What does this girl want from me?

Seriously, I'm at my wits end here. I asked this girl out a while ago and she said no. After that she developed a bitchy attitude towards me. I tried fixing things to no avail and I finally gave up and since then we developed this love hate relationship. She was a bitch to me so when she tried to talk to me I was a jerk to her and we went back and forth for months.

Finally I gave up and left her alone and wouldn't talk to her for weeks, then she started talking to me and making conversation and I bit and started talking to her but when I thought things were going OK, she started saying I was getting too comfortable and talking to her too much so I decided to leave her alone. After that, she starts asking me why am I being quiet and when she tries to talk to me and I lack enthusiasm, she makes me feel like crap by saying "im trying and you blow me off, you are such a jerk to me".

What exactly am I supposed to do here? Because I have "been a jerk" she feels like she is entitled to act any way she wants to and I should just sit there and take it with no response from me whatsoever. I try to ignore her but she will keep trying to talk to me and make me feel like the bad guy when I don't reciprocate but when I am being friendly and joking with her, its too much and I'm being silly and she gets pissed off.

Its just a bit ridiculous. She is younger than me (she is 22 and I'm 28) and I try to be accomodating because she can be a nice and funny person. I usually don't take crap from anybody and our friends tell me I just seem afraid of her because I let her get away with her calling me names and teasing me all the time. I don't act like a jerk to her, I just get quiet because I don't want to engage in any arguments, but she tells me I just want her to feel like crap, which isn't true at all.


Most Helpful Girl

  • These girls below are f***ed up and they ruin my life because it gives guys like you a wrong impression and I have to constantly deal with it.

    If a guy asks me out and I say no, I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-DATE-HIM! Never once have I ever changed my mind later on. I am not playing "hard to get." I don't want to date anyone I say no to! It annoys me when guys try to change my mind. I feel disrespected and it's a deal breaker because I feel if we dated you wouldn't respect my decisions then either.

    No one thinks about things. If someone asked you out and you wanted to date them would you say no? No! You wouldn't! Why do guys always assume no means yes?!

    Respect her decision and give her space. Why do you want to date someone who doesn't like you?

    My friend does this sort of stuff because she likes the attention. A guy likes her who she doesn't like but she loves his attention because it makes her feel wanted. When he takes interest in someone else, she gets sad and gives him just enough hope that he follows her again even though she still doesn't want HIM, she wants his ATTENTION.

    This is what that girl is doing to you! She only wants your attention and to feel wanted. Notice how she only cares when you're not there?

    • Ok so you are saying to blow her off when she tries to be "friendly"? I have no intention in dating her anymore, I have told her this. When I stop talking she gets all "stop being butthurt" or "i don't know why you like being a jerk to me". I'm always the bad gut, whether I talk or not, there's always something wrong with me. I respect het decision, I just think she should also leave me alone and stop playing the victim when I'm fed up with it, I'm not a jerk, that's why I feel bad.

    • Do you want to be friends? Why do you want her in your life if it's just this big mess?!

What Girls Said 28

  • It sounds like she's just playing with you. She probably doesn't even know what she wants out of this either, that's why her feelings keep changing so fast. She's got quite the bitchy attitude too. Why would you want to be with a person who brings you down like that? And it's obvious that she loves the attention she gets from you. That's why she tries to be nicer to you whenever you decide to back off, because she doesn't want you to leave. Then, when she feels like you're safely in her "grip" again, she knows she can treat you however she wants. Sounds both controlling and manipulative to me.

    Again, why do you want to be with someone like her? Do her good qualities really outweigh her bad ones? Is it worth it in the long run? Isn't it tiring that she's pissed off on you so often? You should reflect on all of those questions in my opinion.

  • Rather than stay quiet in such an argument, fight back. Tell her what you are thinking. Tell her what you think of her, what the situation is, and how you want to solve it. You are letting her treat you like a dog, and she continues because she knows she can get away with it.

    Yes, you want to be a gentleman, and yes you don't want to start an argument. But do you see how she is treating you, and how things are turning out? You aren't in high school anymore. And she seems way to immature for you to be honest.

    I don't know what you want, but if I was you, I would tell her to back off, in a nice way. And t to leave you alone. If she wants to be friends, then tell her what you want, and don't jump around the bush to get to the answer.

    Her complaining is annoying. If she thinks that you are trying to treat her like crap, then be honest with her. Say if she really believes that you are treating her like crap, then to stop contacting you. Case solved.

