This girl has a boyfriend but flirts with me and I ignore her..Is it a good idea because I don't wanna lose her

[Anonymous]

There is this girl in my class, we are good friends and she constantly tries to get my attention. She is social (but not a flirter) and lively and I am completely opposite. Yet she always tries to talk to me, get my attention (also she texted me first and I even didn't have her number)

and acts very friendly. I responded positively and now we are very good friends. We texted daily and also we nick named each other. She showed all signs that she liked me but I never responded (intentionally). Then after a few days I got to know that she has a boyfriend(long distance) and so I eventually reduced texting her and talked to her only when she started the conversation. I had developed crush on her and wanted to get her out of my head, so I started calling her sis..(thinking that will put her off and she will ignore me)..But didn't go down well with her and she still showed signs that she liked me. So as a last option I have now completely started ignoring her (haven't talked or texted her for last 15 days even though we are in same class) . Now she looks sad and doesn't socialize as much as she did before and has become more of a serious girl (I used to tease her that I liked serious girls and not funny girls like her). But she still shows signs of interest (looks at me, tries to get my attention by talking with my buddies and gets enthusiastic when I talk to her(only about academics these days)).

I thought of her as an attention seeking girl and so I behaved in such a manner with her. But she is changed a lot now (because of me) and I feel it is hurting her. I never wanted to hurt her because she is one of my closest friends...But this "Crush or No Crush" had confused me a lot and now I am in terrible situation. I don't want to lose her as a friend and also is she really interested in me and should I ask her out..? (I really like her but she has a boyfriend from 3 years-for the last two years he is studying in another university and is in her contact only through phone).

plus I need help and some genuine advice.

[baby30]

I think you are assuming ALOT. props to you for ignoring a girl with a boyfriend, if you are so sure she is flirting with you and intrested in you while she has a boyfriend far away then shame on her, and makes it very plausable that she will do the same to you. I think focus on yourself, there are many fish in the sea and if she's hurt by you being a good person and not partaking in her flirting while having a boyfriend then it sounds like an ego deflation. but ultimatly the choice is yours do what feels right

[Asker]

u are right I may be assuming a lot...but can't help I don't have courage to ask the same to her for fear of losing a good friend..but then should I just act normal and move on? That girl is beautiful and smart and I don't want to lose an opportunity to ask her out. Only problem is "is she genuinely interested in me or is she just being friendly as I am not the most desirable person she has around her" .Is she just counting on me as friend to lend support?

[baby30]

you won't know unless you ask. you sound really sure she likes you, then not so sure. if you want to see where things could go you shouldn't ignore her, there is always the option of losing her as a friend or getting hurt it just depends what your willing to risk

[selfishstars]

What were the signs that she liked you?

[Asker]

she looks at me and maintains immense eye contact, says "hi" at least 20 times in a day, her voice deepens when she talks with me and she is a lot serious(attentive) when I talk with her.Taunts me often and always blushes when I smile at her.Also she has indirectly asked me if I like her as in "why don't you like girl who gives you so much attention?" "i am always there for u" "u only look at other girls".NOTE:this girl is quite a magnet and attracts a lot of guys but I am shy,nerd not so social type

[selfishstars]

The reason I ask is because sometimes people who aren't very social or don't get a lot of attention from the opposite sex misread someone of the opposite sex being friendly to them as "flirting". The friendliness is more than he is used to receiving from girls, so its easy to feel like she likes you more than friend.

I think you should talk to her though. The two of you were friends and then you just stopped talking to her without any explanation. Let her know that you like her, but that,

[selfishstars]

while you may have misread her actions/comments, you felt like she was flirting with you and it made you uncomfortable because she has a boyfriend.

She may say that she only meant to be friendly, not flirty, or she might realize that you are right and apologize for flirting. I guess there's a chance she might be offended by that, but if your plan is to not talk to her anymore anyway, it's not a big deal.