What does this girl want from me?

Seriously, I'm at my wits end here. I asked this girl out a while ago and she said no. After that she developed a bitchy attitude towards me. I tried fixing things to no avail and I finally gave up and since then we developed this love hate relationship. She was a bitch to me so when she tried to talk to me I was a jerk to her and we went back and forth for months.

Finally I gave up and left her alone and wouldn't talk to her for weeks, then she started talking to me and making conversation and I bit and started talking to her but when I thought things were going OK, she started saying I was getting too comfortable and talking to her too much so I decided to leave her alone. After that, she starts asking me why am I being quiet and when she tries to talk to me and I lack enthusiasm, she makes me feel like crap by saying "im trying and you blow me off, you are such a jerk to me".

What exactly am I supposed to do here? Because I have "been a jerk" she feels like she is entitled to act any way she wants to and I should just sit there and take it with no response from me whatsoever. I try to ignore her but she will keep trying to talk to me and make me feel like the bad guy when I don't reciprocate but when I am being friendly and joking with her, its too much and I'm being silly and she gets pissed off.

Updates:
Its just a bit ridiculous. She is younger than me (she is 22 and I'm 28) and I try to be accomodating because she can be a nice and funny person. I usually don't take crap from anybody and our friends tell me I just seem afraid of her because I let her get away with her calling me names and teasing me all the time. I don't act like a jerk to her, I just get quiet because I don't want to engage in any arguments, but she tells me I just want her to feel like crap, which isn't true at all.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • These girls below are f***ed up and they ruin my life because it gives guys like you a wrong impression and I have to constantly deal with it.

    If a guy asks me out and I say no, I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-DATE-HIM! Never once have I ever changed my mind later on. I am not playing "hard to get." I don't want to date anyone I say no to! It annoys me when guys try to change my mind. I feel disrespected and it's a deal breaker because I feel if we dated you wouldn't respect my decisions then either.

    No one thinks about things. If someone asked you out and you wanted to date them would you say no? No! You wouldn't! Why do guys always assume no means yes?!

    Respect her decision and give her space. Why do you want to date someone who doesn't like you?

    My friend does this sort of stuff because she likes the attention. A guy likes her who she doesn't like but she loves his attention because it makes her feel wanted. When he takes interest in someone else, she gets sad and gives him just enough hope that he follows her again even though she still doesn't want HIM, she wants his ATTENTION.

    This is what that girl is doing to you! She only wants your attention and to feel wanted. Notice how she only cares when you're not there?

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    • Ok so you are saying to blow her off when she tries to be "friendly"? I have no intention in dating her anymore, I have told her this. When I stop talking she gets all "stop being butthurt" or "i don't know why you like being a jerk to me". I'm always the bad gut, whether I talk or not, there's always something wrong with me. I respect het decision, I just think she should also leave me alone and stop playing the victim when I'm fed up with it, I'm not a jerk, that's why I feel bad.

    • Do you want to be friends? Why do you want her in your life if it's just this big mess?!

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What Girls Said 28

  • Rather than stay quiet in such an argument, fight back. Tell her what you are thinking. Tell her what you think of her, what the situation is, and how you want to solve it. You are letting her treat you like a dog, and she continues because she knows she can get away with it.

    Yes, you want to be a gentleman, and yes you don't want to start an argument. But do you see how she is treating you, and how things are turning out? You aren't in high school anymore. And she seems way to immature for you to be honest.

    I don't know what you want, but if I was you, I would tell her to back off, in a nice way. And t to leave you alone. If she wants to be friends, then tell her what you want, and don't jump around the bush to get to the answer.

    Her complaining is annoying. If she thinks that you are trying to treat her like crap, then be honest with her. Say if she really believes that you are treating her like crap, then to stop contacting you. Case solved.

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  • She sounds very immature. I would not waste anymore time on her. The person you are with is suppose to make you feel good about yourself and challenge you to be better...but not to put you down or call you names. They are suppose to be caring towards you when something seems wrong, not accuse you of being a jerk and say they are doing all the work. She seems a bit narcissistic.

    There are so many other people out there that would build you up. Forget her. The bottom line is that you should expect from a lover exactly what you would expect from your friends. You wouldn't take sh*t from them, so don't from her. Just because there may be some physical attraction or even sex there, that does not give someone the right to sh*t on another. I know I don't have the whole story and there are always two sides. I'm assuming you have already looked at what your contribution to thise dilemma is. But from what you say here...the good should always out weight the bad. It doesn't seem so in this case. Write her off and move on. Good Luck!

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  • Who knows what she wants from you. You know her better than we do, and you don't even know.

    What do you want from her? That is the question to ask yourself.

    Maybe you came on too strong or you made her uncomfortable by not accepting that she did not want to date you. Why would you take her lack of interest in dating you and trade it in for a continued relationship with someone who not only doesn't want to date you but also wants to toy with you and treat you badly? She doesn't even qualify for friendship status. Step away.

