How long should I wait?

[Orchidgirl68]

I met this great guy online 7 weeks ago and we hit it off immediately. I am 45 and he is almost 43. He has been courting me since the beginning like a real gentleman. But then by our third date, there still had been no physical contact at all. So I initiated kissing him and he liked it. Unfortunately, he was operated on his back 4 weeks ago and has been in unbearable pain ever since. We are both worried that the operation was a failure. He had 2 herniated discs. His physical state has obviously affected our relationship. He is not allowed to bend or twist or do much for that matter. I sometimes get frustrated because nothing much happens between us and I am so attracted to him. We hold hands and kiss but that's it. I have the feeling he's very nervous to take things further but that is probably because of his back, not because of me! Still, it's hard to tell... He asked me if I was OK waiting for him to heal until he can get intimate with me. I said yes, that I would wait. But I am thinking how long should I wait for?

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I really care for him and want to be with him but I want to make sure he does not take me for granted.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

[talloak]

Given that he has such a good reason for holding back physically, there's no reason to assume any ulterior motives. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt unless he gives you another reason otherwise. As for how long to wait, that depends more on you than on him. He doesn't have a lot of control over this. Bear in mind that even after he heals, things might still need to proceed slowly on a physical leveland it could also affect his self-confidence. As frustrating as this is for both of you, it will take lots of patience to work it all out.

[Orchidgirl68]

Thanks a lot for your comment. You have an excellent point. I just hope we can make it work. I think we both want the same thing.

[talloak]

I hope it works out for both of you and you enjoy each other and learn about each other during the wait!

[HughR]

The answer is going to be very, very personal to who you are and your own needs. You're mature, clearly in personality not just age, so you should know yourself. How much do you need intimacy? Before you met the guy (it has only been 7 or 8 weeks), were you jumping into bed with every guy you met or have you been celibate for a long time or ?

Also, do you have a f-w-b? If so, take the edge off so you are comfortable waiting.

[Orchidgirl68]

No, I don't have a friend with benefits as I don't want to be in that type of relationships. No, I don't jump into bed with every guy I meet either. I am a one man woman, however I find it strange when a guy tells you he loves you but barely kisses you and will masturbate watching p*rn on a daily basis. So this is why I am so confused.

[HughR]

Oh... is that it...

Porn is easy, it doesn't make demands on you, and you can be as kinky as you want. Girls sometimes have a mind of their own. And, honestly, would you want to do *that* with the mother of your future children?

[calialltheway1993]

Well he's hurt so you can't force it. He asked you to wait and you care about him, so how is that him taking you for granted? If he makes you feel the way you believe you should feel then be patient with him. Sounds like you just want the intimate relationship but honestly good things come to those who wait.

[Orchidgirl68]

No, I don't just want the intimate. I have a lot of trouble trusting guys. So I am only protecting myself because I don't want to be heartbroken.

[calialltheway1993]

That's natural then. Just be patient with him. It will pay off. Thanks for BA :)

[kangaru]

I feel thst he is sincere with you due to his medicsl condition just be patient. If you love him you have to be patient. Yes good thing comesto those who canwait.

[Justletgo]

Are you kidding? I am entirely sure any man would love to get physical asap. I do not think he is taking you for granted, because he is recovering from a BACK OPERATION that isn't some minor operation you know.

If you don't like him enough to wait until he gets recovered, I guess you should do both of you a favor and leave him.

[Orchidgirl68]

Why should I leave him? I don't want to! You don't seem to realize that.