my boyfriend and I have been together since we were 18... we are 25 now. every time people ask "are you married?" "when are you getting married?" he's always like oh I don't believe in marriage... or id rather be happily unmarried then unhappily married.. or some other lameass remark. I mean I can...
my boyfriend and I have been together since we were 18... we are 25 now. every time people ask "are you married?" "when are you getting married?" he's always like oh I don't believe in marriage... or id rather be happily unmarried then unhappily married.. or some other lameass remark. I mean I can tell he loves me very much, I think everyone else can to. but still he won't ask... or won't even talk about it.
Then you ask him. Sitting there waiting like some princess for prince charming to do all the work clearly doesn't work. Turn it around. Buy a ring and go down on your knee and propose. Make it fun. Make it serious. Make it an occation.
A guy is generally happy enough with the thought of BEING married. But the stress of the marriage itself has a tendency to scare us. Big formal dinner, lots of expensive dresses, having to walk up the church aisle. Scary stuff. I'd downplay that part of it if I were you.
Instead emphasise the _being_ married. That you'll spend your life together like today - and you'll have a formalised union that will put things into organised forms when one of you eventually dies - or you have kids.
If you dream of a big fairy tale wedding, then you'll be better off trying to scope creep that into the plans at a later stage. Better to go for somethingthing like a quick signing of the contract with a restaurant visit, or some small gathering at first.
Sounds like he doesn't want to get married. He said he doesn't believe in marriage and won't even talk about it. He may change is mind though. I sorta understand where he's coming from; there are so many potential hassles with divorce: losing money, alimony, and legal hassles.
What's the difference, except announcing your relationship on paper. The man is happy being with you, and probably feels marriage will complicate things. Also, he may feel too young to make such a decision.
He's pretty much said why. He thinks marriage is pointless (I agree) so why would he ask someone to marry him?
If you really care about marraige so much then you should talk to him about it. Say it means something to you, etc... etc...- I don't give a crap about marriage and think its silly and outdated but if I'm in a long term relationship with a girl who really wants the bit of paper then I might agree to it for her sake.
There is a book called "why men marry some women and not others". If you're a reader, pick it up and it'll do you a world of good. It's the result of an 11 yer study. Basically even when starting out so young, within a year and year and half of dating, a man makes up his mind then if he wants to marry you. it's a yes or no answer. He then decides what he is going to do about it. The thing is though, if the answer is yes, he may set out a on a long winded quest to prepare to marry you. Many times guys think they have to have a long list of things to be able to have a wife and potential family. The wrench to all this is that after about 2 years of dating someone, a man gets acclimated to the situation as it looks then. He loses motivation to get married. In most cases, if they get married after that point, the girl has to nag or force him. The suggestion that was made to women looking at the results of many couples is that about a year and half is a good time to broach the subject with him and let him explain very clearly what he's thinking as some of the times they found men would answer "No" to questions like "Are you thinking about us getting married." Many times, he meant "I have tought of it and decided that in 3 years when this is settled, I'll ask you. " You want a ring and a date set no later than 2 years.
Now, let's look at your situation. He has clearly said that he doesn't beleive in marriage. You need to let him know that you want to get married and not someday but tell him when you do. If someone you get him to agree to marriage I wouldn't go for long winded plans, be quick---no more than 8 months.
If he still does not want to talk about it, keep in mind what I said about the book above. I know a lot of people talk negatively about marriage but your chances of having a lasting relationship falls dramatically if you aren't married. I would suggest after giving someone 7 years of your life, you find someone who wants the same things you do and loves you enough to give you things that are important to you. There are plenty of guys out there like that.
My cousin and her boyfriend started dating when they were 16 and are 26 now (10 years) and aren't married, although they have a house together. We've all asked her boyfriend about it, and he kind of blows it off too, but has never implied that he doesn't want to be with her. I really don't know what advice to give you, but if he won't at least talk about it with you privately, then you might have a real problem.