Isn’t it an insult if a girl calls a guy ‘husband material’?

[Anonymous]

Isn’t it an insult if a girl calls a guy ‘husband material’ or ‘the kind of guy I want to marry’, etc? It’s basically a way of labelling a guy as a reliable beta male who isn’t going to get laid anytime soon. He isn’t overall attractive to girls (though he may be attractive in terms of looks) but he’s reliable. So when a girl starts losing her looks (if she had any looks to begin with) and starts wanting babies, he’ll be there, or she hopes he will be there and she expects him to be grateful for the opportunity.

My male friend was called ‘husband material’ (he didn’t even realizes the insulting nature of the comment, and I didn’t have the heart to burst his bubble), yet he’s had no success with girls, despite making a lot of approaches. And yet girls complain about guys not wanting commitment and about players and so on. Bizarre.

Updates

+1 y

*he didn't even realize

[Smilingpillsforlife]

Hell, there's a lot of factors that need to be put into consideration before you even get close to that conclusion. Fist thing, when girls call a guy husband material, basically she's comfortable enough with him and sees that if they do get together in the unforeseen future, she believes he's a man one can have a stable relationship with.

As for the girls not dating him and such, factor in that there has to be an emotional or intellectual connection and attraction before anything can happen between the two of them. The way one carries oneself is an important factor when it comes to being attractive not only to potential dates, but friends too. The way you carry yourself can either make you a loner or the person people just die to be around. It's all on you.

[PinkAcid]

dont be so ridiculous, all it means is that she is comfortable enough with your personality matching hers that she can see you guys getting on together for years and she finds you to be the one she could truly settle down and be happy with, it means he's a nice guy whos reliable and would make a great life partner. he's an alpha male in other words, a girl picked him to spend the rest of her life with over all others

its not a covert mission to label someone as a beta male who won't get laid and he should be grateful when she wants to use him for children and money - you sound really jaded and you're generalising all women as users who disregard mens feelings which isn't true

[Asker]

Your comment would be true, IF the girl were willing to date the guy. But my friend was told this by girls who date and bang other guys but not him. So they clearly are wanting to use him or some guy like him in the future.

And when did I say that ALL women are users?

[PinkAcid]

its just the vibe that the question gives out, I didn't say you were specifically saying it just that the vibe gives off that you may feel that way.

the women don't want to use him at all, if they said that with no intention of dating him then they probably feel sorry for him or are trying to be nice to him so that he doesn't feel bad about not dating or sleeping with anyone. they might also be saying that they aren't ready for someone who is husband material yet as they want to have fun first

[Asker]

"They probably feel sorry for him or are trying to be nice to him so that he doesn't feel bad about not dating or sleeping with anyone". He didn't tell those girls about his failures. He doesn't tell girls about his failures at all.

"They might also be saying that they aren't ready for someone who is husband material yet as they want to have fun first." Yeah, in other words they want to use him or a guy like him in the future.

[PinkAcid]

not at all these comments are too short to get my point across, if you want to have fun you don't want to date a girl who would make a great wife because she would want a serious relationship or wou wouldn't want to mess about being casual with her so you just date people you don't really care as much about to get the "fun years" out of your system. then you go find the person you want to be with for the rest of your life when you're ready to commit to someone that doesn't mean you're saving them to

[PinkAcid]

use as a back up later in life, simply that you don't want to mess around when your young with someone with so much potential to be more than a casual or a short term relationship

[Asker]

That's precisely what it does mean: those girls are using such guys as back-ups for the future. If you don't want to phrase it that way, then fine, but that's what it is. Imagine if some guy told you that you were "wife material" but then refused to date you at all. Wouldn't you feel insulted? The problem is, these girls have no recognition that other people have their own desires too. They just assume that they're the centre of the universe. It's just so arrogant and ignorant.

[PinkAcid]

no I wouldn't if the reason was that he was too young or immature to want someone who is wife material, so if you moved on from a girl and dated another one who you had liked before and wanted a serious relationship with but werent ready for, would you then be using that girl?

youre just trying to twist the situation to make the girls seem like users and make men seem like victims to such horrible women

[Asker]

When did I say that these girls claimed to be immature or too young? They never said any such thing. It was just straight rejections from them. You imply then that in this case you would feel insulted.

