How can I avoid being just a booty call?

I've noticed that the same situations keep happening to me. I meet a guy, there's a mutual attraction/interest, we hook up a few times (not sex, making out), and then I always want more than just a hookup and the guys assure me I'm not just a hook up to them. Problem is, even if we end up texting for a few days after, nothing ever happens. I want to be taken out on dates and get to know someone, not just have casual sex.

My question is how do I avoid being seen as a booty call? Am I doing something wrong to make me not "girlfriend material"? Most recent example: Met a guy through a mutual friend at a party, flirted the whole time, ended up going back to his place & hooking up later. But I know not to let it go too far so he wouldn't see me as" easy". He asked me to stay over and I said no, he wanted to know why so I told him I didn't want to just be a one night stand. He assured me that wouldn't happen but I still said no. The next night he texted me at 1am to hang out. We hooked up but he complained that I stopped him, yet when I brought up that I didn't want to be his booty call he wondered why I would think that he didn't care about me when he does.

Long story short...havent heard from him since. We could've easily hung out another time that wasn't late at night but he hasn't made an effort. that's how these situations all end. Am I doing something right by being honest? Does that scare guys away? What should I be doing to avoid being used just for a casual hook up? I'm in college if that helps at all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're looking for a "dating" relationship, then stop doing what you're doing. Seriously.

    "Met a guy through a mutual friend at a party, flirted the whole time, ended up going back to his place & hooking up later."

    Don't do this.

    "The next night he texted me at 1am to hang out. We hooked up..."

    Don't do this either.

    Look, you're going about this thing completely wrong. If you want to be seen as "girlfriend material", then you do NOT start out by making out with guys that you're not even dating.

    Stop "hooking up" with dudes you meet at parties, and stop answering their texts at one in the goddamn morning. This is booty-call behavior, not dating behavior.

    Anyway, here's some pointers.

    1. Tone down on the flirting at parties. If you're overtly flirting with the same guy all night, you're not going to be available to talk to other guys who might be interested in more than just your p*ssy.

    2. Do not "make out" with anyone at the party.

    3. Don't go home with ANYBODY. Go home and go to sleep.

    4. Feel free to give your number out to anyone you think you might like.

    5. Don't answer texts at one in the morning. You can text them around 10am or so to let them know that you were asleep. You are not, and will not be, a midnight sex delivery service.

    6. Do not agree to go to a guy's house to "hang out". That's f*cking lazy. If you're asked to, tell him that you don't like sitting around the house, and you've already got plans. And then ACTUALLY make plans to go out (by yourself, with girlfriends, whatever) for the time that he asked you. You never know, you might meet a guy while you're out who ALSO likes going out.

    7. As for "making out"? That doesn't come until after he's shown you that he's able to treat you properly. An awesome date that ends in a goodnight kiss that turns into sloppy makeouts is fine. He's made an effort. Making out at a party where you just met? Not girlfriend-material behavior.

    Basically, I'm just telling you to have some goddamn standards and self-respect. Expect a guy to treat you right before you start letting him stick his tongue down your throat and his hands in your shirt. Require his respect, or you're never going to get it.

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      While what you're saying definitely makes sense, I feel like that's so hard to do in college when most of my interactions with guys are at parties. If I'm talking to a guy at a party and afterward he tries to kiss me and I don't let him, wouldn't most guys then take that as a rejection? In that situation, if I'm interested but want to be clear about my intentions, how do I do that without scaring someone away?

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      I couldn't have said it any better!

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      this man deserves the best answer, wow, I've learn A LOT from this.