That's tough because people can be very touchy about you invading their privacy (reading their emails, texts, etc.). As a married couple, I personally think you have the right to look at who she's talking to, but that's beside the point. Essentially, she may try to turn the situation back on you for going through her things. But don't let her deviate from the issue at hand.
Sit her down and say something like, "I've been a little concerned lately. I happened to see some of your messages with _____ and they come across as very flirtatious. (If she starts to complain about you reading the messages, tell her that you'll talk about that as soon as you get through this discussion. That should appease her enough to continue the conversation.) I wanted to give you the opportunity to tell me if there's something more between you and _____ because I know things can be misinterpreted easily."
That sounds completely sugar-coated, but the point is to not accuse her and instead let her know that you want her to get the chance to explain the situation before you make any assumptions. If she denies any funny business, but you find out later on that she lied, you can know that you made yourself very available to discuss it. Then, it's all on her and none of it falls on you reacting instead of acting.
What exactly do u mean by chats? IM, texts, email, overhearing a conversation? Ask her if there's anything she wants to tell u. If she says no or doesn't respond, explain that she's been acting weird. If she still doesn't respond give her the benefit of the doubt that her guilt will make her come clean. If after a few days she still is putting off a bad vibe then I'd tell her about finding her chats. Do this with a clear head and DO NOT overreact, it'll just drive a bigger wedge between u both. If u think more is going on Ur going to have to do a little more snooping then texts. Is there anything that may be causing the rift in ur relationship? Fighting, working too much, emotional distance? IMHO ur doing the right thing by cutting it off at the head. FYI physical intimacy is not the only form of cheating. There's emotional and intellectual cheating as well. I define cheating as something that's removed from ur committed relationship and given to someone else or looking to another person for that need to be met.
Best of luck to u sweetie. I hope u get it all sorted out soon.
Sincerely
Rosie
I am on the other side of this situation. I met a new coworker a few months ago and we hit it off right away. I think he is wonderful and handsome and I do flirt with him and it is to make him feel better about himself. We spend most of our time at work together. But I love my husband and I wouldn't cheat on him or leave him for someone else. So here's a few questions: is she acting differently with you? Did she take some distance from you? Is she spending time that should be yours flirting with him? Does she talk about him? How does she talk about him? If it doesn't sound innocent to you, it may not be, but it may just mean you have hit a rough patch and she is missing something this other guy is giving her. I know my new friend is giving me the kind of attention I am not getting at home. We have made it clear nothing will happen between us though.
Talk to her about it, but just be careful how you approach the subject. If my husband told me to stop or gave me hell about this, I would tell him to fuck off as he does the same with his friends.
If it was my wife, I would first confront her with it and tell her that I don't like it. She should stop with all the flirting and be totally professional with him at work.
I would also confront the bastard and tell him to back the fuck off.
This is rude and threatening I know, but you gotta be firm and upfront or it will definitely continue and maybe turn into a full fledged affair. As a husband you have the right to tell any guy to back the fuck off from your wife. It's just that simple.
If you get some corny speech about how you dare to read her chats and that it's private and shit, just tell her you guys are married privacy went out the window between you two when you put that ring on her finger. Anyone else not agreeing with this is not married or not in a serious relationship.
Drop the bomb. Tell her you think it's time for a divorce, because lately she hasn't been acting like the woman you married. You don't intend to see things get worse slowly, so now's a good time to end it on a good note. Some women can't stay in love for more than 3 years (about 50% of women) and the signs are already there.
If she doesn't back off when she hears that, she was going to screw you over anyway. She's probably already banged him.
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Tell her you know about some of the "flirtatious friendly" ways she has been talking to this co worker friend of hers, and you don't feel it's appropriate for her to be leading him on like this... That he Might get the wrong Idea.
Of course, no matter what you say in your defense, she will tell you are "imagining things," but if you were smart, you'd stay on top of this and---them---for this is how "after hours" starts when a couple at work starts doing some "overtime" and----on the job training. xx
Tell her you don't like bringing it up but that it just can't keep it off your mind and that you just want to be honest to her. Tell her you are a little worried about the relation she has with her coworker and that you don't like her to flirt with him. She will stop if she respects you. Also, and I do not want to get you worried, but try to make sure she is telling you EVERYTHING. I'm not saying it is like this, but there is a possibility they might have done more than flirting. I'm saying this because I myself was stupid enough to drunkenly get fucked by my ex-husband's boss and always lied about it to him. We got divorced pretty fast as our marriage was a mistake (a happy wife wouldn't do that) but he still doesn't know about it this day. So a woman can keep things a secret. Make sure she tells the truth.
Confront her & tell her that you don't like it & that it needs to stop. Then confront the guy & tell him to Back The Fuck Off YOUR Lady! Don't budge an inch & always refuse to compromise on this shit 'cause when you give'em an inch they'll take a mile. So make sure you nip it in the bud before the problem grows to be too much for you to handle in a legal manner...
Explain to her that flirting with coworkers is not a joke. It will be very easy for the guy to take advantage of her and that you would hate to ever hear that something happened.
Honesty is always the best policy. Tell her how you feel and ask her i anything happened between her and the coworker.
Tell her straight out in a nice way... "stop flirting with him"
Tell her you need to talk, say what you've seen and be straight up with her. Tell her stop flirting with him. Don't sugar coat it.
Or... keep an eye on things and maybe even covertly see if they go out for lunch at work etc. Build up something more solid before confronting her - as this could break the relationship
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