Yes, these women are horrible.

[learningthegame16]

It's a compliment. It means you're the person we can see us building a future with. I don't understand why you think it's a beta male insult thing. If you think about it, the guy you marry is an alpha because you think they're hot, reliable and someone you can count on. In our eyes, they're the best of the best.

[Asker]

Which is why they don't get laid? LOL.

[learningthegame16]

They do get laid. The type of guy I'm talking about is decent, so they don't go around screwing sluts every night. They find a girl who is like them and then they screw each other silly.

[Asker]

Haha. You can believe that if you want, but my luckless friend would beg to differ I think.

[Janson]

That was probably one of the largest over-analyzations I've seen in some time lol. That rivalled some girls on here who ask questions like "He looked at my butt and started looking at my face licking his lips. What did he mean?" Look if a girl says your husband material, its pretty hard for me to interpret that in any other way than "she thinks you're a great catch." Do keep in mind that A) people have sex during marriage and B) a lot of girls are getting married in their mid twenties these days...so none of this has to do with them seeing these guys as beta lol. Girls don't want to become the "man of the house" after marriage, so they aren't going to go for beta males..

[Janson]

ugh, I hate that term too btw.."beta males." I got trapped into using it for this question but I really don't put much weight to those labels. At the end I should not have said women don't go for them but w/e lol...I think I made my point

[Asker]

So, why does my friend have no success with girls, even the ones who call him 'husband material'?

I tell you why: there's a huge gap between what women find sexy and what is useful for sustaining a family in the modern world. Human instinct has yet to catch up with the huge societal changes that have occurred over the centuries.

[Asker]

There are some guys who have a ton of success with girls. Others have little or no success. If you don't want to call them 'alphas' and 'betas', you can call them something else. The amount of romantic success is much more polarized among men than among women.

[Janson]

the girls who I know who got married young all are married to guys that they were sexually and emotionally attracted to. They were "husband material" from the start. You can be complimented by women and still not have them all over you. There's a few skills one needs to learn to get their attention in certain settings.

[Asker]

That's just what I'm saying: alphas and betas. I'm not saying my friend can never become the kind of guy who can get laid. I'm saying he isn't that type right now. The compliment is therefore not a compliment in any real sense: it's a tease, basically.

[Janson]

So you think the girls are making fun of him when they say he's husband material?

[Asker]

No, I think they're being sincere, sincerely selfish. I think they're sincerely glad that there are guys like him around for the future.

[Asker]

I suppose there could be an element of making fun of him. Either way, it's not respectful at all.

[Janson]

i think you may be over-analysing them a bit. I don't think when a girl runs into one of these guys she's thinking "oh good god, I'm so happy that when I turn 35, this beta looser will be there waiting to take care of me once I'm finished playing around with these Alphas! I'm gonna call him husband material as a way of saving him for the cold times in my late 30's, like squirrel burrys her nuts for the winter. Hope he doesn't find out my plan!"

[Asker]

I never said that such a girl's thinking process would be that detailed. But, in any case, it's not a compliment.

[Janson]

well that's essentially what you're saying is it not? that the girl said it because she thinks he's a beta only good for when she gets older and needs to settle down sometime in the distant future? All I'm saying is that there isn't always this hidden meaning behind every compliment. Sometimes a simple "you're husband material" simply means you're husband material. No more or no less

[Asker]

I never said that it doesn't mean that he's husband material. But, that doesn't mean it's a compliment. And if a girl says that about a guy and then proceeds to have sex with other guys but not with him, how else can one interpret it other than that she sees him as a beta only good for the future? I don't think any self-respecting person would take that as a compliment.

[Janson]

Well if you say so..

[Hamburgers]

Yes!

It means you're a "nice guy."

It means she you'll get girls when they're used goods. Another man's scraps.

[Anonymous]

No, that isn't an insult at all. It isn't meant to be an insult and shouldn't be taken as an insult.

It's a compliment, the girl is saying the guy is a good guy, a catch.

[Asker]

So, why would such a girl not have sex with that guy but then have sex with other guys?

