Why do girls stick with deadbeat boyfriends?

Question

There's a girl in my class. Very intelligent medical student. She's a little on the chubbier side, but her face is nice. If she lost weight, guys would definitely be all over her, but even without doing that, she should have no shortage of suitors.

She has a deadbeat boyfriend who does drugs, works at a dead-end job, and has below-average looks to boot. She frankly could do a lot better, especially considering that she's still young.

And yet I've seen her turn down a couple suitors who definitely are better for her. I don't get why this happens. It's not just this girl, it's everywhere.

Olivia9 · Accepted Answer

Well what do you expect, women have low self-confidence and settle for less. When you have women that are constantly being told they aren't skinny enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, have big enough breasts, have breasts that are too big, don't have pouty enough lips, have too much hair on their vaginas, no enough hair on their vaginas, have too much arm flap, hair that is too curly, hair that doesn't have enough body etc. etc. etc. When you have any normal woman being made to feel insecure about themselves and not good enough, of course they will settle for less. A ton of girls don't feel worthy of being in a relationship with guys that are good looking or that have a stable job etc. It makes more sense for women to be with deadbeats than upstanding guys because they don't feel they could A. ever measure up to what he "really" wants or B. that he would cheat on her or that she can't compete with the girls that would be interested in him.

It's simple, when you have guys that are over-confident and bold and you have women that are lacking confidence they are going to end up with one another. Tons of my friends are with losers because they don't think they can do better. It's a security in a sense that a guy is a deadbeat because it fulfills a need. A lot of people need to be needed whether it is financially, sexually, emotionally, or mentally. Deadbeat guys and loser girls as well need things all the time and the stable partner is always there for him or her. It not only makes the stable partner feel secure it also gives them the upper hand in the relationship. When your partner relies on you for financial or emotional support they appear to be at a loss when the stable person leaves not the other way around.

I know this because my mom has been with losers (my dad) and the majority of the time it's an issue of confidence and insecurity. If I pay for this then it makes up for the fact that I have small boobs, if I have sex sooner he is less likely to dump me for someone hotter with less arm flap etc.

When people with low self-confidence are approached by great suitors they are suspicious, think about it, if Scarlet Johanson approached you, would you be suspicious? Would you feel like you had to do extra things in order to keep her? It's easier to be with guys and gals that are of a lower status because it seems like less work on some level. You don't have to be as suspicious of why they like you, or if they will leave you for someone else. This is the perception for people with low self-esteem.

Unfortunately there seem to be a lot more women with low self esteem than men. I think this is because men earn respect in what they do. Whereas women are defined by their body, you can be a neurosurgeon and still be undatable and ugly as a woman. If you are a guy you can buy a wife, you don't have to be good looking. Women are their bodies and that's it.

selfishstars · Accepted Answer

It's very different to judge a relationship from the outside compared to from within that relationship.

On one hand, you don't have the full picture. You don't know what their relationship is like, how he treats her, what history they have together, etc. My partner, for example, was working a dead-end job to help support us both while I went to university. When I finished, I worked while he worked on his education and now we both have great jobs.

Additionally, you're judging her boyfriend by your standards, which may be different from hers. You say he's below-average in looks, but she may genuinely find him attractive (physically and non-physically).

On the other hand, being in a relationship can taint your perspective of it because of your emotional investment and direct involvement. Sometimes you have trouble "seeing the forest for the trees". Sometimes things like self-esteem can also make someone stay with a person who isn't good for them and/or who they could do much better than.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've met guys who have nothing going for them but you like them anyway. I know a guy who has 3 baby mamas, not sure what he does for a living but I know he sells dope on the side and has been to prison but he's really friendly, sweet funny and has the cutest personality. I used to talk to him but we are just friends now. Even with his flaws I can see why girls would at least be attracted to him and like him.

Phoenix1991 · Accepted Answer

Because its not about success, looks or status, It is like what Drjohno said, its based off how you make them FEEL.

That boyfriend could be the sweetest guy in the world or knows how to make her feel loved and appreciated, We and you don't know that.

She sounds like a great person and all I heard from you about this guy is his flaws , but with love, she sees both his flaws and perks, and based off that, She can decide whether or not if he is the guy for her.

Everything shouldn't be doctors marrying doctors or Teachers marrying Teachers, It should be about people loving each other for who they are in the inside.

ryanontario · Accepted Answer

for whatever reasons she's satisfied with that relationship , and not looking for anything else . as you say they won't likely be together forever and she could do better but at this time she feels some reason to date him , whatever that is we can't explain . I think you should just move on to someone who is single and save the worry

Anonymous · Answer

because she loves him...

Love doesn't make any sense so don't try to make sense out of it. My deadbeat cousin (he's still awesome though) has landed a GORGEOUS girl, who is seriously one of the best people that I know, she can do A LOT better and she's always getting hit on by guys who have more to offer than my cousin. I used to wonder the same thing, "why is she with him?" after seeing them together for some time I realized she can't be without him, in some weird way he completes her and brightens up her day just by being there. She loves him, it's as simple as that.

drjohno · Answer

Girls don't care who you are, what you do for a living, or (up to a point) your looks. All they care about is how you make them FEEL. This is the reason why chicks dig jerks.

Dating a fattie? The deadbeat boyfriend can do better.

kalimavictor12 · Answer

Honestly in my opinion... she thinks she can try to fix him and "save" him from his addiction and is solely convinced that he loves her when there is no chance to save him. By herself that is. If he truly loves her, he would be willing to put down the drugs and go into rehab to get help. That's just me.

Shortiee17 · Answer

Me, as a girl, I always end up dating an ass hole or a deadbeat guy, and I'm not goanna lie its because that guy makes me feel important. So basically its the way he makes me feel. So maybe she just blind by this guy because he makes her feel good, it can also be she feels like she can make him a better person, change his life around.

AliceMcKay · Answer

Love and emotions are not logical. It could be her feelings towards him, or fear of not finding anyone else and being alone, or maybe it's not as bad as you think.

Anonymous · Answer

Welcome to being 18-24. Really 0-30.

Once 30 rolls around their tune changes.

Just keep a list. Don't let the crazy girls take advantage of you later in life because they wanted to have fun and date losers.

Betwyn · Answer

You only know what you see. You don't know what he actually provides for her.

MeAndAHalf · Answer

She hasn't realized he's a deadbeat yet, give her some time, she'll get it.  If you like her, go for it.

Anonymous · Answer

Because women find confidence attractive, even if the guy has few or no other good qualities. Then, once the girl gets together with the guy, she becomes easily emotionally invested and doesn't want to let go.

Anonymous · Answer

so she is better than because she looks good, maybe she is a deadbeat too.

bDizzie · Answer

Low self esteem? It bugs the crap out of me too

Anonymous · Answer

That's just one girl...that you don't know

Why do girls stick with deadbeat boyfriends?

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