  • She sounds very immature. I would not waste anymore time on her. The person you are with is suppose to make you feel good about yourself and challenge you to be better...but not to put you down or call you names. They are suppose to be caring towards you when something seems wrong, not accuse you of being a jerk and say they are doing all the work. She seems a bit narcissistic.

    There are so many other people out there that would build you up. Forget her. The bottom line is that you should expect from a lover exactly what you would expect from your friends. You wouldn't take sh*t from them, so don't from her. Just because there may be some physical attraction or even sex there, that does not give someone the right to sh*t on another. I know I don't have the whole story and there are always two sides. I'm assuming you have already looked at what your contribution to thise dilemma is. But from what you say here...the good should always out weight the bad. It doesn't seem so in this case. Write her off and move on. Good Luck!

  • Who knows what she wants from you. You know her better than we do, and you don't even know.

    What do you want from her? That is the question to ask yourself.

    Maybe you came on too strong or you made her uncomfortable by not accepting that she did not want to date you. Why would you take her lack of interest in dating you and trade it in for a continued relationship with someone who not only doesn't want to date you but also wants to toy with you and treat you badly? She doesn't even qualify for friendship status. Step away.

    In the future, never match someone's bitch with your jerk. If someone is a bitch to you, stop talking to them. Love hate relationships are barely worth it if you are having sex with each other. Good luck.

    • Ok, so what should I do if she starts being "nice" and tries to make conversation. WIll ignore her or lack enthusiasm put me in jerk status?

  • Sounds like she's nuts dude.

    My best guess is that she said no when you asked her out because she has something going through her head preventing her. Maybe she doesn't have much self respect. So she didn't grant herself a chance to date you. Then she started to beat herself up about it and has become super bipolar about the way she interacts with you. She wants you, or maybe just a relationship in general, but she can't deal with it for some reason? Like there's some conflict of morals or something going on.

    Maybe she's just an idiot. She doesn't know how to communicate like a normal person? You make her sound like she's impossibly stupid.

    Just be straight with her. Maybe not mean or anything, but tell her you don't understand what she wants from you, you don't know what to think of her and you don't mean to be a jerk. Tell her to be real with you, I dunno.

    • SHe is not an idiot as far as I can tell. We are both smart individuals and we have awesome back and forths. I don't have these interactions with anybody else and yes, maybe I do get carried away but I have no intention of asking her out again and I've told her this, I just want to be friends because she is a person I have fun with. SHe tells me I am never going to fix this and she is never going to change her mind and it hurts me when she says that but when I'm just supposed to be "over it"

    • Show All
    • Well, I guess what she means is that we are never going to have a "normal" friendship/relationship or interactions like she has with all other people because I have "been a jerk" and "i'm me" and I deserve all the attitude, eye rolling, teasing and name calling she places upon me. I feel that the nicer I am to her the worse she gets and when I ignore her she will try harder and "be nice" and even give me advice with things that are bothering me and listen to me.I don't get why can't we be normal

    • Oh okay. She's just walking all over you, then. She likes the fact that she can treat you badly and then come crawling back, and you'll be forgiving/accepting. Seems bitchy to me.

  • I think you should move on and don't pursue any kind of relationship with her. Like others have said, she's f***ing around with your head. It's better to walk away now and live in peace than to deal with her constant sh*t.

    You should be able to spend time with someone who is laid back and peaceful rather than a childish woman with no direction. But HEY, this is just my opinion.

  • In my opinion, she wants you. First she wasn't sure which is why she said no in the first place. Now she regrets it but is feeling as confused as you. I'd advise you either confront her and say "do you actually like me cause if you do lets date, right here right now." or something f the sorts. IF that doesn'tseem like the way to go for you... I'd suggest you run, move on and get her waaaay out of your system! Hope this helps!

  • she sounds crazy...

  • It's a game too her... She is playing you... She wants too know you want her and when she knows you are back to wanting her she starts acting like she doesn't like you! She is the type of woman who needs attention at all times from a man! So beware I would stop all contact with her ASAP!

  • I get the impression that she's playing some sick game with you. I recognize this kind of behavior from back in the days when I used to be a complete and utter a**hole to guys, just because.

