How can I avoid being just a booty call?

I've noticed that the same situations keep happening to me. I meet a guy, there's a mutual attraction/interest, we hook up a few times (not sex, making out), and then I always want more than just a hookup and the guys assure me I'm not just a hook up to them. Problem is, even if we end up texting for a few days after, nothing ever happens. I want to be taken out on dates and get to know someone, not just have casual sex.

My question is how do I avoid being seen as a booty call? Am I doing something wrong to make me not "girlfriend material"? Most recent example: Met a guy through a mutual friend at a party, flirted the whole time, ended up going back to his place & hooking up later. But I know not to let it go too far so he wouldn't see me as" easy". He asked me to stay over and I said no, he wanted to know why so I told him I didn't want to just be a one night stand. He assured me that wouldn't happen but I still said no. The next night he texted me at 1am to hang out. We hooked up but he complained that I stopped him, yet when I brought up that I didn't want to be his booty call he wondered why I would think that he didn't care about me when he does.

Long story short...havent heard from him since. We could've easily hung out another time that wasn't late at night but he hasn't made an effort. that's how these situations all end. Am I doing something right by being honest? Does that scare guys away? What should I be doing to avoid being used just for a casual hook up? I'm in college if that helps at all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're looking for a "dating" relationship, then stop doing what you're doing. Seriously.

    "Met a guy through a mutual friend at a party, flirted the whole time, ended up going back to his place & hooking up later."

    Don't do this.

    "The next night he texted me at 1am to hang out. We hooked up..."

    Don't do this either.

    Look, you're going about this thing completely wrong. If you want to be seen as "girlfriend material", then you do NOT start out by making out with guys that you're not even dating.

    Stop "hooking up" with dudes you meet at parties, and stop answering their texts at one in the goddamn morning. This is booty-call behavior, not dating behavior.

    Anyway, here's some pointers.

    1. Tone down on the flirting at parties. If you're overtly flirting with the same guy all night, you're not going to be available to talk to other guys who might be interested in more than just your p*ssy.

    2. Do not "make out" with anyone at the party.

    3. Don't go home with ANYBODY. Go home and go to sleep.

    4. Feel free to give your number out to anyone you think you might like.

    5. Don't answer texts at one in the morning. You can text them around 10am or so to let them know that you were asleep. You are not, and will not be, a midnight sex delivery service.

    6. Do not agree to go to a guy's house to "hang out". That's f*cking lazy. If you're asked to, tell him that you don't like sitting around the house, and you've already got plans. And then ACTUALLY make plans to go out (by yourself, with girlfriends, whatever) for the time that he asked you. You never know, you might meet a guy while you're out who ALSO likes going out.

    7. As for "making out"? That doesn't come until after he's shown you that he's able to treat you properly. An awesome date that ends in a goodnight kiss that turns into sloppy makeouts is fine. He's made an effort. Making out at a party where you just met? Not girlfriend-material behavior.

    Basically, I'm just telling you to have some goddamn standards and self-respect. Expect a guy to treat you right before you start letting him stick his tongue down your throat and his hands in your shirt. Require his respect, or you're never going to get it.

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    • While what you're saying definitely makes sense, I feel like that's so hard to do in college when most of my interactions with guys are at parties. If I'm talking to a guy at a party and afterward he tries to kiss me and I don't let him, wouldn't most guys then take that as a rejection? In that situation, if I'm interested but want to be clear about my intentions, how do I do that without scaring someone away?

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    • I couldn't have said it any better!

    • this man deserves the best answer, wow, I've learn A LOT from this.

What Guys Said 14

  • I wouldn't go back to his place the first night, period, whether or not you have sex.

    Don't respond to calls or texts late at night till the next day.

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  • Your first paragraph sums up your problem. I didn't even have to read any further.

    Your making the most common mistake girls make who wonder why all the guys they meet just want to get in their pants.

    Don't hook up with these guys until they've committed. It's as simple as that. Making out I guess is OK, but even then I would save that for the 2nd or 3rd date. When you start off on a sexual foot, so to speak, it sets the standard for the rest of your relationship/interactions, not to mention it paints a picture that you are a girl who is ready and willing to be sexual. If you were to turn a guy down who came onto you sexually, it would tell him that you are not interested in such a thing. That doesn't mean he'll turn around and ask you on a date, but can avoid falling for a guy who just wants a booty call.

    What you have to understand is while I know confidence is all so sexy to you girls, there is a difference between being confident and assertive, and just being a pervert. If a guy is genuinly interested in a relationship, he won't go for the kill right away (sex). Don't get me wrong, he's thinking about it, and he can't weight to have sex with you, but he will wait because it's not his number one goal. Is number one goal is to build a genuine friendship first.

    My advice is simply to turn guy away who are too sexually aggressive and instead go for the guys who aren't, even if those guys might seem a bit less confident or asexual, because trust me, they're just as horny as the aggressive guy. Now I'm not asking you to date quiet nerds, or completely lame guys, I'm just saying you have to learn to take more initiative and stop only talking to the guys who are unbuttoning your pants, because in reality, a genuine guys advance won't look much like an advance, it will look more like a request for friendship.

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  • Have a 30 day rule, ha ha I knew girl that wouldn't give up for 90 days. That weeded out the players real fast. ;)

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  • Well.. easy. Most guys will fall for this, All girls should know this: Reward his behavior.

    If he takes you out, or drives you taking you out on a date or whatever you want him to do then show him you appreciate it with a hand shake(joking), hug or f***ing him all night!

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  • well, guys are generally not looking for a girlfriend in college - at least not for the first couple of years. So, if you don't want to be used for a casual hookup, try hooking up only with grad students or upper class-men.

    but that aside, it seems sort of like you are starting to hold each guy you meet accountable for the actions of all of your previous encounters. Don't do that. You will quickly drive away anyone who is potential relationship material.

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What Girls Said 4

  • There's nothing wrong with your honesty. However, don't mind that I question your methods.

    What is the point of making out with these guys at all? Especially if you're more interested in dating than action.

    I'm going to tell you right now what you're doing, and how to stop getting stuck in this situation.

    It's simple. Flirt and talk with the guy. Exchange numbers. Don't make out with him. Kissing should be a not-until-you've-taken-me-out deal. And even then, you may want to express caution. As in, you can kiss him on the first date, but reconsider getting hot and heavy for another few dates or so. It'll send a VERY positive message to the guy you're dating. Trust me.

    On top of it all, the beauty of it, considering that not all college dudes are into dating as they are hooking up, is that you'll WEED OUT ANY GUYS WHO ARE JUST LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME. You won't have to say, "I don't want to be a booty call", because you'll already begin to get a good idea of whether the guy wants to date or just hook up.

    So to sum up. If you meet a guy, talk and flirt etc... don't hook up with him. Meet him again, casually, or on a date, but at a regular time interval. And don't consider getting physical until he PROVES himself.

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  • There's a saying that goes "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?". It's a terrible sentiment, but in a way, it's true. The idea here is unless a guy already wants commitment, he won't have any desire to give you commitment unless he has to. Instead of making out or hooking up right away, go for a few dates and keep it to a kiss or two for the first few. If you want to be chased, than put up a chase. Don't be too available.

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  • Stop answering the call?

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    • I know that ha ha but I'm asking how to avoid getting myself into these sketchy situations to begin with

    • Stop going after the jerk!

  • Stop behaving like a booty call. Wait until you actually know these guys better before getting phsycial.

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