Is lying a disease?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean compulsive lying or pathological lying by definition but something that just easily flows from the mouth?!

I have to post this anonymously otherwise my partner may find this and I will end up single.

So I ask him things and he tells me lies as answers. Not huge things, but he has to start and fabricate answers and I don't know why he struggles to tell the truth!

I don't care if he watches porn I don't care if he sits watching the football all day rather than help around the house. What I do care about are the lies that surrounds it.

So why does he lie? Am I a monster? Evidently not... I already said there would be no fallout from telling the truth, so what is it? I think he became so used to it growing up as an only child with controlling parents that he feels a need to lie constantly.

We all lied to our parents growing up, in fact my mother's detective style had made in to an excellent 'level liar' by which i mean I wouldn't simply lie to her face easily but would have concoted a whole other load of lies to make it more believable. it meant that my lie was so deeply buried with things which would make her less ashamed. However it was a once in a blue moon occurence and usually involved a boy. My family and I are very open people.

My partner is a little different, his mother knew nothing of who he really was and when we first got together he never hid himself from me but as he has got older he seems to now worry he disappoints or upsets me... so what was he doing last night when he was lying about watching the football? Most likely nothing. Probably just laying in bed watching porn in his hotel room and trying to hide it from me. What was I doing? Laying in bed watching porn, but the difference is, I told him when he asked.

I was wondering how many of you have partners who lie about anything and nothing? How do you cope?

[RasmusAiken]

We all want to appear better than we know ourselves to be. By telling lies we hope to achieve the status we desire. Your guy just feels that if the truth were known he would not be acceptable. He probably learned this pattern growing up.

[LittleSally]

It could be. Depends on the person.

I wouldn't tolerate blatant disrespect and lies - especially since I always know.

[Pedantic]

This is the first take I've read that reads more like a question. Well, he may have some serious shame issues associated with his sexual development. Some parents tell children they are "wrong" for having sexual feelings and it has lasting psychological consequences. You're cool with the porn, so maybe its time you have had a chat about that with him. Also remind him what you are uncool about, like sleeping with other women etc. and he better not get caught in one of those lies.

If he isn't actually some kind of pathological liar, then he is most likely covering up some emotional guilt, real or artificial.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't call it a disease, I'd call it a habit.

I'm a recovered pathological liar. I used to lie a lot just to sound cool, and get my way at everything. I lied so much to get my way out of trouble and cheat at games and school that it became a habit. I was lying when it wasn't even necessary. I used it to mask my insecurities. I would hear great stories from other people, steal their stories and put myself in them. Just to sound cool.

It got to the point where I was lying just for the sake of lying. I wasn't covering anything up. I would make up stuff I knew jack shit about. Eventually, it all caught up to me and all my stories stopped adding up and I was embarrassed when I was finally called out on it.

Now I'm a very shitty liar and struggle to come up with a well-needed white lie to get out of a hot situation.

[madhatters4]

Pathological Lying is the only type of liar that is a proved condition (not a disease, a condition)

all the rest are just bad habits built out of a sense that lying is an easy course of action or because their history of lying hasn't taken a toll to show that it isn't ok... basically if someone lies and that lie is not negative re-enforced then that person may continue to lie. thus making it a bad habit

[Someguy17]

It's not lying that's a disease. It's the lack of personal accountability and confidence behind the lie that's the problem. People who have confidence in themselves and take responsibility for their actions don't feel the need to lie, even when the truth is not flattering.

Lack of personal accountability and confidence leads to many other bad things. That is a huge reason why I avoid liars like the plague. It's just a surface sign that something bigger is going on.

[gapminder]

I tell lies because my wife's reaction to the truth is abusive and since she can't give me the respect of civility and kindness, why does she deserve my honesty? Being open and vulnerable with her ends up exactly like my childhood did, me getting yelled at and blamed for everything.

[bubble_tea]

I think it's something some people just learnt to do to avoid possible conflicts while growing up or from past relationships, and they can't get out of that habit, even if the truth doesn't end in conflicts.

[OlderAndWiser]

Consistent failure to tell the truth is not a disease; that sounds like something for which a person could not be blamed. No, it is a character flaw of the highest order.

[Anonymous]

No, lying is tool of evolutionary competition. Human intelligence likely evolved so we could tell and detect lies. Lies and the ability to detect them give us advantages over other people.

[chrisbigman]

Hmm... I don't know. I suppose it could be considered a disease. However, I would consider compulsive or pathological more of a disease than anything else. But lying in general - as a disease? Hmmm... maybe.

[genericname85]

do you want the nice answer or the truth? i choose the nice answer most of the time so if that´s a "disease", i guess i got it.

[myTake Owner]

sugar coating is totally different and the nice guy lies are white lies... i am talking about lies that are said pointlessly.

[genericname85]

Well sometimes lies help protecting yourself and others from emotional harm. I had friends who Lied regularly just to have something interesting to say. The thing you describe sounds to me like it's a severe psychological issue. Try speaking about it in a nice way.

[OpenWine]

I'm not a liar but when it comes to getting punched in the face or not hurting someone I really like I would do everything to prevent it from happening.

[MysteriousFlower]

Its a human compulsion to lie to avoid trouble.

[myTake Owner]

I don't lie though now... I learned it was easier to tell the truth and move on from the fallout... what about you>?

[MysteriousFlower]

If the bigger picture is hell, then yes. I don't lie on here though, or on everything in the outside world.

[AlphaMale1]

Everyone lies. It is part of our sinful nature.

[Kelfuma]

What is lying? I think it is a lack of sincerity.

[Anonymous]

It can be politeness or a necessity.

[mexborough]

nothing wrong in lying.