Is She Playing Hard to Get or Just Not Into You?

[StrawberryKnuckles]

There are so many guys (girls do this as well, its not gender limited) that believe that they are "talking" to a girl, when in actuality, the girl just views them as a friend. Their immediate rage flares up when suddenly, the girl isn't treating them the same way they used to. Missed calls? That's weird. Not returning texts? How odd. Here is my take on just how you can tell if a girl is playing hard to get, or is simply not into you.

Think about your past relationship. How did the girl treat you before? Were you two close friends? Did she confide her secrets in you and have late night conversations? If so, you may have become something I'll refer to as her ES, her 'emotional support'. If she's viewing you as someone she can tell these things to, it's a good sign right? Well not all the time. Girls often don't tell some things to other girls, for fear of being judged. With guys, the fear dissipates and leaves them feeling more open and comfortable about certain subjects. If she is openly talking about these things, there's a 60% chance you're her ES and not her (not-boyfriend-just-talking) partner.

Now think about what happened before she changed. Did you bring up a past girlfriend or introduce another friend that's a girl? Girls get jealous too. It's a big shocker, I know, but sometimes girls feel intimidated by another girl being close to the guy they felt close to or relied upon. If she's feeling jealous, there's a good chance that she'll flaunt her guy friends, perhaps casually bring up the fact that her and Jason are going bowling Saturday, so she can't make your football game. This can be a good sign. It shows a need to monopolize, which is often associated with having feelings for the person. There's a 60% chance you're being played with.

Now I know what you're thinking, 60% odds isn't something you'd want to place a bet on. So here's the 100% sure fire way to know. Are you ready?

Ask her. Most girls are ready to open up if you're ready to make the first move. Try to avoid asking her over text or direct message, where she can easily escape (I know it sounds bad, just hear me out). When put in that position, most people will pretend to have never read the message or simply try to brush it aside. By asking in person and being respectful while doing so, you eliminate their ability to evade the answer. It may seem difficult, but it really isn't. Here's a sample way to ask:

"Hey, I really want to talk to you. We've been talking for a while, but before I get my hopes up I'd like to know if you have feelings for me, or if you just see me as a friend."

I know I'm making it seem a bit to cut and dry, and that every one is different, so this may not work for some people. But... this is my take.

[OpenClose]

If she "plays hard to get" I play "not wasting my time". If a man is supposed to push through her apparent disinterest, it makes me wonder about her definition of sexual harassment.

My standard for sexual harassment has always been not to push through disinterest. I've heard enough about how simply going to a bar and having guys hit on you is oppressive and sexual objectification. If you expect me to be something you hate or disdain, and I'm supposed to ignore this because "real men aren't bothered by that", Then congratulations, you have defined a "real man" by the same hand you defined a "sexual predator".

I am not going to partake in your feverish cognitive dissonance. I'm not going to play jester to a mind that can't even figure itself out.

And frankly, the fact that to her, a "real man" should do the dirty work in starting things and a "real woman" shouldn't have to lift a finger, is already playing hard to get. I don't date girls who "need to be chased". It's so juvenile, like she read one too many teenage twilight books and wants to be princessed (in a way that far MORE women are complaining about as being sexual harassment.)

Think that has killed my chances with women? Think again. In half the relationships I've been in, the girl has approached. I've been approached by more women that didn't turn into relationships. When I approached, I persisted knowing some sort of interest beforehand. It's called respecting the boundaries of the more sensitive party.

[sheabutter]

I like that this article talks about directly asking, but I don't like the bit about the emotional support crap. That's called being a friend. Friendship (or any relationship) should go both ways. Is friendship not good, too? I don't see what is so wrong with opposite sex friendships though I understand why anyone would be heartbroken over unreciprocated interest. I can continue to be friends with a guy who doesn't reciprocate, but I understand not everyone can handle that. If they are playing games and not upfront with you, they are either not worth the trouble or expecting you to be the bigger person by being upfront with them.

[sheabutter]

Also, I think friendship is a good foundation to have before considering a romantic relationship with someone. But that could be just me.

[Nokino]

This take only applies to specific people sadly, provided that if they are willing to be straight about it.

NO ONE is obliged to listen or to hear out those that do not exhibit any interest in them, let alone emotionally supporting those that plays hard to get. Why should they share their burden? I honestly do not understand.

