Why can't he get over my past?
My boyfriend is extremely hung up on my past. I guess I lied by omission in the beginning of the relationship. Then one day he asked. Turns out he knew some of the guys. Since then, he gets mad at me sometimes if something reminds him of what I did. I've had to answer every question he has because otherwise he thinks I'm sneaking around now.
I never had sex prior to being with him. I gave oral sex to one guy, who was a very close friend of mine at the time, like 2 years before I even knew my boyfriend existed. I love this man because he's everything I ever dreamed of, if only he'd get over my past he'd be perfect. He, however, sometimes gets mad and says it hurts him, and complains a lot. But what can I do? I can't turn back time!
I tell him I realize a lot of what I did (like hooking up with strangers - no sex, just kissing) was wrong. But he tells me "Oh, NOW it's wrong, but when you did it, several times (like 4 times), you didn't think it was very wrong, or did you?"... what can I answer to that?!?
He's usually very loving towards me, and this happens every once in a while. But lately it's been hurtful, because well, I don't really like the idea of him watching porn, so I mentioned it (the porn thing) and he turned it around and made it my issue, and started using my past against me. He says I don't have any moral ground to complain about porn, since I did ver inmoral and according to him worse things in my past. He says my past is a much worse issue than the porn. I asked if I had never done anything in the past, would he understand the porn thing better and he said that yes, if I'd done nothing in the past then he would think I have a right to be upset about porn, but not now because I was easy before.
WHAT? Porn and my past have NOTHING to do! He says what I did is worse, but how can it be worse if I did it when I was *single* so I didn't do it to him! I didn't even know him! I stopped doing it, I'm faithful, I don't flirt, I don't dress provocatively. He keeps doing porn and while it shouldn't make me upset (or so I'm told) it still affects a tiny bit of my confidence (come on, I don't really like the idea of him getting turned on by perfect babes, not a lot of women do!).
How can I get him to stop complaining about my past? Especially since I'm told that my past was very tame. I hooked up with two strangers in two different occasions. One guy forced a kiss on me and I didn't hit him. I had a friend with benefits. There, that's my past, no sex, except for the oral sex thing that happened ONCE.
I don't want to break up with him though. Sigh.
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