    In the future, never match someone's bitch with your jerk. If someone is a bitch to you, stop talking to them. Love hate relationships are barely worth it if you are having sex with each other. Good luck.

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    • Ok, so what should I do if she starts being "nice" and tries to make conversation. WIll ignore her or lack enthusiasm put me in jerk status?

  • It sounds like she's just playing with you. She probably doesn't even know what she wants out of this either, that's why her feelings keep changing so fast. She's got quite the bitchy attitude too. Why would you want to be with a person who brings you down like that? And it's obvious that she loves the attention she gets from you. That's why she tries to be nicer to you whenever you decide to back off, because she doesn't want you to leave. Then, when she feels like you're safely in her "grip" again, she knows she can treat you however she wants. Sounds both controlling and manipulative to me.

    Again, why do you want to be with someone like her? Do her good qualities really outweigh her bad ones? Is it worth it in the long run? Isn't it tiring that she's pissed off on you so often? You should reflect on all of those questions in my opinion.

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  • Sounds like she's nuts dude.

    My best guess is that she said no when you asked her out because she has something going through her head preventing her. Maybe she doesn't have much self respect. So she didn't grant herself a chance to date you. Then she started to beat herself up about it and has become super bipolar about the way she interacts with you. She wants you, or maybe just a relationship in general, but she can't deal with it for some reason? Like there's some conflict of morals or something going on.

    Maybe she's just an idiot. She doesn't know how to communicate like a normal person? You make her sound like she's impossibly stupid.

    Just be straight with her. Maybe not mean or anything, but tell her you don't understand what she wants from you, you don't know what to think of her and you don't mean to be a jerk. Tell her to be real with you, I dunno.

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    • SHe is not an idiot as far as I can tell. We are both smart individuals and we have awesome back and forths. I don't have these interactions with anybody else and yes, maybe I do get carried away but I have no intention of asking her out again and I've told her this, I just want to be friends because she is a person I have fun with. SHe tells me I am never going to fix this and she is never going to change her mind and it hurts me when she says that but when I'm just supposed to be "over it"

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    • Well, I guess what she means is that we are never going to have a "normal" friendship/relationship or interactions like she has with all other people because I have "been a jerk" and "i'm me" and I deserve all the attitude, eye rolling, teasing and name calling she places upon me. I feel that the nicer I am to her the worse she gets and when I ignore her she will try harder and "be nice" and even give me advice with things that are bothering me and listen to me.I don't get why can't we be normal

    • Oh okay. She's just walking all over you, then. She likes the fact that she can treat you badly and then come crawling back, and you'll be forgiving/accepting. Seems bitchy to me.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Next time she acts like a bitch to you, call her out and set her straight. Tell her that if she's going to act like a bitch then she should just f*** right off and not talk to you.

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  • Just leave her. Even if she stops being a bitch and wants to be with you, do you really wanna be with a person who would be a bitch to someone just because they asked her out?

    Trust me, leave it. I had a similar experience a couple years ago with a complete bitch, and I really should have just followed others' advice and not asked her out. She was on and off before I asked her out, then when I did ask her out, she said no and then started ignoring me completely (which would be fine except she started spreading rumours about me behind my back). I should have realized before I asked her out that I really didn't wanna be with a person like that anyway, someone who was nice one day and a complete bitch the next.

    Be indifferent to her. Don't hate her, just don't care about her. And move on. Find someone else. Treat her as if she's just any other person in the world that you have no connection to, as if she doesn't really have a reason to be upset if you "blow her off" because you guys barely know each other anyway.

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    • @Update: Just tell her to piss off next time she tries to be mean and "teases" you but in a mean way like calling you names for no reason. Don't show you're afraid, just show you're treating her as you would any other random person in the world.

    • Haha I'm not afraid of her, I just don't say anything because I cut her some slack. I decided not to say anything mean to her because I feel worse afterward, I just wish she would stick to her wishes of me leaving her alone and leave ME alone and just move on. She has even cried when I try to ignore her or say something to her which doesn't even make sense since I'm hoping she would be happy if I leave her alone. ALso when I tell her I don't care if she talks she gets all "yes you do, don't lie"

    • Lol I didn't say you were afraid of her. But your friends say you seem afraid of her. Show that you're not. And again, just treat her like any other random person: if another random person you barely knew started crying saying you barely talk to them, you'd think they were crazy too. And in my opinion this chick is clearly crazy.

  • She can give it but she can't take it.. typical woman! keep doing what your doing lad

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  • women...

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  • Tell her you've had enough of the roller coaster ride and tell her good luck and that you like a peace of mind in your life so it's better you guys stop talking to each other because obviously things don't work out easily and well between you two.

    I tell you the easy recipe to know if it's you or her who is a problem. Check how she is with other people, crazy people are crazy with almost everybody else too. For that reason, any girl I meet who quickly mentions all the problems she's had with guys before I immediately translate as "ok she's the crazy and think she's sane and everybody else mean to her...". It never fails. Distance yourself from crazy people, they make your life endlessly complicated and stressful.

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