Uptight roommate? What is your opinion on this?

[Bethany94]

So my roommate at first said it was cool that I have my boyfriend over all the time, but now she wants me to text her every time I have someone over. Like every single time. I told her I'm not going to do that and that she doesn't have to warn me if people are here. Like, we live in the dorms. If you don't want to be with other people you can go to the study lounge or something or if you're really tired or something I told her that she could just ask me to GTFO for a while.

Would you expect someone to tell you every time you had someone over? I think she means just my boyfriend, but it isn't like she's walking in on us. I tell her when we need alone time (for sex) but sometimes my boyfriend and I just want to watch a movie (he also lives in the dorms, but he's on the top bunk and the top of the hill so we don't stay in his room as much). I told her he won't be spending the night or anything but she said she doesn't know him so it's awkward. Yeah, that's college. We're roommates, not besties. My boyfriend's roommate has invited his girlfriend to sleep over three times already (we moved in a week ago) on school nights, sleeping on the bed under him. *That* is awkward. I think she needs to deal.

What is your opinion on this? I'm not going to start asking permission to have people over during the day (we live in the dorms, you can just walk into someone's room) but I'm not going to go out of my way to be a d***.

As a note, she is a freshman and this is my second year here.

You're unreasonable

She's unreasonable

You should both compromise

Updates

+1 y

To clarify, I was pointing out that she was a freshmen to say that she hasn't live on campus before. I have. This was the way it was with my roommates. We just had people over and it was whatever and unless it was really late we didn't ask permission or anything. If we got there when the other was sleeping or something we just went somewhere else.

Updates

+1 y

UPDATE. While walking down the hall, since that's a thing I do, I overhear my roommate talking. I didn't stop to listen, wasn't trying to listen: the door was just open. In the time it took me to pass by and turn the corner, I heard her complaining about me. One of the reasons she complained? I text her "every single time" my boyfriend and I need the room.


I am being serious. After complaining that she wanted warning, she goes and gossips how annoying I am for texting her. I'm done.

[Olivia9]

Wow, your a sophomore so that makes you like better than her or something? I would be pretty pissed if my roommate constantly had her boyfriend over and was kicking me out to have sex. It's HER room too not just your love shack, if your boyfriend lives in the other dorm go there. As a girl you don't think it's awkward and a little unnerving especially as a freshman to have a strange man constantly sleeping over? honestly? I graduated early but this would have been my fourth year and mostly the girls go over to the boys dorm unless she is hooking up with randoms from different campuses. I mean for all she knows your guy could be some psycho rapist. No, you don't have to be her friend, no you don't have to like one another. But I think you at least have to be considerate. The fact that she feels so uneasy that she wants you to notify her every time you have someone over speaks volumes as to how comfortable she is in this. I know she is a stranger but wouldn't you have the common decency to WANT to make her feel comfortable her first year of college? Also most sophomores choose their own roommates that are their friends don't they? I think you should try to make her feel comfortable. Think about where she is coming from...

[Bethany94]

I pointed out that she was a freshmen just to say she has no experience with roommates on campus while I do. That's all.

We are not just having sex! I pointed that out. Like we watch movies and stuff and my boyfriend will never sleep over. We don't go to his room because he lives on the top bunk so it's impossible to sit on his bed and watch a movie or anything. Like what she's walking in on is us talking about classes. I text her when we need the room for an hour and she said that's fine.

[Bethany94]

It's just that my boyfriend comes over multiple times a day and I told her like if she gets here and wants to nap or something she can kick us out but I'm not going to ask permission to have people over. I've heard of no one doing that ever. And I told her she could have people over whenever as long as it isn't past midnight on a school night.

Like I'm trying to be considerate but it's my room and I'm not going to ask permission to use it.

[Olivia9]

Exactly it's YOUR room you are your roommate not YOU and your BOYFRIEND'S room. I usually agree on you with a lot of things but it seems unfair that your boyfriend is going to be in the room almost by default and she has to tell you that she wants to be in HER own room without a man there. Most people would take issue with this, she is essentially living with you and your boyfriend imagine how you would feel being a third wheel in your OWN room as a freshman.

[Prettygurl12]

If you share a room, she deserves to know when you're having someone over. I shared a room with my exchange sister once and she always had her boyfriend over in her bed...doing things. It was my f***ing room too, you know. I sure as hell would have wanted a heads up when he was going to be there.

[Anonymous]

i don't think it's a big deal to shoot her a quick text. You wouldn't ask for permission but just let her know since she does live there too and has a right to know if someone else is in the common area. what if she wants to come out in her undergarments?

