My ex and I still have feelings for each other, but he is emotionally unstable. What to do?

[wonderful-mess]

This is about my ex boyfriend and what I should do about him. I will give some background info so you can get an idea of the situation, so here goes; My ex and I met at school almost 3 years ago, and liked each other from the very beginning. After 6 months he asked me out and we were together for 15 months. Everything was wonderful, but we got in some rough times and took a break, but made up and started dating officially again. Last October, we had been together 20 months, we broke up. We have most of our classes at school together, but I stopped all contact with him for some months. We started talking a little at the end of December, and ended up making out New Years Eve at a friend's party. Since then we have been talking more and more, these last few weeks practically every day. We have also been on long walks and talked a lot, on these walks he has kissed me, and he says he has feelings for me again. I was really happy about this, because I have been having feelings for him as well.

We have both had some problems, and he still does have some, I think mental problems (nothing large), but he is very confused and has been extremely emotional the last few months, he is open about this too. The thing is that he isn't "ready", I'm not entirely sure about what, but I'm fine with it, as I know there will be doubts about if our relationship could work again. I try to be helpful because I know he is going through some rough times and he gets hurt VERY easily, and then doesn't want to talk to me. How can I go about this? I feel like I have to walk on eggshells every time we talk and it's dragging me down emotionally every time he gets upset about the tiniest thing. Should I stop all contact with him till he gets better or what can I do. Keep in mind that I care very much about him and if possible I would like to have another go at a relationship with him. If this means anything, he is 18 and I just turned 19.

Updates

+1 y

Hi, thanks for all the answers, I appreciate them. We have talked about it, and he thought we should try it as girlfriend/boyfriend again, and it's actually going really well :)

[Anonymous]

Ok you are not going to like this but here's what I think:

Let him go. I mean let him go relationship wise. I would be friends with him. I think he is in real need of a real friend right now and is too emotionally unstable for a relationship. You two had your chance and it didn't work out. So more than likely it wouldn't work out the second time and that could just put him in more emotional problems. You are still both young and have a long road ahead of you in the dating area. He told you he wasn't ready, so respect that and move on. I would tell him that you will always be his friend and there for him and want this. Tell him you two would be better off this way and it is the right/best thing to do in the long run. Remember this: People who breakup and then try to get back together usually never work out. It will never be the same as the first and there are too many emotions reharnished. I think you deserve a true relationship that's not so crazy/up and down/emotionally unstable. I understand you care about him, and this doesn't have ot change. You can care about friends alot. I just think it's best you two didn't date each other. You both are young and just seemed to look to each other when you were both vulnerable and unstable. He has got some issues to work out before he needs to be in ANY relationship. I don't think he has the mental stability to commit to you right now and you should not have to wait for him. But you do need to be there as a friend. If you really care for him you will let him go realizing it's best for HIM and YOU now and in the long run, but always be there for support. He needs a friend more than anything and since he gets hurt VERY easily, chances are you will spend most of your time worrying about pissing him off not to even have a meaningful relationship and he will get mad at you for something stupid and break up with you once again. Didn't work once, let it go, let him go, move on. Go date others and in time you will find it was the right decision. I mean why would you want a relationship with a guy who "doesn't want to talk to you?"

This is what I think is best. I would not stop the contact, but lessen the contact. He might literally flip out more if you stop contact. But explain to him what you are going to do and why you are going to do it. Lessen contact will mean you are just friends, but constant contact would mean more so lessen it. He needs to get some help/work things out and having a relationship would just add fuel to the fire.

[sarrah78]

i think there's no way ur relationship wth that guy would work as long as he has mental and emotional issues...so why should you suffer?u like the guy ok...u both have a history 2gether that I can understand but still you should learn ur lesson from ur experience ...u've been there and done that...u tried being supportive and there 4 him whenever he needs u...still it didn't work

what makes you think that it would work now?he's still emotionally ill..so nothing changed

u 2 like each other and that's ok...but you don't have 2 solve or wait and waste ur energy,strength and affection on him till he wakes up and realise that he has problems and he has 2 work them out!

if u're so shaking up of hurting him I think you can be as supportive and there 4 him as a friend than a girlfriend..thats what he needs in his case...

[Anonymous]

ur story is exactly the same as mine can you believe it?and my boyfriend is even a year younger than me lol. he wants to get back w me and I still have feelings for him but I m so afraid to get back to him as he hurt me once so badly y can't he do that again?also I feel he wants me but not that into me.i want to be someone who appreciates me and can't get enough of me.i want to be w someone who feels he won a prize just by having me.trust me he is taking you for granted and he doesn't care that much as you do.trust me I m in ur same situation.

[adrianereeder]

yeah I say wait. give him time and space. But you have to understand that he may never be ready. You have to let him be. If he is playing games with you, you need to tell him that you don't play games. Tell him you care about him but you can't wait forever, I'm sure you are very beautiful, talented and have a lot going on for yourself. Don't settle for this. You take time as well to see if this is what you really want. Nobody needs to be played with. If he doesn't know what his problems are ask him to go to counseling, don't you try to figure it out. That will drive you crazy.

In the meantime you go relax, have fun, and enjoy your life. If its meant to be he will come around trust me.

Have a great beautiful. Everything will be fine

[l-hedoniste]

"Should I stop all contact with him till he gets better" Bingo.

Walking on eggshells in a relationship is a big red flag. It's HIS job to deal with the turmoil in his emotional life, not yours. You're his girlfriend, not his emotional punching bag.

[wonderful-mess]

Just to make it clear, I'm not his girlfriend at the moment, we broke up last Oct. Otherwise I will take notice of your advice :)

[wendellfish]

this is will be hard, but you need to end it. The constant breakup get back together thing is not good for you. It will be hard not to go back to him especially if you see hm a lot. Try and find some new things to do and meet new people. when you find someone who appreciates you, and continually wants to be with you, you will find that great relationship where ou can give all your time and affection. This relationship as you said possibly has no future, why waste your time and energy?

[lolfreddy]

Talk to him and tell him he needs to sort out his problems first! o.o

[wonderful-mess]

I would love to do that, but how can I tell him to sort out his problems, when he doesn't know exactly what they are, and that he gets really eaily emotional and hurt? Any way to get around telling him to do that without making him hate me? And keep in mind he is very lazy and he's been saying that time will fix his problems (even though it won't).