How do you handle Drinking Problems in a Relationship?

I've been talking to this guy for a few months now and we've had this one issue for a while. He drinks almost every night and gets completely shitfaced. I drink too, but I pace myself and never let myself get wasted. I've talked to him about it, because whenever he drinks, he tends to make promises about how he's going to keep talking to me and what not but ends up forgetting to reply (which isn't a surprise when you're drunk). He's said so many times that he'll fix it and that he cares about me too much to let it come between us, but whenever his roommates mention drinking, he gives in and goes to get drunk. I like his roommates, they're good guys, and they don't know how I feel about his drinking so I can't put the blame on him, but I don't like how easily he gives in to them.

The last time he got drunk, he called me late at night really upset and kept saying something happened but he didn't want to tell me. When I finally got him to tell me what happened, he said that a girl came into his room when he was changing and tried to strip and come onto him. I trust him when he says nothing happened, but what bothers me is the fact that after he told me, he kept saying "I shouldn't have told you I knew you'd be upset," and stuff like that. These are the choices he makes when he's drunk and I don't like it.

Today he came to me saying he was going to quit drinking for good. I am happy that he wants to make a change in his life for the better, but I don't know what the right way to do this is. Should I quit drinking as well so that we can do this together? Should I allow him to drink but only in moderation? I don't know what to do.
(p. s. sorry for long as hell post)


0|0
1|7

Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, at your age (if you are 19) and if he is around that age, you are way too young to be worried about how heavily someone is drinking. That is not a good sign at all. If you care about the person, don't accept that behavior. If he wants to drink, you can't stop him, but you don't have to be a apart of it either. Tell him you care about him, and that he is hurting his mind and body, and you don't want to be around to see that. Tell him there are many other things the two of you could do for enjoyment. IF he is drinking as a way to cope with issues, there are plenty of places he can go to listen and get guidance from others that are or have been in his shoes. Support him, don't enable and don't just go along for the ride... best of luck

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • You should deal with it by leaving the relationship. Alcoholism is just a symptom of other underlying problems which are: weakmindedness, emotional instability and perhaps also a natural weakness to addiction in all forms (smoking or harder narcotics).

    I see a lot of red flags in him from your description of the scenario. You may be in for an unhappy ride if you stick with him for life. Addiction isn't something you can solve by "allowing him to drink in moderation". If only it were that simple.

    0|0
    0|0
  • great he wants to quit. whether he cuts back or quits entirely is really up to what is most realistic. creating realistic goals is the best way to potentially fix the problem.

    you not drinking may be a great support as well; however it sounds liek the biggest trigger is going out with friends so that sounds like the primary hurdle he has to overcome

    0|0
    0|0
  • As someone who had a long term relationship with an alcoholic I have three words of advice. Leave him now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would not drink for a while to help him - If it is a problem he needs to stop for a reasonable length of time, in 6 months he can think about moderation.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Have to ask yourself is he REALLY worth it? In 10 years from now where might he be? Still bumming around as an alcoholic, no prospects no future.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like recipe for disaster.

    Let me be blunt with you, he won't change.

    You can either choose to live with these tendencies, or you can bail before the relationship becomes too serious.

    But let's be realistic here, this attitude he has is going to drive you nuts.

    0|0
    0|0
  • alcoholics can't quit cold turkey, nor can smokers. everything in moderation, is what I've always gone by

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      by the way, drunks, usually drink, to hide from something. something must be troubling him that he doesn't know how to fix without drinking

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

Loading...