[Bethany94]

It's just two beds in one room, that's it. I told her I'll knock before we come in in case she's changing and I'll kick him out if she needs to dress or anything, but there isn't really any way for that kind of thing to happen.

[jmowen]

Going to be blunt here but you're acting like a total bitch. It should be common courtesy to let her know that your boyfriend is coming over so that she doesn't walk in on anything or if she needs to study, she can go to the library and not have to walk to her dorm only to find out her roommate is having sex and can't study there.

How would you feel if she had friends or boyfriend over and you arrived to that and you had to do homework or wanted to sleep? Pretty upset eh? I would hope my bud would tell me when he has people over.

And it doesn't matter where you boyfriend lives on campus. If he takes the time to go to your dorm, you can take the time to go to his dorm a few times. It's only fair.

As for your last sentence, her being a Freshman and you being a Sophomore does not matter. Just because you're older doesn't give you Seniority.

[Bethany94]

I was pointing out that she was a freshmen just to point out that she has no experience living with roommates while I do.

I said that when my boyfriend and I were having sex I do text her. It's when he's just going to come over to hang out I'm not because he comes over every day multiple times a day (she's not here, most of the time). He's only here during the day and I told her if we were here and she did want to nap and stuff she could just tell us.

[Bethany94]

I do hang out in my boyfriend's room, but he is on the top bunk (beds must be bunked there) and so we can't just sit up there and talk or anything (especially because he lives on the 4th floor and it's 100 degrees).

It isn't like I'm going to be having parties without telling her. This is how it's been with all my other roommates. As long as it isn't late at night or we're not sick it doesn't matter who comes over. That's reasonable to me.

[Anonymous]

I agree. If he's coming over to f*** you, you should tell her about it. If he's coming over to hang, it's not biggie.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for Best Answer!

[Opinion Owner]

@update: just let her know when he's coming over to f*** you and stop texting her when he's just coming over.

lol! I guess you only need to text when he's CUMMING over, not COMING over! :P

[Bethany94]

Lol that's when I was texting her because I've had so much homework that that's the only time he could be here. She just wants it both ways. Texts and no texts.

[Opinion Owner]

She's probably jealous that you're getting it regularly and she isn't.

[Bethany94]

Either way I'm moving out within the next week so this nonsense is over.

[Opinion Owner]

Before you go, you should have your guy over and just go at it like animals! lol!

[MrAtticusLebowski]

"This was the way it was with my roommates." sorry but that's not how this works. You're kinda being inconsiderate here. You either need to find a middle ground or a new roommate. Doesn't sound like you're willing to compromise at all. Also, his place being on top of the hill is not a good reason. Sorry, but I've had to deal with this "SO constantly being there" issue it's annoying as sh*t. I'm sure he's a great guy and all but doesn't mean she thinks so.

Be honest here, How many hours is he at your place. Is he in the dorm as much as your roommate, more than the roommate.

[MsCookie]

Co-Sign on this!

[Bethany94]

No, it's not that he's on top of the hill (though that is part of it currently, because it won't cool down for another 2 weeks and he's on the top floor). In his room there are three big closets (that obviously are affixed to the wall) so the beds have to be bunked. His roommate got there first and took the bottom bunk, so my boyfriend is on the top bunk. You can't just hang out on the top bunk and chill.

[Bethany94]

And the middle ground is warning her when we'll be having sex. I text her for that. I also made it clear that if we're in here and she wants to nap or something she can just say so and we will leave, no problem. What she wants is for me to text anytime anyone comes over. Have you lived in the dorms? My boyfriend isn't the only one I have over. People can just wander in and start talking to you. It isn't like I'd be having guests here all day every day or that I'd have them over really late.

[QueenBeatris]

I think its because its awkward for her and she may worry that she wil lwalk in on you both,nothing wrong with shooting her a quick text like,hey my boyfriend will be over but we will be watching movies,or we are having sex so fair warning

[jmowen]

Instead of overreacting, you need to talk to her. Saying 'I'm done' is childish and solves nothing. Gossiping is also childish. Talk to her. If things don't improve then, talk to your RA and see if anything can be solved.

[Bethany94]

Gossiping about your roommate not even two weeks into the semester is the childish thing. "I'm done" meaning I need to get out of here. I've already emailed another RD about moving into another hall. I don't want to room with a middle schooler.

[kheserthorpe]

When I lived in a shared dorm room, it was more like you describe it. I don't know of that's because we're right and she's wrong however. It's just a different view of things.

[QueenBeatris]

get a new roommate or move in w your bf

[Bethany94]

He's in the dorms, so I can't move in with him, but I'm already working on moving to another hall.

[Anonymous]

You should text her when you have someone over