Do you think that people misinterpret kindness for flirting?

[MissAlexandra]

I see a lot of questions on here saying, "this girl seemed really into me- but she won't answer my texts!" or "we hit it off great, but now he won't answer". In fact, the last question I saw was "this girl was crossing her legs and shaking them in my direction, does this mean she likes me?"

I work at something similar to a customer service desk. I have to be polite, answer any questions someone may have, etc. This guy came up to me and lingered around my desk for over an hour until my shift ended. We had small talk. He asked questions about the desk I run and I answered them. He told me his plans for the weekend and I barely returned the conversation. He asked for my number and I said that would be unprofessional of me and politely declined. He came back to my work the week after and hung around again. Tried to hug me, and asked to walk me outside but I declined. He told me he's interested and he thought I was, too. WHY? Because I SPOKE to him? Because I did my job? I didn't lead this guy on at all. I didn't do anything wrong and I know it. I'm not a flirty person by nature, it's not like I was doing it and not realizing.

I personally think people mistake kindness for flirting all the time. Then they wonder why the other person isn't reciprocating these feelings.. when in reality, they were only being nice to begin with. What do you guys and girls think?

[Evrythng0riginal]

It sucks when that happens. I work in customer service as well and for some reason I tend to always get misunderstood. I'm naturally a nice guy so my personality fits my job well. I really enjoy seeing people smile no matter the gender. As a guy it doesn't bother me when a girl is flirting of course but sometimes I feel bad that my interest isn't the same because I'm just not looking for anything right now. It doesn't get to me that much but what does is when it turns out that a guy also has mistaken my kindness and calls the store right after leaving to ask for me by name as if that was ok because I was nice to him. To me that seemed a bit overboard. I've always had girls ask me out or them ask me for a friend but every once and awhile it is creepy when a guy for some reason thinks I am interested in dating of the same sex. Sometimes I hate how nice of a person I am but as much as I've tried to stray from being me I can't help but truly love people indiscriminately cause that's how I feel everyone should be. Not all like me but more so in their own ways as equal opportunists.

[kheserthorpe]

A) yes.

B) people who are never actually flirted with have no basis for comparison. If you've been both hit on and had friendly conversations, you can tell the difference. If nobody has ever wanted you, you don't know what to expect.

C) men tend to interpret far more behavior then women do as flirtatious. This is probably because the way women interact with female friends has an intimacy and acceptance of touch that men only experience with a romantic partner.

[MissAlexandra]

BA. Thank you.

[Girr13]

YES YES YES they totally do especially guys, you can't talk to a guy and smile at him and have a general conversation without him thinking you're into him, its really dumb, annoying, and also sad because sometimes you just want to be friends with people but it gets all awkward when they strongly believe you're flirting with them >:(

[Lj236]

poor you ;p

[britannny]

Yes, they do. A lot of guys are really bad at reading signals. If you're friendly to them, they think you want them. Sometimes even if you just acknowlege them when they're speaking to you.

[MissAlexandra]

Totally agree.. What are we supposed to do- be a bitch? No.. I'll never stop being friendly.. Just gotta hope less guys take it the wrong way, I guess.

[Bear_of_Death]

Sometimes women are bad at reading their own signals. Perhaps you ("you" in the "women in general" sense) did not intend to, but you did something that suggested interest.

[Raiden]

He is a pervert, meaning he is using a tactic to use your kindness to allow him to touch you and lead you on to other things, if you don't tell him to f*** off or tell a guy friend to walk up to him and say "I am her boyfriend and I don;t like you talking to her" then he will treat you like a joke and will continue to bother you to entertain himself...etc. Those guys get sex like that ( the girl says let me just give it to him hopefully he will go away...seen that b4=bad ending) tell your manager and security will throw him out.

[MissAlexandra]

Yeah, I told my guy friend he makes me feel uncomfortable because he stayed with me until my shift ended and watched me walk into the parking lot. He said he'd come to my next shift for me, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. We'll see.

[Raiden]

I think you should overreact because that's harassment and if you don't do anything it will become sexual harassment and you will be hopeless, don;t let him get comfortable, stop him early so he moves on, tell you guy friends then immediately tell a female police officer.

[john52461]

yeah no kidding, people on this site think every little thing as that person liking them,

"the person blinked twice while holding their wrist" that means they like me right?

"I noticed this and this blah blah blah" does it mean something?

I think when we like someone we tend to over-analyze things

[RBD12]

lmbo...that is tooo funnny

[MissAlexandra]

aahahah I know.. when I saw that guy on here say "this girl in my class crossed her legs and was shaking them in my direction.. does this mean she likes me?" I literally had to write this question cause it's getting out of hand

[john52461]

yeah and the women's and men's magazine's with their "body language experts" lol write ridiculous stuff, as if all gestures have some fixed meaning...it doesn't work that way, or the stupid thing that people think is fact "we communicate 90% though our body language" LMAO get the f*** outta here, if that were true it would be pretty get your point across on the phone.

[Roxriver]

Yeah that's probably got a lot of truth in it. I mean, I do it myself - when I am in public I will by default try to be agreeable. Eye contact, smile, engage people socially and politely. But when someone else in the opposite gender is doing that, it's easy to interpret it as interest. Then again, you have to admire this guy to busting it out. He probably has a counter philosophy that says he should just ask irrespective of whether you are being polite or not - just in case.

[Roxriver]

But wait is it really relevant? Because at the end of the day, if you actually thought he was cute you probably would have been happy he asked. So it was a win win situation for him to ask - if no, he has no regret, if yes, bonus.

[PengersL]

Totally agree. So the question is: How do you discern kindness from flirting?

[MissAlexandra]

Yeah, true! I guess it isn't black or white here. There is a lot of gray area..

[BobbyD]

Not for flirting, but seeing someone be kind helps me build an idea of who they are.

And a kind person is a must for me.

[TheUglyOne]

Yep. I think guys are especially guilty of that too. I've seen them interpret a woman holding a door for them as "proof" she wants to bang him lol.

[RBD12]

hahahahhahahah