Had a long conversation with my ex last night...wondering if this means he still has feelings for me?

[AngelCake]

We were talking for the first time in a week last night. He suddenly came online at 11pm and we spoke until 2am, he started the conversation. Here's some things he said to me:

Him: if its any consolation, nothing feels the same

Me: It's not really a consolation...that's probably a good thing.

Him: it isn't a good thing for me

Him: what am I saying I can't be telling you this

Me: Why not?

Him: cause I meant, everything feels so much less than me and you

Him: it feels strange being with someone else

Me: Well, you'll get over that eventually I expect.

Him: I'm gonna say this now, I blocked you some time ago, because of one thing...i cried most nights about me and you

Him: you know when I'm talking to (new girlfriend) I think your name in my head and almost call her your name...i don't know what it means but I do.

There was a lot more to it, but this stood out the most. He then went on to say that his new girlfriend will never replace me, because I had this effect on him that just leaves him speechless. We didn't speak for a week because he was spending time with her before she went away for 10 days. But he told me that not talking to me was hell for him and that he's been looking forward to speaking to me all week. We were both emotional and crying a lot during the conversation, and it just seems strange that if he's over me, he's doing and saying all these things. The last thing he said before he reluctantly went to bed was this:

Him: Goodnight hun sweet dreams x x x you mean so much to me still hun xxx

Does this mean he still has feelings for me but he's either not aware of them or he's choosing to bury them? Or does it mean nothing? When I told him that if he's moved on completely he shouldn't be feeling like this, he just said "yeah, I know hun".

Opinions would be nice, because this has got me more than a little confused as to where I stand.

[Chunk-Stonechest]

Hi AngelCake, there's nothing to be confused about here. Your ex simply needs help identifying and following a proper recovery process. An adult--I use this word loosely--male in his early twenties typically adheres to a strict regimen of anger, self-pity, alcohol abuse, crying jags, sleepless nights, and awkward casual sex following a break up with his first true love. After that initial downward spiral into despair and crushing hangovers, the smart ones realize that self-destructive behaviors bring only temporary escape from searing pain. They look to pursuits that build self-esteem and cache. They find creative outlets, start painting, cultivate gardens, climb mountains, and explore meaningful ways to embrace, and eventually cast off their sorrow.

Your ex, in an effort to bury his hurt, has launched headlong into a new relationship. Sure, he's found some comfort in replacing the closeness that you kids shared, but the new relationship is probably hindering him from addressing his nagging sense of loss. He's a lonely mess and kind of disoriented. Your ex won't feel comfortable inside this partnership because he's not comfortable inside his own skin. Sadly New Girlfriend will be hitting the bricks after she's completed her role as his rebound. For her sake, I hope it's sooner than later.

You're not confused, but your ex sure is. I hope you're not thinking of taking him back after he lets go of New Girlfriend. Do you want someone this emotionally capricious? Mr. Ex is not facing his emotions in an honest fashion, so you have no guarantee he won't change his mind about getting involved with you too. Digging through all that pain requires commitment and inspires people to take a hard look at their values, goals, and yes, their relationships. Hell, Mr. Ex doesn't even know who lies beneath all his defenses.

Steer clear of this one if you know what's good for you. Buyer's remorse is no reason to get involved with a blubbery, deceitful ex who lacks the maturity to deal with his emotions responsibly. Oh ya, and this tomcat can't wait to sneak around on New Girlfriend. That dude ain't got no class. Your ma warned you about that type of man. Now is a good time to listen.

[Littletad]

Damn, you make my writing look childish in this answer. I feel a writers block coming along. lol

[mike7]

He definitely has feelings for you. His current girl is nothing more than an inadequate version of you. If you want him back he's there for the taking.

For a guy, telling you he thinks of you, your name instead of hers and that he's cried over you is about a bare a soul as a guy can give. That's his version of I'm not over you, I want you back, we're still connected, let's give it another shot etc.

[AngelCake]

Thankyou for answering. =) Since I posted this my ex broke up with that girl (and let me know immediately). When I got back from my holiday he asked me to meet him, but we never got the chance because just three days later he started going out with a third girl. I made it clear I was still interested but he made no move and before I knew it he was with someone else. So I have no idea what happened.

