How can I stop being too thoughtful and "intuitive"?

[mirrors-sideways]

Ever since I was in junior high, when I lost childhood friends and became very introverted, I've felt like I've been way too introverted.

I am always very thoughtful, constantly thinking. It's not in a good way though. I always think people are against me, people hate me, and they all think I'm annoying/weird. My boyfriend tells me that I am "very intuitive and need to tone it down. It's too much sometimes. People aren't always doing and saying things to hurt you". I think he said it in a nice way, but I feel like I spend way too much time thinking about how everything affects ME and I don't know why I'm like this. It seems like other people can just act natural and be themself and not have constant deep thoughts. How can I start to be like this? Is it even possible?

I just want to be able to be my natural self and not spend so much time thinking people will hate me so I can actually have great friendships and interactions.

Also, not sure if this might have to do with it.. but I have very low confidence. I always feel like I lack skills everyone else has, like if the world shut down I wouldn't have the cooking/gathering/life skills necessary. I've always thought I'd take a survival course or read a book to find out more. This is just scratching the surface of how I feel. There are other skills that I want to gain like being able to cook very good, able to sew/fix clothes, etc.

I have a good career and I am "book smart" I guess. I got really good grades in school, other than a period of a couple of years in high school when I would skip class and not even try. I got scholarships in college and in the last year of high school when I actually tried. That is my biggest regret - putting other unimportant matters ahead of school while I was in it.

I'm sorry if this post is all over the place. I just am trying to explain a little bit of history to see if it can help.. I feel like my constant worrying about how everyone hates me has actually hindered me from having and maintaining any really lasting, true friendships. I feel like being around me has been a chore for others because of how insecure and suspicious of others motives I am. I just want to be the best person I can be and to not think so much.. just to turn it off!

Any input is so appreciated.. I just want to know also if someone out there feels the same and has the same problem.

[talloak]

Deep thinking doesn't have to be negative. It's not the thinking that's the problem. The issue is that you assume the worst. It probably does have something to do with your low self esteem. You seem to go to some lengths to find fault with yourself and perhaps this is why you assume others do as well. For example, practically no one has basic survival skills anymore (hunting, identifying edible foods in the wild, starting a fire, etc.). I presume you don't judge the rest of the population for that. Because you think a lot you are acutely aware that you don't have this skill. This never occurs to almost anyone else. Your sense that these are all skills that you lack but others have is rather interesting to me.

I'm sure most others have some skills that you lack just that you have some skills that most others lack. These are good things. Our worth is not in being equally adept in all possible skills (and thus barely competent in any). There is value is being especially strong in some at the expense of others. You are too quick to overestimate what others have and underestimate what you have. You are also mistaken to assume that everyone else follows your lead.

Perhaps the most important point is that even if multitudes didn't like you, so what? What do you care what they think? Your boyfriend loves you. I'm sure you have friends and family that love you too. Isn't their opinion of you more important than those of complete strangers? Is boyfriend wrong to think that you're worthwhile? Do you really believe he stays with you out of charity? You have a fine mind but you haven't been disciplining yourself to use it very well. The notions you have are nonsense and I'm sure that some part of you knows it. You need to retrain your thinking so that you can start to discard worthless ideas in favor of valid ones.

[mirrors-sideways]

Thank you so much for this response, talloak. I have been trying to find books and resources on mindfulness and being self aware, and I have tried to read on it but still on my search for something that really resonates with me.

I have even begun to try and meditate, but finding it very hard to shut my thoughts off. Thanks again for your response.

[talloak]

Mindfulness techniques may help. Certainly meditation would be good for you if you can do it. I can't meditate for much the same reasons - thoughts just come too fast. One idea that occurs to me is to apply your intellectual talents to try to understand others better to appreciate how they think and what motivates them. It may help to realize that so much of what might look like disapproval is really coming from other places that have nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

DO YOU. SO annoying when people think they have the right to tell you have to think or be.. WHAT DO YOU WANT? IGNORE WHAT HE THINKS OR WANTS, HE AINT YOUR BOSS.. WHAT DO YOU WANT? do you want to be insightful? than go for it! f him and f anyone who wants to put you in their box. omg .