There is no boy cute enough or interesting enough to stop you from getting your education." - Michelle Obama
I posted a MyTake on my previous account which I deleted after I made the post because I was ready to go and take care of matters myself. It's been a couple of weeks since then, and I'm in a brand new state of mind.
I was going through a difficult aftermath of being betrayed by someone I cared deeply about. He was my best friend. We talked about everything - good and bad. We went out. We studied together, taught each other things. He'd say sweet things and kiss my shoulder. He was protective of me; he'd make me walk on the safe side of the sidewalk and he'd go deal with anyone who'd hurt me. Despite our 14-year age difference, we got along well and I appreciated him. We both agreed we were complicated, but because it didn't seem to bother him, it didn't bother me that much either. My parents liked him. I didn't care that some members in my circle of friends at college were against his/my friendship (or whatever it was). I was simply happy to have him in my life, especially since I recently lost my maternal grandmother and then a former teacher just a few months later and I really needed my friend.
However, he hasn't been here for me like I'd expected him to be, and at first I let it slide, telling myself he was probably busy dealing with his own problems.
Then, this summer, I went through another crisis. I had two tattoos dedicated to a former college professor I was close with who left and fell out of touch and a second one dedicated to my late grandparents. My stepparents (aunt & uncle) forced me to get them removed, as tattoos are frowned upon in my culture. It was a very shocking and heartbreaking experience. It still hurts to think about it all. My friend was the one person I needed then and I couldn't wait to tell him everything. We got back to the US from our vacations and I texted him immediately, asking to meet up. He told me he was busy but that he'd make time soon. I decided to be patient.
Shortly after, I got the news that one of my high school teachers who had cancer passed away. I went to that school from nursery through to graduation, so the community is my family. I lost yet another family member. And I had no one to talk to. Of course, other former students of my high school teacher were heartbroken, but it didn't seem to be affecting others as it was affecting me, probably because they hadn't tragically lost their grandmother a few months before.
Weeks and weeks passed with no contact from him. A couple weeks ago, I finally texted him simply asking how he was doing. His response was colder and more brief than usual, which stung a bit, but I let it slide.
After contemplating the situation for a long while, I realized how foolish he'd been making me look and feel. I felt betrayed, humiliated, and utterly undignified. He didn't give a damn about me, so what was I putting on a one woman show for? I felt - and still feel - angry and betrayed. I decided to move on and forget about the jerk. I turned to school - my education. I started studying harder than ever. I aced both of my summer semester classes.
However... I texted him just last week, asking him to help me prepare for a singing audition (I'm a music major) - because, surprise surprise, he was my ear training instructor for two semesters, during when we became "friends". He said "sure" but that I would probably be fine without his help. Ouch. I asked myself at that point, "why am I still trying to fix this?" Because I didn't want to give up without doing everything I could. And I realized I had done everything.
I passed the audition without his help. I told him thanks for everything he taught me for two semesters because it helped. He said he knew I'd do well. I knew that would be that last conversation we'd ever have. Because even if he contacts me one of these days, I'm not going to reply, despite what my other male friends say about giving him time because guys have "mood swings". Screw that.
Now, I feel nothing but angry and vengeful. After all the good times together, this is how easily it ends? I don't think so.
Many of you probably haven't realized, but this is a situation that has to do with feminism and this vague sense of inequality is probably often dismissed without being recognized as being connected to a bigger issue. This is one of the reasons why there is the idea of feminism. Many people don't realize that that it doesn't have to be a political situation or a major social situation concerning physical abuse. The issue is simply the fact that there are men - correction: jerks - out there who take advantage of women and throw them away like trash when they're done using us. The issue is that it's not easy finding MEN who will respect us because we have jerks like him in the world. Jerks who appear to be nice guys at first.