[MoonPrincess123]

Ok. Obviously this guy still has feelings for you. He seems to be having a hard time getting over you. But it's only been a week and he has another girl or something? This is a very very short time period. I'm not sure how long you guys were together, or the background information, but if you guys just broke up a week (or even 2) ago I believe it's way too soon to talk to him again.

He has another girlfriend. If everything he said in this conversation is true, then he just has a girlfriend to occupy himself from you. This sounds like a major rebound with him and his current girlfriend.

So do you still like him? Do you still have strong feelings for him?

I believe that if he still really likes you, he would break up with his girlfriend. If he liked you as he claims, he wouldn't be dating anyone else. If he is willing to break up with his girlfriend for you, then this is just one step. Like I said before, I don't know what the background information between you two are so it's very hard to give the best advice.

If your not sure if you want to be with him again (if he wants to be with you again, if he doesn't but he still says all of this stuff to you, he's playing you) think about certain things. Like why did you guys break up in the first place and would you be happy if you tried it again with him.

If you know that you don't want to be together with him again, then STOP TALKING TO HIM. I am not saying completely, but for awhile. A week is such a short amount of time. If you guys were in a serious, long relationship, this is too short of a time period to get over each other. If you guys only wait a week, old feelings are almost guaranteed to come up again.

I hope that my advice has helped a little bit. Good luck and tell us how it goes!

[AngelCake]

Hi. I'm not sure if I made it clear in my question, but we've been apart for nearly three months now. I meant he started seeing one girl after me, they broke up and he was with this latest girlfriend within a week. =) I hope that makes sense. And I do want to be with him, I'm sure if he had talked to me about why he wanted to break up, we could have sorted things out. I've made a few changes to my life already and he seems even more interested in me now...but the girlfriend is still around.

[MoonPrincess123]

Oh, I understand now. I'm sorry if I missed that in your description >_<

I believe that if he really wants to be with you, then he'll break up with his girlfriend for you. If he's not willing to do that, I don't think you should try to be with him because this means that he's not as willing as he says to want to be with you. If you believe that you guys should try again, I think it's a good idea. Just make sure he's serious about it and he's not with that girl! Make sure it's a healthy choice!

[smellylittlecat]

He is not over you and is trying to get over you with the girl. I think he is a bit confused with what he really wants. Were you the one who broke up with him? He still calls you 'hun' or whatever 'pet name' (was that a common one he would call you?) because it's familiar and that's what connects that bond between you two. I know my ex had called me my pet name throughout the time we were talking (we are currently not speaking to each other because I am having doubts about him being honest with me/I am hurting just like your ex boyfriend is -which is why he blocked you-). I can understand his point of view in a way for the blocking part, name calling ("hun"), and admitting I still want to be in your life and am sad.

I honestly don't think he is ready to be with that girl. You guys should work it out. Maybe he should take a break from the girl. I don't know how you can suggest that because it would be horrible for that girl if you put yourself in her shoes. But if the break up was fresh, I think she might understand but she would definitely be hurt herself. If he really wanted to move on though, I think he would have lost every connection to you and never speak to you again. I tried doing that with my ex boyfriend (but I didn't date anyone because I do not find anyone in my life attractive even if they are. lol It's sad but I compare almost every guy with him. =( It's been 10 months already and I'm not over us. We been together for a year.) and it hurt me deeply not talking to him for even a week. I would cry myself to sleep and then say I have to lose my pride for him and initiate the conversation sometimes.

Hope you guys made up though since this is quite old.

[AngelCake]

Thanks for the answer. In answer to your question, he broke up with me. It has been six months now and I've been there for him constantly. Things didn't work out with that girl, but now he's been with his new one for a few months, even though he still says things like that to me often. I've decided to cut off contact. After all, if he truly loved me, he'd do anything to get to me. But by being there constantly, he had no need to chase me. I just hope things work out.

[smellylittlecat]

So you still are in love with him? I can totally understand. I don't believe a person can stop loving someone so easily, especially when you gave it your all. =( I think if it's hurting you, you need to cut talking to him because he isn't giving what you want. I think you still want to be with him and it will only cause you more hurt. He is probably also "exploring" because some people just need to in order to know what they really want for their future....