[Opinion Owner]

Just because she thinks the man is a good guy doesn't mean she wants him in THAT way.

[Asker]

Well, then, you're not really disagreeing with my point, are you?

[Asker]

And that bodes very well for a marriage, doesn't it? "I don't want to have sex with you, but I want children with you." No wonder so many marriages fail.

[Opinion Owner]

No, I don't agree that it's an insult. It's a compliment.

A compliment doesn't always mean ROMANTIC INTEREST, and it shouldn't. People should be able to compliment someone without being obligated to date or sleep with that person.

[Asker]

I never said that a compliment entails an obligation or that it always means romantic interest.

[Opinion Owner]

"So, why would such a girl not have sex with that guy but then have sex with other guys?"

^^ You were implying that a woman saying a man is marriage material but NOT wanting to sleep with him is a contradiction. I was saying it isn't. Not everyone wants to sleep with everyone they think is a good person.

[Asker]

But, they didn't call him "a good person". They called him "husband material".

I'm not saying there is a contradiction. My point is that, because it is the case that the girl who said that didn't want to have sex with him, the 'compliment' was not a compliment at all.

[Asker]

The girl was basically saying, "You should feel happy that eventually I'm going to feel the need to use you (or some guy like you)". If you don't think that's insulting, then fine.

[Opinion Owner]

Same with "husband material"... it still doesn't mean THEY want to marry him, just because he'd make a good husband to someone.

It's still a compliment. If you take every compliment as an insult, there's something going on with YOU, not the person who compliments you. Maybe you should get some help, talk about why you think everything as a insult.

[Opinion Owner]

No, she wasn't implying ANYTHING about using anyone. You're literally pulling this out of NOWHERE in reality.

Stop seeing insults EVERYWHERE. Get some help.

I wish you the best!

[Asker]

Well, then, every guy is husband material. There are billions of people in the world. Why even bother making the comment then?

I don't view every compliment as an insult. If you're the kind of person who is happy to be used, then that's up to you. I don't think most people would share that view though.

[Asker]

So when girls tell a guy that he's husband material and then bang other guys but not him, there's nothing wrong with that at all?

The fact is, none of those qualities that make such a guy husband material would be useful to such a girl, if she weren't intending to use him or a guy like him in the future. Sorry, if that touches a nerve. But, it's true.

[Asker]

Maybe my friend should just go around telling girls they're wife material and then refuse even to take them out on a date, because after all 'wife material' simply means that some guy might want to marry them eventually.

[Anonymous]

If a girl says he's husband material, it's the highest compliment a girl can give a guy. It trumps hot, sexy...all of them.

You ought to learn the female language one of these days, really.

[Asker]

Yeah... except this guy can't get laid to save his life. So, clearly, it's not much of a compliment, is it?

[Asker]

I'm sure you'd be really happy to be called 'wife material' by guys who then refsue to date you.

[Asker]

*refuse

[Opinion Owner]

If I were to tell a guy he's husband material, then he's not getting laid. Because I'm waiting for marriage. And no other girl would tell a guy he's husband material because they're obviously not looking for that seriousness of a relationship. So he's finding the wife material girls. If he puts a ring on it, he'll get laid. That sort of thing.

[Asker]

He's been told this by unmarried girls who had had plenty of sex before telling him this, and who had plenty of sex after telling him this.

[05Jueey]

Lol it's not an insult if a guy wants to be married one day

[jmurk]

Yep you should be steamed! nah just kidding lol. She was actually giving you a compliment

[Anonymous]

I don't see how that's an insult.

[Asker]

So, if some guy called you wife material and then refused to date you, you wouldn't have a problem with it?

[Opinion Owner]

Of course I would. But this sh*t happens to women too. You act like it only happens to guys.

[Asker]

It happens far more to guys, yes, because there is such a wide gap between what women find sexy and what is useful for sustaining a family in the modern world. It takes humans time to adjust to change, and the changes we've seen in the last few centuries have been huge. Our primitive instincts haven't caught up yet.

[Asker]

If guy calls you girlfriend material, it generally means he wants to date you. If a girl calls a guy husband material, she might as well say 'you're not going to get laid any time soon'.

[Anonymous]

No