During all of this mess, I've been going out with other guys, and I've realized that during the time I'd wasted on him I could have been getting to know these smart, kind men who actually want to spend time with me, who make me smile, who tell me I'm beautiful and actually mean it. Men who encourage me to grow with them rather than stepping on me as they make their own way to the top.
I am truly happy right now, without him in my life taking me on a nauseating roller coaster ride. And I have a whole revenge plan ready for him. It has to do with my academic, romantic, and musical success (as well as a little prank I'm planning...).
You see ladies - including my gay, bi and trans friends, we need to start spending less time crying over boys and more time on our education and improving ourselves. Because, as Michelle Obama says, we can't be with any real men anyway until we're out there as real working women with college degrees. Besides, why waste time on something we can't control - our love life, when there are things we can control, like completing our education?
Trust me, our love lives will fall into place on their own; our education won't.
Ladies: The Key to Life is Reading Books...and Reading Men
1) This guy did not betray you. He just acted differently than what you wanted he does not seem to care for you like you cared for him. That happens. And it is not betrayal.
2) No idea what connection this has if anything to do with feminism. And I can only imagine if there is such a connection the connection would hinder the feminist cause not uplift it.
3) If you want to believe that elevating yourself in your career or education will be a man's concern, you may do that. But I think you are wrong to think so. I believe most men will judge women on their character, personality and beauty and not give another thought to whether she has a great degree or career or not.
4) Reading men is a good thing to learn. But to read men, you have to actually listen to men. Women do not know men, we think we do but we don't. So we need to listen to men to understand their POV. And calling something feminist or betrayal when it just means they do not like you like you like them, is getting you further away from reading men.
I think you have a lot of growing up to do.
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2 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
"Just acted differently than what you wanted"? Clearly you don't know what it's like to lose a good friend you spent a lot of time with for two years who all of a sudden stopped talking to you with no explanation.
How does my situation hinder the cause of feminism? It may not be easy to see the connection to feminism because it's primarily considered a larger and clearer concept - which is my point. I was used and betrayed by a man who said and did things to lead me on, only to throw me away when he was done. He took advantage of my presence and obviously kept me around solely for his own benefit. Feminism is not only political or about abuse.
Elevating myself in my career and education is for myself because I deserve to be the best woman I can be. It's not for anyone else.
First, you disregarded what they had to say when you said "I didn't care that some members in my circle of friends at college were against his/my friendship (or whatever it was)." I suspect that your friend (s) saw something in this Man that they didn't like.
Second, you said "Weeks and weeks passed with no contact from him." This sounds like he moved on.
Next, you said "His response was colder and more brief than usual, which stung a bit, but I let it slide." He should have broke it off using clearer language. Still, he gave a HUGE hint to you to move on.
Later you said "I realized how foolish he'd been making me look and feel." And you kept communicating with him after this even after realizing the futility of trying to fix your friendship. You should have moved on at this point.
You said he was a jerk. And somehow, someway, you perceived his jerk behavior as some sort of Feminism issue with gender inequality? Now you want revenge on someone for being a jerk? Why do you feel a need for revenge? Can you see how this is a huge overreaction?
Your behavior appears to fit the definition of a "Victim Feminist"
"The issue is simply the fact that there are men - correction: jerks - out there who take advantage of women and throw them away like trash when they're done using us."
Actually it is women who instigate most breakups and divorces. Go look at the statistics. Usually guys are on the receiving end of this kind of treatment. The difference is most of them move on instead of plotting revenge or demanding that a political movement come to their rescue. Getting unceremoniously dumped isn't a feminist issue, it's a human issue. I'm sure the feminist position would be that females should be exempt from unpleasant experiences like this, whereas males who are the biggest victims of it don't matter.
Sorry something this bad happened to you, it shouldn't have. But don't let it make you jaded. As long as you're living your life in some kind of response to what this guy did, you're letting him live rent-free in your mind! Don't live up to the "scorned woman" stereotype. Just learn what you can from the experience and move on. If the best revenge is living well, the second-best is simply forgetting the person.