[AngelCake]

Yes, I love him so much and it hurts to have to cut him out of my life. I promised him we would stay friends, but for my own sanity it had to be done. I only hope he can forgive me once he realises what I've done. But it's only been a day and I'm close to breaking already. I never thought it would be so hard to say goodbye to the person I love most. =( I'm just glad I have my two closest friends who have told me I can contact them whenever I'm tempted to break NC.

[Anonymous]

yes that's true to all relationships and breakup stories..the sad part is he is trying to move on but still has you dearly in his heart.he do not want to be with you anymore he is just enjoying his time feeding what he needs to feel better like let go of his emotions...you will just be an option to him now..move on and you guys can continue talking and feed each others need of love but do not cross bounderies...no doubt he cares for you but he cares about his new girlfriend now...happening to me now..my boyfriend is still inlove with his ex and they see and talk on silence behind my back the sneak out and just enjoy each others company reminice the good times..i let him go ahead...i said babe you are a priority to me,you will never be an option,im behind you when you fall..you have me you won't lose because you have the win on me..that keeps him really good to me and try and love me for me not becuase he is broken but really try and move on with me...i love him why would I let him suffer,he wants us to get married soon..he is tired and pressured from being sneaky I know it I hear them talk sometimes,i even give him time to go on his own time alone I mean I don't let him know I condon his action but I do it the way he don't feel bad about himself doing things behind my back but I know..you guys broke up obviously didn't work he would not let his new realtionship suffer because of his weakness..and if you understand how it feels if you were that new girlfriend,then leave them alone...he will get tired of evrything and you don't want to fall for him and he would ditch you when he gets tired and move on ahead with new love..give yourself the pride you deserved..

[Reeses-pieces777]

just be careful he doesn't end up playing you. I dk him personally, but it sounds so far that he's really into you or he's just acting.

depends on how long you've known the guy and how well you know him.

that's pretty bad that he's with a girl who he doesn't even like and he's thinking of his ex. so eventually he'll break her heart.

it sounds like he has feelings for you. but it's not official. so anything he says is w/e. unless he breaks up with her, I wouldn't make a move if I were you. that's how I would approach it anyway. if you still like him after he breaks up with her, go for it.

[southernbelle88]

He shouldn't be telling you all this if he has a new gf. That isn't right at all. If he still has feelings for you and you want to see if they are real or not, ask him to breakup with his girlfriend for you again. If he doesn't want to brake up with the current then nothing he said was the truth. He just wants you as another girl on the side. Just think about the current girlfriend and if she would be ok with knowing the things he tells you.

[doubltymrdrewls]

How long have you been separated?

Basically he's comfortable with you, he's kinda using you though. She just went away, so he feels lonely without her. So he's starting to talk to you again. You should really stay busy and act busy when coming in contact with him. Its like an open wound, it needs time to heal. You both need time away from each other to figure things out. This will allow you to be happy, together or not. Friends or Not.

Good Luck.

[Eamzy]

Its possible that he's been cheating on you. I find that if a guy is either trying to be too nice or too mean then it is because he's cheating. He does want you to be with him though... He explained that didn't he?

[AngelCake]

I'm pretty sure he wasn't cheating on me. But either way, I got sick of his constant flirting and him pretty much acting as though he wanted me back but not doing anything, so I told him I needed my space and I've cut off contact with him for now. If he really does want me to be with him, he knows where I am. Thanks for your answer. =)

[Eamzy]

Well surely if you have cut off contact with him then he will never be able to get back with you no matter what. I may not exactly be right with what I said so it is possible that he does like you as much as he says.

[AngelCake]

When I say I've cut off all contact, I just mean I've blocked him on msn, removed him from things like facebook so I'm not tempted to get in touch...but he can still email or call me if he really wants to. So it's up to him now.

[iLuhvK0tt0nKandii]

Yes he still has feelings for you, he is not over you. In this situation you don't even have to read between the lines because he basically just told you lol. That's the reason why he feels that way, he hasn't moved on yet.

[Marrryyyyy]

he's not over you and he's trying to replace you with the new gf