My boyfriend and I have been dating since January. He is a wonderful person with a good heart. I feel safe and comfortable with him. We've talked a few times about having a future together, and that's great. HOWEVER, his obsession with being the "good guy" is bothering me.
He is so concerned with keeping the peace and keeping everyone happy, that he agrees with EVERYTHING anyone says. Even about things that I have never heard him agree with before. He doesn't seem to stand up for his own thoughts or opinions, and I can literally walk all over him if I want to (which I don't.) he even allows for ex-flings who hurt him to be friends with him because he is obsessed with being the bigger, nicer person. I had to literally ask him to stand up for himself because he just didn't care.
Any time something good/funny/nice happens, he has to talk about how wonderful it is. For example, if I tell a joke, he always says, "You're so funny, it's so great how you have a sense of humor I love how funny you are" blah blah blah. EVERY. TIME. If I like the same song as him, it's "I LOVE THAT WE LIKE THE SAME MUSIC IT IS SO WONDERFUL AHHHH" That seems sweet, but its like I can't do anything without him trying to compliment it. It feels like he is trying too hard and is starting to seem clingy.
Just this morning, I mentioned I wanted to start going to the gym more, and immediately he signed himself up for a gym membership.
Then I stayed home sick from work and he was thinking about calling in as well because he didn't feel like going. It's like anything I say or do influences his daily decisions.
And now, because we have mentioned a future together, he is already talking about our kids and stuff. It is freaking me out. I guess I let it happen, but I didn't expect to have it be mentioned this much. I asked him to calm it down, which he has, but I can't get it out of my head.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that he threw me into the dominant role. He is always kissing my butt, I make all the decisions.
Not to mention, I am slightly taller, which already makes me feel sort of insecure about being big. And our sex life is only exciting when I go out of my way to make it exciting. He is kinda boring in bed and he finishes so quickly because he is to overzealous. Like in every possible way I am the dominant person.
I've tried to talk to him about these things, but he literally will just sit there and say, "okay, I can see that. You're right, thanks for telling me."
There is no challenge! We are not equals! I don't know what to do
Most Helpful Guy
i don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with him or with you I think you two just need different stuff from a partner. you want a guy who will challenge you and others, someone who will travel his own path... on the other hand he seems like a guy who really wants to latch on to someone. he's a pleaser and appeaser. soudns like he doesn't like confrontation. it also sounds like he is kinda the lost puppy personality in that he will do things in order to be close to people.
again I don't necessarily think that there is anything wrong with either of you aside from the fact that maybe you just aren't compatible1