    I could be wrong, but it's easy to tell. If she has rapid mood-changes, it's either because she has some issues she wants to take out on you, OR just because she's bored. Just confront her with that kind of behavior, or just leave it. :)

  • either she's just going through a lot of other stuff right now and lashes out to other people, or she's just really high maintenance emotionally. meaning that you need to say/do everything perfectly (which obviously will never happen) because that's not how life is. I would just straight out ask her what she wants, and go from there, whether its moving on to someone way better or going crazy lol

  • She is just insecure. Girls like that are going to push their limits to see if they can get away with it. Same as a boy bossing his girlfriend around. It's not okay, and I'm sure her feelings are legitimate to her, but neither of you deserve to be unhappy. If you really like this girl talk it out with her but of its just a little fling I'd just let it go. I hope this helps you and good luck!

  • I guess she's playing hard to get and when you're not in it,she gets mad and be mean on you. Just leave her dude. Obviously,she doesn't know what she really wants. You don't need people like this in your life.

  • It sounds like this girl has a lot going on in her life... And maybe she has convinced herself that you are her safety plan - that she'll always have you if she gets bored, because you answer her. Us girls are really complicated creatures, so I understand that its hard for you guys to figure out what we want. Your "relationship" sounds really bad, and it sounds like you two bring out the worst in each other... If you really don't have any feelings for her at all, you would've cut contact completely long ago. Maybe this girl is worth the trouble she causes for you? If I'm wrong, and you really don't have any feelings for her, you should just tell her that and she'll cut contact with you herself - if your mean enough. If you don't wanna hurt her, you should let her down gently, and then cut all contact with her!

  • I'd move on. If she's friendly to you then be friendly back, but if she's bitchy just ignore her. Or you can just give her an ultimatum. Either be respectful and friendly or not talk to me at all because I don't like how rude you tend to be.. I think its a waste of time, I'm. Sure shell come around if she really wants a genuine relationship with you

  • sounds to me likes she is very immature find a girl who is older don't mess with the young ones!

  • Hey :)

    Well let me just say that I'm a 22 year old and I'm dating a 29 year old...

    From what I gathered you guys still seem to have some sort connection and I can honestly say, she is playing hard to get. From your story my attitudes when my boyfriend (now) asked me are exactly the same.

    She feels insecure and every girl always wants to be centre of every guys attention at the same time have the perception of being independent and appealing... this explains the mixed messages she's been sending you with the bitchy let down to the cry for attention with "i'm trying and you're being a jerk"...

    I suggest, keep her in your sights and let her in bit by bit, concentrate on yourself, take pride and make sure she knows that you are a catch... I'm not talking about having a whole makeover but be confident and present yourself like a strong man... the aim here is to be THE ALPHA MALE but with brains and a sensitive side.

    When you see her, make sure you go up to her and start the convo by asking about her day or something about her... keep it short and close the convo by talking about what you plan on doing that night or something (so she thinks your not gonna sit at home and be boring) and most importantly YOU SAY YOU HAVE TO GO, AND THAT YOU"LL CHAT SOON... Make sure that you open and close the convo but don't make it too short that you look uncomfortable, be natural and try to play hard to get...

    If you do this I guarantee she'll be yours in about a month... if not then she has a lot of growing up to do :)

  • I am sorry to say, I do not know your age her age, but this behavior is childish. You want a girl who knows what she wants. This girl does not. No woman should be this terrible to anyone, especially a girl you want to be with. Her not treating you with care and respect, is what is making your reactions possibly pass as a jerk. Stop this insanity. Either have a conversations with her where you lay it all out and say, you want to try a relationship with her, or not play into these games anymore and find a woman that won't play mind games with you.

  • Tryna make peace with people like this is pointless. Give her no acknowledgement. When she has your attention, she's satisfied. when you're yourself, as in goofing off, it think she he's pist off because she has no control.

    i was like this. but I'm not so sure if she and I are on the page.

    butpeople that make you feel like the bad guy, is a no go. you can't please everybody, you yourself is more important.

  • I think that she is testing you.

  • She probably really likes you but has some trust/ self love issues...maybe she's been recently hurt by s.o , or smth like that, so she tries to protect herself. The best thing you can do he to show her that you are reliable and trustworthy, and that you do care about her.

    Don't let her call you names and be bitchy though; you don't have to get into any argument, when she does that say to her that it isn't nice to you in a very calm way. She will probably change her tone if she sees she's hurting you and you're not playing her game anymore.

    Staying silent is the worse thing you can do, unless you have made up your mind that you are exhausted from this relationship and really don't want to see her ever again.

  • I am ditto with the other girls. it's time to move on.

