I have settled for this before I was emotionally prepared for it. I fell he didn't. That sucked. Now im 10 years older and even less interested in a relationship and decided to do friends with benefits with a much younger guy i had been with 11 years ago (nothing evolved at that time) and as soon as i started to feel an emotional attachment, i took a break from him for a few weeks and then when i talked to him again, i was over it and able to hook up again. He told me he was feeling more and wanted a relationship. I didn't feel the same way. I just dont see him as relationship material. We are no longer hooking up and i started seeing another guy that i had dated a couple months ago who i really liked and is totally relationship material. After dating him for a short period initially, he said he was getting back with his ex and we stopped dating. He still kept in touch but was no longer expressing his interest in me so we kind of just became friends. I had no feelings invested so I was ok with that. Well last week he told me they broke it off and is interested in seeing me again. Asked me out for drinks and during the course of that explained that he was not interested on a relationship. I was a bit disappointed. We ended up making out and some foreplay which it had never gone there before and it was amazing. I knew he would be a great lover based on that. I knew i was in trouble. I have been thinking about it the last few days and for the first time i see it so clearly. I actually feel insulted in a way. Its kind of like he's saying you do not deserve my love, so here, settle for some awesome sex instead. It has never been that clear before. I have never looked at it that way before. I think he is so involved in his own needs right now and may not even realize thats what it is, but that's how i perceive it. He may not even think i am not worthy of his love, he could just be thinking he can't give me more ATM and it's up to me to decide how to proceed. I could tell when we dated before, he wasn't over his ex and im sure this has to do with her. I have no desire to move forward in a friends with benefits situation with a man i think is relationship material but is emotionally unavailable. I do not want to be anyone's rebound. I haven't told him yet although we have talked since the other night. I am really glad i can see it for what it is and not be caught up in my lust for him. I do not feel like being used. So as you can see, each friends with benefits situation can be different, depending on your intentions.
Firstly: Because is a whole lot of fun;
Secondly: Because it's not degrading to want to have some fun without having to worry about fixing him dinner or whatever other crap like that;
Thirdly: Because you don't need to worry about whatever aspect of your body you're not 100% confident of;
Fourthly: Because it's easy and why the hell not;
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Finally: Because it's NOT SETTLING, OR LACK OF DIGNITY, OR WHATEVER ELSE.
Some of us don't have the time for an emotional relationship, or nerves at the moment, or have plans which make a serious relationship even stupid to think of. As for waiting for the right guy ... I'm gonna quote a favorite line of mine: "Why wait for Mr. Right, when Mr. Right-Now is right around the corner."
I'm sorry you think like that, 'cause you're the one missing out.
Low self esteem... Desperate, feel they can't get anyone else... or as you get older you will find that sometimes it is easier to be single and just get laid every now and then.
i know some girls who are outgoing and like to party - don't have to worrie about acting a certain way, we all get horny and just want to get laid, 2 friends with benefits of mine like to take control and use me for their pleasure, sometimes strip and whip me in front of thier friends or ride me while makin out or want me to tie em up and F**k em . WE ALL Enjoy it and do what ever we want :)
It can be said the same for a guy who settles into a relationship. They are p**** whipped. Sometimes, the guys win and get what they want. Other times, girls win and get what they want.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!I can't help but feel a little insulted by the notion that women can only settle for being friends-with-benefits.
If I want to have some fun, I'll be damned if someone's going to mistake it for me not thinking I'm good enough to be the guy's girlfriend and that I'm settling for what he wants because I'm desperate and lonely.
I don't feel cold or used, because I'm using him just as much as he's using me. And why should I wait for prince charming when I want to get some for the night? If I want something, and I know what I want more often than not when it comes to men, I'll go out and get it because I can be that confident about myself. And, when I get a call back from the guy because he wants to go again, I'd call that a boost to my pride.
Quick question: What if the guy didn't call back?
That's completely fine, but realize that you're among that small percentage of women who can have sex and not get emotionally attached. Most women can't do that, so when the guy doesn't get attached like the girl does, she ends up feeling used. That's what the QA is talking about.
@Jaybabe77:If he doesn't call back, he doesn't call back. I'm not going to call him back, why should I expect to hear from him again, you know? @MrOracle: Fair enough. The question just seemed very finite in nature. I could have done a more graceful job of indicating my position on the matter, I admit.
I think in most cases they hope that their friends with benefits will fall in love with them eventually.
Girls have intimate needs that need to be satisfied, too, whether some would want to admit that or not. In a way, society stops us from admitting it 'cause if we do, we are perceived as "b***hes". However, most women cannot handle the emotional attachment that may develop with the physical engagements.
i often think women hope the guy will come around and decide he wants to date her, because she often falls for him after sex so she hopes or thinks he does too.
or, they might be lonely and desperate. I have been single for a long time and sometimes I just wish I could have someone to fool around with because it makes you feel less lonely...but then I think how much lonelier I would feel if I fall hard for the guy and he only wants sex. it would hurt. so I refrain and just masturbate.
i think girls are lonely and they figure it's better than having no one.
Serious self esteem issues or they are just so horny that they don't care about the fact that they are being used for their vagina, mouth, and anus and what they're willing to do with it. It's sad. I've seen so many girls get crushed and have their reputations tainted and sometimes even ruined thanks to FWB, but it's like they don't care as long as they get screwed. It's sad what so many women have become.
Well, I have to say that I completely disagree with you. I have been in more than one friends with benefits situations that ended because he wanted a serious relationship and I wasn't interested. Some girls, like myself, just don't want the commitment that comes with a relationship. They want the freedom to be able to do what they want without having to explain where they are and who they're with every time they go out. I personally have no interest in being in a relationship anytime soon, but let's face it, hooking up is fun, so why should I have to give up on that? I've never once chased after a guy or "settled" for something I didn't want. In fact, for me if anything would be settling, it would be to get in a relationship with a guy. Because then I would be compromising on what I want to be able to hook up with him
not all women settle to become friends with benefits because their desperate and lonely or can't get a boyfriend or even because they have no self pride some do it because they just don't like to be tied down by a committment. Not all women were made to be wives or girlfriends some are just too independent and just refuse to depend on another I know I am and frankly I have a friends with benefits and he knows that I'm just not cut out for a relationship and its not that I don't have self pride if you ask me I have way to much self pride more that I should I think though I'm sure that there are some women that do it for the reasons you listed but many don't and its not cool to generalize and look down upon those that refuse to have a normal monogamous relationship
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