Why am I so attracted to overconfident/player types?

I get so attracted to them they have an aura of hotness.

I'm not saying its people that are super macho like jersey shore. But just guys in college who are smart, successful and then I find out through friend "they go around" or have different girlfriends. These players are probably not into me because I'm overweight not a lot but still. I keep getting crushes on them its nuts. Every like I like turns out to be one of them.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can be a confident guy, who's not ugly and does well for himself in school, career, etc. and it doesn't matter if you're a player or not, other people are going to say you are.

    It's just like a good looking girl getting called a slut if she laughs at more than one guy's jokes.

    I've never considered myself all that, or a player. So you probably wouldn't have crushed on me if I were your age anyway. I've dated actual models, and girls who thought they were models, and I've also dated overweight girls, and plain janes. Usually the latter types were better in a relationship. Trophy girls are a pain in the ass. So are trophy guys.

    However, if you don't get to know the guy, how can you tell if he's a player, or if you are making an assumption based on insecurity. Girls get this all the time - the better looking she is, the more extreme the Madonna/whore judgments become. Taylor Swift is a saint even though nearly every track on her albums are breakup songs for different men.

    I'd recommend giving a guy the benefit of the doubt. He can be good looking and faithful. Ask these people how they know he cheats. Maybe they see him with girls consecutively instead of concurrently - is he a serial monogamist with a lot of hangup deal breakers?

    • My friends (who are my best friends) know his friends and consequently have seen him around college with a different chick every week but this was 2 years ago, but they still believe their opinions to be right. I've seen him at a club once though grinding up on chicks actually trying to grind up on him.

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    • But I've never been in a relationship/been kissed or anything. So that makes me very insecure to go after these guys. I can't help developing full on crushes with them:(

    • Every used car salesman-ish player in the club can be a comedian, confident, easy to look at and talk to, someone you could bullsh*t with all day.

      It takes someone with conviction about his ethics to pass on the opportunity to f*** a woman/friend/family/coworker over. Most players I've gotten to know I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them.

      Look for the guy who isn't a hater, but still looks at a player and shakes his head, because he knows that guy is full of sh*t. Look for character.

What Guys Said 11

  • Sounds like you may be a heterosexual female.

    Being attracted to guys who project capability and power (which is what the confidence does) is normal for women.

    Players behave that way -because- its what most women want. If most women liked shy, nervous guys, players would all pretend to be nervous.

  • I think your view is a bit backwards; you find the guy attractive FIRST, THEN you notice they are the overconfident player types. :-P

  • Cuz players have charm and confidence which is sexy to girls. Dorky nice guys don't have the guts to talk to girls mostly so they don't attract many girls but the guys who can get girls are used to attention and know how to get it so that's why you start liking them

  • You're looking at it from the wrong end.

    You're not randomly attracted to players.

    Players are able to play because they're attractive.

  • i think most girls have that urge. if they can get the alpha male to commit then I guess it kind of makes them an alpha female?

    studies have actually shown (I think this was with apes but they are close enough to us) that Beta males live longer, happier, more stress free lives. doesn't mean we don't still all try to be the alpha lol

  • Sounds like you need a more open mind. Try going for someone you don't normally find yourself attracted to. You might be surprised.

  • Just your hypergamous nature in full mast. Nothing to be ashamed of.

    • Gotta appreciate women being honest.

  • Alpha males are the better men in the gene pool.

  • Overconfidence usually comes because they know they are attractive so girls like those 2 qualities that's why.

  • Instead of players, try going after referees or coaches.


What Girls Said 5

  • for me personally it's their stellar bodies super sexy faces and great hair. Unfortunately they eventually end up gay or with STD's

  • There are a lot of reasons, usually I find it's because they are generally physically attractive and they also display a lot of confidence. These two things alone make women attracted to them. Throw in the fact that they are desired by other females and it makes sense why they get so many women.

  • I went through this phase...until I got my heartbroken buy this kind of men about 3 times by 3 different men. I actually now find over confident men repulsive and have learned to appreciate the humble nice guy - thank god

    • I guess its the thrill of being able to get the guy that every woman wants...to be the one to "change" him. Although I have learned you can't change a man, he has to want to change on his own (which is rare)

  • its natural to like alpha males, hence why many other girls apparently do.

  • A feeble mind.

    These guys are able to over-power your weak mind.