Best friend with benefits

I've become very close to a guy friend I've known for over 3 years. Actually, we're practically best friends since we share almost everything with each other, and We talk everyday, like best friends would. We've both been single for 2 years, so we're pretty open -- including talking about sex. We'll talk about different types of sex, positions and toys that we've tried with our partners. I basically treat him like one of my girl friends. But because we are so close to one another, we didn't think it would be wise to start dating.


A few months ago, he got me a Vibrator for my birthday. I thought it was a funny joke, (as if a girl friend had got it for me) but assured him I would make good use of his present. But he wanted to make sure himself that his expensive gift would be put to good use. In actual fact, not only would he want to use it on me, he'd like to strap one on and do so. Well, I asked him whether or not he wanted more from our friendship. He said that I wasn't his type, but indirectly proposed the Friends with Benefits option. As we were blatantly (and harmlessly over MSN) flirting, he started to invite me over for some late night hookups. At first I couldn't tell if he was serious or not, but I finally went over last night, curious to see what might happen. We ended up sleeping together (probably not surprising either), and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But there were a few weird incidents because "we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend" - things he wouldn't do, like kissing on the lips. But we did cuddle, which was a bit weird for FWB, but felt really nice. And since we were open, we talked about what we didn't and didn't like sexually, throughout our night.


He said that as long as we both were single, another late night rendez vous would certainly be welcome. In fact, he was willing to let me pick out new sex toys I might like to try out.


Part of me would like to keep this FWB because I had a good time, and I know I need to completely trust someone to have sex with them. And since it has been 2 years since I got some, I'm definitely due for that! Although I don't think I'm developing feelings for him, I find it weird thinking about other guys or hanging out with him casually the next day amongst our group friends. Does being f*** buddies with your best friend make things too complicated? Sometimes I wonder that after all that we've been through, are we both afraid of making this a relationship? Do I have the false hope that sleeping together will amount to a real relationship? I want to relocate next year, and something like a boyfriend would be a burden to such a life-changing important decision. The relationship I was in 2 years ago was a committed relationship, where we nearly got married. I don't want the commitment again unless I'm sure I'd marry that person.

Updates:
Ironic that a guy I met recently has asked me out. It's still early on, but there'll be a second date! I've been single for over 2 years (3 year relationship prior to that), so maybe I've just felt the need to be with someone. Funny how timing works out.
My 'Best friend' has also been asking lots of questions about this new guy I've been seeing too. lol. The sadistic part of me gets pleasure out of telling him how cute I think he is, and how ambitious and smart he is (qualities I don't see in my bff)
 

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What Girls Said 3

What Guys Said 2

  • Being FWB and being friends.is very complicated! Men tend to say what they mean.and he's told you, your not his type! So.if a sexual relationship is what you seek, then go for it! Remembering the ramifications could be the lose of a real friend. Women need emotional stuff, men need physical things, someone will not get what they need in the end! From what you have said, he feels physical ly comfortable with you, talking about toys etc and experimenting with them. Most relationships aren't like that at all.so just bear in mind, what it is that you want out of this scenerio but your walking a thin line! Think with your brain and look at the situation realistically.you will find the answers within yourself!

  • Ok, I'm going through a similar situation. I don't want a relationship, I just want my needs met. I have way too much going on for a relationship and don't want to get tied down. BUT I'm not like most girls, I don't get emotionally attached to everyone I hook up with, especially if I know going into it that it will not be anything more than sex. If you want to keep having sex, keep on, but always remember that he said up front you weren't his type and do not look for any type of relationship out of this.

  • It's really hard to be physically intimate with someone with being somewhat emotionally intimate as well. Especially being a woman, we are just emotional creatures. With men, they tend to get territorial with the women they are sleeping with, despite what was agreed upon before.

    You know yourself better than anyone and you seem reluctant to pursue this relationship, go with your intuition. I believe there is a fine line between very good guy friends and boyfriends. You get along with him, you are comfortable with him - whose to say that throwing in the proverbial bone won't make you want it all?

    If being in a relationship is bad timing for you - forgo the physical relationship. The timing is bad, he claims he doesn't want a relationship and most importantly - you want to find someone you can marry. He doesn't sound like that one.

  • Selected as most helpful

    Yeah, I think being f*** buddies with your best friend makes things too complicated. Now that you've had sex so much I don't think that you'll ever have a real relationship. It never turned to one in the past and most likely won't in the future. Sex has been free to your FWB with no commitment for so long and I doubt very much he's going to ever want a commitment with you now.

  • The easy part of your question: FWB+BF=Bad Idea. The emotional distance you have with a booty call is EXACTLY the kind of emotional distance you do not, cannot have with your best friend. Remember: it you wanted a relationship with them, you'd date them.


    The hard part of your question is: You have a good emotional relationship with this guy, you have a good sexual relationship with this guy, what to do?


    Date him. You get along in every important way, so there's not really much there to go wrong.


    I thought I had reasons why maybe you shouldn't date him, but the more I thought, the more I realized that the reasons were all bad. Relocation plans? Move them. Your old friendship? Lose it. What if you fall in love? Won't kill you.


    Your real problem here is cold feet, and I have learned--the hard way--that it's an awful reason to run from love.

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