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5 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
I do plan on moving on, thank you. In fact, I have no Pleasant feelings left for him. I plan to completely forget about him. After he gets what he deserves
Not after he gets what he deserves. Forget now! If he really is an awful person, it'll catch up to him eventually without you having to do a thing. Don't stoop to his level. If you do, he'll think he was right to dump you.
''The issue is simply the fact that there are men - correction: jerks - out there who take advantage of women and throw them away like trash when they're done using us. The issue is that it's not easy finding MEN who will respect us because we have jerks like him in the world.''
yet there are women just like this out there. you are claiming these are the social issues that women face and fem tackles. Why are you only focusing on what men do to women and not the other way around? After all, you are for equality aren't you? There are plenty of men who complain about being used by women emotionally, legally and in terms of abuse. my father hiself said never chase a women until you got whatever you needed to get right because he too has been screwed over by a women who has wasted his time and screwed him over financially. the only difference? He blames himself for putting him and me in that situation and not the shallow women who used him up. This is the problem I have with people like you sugar, men aren't the problem but you blame them for your bitterness and time wasted claim that it only goes one way when it in fact goes both ways. you talk pointing out a specific group IE ''You see ladies'' when you should in fact, be speaking this to BOTH men and women because afterall women are not angels. There are many jerks out there for both genders. Feminism is like a disease on the brain, and I hope you find your way out of this poisoning movement. best of luck
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9 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
I am for equality, but this is a take on my personal experience as a woman.
men go through the same thing sugar! It is best to teach these things to both men because while you are going through this there are many men lost in the same situation as you! michele obama is also to blame for setting such a poor example.
both men and women should be taught these things. Specifically with many men having their fathers missing and who are lost in a world in which treats them like crap. you have people like michelle. Obama NEVER tries to better men nor does any media covered movement. it is time for people to address problems that males face and not just throw dirt on us any chance they get.
well I have to tell you that first, both genders are treated badly socially and this is true. Women are seen as sluts if they show skin. If a man sleeps around he is considered a player to some but if a women does the same thing she is looked as someone with no morals. Now, these are just a few examples. While women do face some issues men literally have NO ONE to turn too. People laugh and consider it comical for when a women beats on a man. doctors are actually ALLOWED to mutilate their male babies at birth by cutting off 20,000 nerves without their consent with no pain sedation and a lot of babies have actually died from this yet for that to happen to a women is considered sexual assault. guys are expandable nor are we valued , our pain and suffering has been the amusement to society and we are made fun of for being emotional, we are called betas, and we have to reach unrealistic goals. The laws also do not favor us either.
also there are MANY links online that shame us by portraying us in horrible ways. look at videos on youtube about what women really think about a mans penis and see how they degrade us sexually and mentally. the false study of ''men are visual'' claims we are horny dogs who are not capable of emotional love when women are. They try and say we are inferior and the worst thing is all of these outlets are from media and not single handing written blogs. Me and you are much similar and we share the same problems. I actually get hurt emotionally when I read things like this. there is only ONE way to stop this for once and for all, you need to dead this type of thinking and address both sides of the story. the reason why society has turned out the way it is for males is because we have no initial support. I'd say the first step is to re post this, but under a different name and different approach. Address the problem but equally and dont make this a antagonist type of post.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about equality, but this post was not to attack the species of men in any way. I just wanted to share my experience and what I've learned from this situation I can only explain from my point of view since he is not keen on explaining his views. I'm not criticizing men in general, I'm just sharing my experience of being hurt by a certain man I can't understand as no one has ever unexpectedly, with no explanation exited my life before.