People in general should treat others with equal amount of respect and attention. It doesn't matter who makes the first move, however, that first move MUST BE RECIPROCATED. This goes on and on... If both are able to cope and give the same amount of attention to each other, then I don't see any reason to play hard to get. Its as simple as that. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who are insecure or just simply doesn't understand this.

"You treat me like trash, I treat you like trash, You treat me good, I will treat you good..." How long does it take for some people to grasp this concept?

If you are playing hard to get to me, I'm just going to automatically assume that you are not into me. I do not deserve your time, you do not deserve my time. Good day to you Ms!

[awesomeness92]

You make very valid points about this. from a guys point of view trying to court a woman isn't that easy. But what i have learnt is that just be direct in what you want, not over text not over MSN, a phone call or face to face. it is so funny to see or hear the expression when you become direct about what you want.

and it works too because you can find out if she is interested in that way or not, if she isn't you don't waste yours or her time if she is then cool. and a woman will respect you more for being so direct even if they reject you.

Ladies am i wrong?

[Anonymous]

Jealousy is OK, it never hurts, when it's not taking TOO far. Don't go and sleep with the person you're using just to make the person you like jealous, just flirt with them a little bit in front of the person you like. We actually like to feel a tiny bit of jealousy because it keeps the relationship fresh. However, the whole thing with the ES thing, is bullshit. She's USING YOU, bro. She ain't putting out to you, so, why listen to her shit. Especially if she says she's "going to break up with her boyfriend" but then never does. Nah, she's just using you, hoping that her boyfriend will "change"

[StrawberryKnuckles]

I'm not talking about her promising to be with you. I'm talking about more of a 'friendzone' type situation. But that's definitely true. If someone promises to leave their partner for you, and don't then they are most definitely using you.

[Anonymous]

This is really tough at times because sometimes I've had girls that are interested but just very shy and are very difficult with holding a conversation. It's very hard to differentiate between a girl who's just shy and quiet as opposed to one who's just not interested.

Sometimes it's just people are not talkative through text but very talkative in person and vice versa.

Regarding the subject, I hate mind games. Especially the ones where girls initiate the flirting, moves, etc and then the moment you show a little interest back they back off and act like you're clingy. Not all women do that but I've dealt with it. It's like you have to make the move but you also have to have them want you back. When do you stop playing games and make it straightforward without making the other party have to chase you until you both decide you wanna be exclusive?

[jdbaird]

It's good advise, just ask them what you are to them and if there's any future. I immediately quit talking to them if they say we're just friends. There's no point in a guy being friends with a chick they're attracted to, it can only cause anger and pain.

[Moose2coolvargas]

What about the one where you tell a girl you like her or she finds out you have a crush on you and she does a complete 180 in her behavior in you and seems likes she can't stand to be anywhere near you for whatever reason, and goes out of her way to ignore you in any interaction

[cth96190]

Males cannot play the mind games in which females indulge.
So-called hard to get should be taken as a no, so move on.
I give a female one chance. No (in whatever form it is delivered) means no. To persist becomes stalking and leaves the man open to criminal prosecution.
Move on.
If she changes her mind later, tough. She had her chance.

[Riggers]

Why the fuck do dudes always have to make the first move, When, Chances are, The Chick is going to be far more bitchy and picky then a dude will ever be.

Should be the other way around.

[Remonster]

I think flirting in person is very important. It's a good indicator of discovering whether a girl is into you or not. I think you should have included a bit about that as well. But it's a nice article!

[Octavion]

It really doesn't matter which they are. A person shouldn't bother with someone who isn't interested and a person that plays hard to get.

[Consultant]

didn't read but just stop talking to her... if eventually she reaches back out when she realizes hey he asked talked/text me lately, then she is int. and playing hard to get.

if she never says anything well, you're SOL brother. Move on

[Ashari]

I wish I'm playing hard to get but I tend to evade guys that I have feelings for. I scared they knew and they will keep a distance from me

[Anonymous]

I read the question and personally I am not going to take the time to figure it out. If a girl plays hard to get im out. If u like me, dont act like u dont I mean seriously.

[M_A_X]

Exactly. Let that whore grow into an old maid if she's all about games, let that bitch learn to knit

[Nathand]

we'll never know until we tap it.

You females on these forums make it seem like this dating crap is 1,2,3.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't need to. He obviously like playing hard to get when one day he likes you and other days he VERY MEAN TO YOU!!!😡

[Anonymous]

Girls with high EGO I hate them, full of themselves :D

[phanindra554plus]

Playing hard what is use?

[Anonymous]

Fuck their emotional support