About friendzone, from girls, to all guys

[KarinaG]

Guys don't understand a very important thing: We are not friendzone-ing you because you are nice and kind and friendly. We are doing this just because you maybe are sort of ugly, or not our type or we simply don't find you attractive. We want our guy to be nice, kind and friendly etc but we want him to look - even just a little bit - good. We have to feel sexual/physical atraction too.

Of course, I'm not saying that relationships are all about the looks, but it does matter a little too. If somebody tells you it dosen't matter AT ALL, it's bullshit.When we "friendzone" you it's just like that. When we don't feel attracted to you, but we get really well together, we start to think of you as some kind of brother. We won't think about our brother romantically.

Guys who become total jerks after they get "friendzoned" are the type of guys who not just that never deserved to be your boyfriends, but also don't deserve to be in your life even as a brother.

.

[Battooot]

What you said is not completely right. You cannot generalize how YOU think on all other women. I agree that there has to be physical attraction. But that's not the reason many women friendzone a guy. In many cases the guy is attractive, but he is friendzoned because he was extra nice and friendly. In other cases guys were friendzoned even though they were attractive because they lacked Confidence.

Now YOUUU may want a good and friendly guy (and that is a good thing, i Salute you), but there are women who like the unfriendly or more likely the jackass kind of guy who doesn't give a shit. It is stupid i know, but you will be surprised by how many women fall for those kinds of guys. Especially in Canada and US where they got used to be treated nicely by everyone.

So, my point is. There are a number of reasons why guys can be friendzoned and not only one which u defined. il mention a few important ones:
1. Being extra nice and going out of your way for the girl
2. Being unattractive.
3. Being unconfident (BIG BIG factor)

Now a verrrrry important point for the people READING this. just because being nice is one of the reasons that SOME girls will friendzone you doesn't mean that you should start being a dick. It just means that when a girl does friendzone u for that reason, u should be glad to find out that about her. and move one to the next girl who actually is smarter and APPRECIATES those traits.

[Battooot]

Who dared to downvote me, what i said are facts!

[KAZ-2Y5]

I love this I can't even tell you how much it pisses me off that guys feel that just because they're nice to girls that the girls have to give the guys reciprocated feelings. I once saw this picture on Facebook and its this text conversation between two people and the guy poured his heart out to a girl and asked her out and she simply said, No. It was upsetting to see that some people called her a bitch. First of all, who asks out people through text? And yes he poured his heart out in a sweet message but she is not obligated to reciprocate those feelings.
Plus being expected to be paid back in some way by not acting like an asshole makes you an asshole.

[ManuelMarquez]

@KAZ-2Y5 it bothers me that most women say a load of bull by saying'' when we reject a guy most of the time it because of his personality not because of his looks.'' I hate how most women won't admit it is because of looks. Even though many guys realize it is because of their looks despite many women refusing to admit it.

[KAZ-2Y5]

well i think that personality is a factor in whether or not i date someone because if a guy is a douche to me i won't date him but i have rejected a guy because of his looks but i didn't tell him that instead i made up a different excuse and i won't ever admit i rejected him because of his looks i am way to nice to do that.

[KAZ-2Y5]

and i will admit it right now if a guy is not somewhat attractive he is automatically in our "friendzone" but it is the same for girls and if someone rejects you, you need to respect their decision and not irritate them by asking why and saying they never gave you a chance

[ManuelMarquez]

@KAZ-2Y5 I am not saying admit to the guy's face. I am saying why online and when talking to other guys about why they rejected other guys they always say''We rejected him because he was too nice.'' Why do most women lie instead of telling guys (not the ones they rejected) that most of the time when they friendzone a guy it is not cause of him being too nice, it is because they don't consider him attractive. Why can't most women like this girl be honest about that? Nothing is wrong with someone caring about looks, everyone does, I am just asking this. Also, even though most women don't admit about the reason most of the time they don't friendzone a guy, many guys already know the reason why. For you and most other females, most would not date a guy they are not attracted to physically regardless how wonderful his personality is. So personality doesn't matter if you don't like the looks. It isn't a factor, if you don't like the looks. If he doesn't look good to you, it is a done deal.

[KAZ-2Y5]

thats true but doesn't everybody care about looks? i will admit I automatically friendzoned a guy because i don't like his looks and when a girl rejects a guy because of his looks in our heads we know that's the reason but a lot of us will never say it out loud even to our friends. I won't tell my best friend, Alee the reason why i friendzoned him automatically even though i know she will understand because she is very understanding but i dont want to say it out loud because i sound like a bitch

[ManuelMarquez]

@KAZ-2Y5 yes everyone cares about looks but it is just that most females are too chicken to admit it where as most males are honest. Let's be honest, most males AND FEMALES, including YOU will not going on a date with a guy with a great personality if you don't like his looks, you will friendzone him automatically as soon as you met him regardless about knowing how much of a great guy he is. That is what everyone does. Females just need to stop being too chicken to admit things lol.