Revenge prank? That's so childish. The guy lost interest in you. I'm sorry I know it must suck. I'm not saying you aren't going through pain or you in anyway deserve this. But to make this a gender thing is completely off base and wrong. You are sounding like the female version of a "nice guy" here. Girls lose interest in guys as well. Guys, we go through the EXACT same thing. It's not a gender thing it's a people thing. People lose interest in people. People drift. It hurts but it happens. He's not the one for you. There are bad people out there. There are annoying drifters like this guy. No need for a revenge prank. Move on and like you said spend time and energy on the right person. No more obsessing/ thinking about him. There are plenty of good guys out there who will give you the time you want. Think positive and look for them while living a happy life and trying to be the best person you can possibly be.
I dont really know what this takes about because i won't le im honestly too lazy to read it But women dont let men ruin your chance at an education Find a guy that will support you going to school / work Or put the love life on hold until you finish up 👌🏼
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1 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
Haha, that's okay, I know it's a long post. Your comment is relevant, don't worry. Thanks!
You sound like you curl up in the fetal position and cry for hours when your favorite character dies in a show. Have some poise damn it. You can't be THAT emotional every time you hit a little bump in the road. Now that guy, he owes you NOTHING. Maybe the reason he is keeping his distance is because you seem to be so overly dependant on him. You are probably sucking all his energy and give very little in return. I don't know why I even bother because if you are like most people, instead of doing some retrospect and discovering why he may be acting like that, you'll probably just take the easy road and keep acting like a victim and curl up and cry since it seems to be your m. o. Oh and you'll just call me a jerk for telling you what I really think instead of just enabling you in your victimhood and telling you how you are perfect and he is such a jerk.
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2 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
I'm not overly dependent on him, we had a give & take kind of friendship. We helped each other with studies, we'd both ask the other to haven lunch or dinner, and he was the one who insisted on spending time with my parents from time to time. Maybe you need to realize you don't know everything and stop judging people when you know almost nothing about them. If you don't have any helpful advice to give me, you're not welcome on my takes.
Here's my advice. Toughen up. Stop crying like a baby and understand that he lost interest in you. Also, stop letting your parents decide what tattoos you can get. It's none of their business. If your culture doesn't like them, then your culture should change. People shouldn't be captive of their own culture.
he is not a jerk, but the feeling is. you are his good friend not girlfriend in his heart, but he was best frient like boyfriend in your heart. so when he left, you would feel betrayed. actually, it doen't matter. You are a very very charming and very very pretty gilr in my eyes.
"Our love lives will fall into place on their own; our education won't." That is so true! Well done! 👏
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
yep. i for one think most women are attractive enough to have little problem meeting and dating with almost as many men as they want. this is why it mystifies me so much that some women can actually suffer for some guys, instead of quickly ditching them. well, it could be that those guys are the only guys those women can be attracted to. still...
anyway to each his/her own
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1 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
I can see what you mean. I don't know about other women, but - this is going to sound terrible but it's true - for me it depends on my mood and what I'm looking for at a certain time as well as how attracted to the person I am. If I really like him I'd pursue him, if I'm not interested I straight out reject him, and if I'm upset, lonely, etc. I seek closure. But generally, yes, women are sensitive.
How does falling in love with someone who didn't love you back about feminism? Nothing in this story would have been different if the sexes were reversed. Stop trying to make the world about sexism. it isn't.
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myTake Owner
+1 y
It is about feminism because he took advantage of my presence and then threw me away like trash when he was done. It doesn't have to be a full-on romantic situation for there to be inequality.
Your still a bit immature as this man did not betray you, he was behaved in a different manor to what you anticipated. How did he stop you getting your education? Why are you bringing in feminism? For all we know, you could have been the one using him.
you know most of the female millionaires are rich because they are married to rich men. Men are used so much more then women. I dont see why a girl would let their education slip out their hands because of a guy. I dont think this happens often. Here in the UK the majority are girls studying at university. But its scientifically proven that men succeed more then women, however men mature a lot older then women.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
by the way, Just like how u dont want your education taken from you i dont want my money taken from me. Im going to inherit wealth from my father and i want it safe, so im signing a prenup when i get married. Because a lot of women will try take it from me. I won't ever limit what she wants to achieve, but she's not taking anything from me. Reading this mytake has just reminded me how stupid girls are.
