Is it love or lust? a sudden change noticed.

so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 1.2 months.

we kissed for the first time when it was our 8th month together and then the kissing continued.

No make out or sex yet. sex isn't allowed in our religion before marriage so yeah. Anyways things weren't easy on us since 3 months back. he was very dry and distant. he wasn't even talking to me properly, very rude and mean. Well yesterday we were standing and he was looking at me and all of a sudden got hold of my hand and hugged me softly. after the hug he kissed me and said omg I am kissing you after so long and I don't want to leave you. he kissed small with pauses for 5 minutes then kissed my cheeks and we stayed close holding hands and I was in his arms.

I am just confused about this change all of a sudden.

is it love or lust?

because after the kiss he texted me that I smell so good and my cheeks are sweet and blah. the very next day that is today he got all dry :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • Abstinence etc formed by societies, communities and religion have a deep rooted and well thought of meanings and outcomes. The older generations who we call ancient had more foresight than what we do today :)

    Lust was created by nature, love was created to feed lust and ensure oneness amongst people which later communities, societies and religions improvised and also made rigid for various reasons. Lust is the primary thing for nature and love is a support factor.

    You guys have been together for quite a while w/o sex which naturally fuels lust. Hence, in this case lust is YES one of the reasons but will be wrong for anyone to say that it's only lust w/o knowing him and you, knowing the situation etc.

    You'd rather hang on in there keeping your head on your shoulders rather than getting swayed away emotionally and watch how things work out. If he goes around asking you for sex after a few days or anywhere close then it's the lust. However, someone who lusts for his girlfriend is not necessarily wrong but if that is the only reason while in that relationship it sure is :)

    It would be very wrong of anyone including you to judge anything based on one incident


What Guys Said 9

  • Lust, it is always lust.

    Love takes time always. Lust is here and now.

    Good luck,

    • not true. love happens sometimes at first site.

    • it took 1.2 years. Is it still lust? I love him. I know. But I am confused about him.

  • A year as bf/GF with no sex? He might be losing hope.

  • you sound very young, I get off with my girl mates for banter so kissing is NOT a big deal pet. BUT if I just imagine it as say sex then its probably a lot more simple than love or lust. Youve started kissing, the guy is becoming more comfortable when you do and reassuring you by saying you smell nice blah blah blah. but he won't carry on suddenly the next day will he, its a bit random really when not in that situation. seriously though relax, its not a big problem

    • your way f explaining things are just awesome!

    • i try to be like a hammer and nail, blunt but to the point lol

  • This sounds like two people getting to know each other. This is old school and who said romance was dead! To be honest, depending on how you've been brought up and what social background you come from its not uncommon for people to have long lasting relationships that take time. You guy's sound young and inexperienced, have either of you been in other relationships before?

    Each relationship is different and depending on how they turn out will have a profound impact on your next one, its part of growing up.

    Take your time, there is no need to rush anything.

  • One point two months. Wow.

    Oh a year. 12 months I get it. ==

    Sounds like he is falling in love with you.

    Maybe you aren't in love with him is that it?

    He texts so he needs to stop texting and then you can make a decision if you think you can love some one who is real. But the texting is impossible to make a decision on. So tell him face to face no more texting and see how it goes. Let him show you what he's made of. If he keep texting then just tell him face to face you're not interested.

More from Guys

What Girls Said 2

  • It is love. I think he is tensed about something. or may be he wants excitement in your lives. You guys have been together for a long time and it is no way lust!

    It is natural for anyone to feel more closer on physical contact!

    it is no way mere lust!

  • Simple explanation: if he is treating you bad, dump him. Either that or he is going through something. Just be there for him and make sure everything is okay with him. If the bipolarish behavior continues, just ask him what is going on.