Why am I so attracted to overconfident/player types?

I get so attracted to them they have an aura of hotness. I'm not saying its people that are super macho like jersey shore. But just guys in college who are smart, successful and then I find out through friend "they go around" or have different girlfriends. These players are probably not into me... Show More

Most Helpful Guy

  • You can be a confident guy, who's not ugly and does well for himself in school, career, etc. and it doesn't matter if you're a player or not, other people are going to say you are.

    It's just like a good looking girl getting called a slut if she laughs at more than one guy's jokes.

    I've never considered myself all that, or a player. So you probably wouldn't have crushed on me if I were your age anyway. I've dated actual models, and girls who thought they were models, and I've also dated overweight girls, and plain janes. Usually the latter types were better in a relationship. Trophy girls are a pain in the ass. So are trophy guys.

    However, if you don't get to know the guy, how can you tell if he's a player, or if you are making an assumption based on insecurity. Girls get this all the time - the better looking she is, the more extreme the Madonna/whore judgments become. Taylor Swift is a saint even though nearly every track on her albums are breakup songs for different men.

    I'd recommend giving a guy the benefit of the doubt. He can be good looking and faithful. Ask these people how they know he cheats. Maybe they see him with girls consecutively instead of concurrently - is he a serial monogamist with a lot of hangup deal breakers?

    • My friends (who are my best friends) know his friends and consequently have seen him around college with a different chick every week but this was 2 years ago, but they still believe their opinions to be right. I've seen him at a club once though grinding up on chicks actually trying to grind up on him.

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    • But I've never been in a relationship/been kissed or anything. So that makes me very insecure to go after these guys. I can't help developing full on crushes with them:(

    • Every used car salesman-ish player in the club can be a comedian, confident, easy to look at and talk to, someone you could bullsh*t with all day.

      It takes someone with conviction about his ethics to pass on the opportunity to f*** a woman/friend/family/coworker over. Most players I've gotten to know I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them.

      Look for the guy who isn't a hater, but still looks at a player and shakes his head, because he knows that guy is full of sh*t. Look for character.