"Scientifically proven that men succeed more than women?" "Men mature a lot older than women?" This is what I'm talking about when I say there's inequality. There are stuck-up people like you who don't understand or even want to understand the notion of women's feelings, perspectives, or rights. It's all about what you MEN want and need. It is NOT scientifically proven that men are more successful than women. In what unearthly book did you read that? Men have only been successful in the career world BECAUSE of this inequality - which is thankfully slowly decreasing in the world.
Second of all, where did I write I'm getting my education taken from me? All I wrote was that I feel dumbed down and tricked by this idiot betrayer and I'm not going to let myself rot because of what he's put me through. I want to be smarter, more knowledgeable, and sucessful FOR MYSELF because it's what I deserve and it's what all women deserve.
Also, why are you mentioning millionaires? This guy can't even afford to get his own car or house; he is a loser. I solely liked him for his personality, talents, and the way he made me FEEL. Don't assume women just want the riches.
im training to become a doctor, and hopefully become a neurologist to take over my dads surgeries. I want to keep this safe, because one of my dads colleagues lost millions through a marriage. Women do want riches etc, also because from a scientific/evolutionary perspective, females seek security only for themselves and offspring. While what i said is a huge generalization of genders, there is some truth to it. As girls here have been achieving better grades in their teens then boys and therefore they are getting into university more then boys. Whereas men peak/mature later. Also men are more likely to take the first risk in order to start a business. Because men are initiators , for instance it is unlikely you will approach a man, he will approach you and so on... I dont in anyway say men are more capable, it does ultimately depend on the individual. I stand very strongly with everything i have said, I've grown up with very successful/influential people in my life unlike you.
It's true that women want financial stability because it ensures a stable life for the whole family, particularly the children. Anyway, If you want to talk about how men feel inequality, write your own take. My take is not about richness.
You are incredibly self-entitled. He doesn't owe you anything. Just because he didn't feel about you the same way you felt about him doesn't make him bad in the slightest no matter how much you try and shame him. That only makes you a bad person not him. News flash this is your fault not his you can try and blame all your problems on men all you like but it doesn't make you right.
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10 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
Wow, really? You all of a sudden stop talking to someone you used to talk to everyday and spend time with almost everyday, with no explanation whatsoever, and you wouldn't feel the slightest amount of guilt? You seem like a great person.
I did consider that, but whenever I'd send him a text or approach him at school he gets all cold and I'm just over it all. It's ashame that our friendship is going down the drain, but I'm done.
No, because before I was this angry I'd cry and wake up in the middle of the night. It was ruining my friendships, my focus in school, and my sleep. One of my best friends warned me that his and my friendship was toxic (for reasons I didn't mention in the take) and that I'd get hurt in the end, but I didn't listen to her. That ruined OUR friendship a little bit - just because I was too blind to see what she saw. My best friend since Kindergarten even thought he was using me - which he probably was, and I considered it but didn't want to believe it - I didn't listen to MY BEST FRIEND who's like a sister to me. If I don't shame him, I'll just be the fool who got herself into a messed up situation with someone she shouldn't have gotten involved with in the first place.
You're right. I was wrong to befriend him and believe in him and make him a part of my life because we shouldn't trust anyone in life, right? That's what it sounds like you're telling me.
well, I can only speak from experience, but the first thing you should know about women is WE DESERVE TO BE TALKED TO ABOUT EVERYTHING. if you feel a certain way, TELL us Many men tend to ASSUME we can "take a hint", but I'm sorry, not always. It's best to always be clear with your intentions unlike this guy who broke my heart.
Well, I can't speak for other women, but when I personally reject a guy I always make sure to tell them I appreciate their confidence, because I really do.
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