  • you guys don't sound compatible. this is not normal behavior. I sense games here and I sense a lack of trust. which is no way a good start to a potential relationship. you are older and wiser, more mature, you should move on. if she contacts you just be honest be like I'm looking for an honest, committed, relationship with someone and I don't like the games between us. give her an ultimatum, ask her what does she want? does she wanna be platonic friends or more? does she wanna go out on a date? just have a calm tone don't be aggressive or fight back or be dramatic, in these situations by being calm and indifferent it intimidates the other person even more, and makes you look more mature. if she says no, then that's your final cue to move the f*** on and get rid of this game playing little girl.

  • I think its best to move on, she can't make up her mind.

  • You two are experiencing sexual tension. Believe me I've been there done that.

    I think she does like you and does want to date you BUT she likes playing this game with you. I have sort of been in the same situation with a guy at work for the past 3 years. We used to actjust like yoiu two act. He'd piss me off, and I would be on the defense with him and retort back. He then of course would find something else to make me mad, and the cycle would go on. Eventually we got to the point where we didn't talk to one another for months. Then eventually we pushed our pride out of the way and slowly started to talk to one another. Now we get along pretty darn good. Sure he can raise my cain and I can now jokingly lash back but the next day we are fine with each other.

    I think you two really like each other like we do but don't know what to do with it.

    • But you never got tired of always being mad at him? WHat would go through your head when he tried to talk to you and you were "mad" at him, what did you want him to do?

    • yes I finally did get tired of being mad at him, and now we get along pretty good. I had a lot of pride and every time he tried to piss me off I felt I had to defend myself. I know its rreally hard to do, especially with her acting the way she is, but for one day try and be REALLY sweet to her, give her a compliment, ask her how she is doing,etc. maybe she will warm up to you.

  • She playing with you. But I think she might actually like you, like relationship like. I did that with a couple of guys. I knew o wasn't there type and I would be fine and we would hang out and then they would say something that would rub me he wrong way and I would snap and hulk out haha. Maybe she can't take a joke. Ask her why you seem to make her so angry all the time.

  • she's sounds a bit controlling. If she's like this and you guys aren't even official..imagine how she will be as your girlfriend :-| take note of the warning signs...


What Guys Said 5

  • Next time she acts like a bitch to you, call her out and set her straight. Tell her that if she's going to act like a bitch then she should just f*** right off and not talk to you.

  • Just leave her. Even if she stops being a bitch and wants to be with you, do you really wanna be with a person who would be a bitch to someone just because they asked her out?

    Trust me, leave it. I had a similar experience a couple years ago with a complete bitch, and I really should have just followed others' advice and not asked her out. She was on and off before I asked her out, then when I did ask her out, she said no and then started ignoring me completely (which would be fine except she started spreading rumours about me behind my back). I should have realized before I asked her out that I really didn't wanna be with a person like that anyway, someone who was nice one day and a complete bitch the next.

    Be indifferent to her. Don't hate her, just don't care about her. And move on. Find someone else. Treat her as if she's just any other person in the world that you have no connection to, as if she doesn't really have a reason to be upset if you "blow her off" because you guys barely know each other anyway.

    • @Update: Just tell her to piss off next time she tries to be mean and "teases" you but in a mean way like calling you names for no reason. Don't show you're afraid, just show you're treating her as you would any other random person in the world.

    • Haha I'm not afraid of her, I just don't say anything because I cut her some slack. I decided not to say anything mean to her because I feel worse afterward, I just wish she would stick to her wishes of me leaving her alone and leave ME alone and just move on. She has even cried when I try to ignore her or say something to her which doesn't even make sense since I'm hoping she would be happy if I leave her alone. ALso when I tell her I don't care if she talks she gets all "yes you do, don't lie"

    • Lol I didn't say you were afraid of her. But your friends say you seem afraid of her. Show that you're not. And again, just treat her like any other random person: if another random person you barely knew started crying saying you barely talk to them, you'd think they were crazy too. And in my opinion this chick is clearly crazy.

  • She can give it but she can't take it.. typical woman! keep doing what your doing lad

  • women...

  • Tell her you've had enough of the roller coaster ride and tell her good luck and that you like a peace of mind in your life so it's better you guys stop talking to each other because obviously things don't work out easily and well between you two.

    I tell you the easy recipe to know if it's you or her who is a problem. Check how she is with other people, crazy people are crazy with almost everybody else too. For that reason, any girl I meet who quickly mentions all the problems she's had with guys before I immediately translate as "ok she's the crazy and think she's sane and everybody else mean to her...". It never fails. Distance yourself from crazy people, they make your life endlessly complicated and stressful.