset. Or anything at all.

    Although, if perhaps they didn't say something, and went behind my back, and snuck to do it. That's crossing the line. That's cheating. If I'm knowledgeable and I have a reservation where I can say no I don't agree to it. Then that's fine. As long as both partners agree it's not cheating. If one doesn't care for it you shouldn't do it at all.


  • Firstly, it should be called cheating only when there is a committed relationship, like marriage, romantic relationship with a clear future and all that. Just because two people are a couple does not mean there is commitment. Once we define it like this, cheating is unforgivable. Trust goes. There is hurt. Respect is lost. There can be no future to that relationship.

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What Girls Said 21

  • When someone cheats, it's a mistake. Second, third, fourth time... would be total disrespect, and should be killed lol jus kiddin, kinda...

    Finding out from someone else? It depends.. if they are still cheating, then it means they just don't want the other person to find out so they can.. continue cheating - disrespectful.

    If the person cheated once, regretted it, and never had the guts to confess, doesn't mean they disrespect the other person. Just means they are afraid of losing and hurting the other person bec of their mistake.

  • i think people who cheat take their boyfriend/girlfriend for granted.

  • i will argue for 'not having respect for you' because whether or not they did it on purpose or 'made a mistake', well, what they did was disrespectful.

    The thing is, as an adult, you make an active conscious decision to cheat. In my opinion, I believe, that there is no way it could be a 'mistake'

    You input signals to your brain 'yes I will cheat on my current partner' etc unless they have temporary relapsing amnesia and they can't remember wth they just did, I doubt it is a mistake.

    It could be a mistake in the sense that they doubted their partner and thought this new fling was a possible option but then it didn't work out, that's the only way it could be a mistake

    and so I couldn't take a guy back if he thought this. I would say 'too bad'. you made that decision. I dated you because I think you have a working brain and I would tell them that. I can't go and forgive someone for cheating, even if they realized it was a mistake. it would show me that they have a detrimental decision making skill factor...they thought this other chick was better than me. and I would tell him to go away, it's definitely disrespect and it is possibly a mistake.

  • Ok... I have been on both sides of cheating many of times. I think it depends on the situation leading up to. I cheated on a guy multiple times many years back due to the fact some of his "friends" told me he was cheating on me... Fact was... his friends tried to hook up with me after our breakup... hmmmm... I fell for that one. A couple years ago when talking to this guy I asked him flat out about it... he cheated on me after I cheated on him the second time, he dumped me the third. To think things could have been different if we would have both been completely honest with one another... but things are for the best.

    My husband had many an issues with fidelity... and shortly after we hooked up (within a month) was messaging a girl online telling her how much he loved her. After I found the messages... I confronted him with it... he claimed he was never going to meet her... and I shouldn't have checked (this was my computer at my house BTW) so I set up a fake profile and messaged him... needless to say... he asked me to meet him... and I did. After that big blow up he was good for about 5 years (as far as I know) then I noticed he was staying at work longer than usual, disappearing, even left me at a bar alone for over an hour. After some research I found out the blond girl from his work and him were flirting pretty bad, and he was locking himself in the bedroom to talk to her. After that time I really thought long and hard about leaving him, but I had grown to care about him too much. So we married. And I was faithful for the 7 years up to the marriage.

    A little while after I got married my ex contacted me and we began talking, I told him about my life in whole (I did notice that my husband didn't like the fact I told my ex about the cheating problem). I noticed my ex would ask why I would put up with that, or that I deserved better. One night after some extreme all night drinking my ex made a move on me and we messed around. I had thought about coming clean to my husband the next day... but since I always figured things out on my own, I figured I could wait. After one month and another hookup I decided I needed to come clean to him. He was hurt, and I did feel bad... but all the times he stepped out of line... even if I caught him he always lied to me about it... to the point if I didn't figure it all out... he could still be lying.

    I still love my husband with all my heart, and I still look at him like my bestfriend... but I felt so disrespected due to all the lying. Mine was a mistake made out of anger, hurt, and many other emotions. I'm not sure about his... I don't think he will ever tell me. What I have learned from the whole thing is that one act of betrayal leads to another... so it's best to have an honesty policy in place, so if I feel like hooking up with the ex again... I can, and he knows now that he could actually lose me, and it's not another empty threat.

  • disrespectful

    sure they'll say it's a mistake and I'm sure they'll realize it was

    but they'll only realize it was until after they've gotten it out of their system

    they knew when they were doing it it was wrong yet they did it anyways.

    its a show of disrespect.

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