Why do people want me to get married so badly?

My aunt and family want me to meet a "sweet girl" one day, but after being cheated on by 4 different women, I'm 100% against relationships and marriage. Even though I've told my family how I feel, they still believe I'll meet a good woman one day but I don't believe them. I'm 23, I'm not putting my heart out there at all and I'm gonna stay guarded why are they pushing relationships and marriage on me? I'm 100% against them, I'd rather be alone.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're only 23. You'll feel this way now and probably swear to it that you will never trust, love or be in a serious relationship again but you will eventually get over that and your perspectives and views will most likely change. Doesn't really matter if they don't though cos it's your life - I'm just saying don't completely give up on the idea that there may be someone out there who can make you happy :) I've been cheated on tonnes of times and by people who I thought loved me and wanted a future with me and then just made a total mockery out of the relationship. I am very cynnical about the idea of love and marriage but for some reason I keep finding people who convince me otherwise (and sometimes the whole cycle begins again). It's part of life I guess and it makes us stronger and frankly smarter people.

    As for the aunts and family members and what they are saying well it is probably true really but they are just doing the typical family thing and trying to lift your spirits when really you'll lift them in your own damn time. Unfortunately they won't stop saying those sort of ahhh 'encouraging' words of wisdom but you can simply ignore them and understand yourself and your convictions and know that in your own time you will feel a bit better about the whole thing, but for right now you are hurt and just want to be alone which is probably a good thing.

    All families are the like that though, but mate your young, so young and should not even be thinking about that stuff. Life is not just about settling down with someone and having kids, there is so much more experience out there. Do those other things. Work on your career or study or travel or move to a different city. Meet people, try different food, put yourself out there for experiencs and not relationships. Along the way you might find someone who makes you happy, you never know.

    • My views won't change, I understand you mean well but I've lost hope in love and I've given up on it. Thanks for the advice though.


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What Girls Said 6

  • There are a few points I need to highlight concerning you and your family. Let's start with you. :)

    You need to understand that you aren't the only person who have been burned by failed relationships. You can start by reading various questions in the "relationships" section or the "breakup" section here on GAG and you will know that most people have been there. They have been abused, cheated on, lied to or even...sadly...raped.

    Giving up on love due to a failed relationship is like giving up on water because you had your stomach hurt once when you drunk contaminated water. You need love in your life. If not now, it will be later on. Being single isn't a crime. I'm single and enjoying it. It's by choice. I'm focusing on other things. The only difference is that I didn't give up on love. I believe good people exist and I believe I might find a great match for me oneday. Until then, I'm gonna live my life. :)

    Only open hearts receive love, so please don't ever give up on it. Don't let some unloyal girls make you live a loveless life. YOU deserve it. THEY don't until they make better choices.

    As for your family. They just want to see you happy. They are older than you and had many many experiences in life. When they say that they are sure you're going to find a nice girl, it's because they love you and want you to be happy. They feel like you are bitter and angry at the world because of those girls who once hurt you. They are unverbally telling you "Son, don't let them close your eyes to the beauty that exist in the world. Don't let those silly girls close your heart to love. Forget. Just live your life. I'm sure that there is a girl out there who will see the diamond in you...which is your heart. We, your family, can see it clearly."

    If you feel bothered by their behavior, just listen and forget what they said. Feeling mad means that you long for love but aren't admitting it. You WANT love, Niceman23 but you are afraid of getting hurt again and again.

    Who wants to get hurt? Nobody. But it's the risk we take which takes us by hand to the love valley. Without that risk, we aren't opening our hearts to the opportunity to love and be loved. You gotta be strong, open your heart and learn from the tough lessons you once had. I'm sure you'll make better choices in the future.

    Good girls exist as much as good guys still exist.

    Have a nice day. :)

  • If you've given up on relationships, love and women in general. Then why do you ask so many questions about women and relationships?

    • I'm still curious about them.

    • Show All
    • Okay, so if an ugly woman showed interest, you'd get into a relationship with her quickly. It's obvious you want a relationship no matter how much you say you don't.

    • Maybe I do, just not with a girl who's gonna cheat on me.

  • They prob think you're gonna turn gay?

  • Dang that sucks. I'm sorry you've had such bad luck.

    Society believes you can't be happy unless you get married someday. Your family wants you to be happy, thus they want you to get married.

    Of course, this is an incredibly false view on life. Plenty of people who are happy never get married or have children. Unfortunately, societal beliefs don't allow for that option.

  • This world is too f***ed up to bring a kid into... I'm want my tubes tied. and I rather not be attached to another human, I want to be free!

  • This is rather sad, sorry that the girls you have met were not more faithful. Not all females are like that.

    You're family should give you a break, they probably want grandchildren or something like that. The other thing about getting married is that sometimes getting hitched to somebody keeps a person on track in life.

    Take a break from relationships, you have had a tough time with 4 people cheating on you. Though there are gals who are looking for a guy that is also faithful. They are out there.

    • "Not all females are like that" I couldn't disagree more.

    • I know, I feel the same way about guys! I've been cheated on also. Though I doubt all guys are like that...ah what do I know...we should go out for beers.

What Guys Said 4

  • Because the truth is, even though you feel that way now, it's a commonly aknowledged fact that most people enter into marriage or a similar structure at some age and usually family wants you to find that "good girl" that'll be what they see as good wife material and as such a good daughter-in-law. Besides it's most likely that during their time your age was considered a prime time to get married, unlike now when people wait until properly establishing themselves, which could go over the age of 30.

  • It's your life, live it on your terms. Don't give in to family pressures! If you don't want another relationship, don't do it. I can see exactly where you are coming from, and you shouldn't enter a relationship. You've been burnt! You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, that's a lie society tells us. In fact, one of the most miserable situations you can have is to be in a bad relationship.

  • lol Good luck finding a wife after we take all the good ones. It's what you deserve for not making it a priority, and it's what's going to happen.

  • Im 25 and I've had experience which did break my heart. After that I built a stronghold so I was immune to pain, but so I was immune to love. This woman I still love and she is going to be my wife. I was unable to have normal healthy relationships because of my addictions to all sorts of things which kept me out of the way. I refused dating a girl because I told her, I love you but I can't keep myself together from it. However, God instantly freed me of gaming addiction, internet addiction, p*rn addiction and masturbation addiction as well. The freedom I couldn't enjoy before came. But Even without all this, I was pretty much a guy who used to be alone in his gaming "den".

    Nobody can push a relationship on you. I hated that in the past, when people told me, I know a beautiful girl from the closest village. Instant turn off - why should others tell me , when I was taught I can't even look at a girl without others saying "he's looking at her" and similar bs, which made me hate it when girls were proposing that I date them and similar stuff. It was completely strange to me and actually only those girls I didn't fall for, only they came and asked me. It was rare that I fell for some girl, but I still didn't let people see.

    Still a bad marriage is worse than no marriage. You can stay alone but you'll get frustrated over time, especially if your body wants what you can't just have. And if you are unable to cope with it, you will be uncomfortable with it, you will be very likely driven slowly to madness :p. I didn't want to change but I had to and later I wanted it. You were made because Someone loved you before your parents came to know you. If you are afraid of relationships, you might be afraid of more than that. Getting to know new people and getting comportable with it is part of it.