[KAZ-2Y5]

yeah i know i have done it before

[ManuelMarquez]

@KAZ-2Y5 you have done what before?

[KAZ-2Y5]

Yes and I will never say it out loud because I sound like a bitch

[DarkHumorRUs]

Who doesn't know this?
This is why I always have to use this picture in friendzone questions:
https://data1.whicdn.com/images/63472141/large.jpg

[KidanisCortes]

I've been saying this for years and years and people say "looks don't matter to women" but they do you dont see women gasping when they see a fat/bony ugly guy with a lot fo confidence. They like guys with nice faces and nice bods not perfect but you gotta look good to a certain extent, same for us we dont like a girl whos ugly because of her personality, we like a cute girl with a nice personality. It's time we stop kidding ourselves with this whole self esteem boosting crap being spewn left and right all through the internet. And yes there are some people who are Demisexual (attracted to personalities) but I highly doubt there is many of those around...

[Drednaught]

While I agree that friendzoning people is generally because the person doesn't have any romantic feelings for them, you are, however, incorrect in the assumption that physical attraction matters to everyone. (even if just a little) That is a generalization, and it's simply untrue. Sure, physical attraction may matter a little or a lot to you and other people, but that does not apply to everyone. There are asexuals that can still have romantic relationships where sex and physical appearance doesn't matter to them. The only thing being in the friendzone usually means is that the person simply doesn't have any romantic attraction for them.

[ManuelMarquez]

I am glad you admitted it. I always knew this was the truth. Why do most women lie and say''most of the time when we friendzone a guy is not because of his looks is because of his personality?'' And also it is not nice you said ''because you are sort of ugly,'' you should have said ''because WE don't find you physically attractive.'' Saying''because you are sort of ugly is cruel.'' There is a nicer way to put it, and also there is no such thing as someone being ugly since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, that is why you should have said''WE''. What is ugly to you does mean it is ugly to everyone else as well. Also, why do many women call guys that friendzone women cause of their looks assholes? But yet they do the same thing to guys? Even though nothing is wrong with it.

[kambo_trick3y]

Finally, the blunt truth.

Looks DO matter, and there's nothing wrong with that. Looks matter to a lot of people, guys and girls. It doesn't pay to be a fat slob and then expect people to say, "Well, you should like me for my PERSONALITY! Also, for this 6000 calorie chocolate cake I'm about to eat all by myself!"

[ManuelMarquez]

@kambo_trick3y the problem is that most women refuse to admit that most of the time when they friendzone a guy is because of his looks. Most of the time they use the excuse''cause of his personality.'' Which it is a load of bull because most of them would be ok with going out with a good looking guy that is a pushover but most don't want to go out with a guy THEY THINK is below average looking or average that is a pushover. Nothing is wrong with it, but they just need to be honest.

[aficionado]

Instead of friend-zoning us, why not be upfront and let us know that you find us unattractive to date? When you don't want a relationship, please don't offer friendship as a 'consolation prize'. Once we develop an attraction towards you, we are NOT interested to be friends with you anymore. Understand that. Trust me, the ones who have self respect among us don't prefer to stay in the friendzone. We would rather walk out of the friendzone AND your life with our heads held high, rather than stick around and wait for you to change your mind (because women are highly unlikely to let men out of the freindzone).

[AleDeEurope]

True, it makes sense. But my question is this: Why then, when we get a girlfriend, you suddenly get jealous and wonder why I didn't end up with you?
That's what bothers me, that when we stop giving you much attention cause we have to put our attention somewhere else, you suddenly realize you did like us, that we were the best match for you.

[hypno-trip]

This fits in well with my MyTake. Yes being nice is not going to automatically make you attractive. You still have to be sexy and interesting in some way. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9990-what-it-really-means-to-be-a-nice-guy

[KarinaG]

i read your take. it was interesting, but i don`t agree with all that is writen there.

[hypno-trip]

that's fair.

[hypno-trip]

Is it point number one that bothers you?

[LittleSally]

It's true + it's the same way with guys...
They friend zone girls they don't find attractive.

Anyways, I've done this to guys that have just not been appropriate to date, no matter if they were attractive on not - such as coworkers, band members, guys who were way too young for me but expressed interest...

Not just the 'not attractive ones'.

[Octavion]

"Friend-zoning" is never going to go away. Those guys don't care to understand the truth. They just want some excuse for why they were friendzoned (they were rejected but refuse to think they can be rejected so they replace it with friendzone). They're narcissists and refuse to believe their is something wrong with themselves. There's no point in telling them this because they don't care to hear it. They believe what they want to believe.

