My boyfriend told me to shut the f*** up?

[beeblo]

My boyfriend was talking to his boss on the phone and once he got off the phone, I could tell that he was upset. So I asked him what the guy said to make him mad. He said "nothing" and so I asked him again. I said "tell me." And then he said "Shut the f*** up!"

He was like, "you always try to interrogate me!" I was just like, "well I just want you to talk to me, I want to know what's going on."

I was so mad, I took him home. He apologized and asked me to stay but I was too angry.

We've had a ton of problems in our relationship and I've tried to break up with him many times in the past.

Is this the last straw.

Was the way he talked to me justified? I don't ever want any guy to talk to me like that but I want to get some different perspectives on this.

My roommate said I need to date a guy who has had sisters. My guy doesn't have any sisters.

Updates

+1 y

He said it to me again today. After I clearly told him never to talk to me like that again. That's what makes me mad, that he had complete disregard for my request.

We were arguing about where I should take my car to get some work done on it.


What should I do? I hung up on him and haven't spoken to him since.

[Pedantic]

You are technically looking at a double fault (you overstepped your questions and he overstepped his temper) - although ask yourself a serious question -- would you have kept prying if he kept answering you politely? Was the STFU explosion what it takes to get you to stop?

If the answer to that last question is yes, then you are "training" him but not in the way clever girls go about it, but rather teaching him that losing his temper and exploding is the way to get you to stop, even if he has to apologize about it later.

Next time he says "nothing", just ask if there is anything you can do to help instead of saying "tell me." If he says "no thanks, I got it." then just let it drop. Also, talk this over with him. Ask him in the future if he would rather you offer help than interrogate.

[Pedantic]

re: Update. So... how come you didn't try my advice yet? :)

[beeblo]

well its a different situation. And I'm teaching him that if he does that he gets hung up on and ignored for a whole day

[sa230e]

I'm not saying what he said was justified. It wasn't. But, generally speaking, if a guy doesn't want to talk about something, it's best not to prod him. If were upset talking can make it worse. You're not going to make him open up by asking repeatedly. Sometimes a guy needs to retreat and be alone for a while if he's upset. My guess is he got some bad news and it really shook him up. After that it wouldn't take much to get him to loose his composure.

It's good to be helpful and supportive. By all means ask him if there's something wrong and if he wants to talk but if he's evasive I think you'd be best to leave it alone and let him cool off a bit.

[onlimee88]

Please forgive me, but I LOLed when I read the title before clicking on this post.

My guy tells me to stfu on a regular basis. I admit, I DO nag him a lot (I have gotten better -- well, when we were talking at least). I agree with Pedantic though -- you're overstepping. Ask a guy ONCE what happened or if he is okay. If you get the "nothing" response, LEAVE IT ALONE. It's like constantly picking at someone who is angry and of course, it only makes him/her angrier. Leave it be. If he wants to talk about it, he will. If not, well then so be it. Just because you're with him doesn't mean he has to open up and share his entire life with you. Privacy is still necessary to a certain extent. It was a negative reaction -- don't dwell on it too much.

[Anonymous]

well I don't think that was enoguh of a reason to tell you that. to me he's not a good boyfriend if he acts that way, what would happen if you would marry him he will only get worse don't you thing?

your roommate has a point, becasue if the guy has sisters he would be nicer to women and know how to act around them.

[xzinax2]

well it's kind of a double standard-sure guys are scarier when they yell-but are you telling me you never get mad? he was mad,he apologized. but,if you have issues in your relationship that can't be talked through and fixed-break up.

[Pedantic]

Us guys are scarier? Hehehe :)

[Robotic]

thank you for noticing this double standard!

[indian_empress_91]

I agree !

[xzinax2]

@update you're overreacting. you just want a reason to break up. do it already.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you shouldn't stick your nose in all of his business. No one wants to be hassled, especially when they are stressed. I understand that you are the type of person that wants to know everything and wants to talk about everything, but not everyone wants to do things your way. Next time, when he brushes you off, take that at face value and don't keep pushing it. If you keep pushing it when it doesn't particularly pertain to you, you're an ass whip and it is justified for him to say those things.

If you've had legitimate problems and not just this prima donna stuff, you should part ways.

I don't know what your roommate is talking about. I have sisters and I have a point where I snap at people. That's just a dumb comment.

[Opinion Owner]

@update: How do you argue exactly? Because I feel like if we talked to him, it would be a little different and he would mention how you pester a little too much. You have your faults too, right?

[beeblo]

He said I wasn't listening to him. He was trying to tell me to take my car to Whittier to get something simple done to it and I was telling him I wasn't going to spend that much in gas just to have a job done that would cost just as much in gas...i was being stubborn I guess...idk. Yeah I have my faults but I've never told him to STFU before

[Anonymous]

He should not have said what he did.

You should not have pushed him when he was obviously upset. You asked him once and he gave you his answer. Pushing it further when he was clearly upset was your bad.

Sounds like you both have some maturing to do.

[indian_empress_91]

agreed

[Anonymous]

I would so dump his ass, no guy is allowed to tell me to stfu

Unless its during sex or something. ... he seem disrespectful

And he has anger problem. He needs to think before he talks

Specially to a female, if his mad at his boss he needs to take it

Out on his boss not you. Wtf

P.s men like him are the reason why am single

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people get stressed out and take it out on their partner. You need to be able to handle that. If you have never done the same to a man in a relationship eventually you will. He apologized and it is obvious that he doesn't treat you like that all the time, or you wouldn't be so upset by this one event. If you can't handle being talked to like that, then you are not ready to be in any long term relationship.

[Dontneedauser]

Oh, honey. No that isn't normal. Healthy people don't talk to each other like that, especially for something so small. She didn't pry. Prying is done more than once after being told no. Almost nobody on the face of this earth would just be like "Okay. So anyway-" after witnessing something upset the one they love. They'd ask a second time. Even your mother's do this. If they do it again after, then it's prying. But asking twice is not prying and it's hardly overstepping.

You all must be young. Him snapping like that over something so small is abnormal and unhealthy. If you aren't ready to leave the childish behaviors behind, don't be in a relationship. Until you can control your anger, stay single.

[MtnDewMan]

i think your profile pic is really funny...sometimes a few words of color get the point across. don't pry to much ask him when he gets off the phone not during its hard to pay attention when someone is talking to you while on the phone

[earthlyangelic1]

Although he was angry, cursing at a lady is never justified. Just as if a lady is to curse at her boyfriend, it is also uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

I think it is not justified, people do take out bad things on their partners but he shouldn't have said that. I would break up with him. And yes, sometimes when guys have sisters they are more carefull around girls

[Robotic]

couples have arguments and problems. it's inevitable. He apologized to her. its not a reason to break up

[Anonymous]

Still hard to say because we don't know anything about the context other than the topic of discussion.

Were you speaking disrespectfully to him? Were you pushing his buttons? If not, and you asked him not to talk to you that way, leave his ass.

[Anonymous]

you know justfied or not I can see why he would do it. your roommate is funny. you have horrible timing

[Titi18]

Break up with his asssss his so disrespectful

[Anonymous]

I love it when a guy tells me to shut the f*** up

[Titi18]

Lmfao I love you hahahaha

[Opinion Owner]

Hahahahahhahaha

[Anonymous]

whatever happened here?

[Anonymous]

i wouldn't put up with that

[Anonymous]

Dump him.