Should I ask him to hang out or wait for him to ask me?

[ErroWorld]

I've been sort of seeing this guy now and then for a couple months. At no point have I asked for clarification about what's going on between us, and I haven't been pursuing him (i.e. he asks me to hang out too). We had coffee, then drinks (he paid, and walked me half-way home), then there was a month when we were both busier than usual, then we had lunch and it was awkward, after I was traveling for a month; we exchanged emails while I was gone, and hung out (had drinks, his idea, I made the move to split the bill, he took note) when I got back. This whole time, nothing physical ever happened (maybe we hugged once). I really liked this guy and it scared the living daylights out of me, so I took it really slowly.

Anyway, when we parted ways after drinks last week, he announced that he thought I was awesome and enjoys my company but he's not looking for anything serious. I don't get it: we didn't do anything physically, I wasn't even flirting with him...anyway, I was stunned and pretty hurt. I didn't say anything in response to what he said, except to say he'd see me in class (in response to his question), and good night. I'm not looking for a relationship necessarily, but I was hopeful. Frankly, I hadn't thought about where things were going, beyond "I like him and want to hang out." I totally understand not being ready for a relationship, and I appreciate him not wanting to lead me on; but I don't understand why he freaked out!

I didn't speak to him all weekend, but after we had class on Monday, I went up to him and told him that I was startled because I hadn't thought that far ahead yet; that I was considering all the possibilities but I figured it would sort itself out; and that it's cool because I'm not sure what I want yet. He seemed receptive, if shy as normal, and he apologized for "starting things off this way." So it's not over? I still like him a lot but I'm not that invested anymore...

Should I wait for him to ask me to hang out again? or should I casually tell him about a fair I'm going to next weekend and ask if he wants to come? I'm super busy this week (other men heheh) so I wouldn't ask til the middle of next week.

[vflbelle05]

He's either playing hard to get and wants you to chase him or he really isn't interested in a long term, committed relationship with you. It's difficult to decipher, but give things time. If he truly is a friend, he'll still want to hang out and if he is into you, he will ask you out on a date. Just don't bring it up or put undue pressure on the situation- take things how they come.

[Tht_grl]

Do you have mutual friends? Try asking a couple people to go as well as him. Hanging out in a group setting might be a little more comfortable for both of you considering your recent conversation with him.

[ErroWorld]

nope, no mutual friends, I'm on my own here :T

[MeridiansAAngel]

i think that's his best way of telling you he's not interested without hurting your feelings.

-A

[HammerofTruth]

He may not be interested. Sorry, to say it. My advice, break off contact. If he is interested then he'll come back. Just don't sleep with him, that will put you in a whole other category.

[majamausi]

Just wait for him to come around, I'm pretty sure he's still trying to make sense of your answer because he thought girls can never hold back emotions you now the deal, I'm pretty sure he'll ask you soon enough.