[amphet11]

The thing wrong with them most of the time is simply being a man, look up bateman's principle, women are attracted to a small number of men compared to the number of women men are attracted to, because they can only get pregnant once in 9 months while a man can knock up multiple women a day. Women don't owe them a relationship, but don't blame the guy.

[crayven]

I don't "friendzone" women i don't find attractive if they find me attractive.
I break contact directly.

Friendzone is you getting the benefits of a relationship without reciprocating.
You get a 'friend' who is gullible enough to think he may EARN your love by doing you favors as a friend and you are assholishly stringing him along.

Women should just come clean from the first time they sense the guy likes them: "I don't like you in that way, if you still feel love for me it is best to move on"

And that's that.
If he sticks around then he's the fool.

[tyber1]

I agree with the first two paragraphs but not the third one. It's normal to get your feelings hurt when someone is rejecting you and if you've been rejected so many times the frustration of it builds up more and more. I'm not saying this to excuse their rude behavior, but rather I want to point out that you're complaining that men aren't seeing things for what they truly are but at the same time you're guilty of doing the same thing to them. They aren't by default jerks, they are generally people who are hurt and frustrated. They are guilty of viewing things one dimensionally, thinking that you are disinterested in them because they were so nice to you, when it is obvious that is not the reason for your disinterest. You are guilty of viewing things one dimensionally too, in that you are assuming that they were jerks who were just covering up their jerkiness to get in your pants when in most (not all) cases that just is not the truth.

[gray_sailor]

Thoughtful response.

I find that often times when this issue is discussed, people looks at both individuals as though each knows what they are doing and therefore WANT the outcome that occurs.

I grant more leeway to both sides due to youth and inexperience. You never hear of the friendzone applying to people in mid life. Why do you suppose that is?

[amphet11]

"Guys who become total jerks after they get "friendzoned" are the type of guys who not just that never deserved to be your boyfriends, but also don't deserve to be in your life even as a brother." Now i am not saying the guy should be mean to you, but just as you have the right to reject any form of romantic relationship with him, he has the right to reject a friendship with you. He doesn't have to be your friend after what he sought out didn't happen, don't expect him to stay as company if the interactions he wants aren't happening.

[RationalLioness]

Rejecting a friendship and becoming a total jerk are two different things. Yes, that guy is free to not have a friendship with her. It's his choice. But to become an asshole because she said no? Yeah... not cool.

[amphet11]

I said don't be mean to her, but the thing is, a lot of people will see not wanting to be friends as being mean. @RationalLioness

[RationalLioness]

I agree and I find those people to be selfish due to the fact that they aren't considering the guy's feelings in this case.

[Applefan1]

This is all very well. I agree with this. I just hope you agree that all this also applies to men that are not attracted to women to. If a man friend zones a woman because he is not attracted to her and the woman gets all nasty and mean about it she does not deserve to be a part of the man's life either. I believe this take works both ways :)

[Figleaf]

Hi... you helped me out a lot with what you said. I have this friend who buys me minutes, pays for fast food, comes to all my games, and I can call her up late at night anytime and she'll listen but I can't get past the fact that she's small up top. Now I don't feel so bad. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I agree to some extent. I've dated some handsome guys, but after dating once or twice, we both realized we weren't wanting the same thing out of life, and parted ways romantically but remained friends.

One guy wanted his woman to be by his side at promo tours and clubs etc. until really late at night, and I'm more of a home-body. I'll go out, but not until 2am. We just didn't give what they other needed/wanted. He's still hot af.

But yes, it's usually a combination of things that either make or break that line of friendship to boyfriend.

[ManuelMarquez]

How old are you?

[ThisDudeHere]

I feel odd about the general look of this take. It's like "Look, actually it's not that you're too nice that I don't like you, it's just that you're too ugly for me to get to know you before I judge you. But here, have thumbs up and have a nice day you ugly guy you :)"

By the way, what do you think of guys who don't approach fat or ugly girls simply because these girls don't look good enough?

[RationalLioness]

Sometimes personality doesn't make anyone more attractive. If you know you're not sexually attracted to the person and that sex is important to you, why would you even TRY? That's a waste of time.

And guys who don't approach people they aren't attracted to are honest. Those women don't turn them on. At least they're honest enough to not waste time.

[sawno]

Yup always kinda knew this from the experiance of being friendzoned.
Why else would you not want to be with someone you have such a close bond with and end up with someone else?
Luckily we could continue as strong friends without the need for something more.

[blondfrog]

I know this is random, but my god you are so so beautiful ;)

[KarinaG]

thanks :)

[Anonymous]

Just like some other guys said, I agree mostly with what this opinion states but one thing I will tell everyone here is, don't change who you are if you find out why they don't like you. In other words, don't be a dick because she thinks you're too nice and vise versa. Keep being yourself, and find a girl who appreciates the traits you own. That is how love is made. It should not be forced because of an alteration in personality.