Is it love or lust? a sudden change noticed.
so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 1.2 months.
we kissed for the first time when it was our 8th month together and then the kissing continued.
No make out or sex yet. sex isn't allowed in our religion before marriage so yeah. Anyways things weren't easy on us since 3 months back. he was very dry and distant. he wasn't even talking to me properly, very rude and mean. Well yesterday we were standing and he was looking at me and all of a sudden got hold of my hand and hugged me softly. after the hug he kissed me and said omg I am kissing you after so long and I don't want to leave you. he kissed small with pauses for 5 minutes then kissed my cheeks and we stayed close holding hands and I was in his arms.
I am just confused about this change all of a sudden.
is it love or lust?
because after the kiss he texted me that I smell so good and my cheeks are sweet and blah. the very next day that is today he got all dry :/
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Abstinence etc formed by societies, communities and religion have a deep rooted and well thought of meanings and outcomes. The older generations who we call ancient had more foresight than what we do today :)
Lust was created by nature, love was created to feed lust and ensure oneness amongst people which later communities, societies and religions improvised and also made rigid for various reasons. Lust is the primary thing for nature and love is a support factor.
You guys have been together for quite a while w/o sex which naturally fuels lust. Hence, in this case lust is YES one of the reasons but will be wrong for anyone to say that it's only lust w/o knowing him and you, knowing the situation etc.
You'd rather hang on in there keeping your head on your shoulders rather than getting swayed away emotionally and watch how things work out. If he goes around asking you for sex after a few days or anywhere close then it's the lust. However, someone who lusts for his girlfriend is not necessarily wrong but if that is the only reason while in that relationship it sure is :)
It would be very wrong of anyone including you to judge anything based on one incident
What Guys Said 8
This sounds like two people getting to know each other. This is old school and who said romance was dead! To be honest, depending on how you've been brought up and what social background you come from its not uncommon for people to have long lasting relationships that take time. You guy's sound young and inexperienced, have either of you been in other relationships before?
Each relationship is different and depending on how they turn out will have a profound impact on your next one, its part of growing up.
Take your time, there is no need to rush anything.
Only you can know that... how do you FEEL about him when you're not being physical? If it's lust, then you'll probably not be that interested in HIM, the person, aside from the physical aspect. If the physical aspect serves as an addition to strong feelings towards him, then it's closer to love. But, you can be the only judge of that.
I am a Muslim and I know what you are talking about. I have seen so many Muslims who had such problems. Therefore, please do not sexual interactions (oral or intercourse) if your religion does not allow. Just marry the guy if you love and trust him. In fact, he is dry because he is having deep thoughts of what went wrong. He might be asking himself, "did a lot guys did same thing to her"? What if she have had previous sex and not virgin? Do I continue making up with her or just stop? Is the relationship going wrong direction where things are more sexually materialized or intimately guarded love? These are maybe the questions he is asking himself. Therefore, just call or text him expresses your grieve that you were overtaking by the love you have for him and felt embarrassed and sick of doing such thing that is illegal in your religion. Ask him to not come closer to you when you are two a lone. Ask him if you two could go to public area where you can't engage such intimate relationship. If you are dating with for marriage, ask him to make the decision (to be ready for marriage or end the relationship). Don't do what you do not want your daughter might do. Think about how you want your daughter would be like and behave when she is 20 years and act upon that character of your future daughter because you will be her role model and closest example. Therefore, be wise . Thanks
Personally for me physical affection is very important. If I don't kiss a girl that I'm dating in the first week I'd probably lose hope and become dry and distant as well. But I guess it's different because of your morals and religion. Maybe you guys need to get more physical and start kissing each other more often?
One point two months. Wow.
Oh a year. 12 months I get it. ==
Sounds like he is falling in love with you.
Maybe you aren't in love with him is that it?
He texts so he needs to stop texting and then you can make a decision if you think you can love some one who is real. But the texting is impossible to make a decision on. So tell him face to face no more texting and see how it goes. Let him show you what he's made of. If he keep texting then just tell him face to face you're not interested.
you sound very young, I get off with my girl mates for banter so kissing is NOT a big deal pet. BUT if I just imagine it as say sex then its probably a lot more simple than love or lust. Youve started kissing, the guy is becoming more comfortable when you do and reassuring you by saying you smell nice blah blah blah. but he won't carry on suddenly the next day will he, its a bit random really when not in that situation. seriously though relax, its not a big problem