I have been meaning to write this take for a long, long time, but never found myself getting around to. Mainly because I knew that a lot of people were likely going to take issue with it, but then I began running my theory by some friends of mine. I was surprised at how many thought I was onto something, so I decided to take the leap and finally present it to you fine people here today.
The topic I am touching on is who women really dress up for – an age old debate of ethics, morality and often even sexism to the highest degree in some cases, suggesting that women get gussied up solely to gain the attention of men.
It is a subject that has come with a lot of controversy, primarily because there are a lot of men out there who don’t understand why it is a woman can be upset that he’s paying her attention when she clearly got dressed up to receive exactly the kind of attention he’s giving her. And women take issue with it because they believe that it’s degrading and sexist to assume that just because a woman presents herself in a particular way (in a way she personally likes) that she is deserving of unwanted treatment and assumptions. Needless to say, both sides seem to have pretty solid reasons for having an issue with the subject, whether or not you necessarily agree with their points of view. I’ve been on both ends of the field though; for a time I really did believe women only dressed for men, but then as I got older and began experimenting more with fashion, my mind changed, as I felt I was dressing solely for myself. Then my mind changed again, this time, taking an interesting turn in perspective.
I really, really thought about it, and began breaking it all down: a woman goes to a bar, looking beautiful, but finds herself annoyed by all of the men trying to initiate her – why? I asked myself why I found myself bothered when initiated in such a way, and my answer was simple: because the men that were initiating me weren’t the types of guys I would ever get with. Often they were rude, pervy, creepy, or blatantly uninteresting. Not to mention most of the time I wasn’t there to flirt, I was just there to hang out with my friends and have a good time without any desire to be bothered with flirting and things of the sort. Then I asked myself if it would have made a difference if the guy seemed decent, and honestly … not necessarily. It didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t there to flirt, even though I had dressed myself up looking mighty fine.
Confused yet? Good.
Here is the thing: women dress for themselves, but with another person in mind as well. That person is a man … to some respect. He is none other than the man that lives inside a woman’s head, a mirror image of herself in masculine form.
I know, I know, I’m losing you all here but just hear me out. Girls, you dress in the way that makes you feel the most beautiful, right? You love and appreciate how a good fitted dress makes your subtle curves look, and you adore how pouty you can get your lips to look with the right technique. When you look at yourself, you make a plan to present yourself in a particular way – YOUR way. Be that with a soft delicate look, or va-va-voom psychedelic bad-ass-bitch– either way, it’s all your personal style that you’re trying to rock and you appreciate that shit through and through. You define your own sense of beauty, sexy, and so forth, and present it to the world on your own behalf. You ma’am are your own dream man … you just didn’t realize it before.
Think about it for a second: how many of us pick out sexy undies and nighties even when no one is ever going to see it? Because it makes you feel amazing, right? Why do we include a tasteful amount of boob in our outfits every now and again? So some guy will harass the shit out of you? No, of course not. You do it for the man in your head, and that man in your head is nothing but your own interpersonal perception of your own intimate identity. It is your personal perception of what you find attractive in yourself as a woman. Undoubtedly, any woman would want a man who had the ability to see her the way she is capable of seeing herself, especially in her best light. A man that understood her quirks, one who loves her feistiness the way she does. Beginning to make sense yet?
Clearly, the “man in your head” is just a figurative term. But basically, the theory is that women are dressing for the man that isn’t the average Joe: he understands their style, appreciates how the light catches their subtly highlighted cheek and adores even the smallest curves they may have. He would NEVER treat her wrong; he’d tell her to have that piece of pie because she deserved it and he would never dream of disrespecting her, oh no! Never! Who is that man you ask again? That man is … well, herself.
She’s not dressing for the jerk at the bar who thinks it’s okay to grind his dick all over her ass when she isn’t looking, and she certainly isn’t dressing for the guy who throws a fit when he gets rejected and tells her she was asking for it because she wore a skirt. No girl dresses for that guy, ever, unless she hates herself.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there are definitely cases where women will dress for male attention, even most women will agree with that, and you know what? That’s not always a bad thing or a thing to be ashamed of. Attracting mates is a vital part of life, so if that’s what she wants to do, all the power to her. In general however, if we’re talking about the average woman you will meet on the street with a nice sense of style, I feel that this more often than not applies. That doesn’t mean us ladies don’t appreciate a guy who can give us a sincere compliment, we just don’t appreciate the ones that assume they have the right to do or say inappropriate things to us based solely on the fact that we dressed up that day.
Of course, I can’t speak on the behalf of all women, that’s why this is just a ballpark theory that I wrote for fun and that I hope you all enjoyed. Feel free to disagree with me or expand on the subject in the threads below. As always thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you all have a wonderful day.
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