Girl wants to borrow money , what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So, this girl wants to borrow money from me , which i know she will not return..
she only contacts me when she wants to get drunk or need some help...

So, what should i do?

[Anonymous]

Read Atlas Shrugged.

Is she a good investment? Is this money going to help her to become more in life and fix herself... or will it only delay her introspection, because it will prolong her delusion that life is comfortable and ok the way she is living?

"Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime."
"Neither a lender, nor borrower be."

Instead of giving her money, help her polish up her resume. Help her practice her interviewing skills. That will help her most in the long run.

[Asker]

I did that , i found her some jobs as well.. asked her to apply.. but i dontknow if she did or not..
and she does not have the job..

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes, people just don't want to change. Sometimes, they can only bring themselves to change when there are absolutely no options left. If she refuses to help herself, then what more can you do? You can't carry her through life - neither would it help her mature. She can't think like a baby forever. If you've done your best, then that's all you can do. Tell her that you're her friend, even if it seems like you aren't. Tell her that you will help her to succeed through her own power, but you believe that it would be morally wrong to give her money that she has not earned. Inspire her to stand up on her own two feet as best as you can. If she refuses, then that is her own burden to carry.

[Asker]

Well, i dont know really , few weeks back she was traveling to other countries in Europe and now she dont have money to pay for dorm..
:/
I asked her to move in with me , till she can find some thing - i have one empty room, so no hanky panky.. and she does not want to do it..
So, that leaves me no choice at all..
When i refuse , i get ' :( '

[ThatOneChick_95]

If she's spending YOUR money to get drunk, tell her to get her shit together. You are not her personal ATM. I don't care how sad she looks or how much she begs. Cut her off. I was reading further down in the comments and you mentioned she needed help paying for her dorm. I'm pretty sure they have a program or two she can sign up for that will help her. Or she could move in with someone close to campus who needs a room mate and split the rent.

[kittykatg]

Ok so let's say you lend her 20 bucks. A week later call and text inscecently about getting your money back. Every time you see her ask about your money. Soon she'll avoid you at all costs. So in reality you just spent $20 to get her out of your life forever.

[Asker]

Well, can be a good idea..
But we are talking about 100 euros here :/

[kittykatg]

Get a written contract that both of you sign. Then it can be used in court to get your money back. At least that's how it works in the us.

[Asker]

But for 100 Eur. also a contract? :/

[kittykatg]

It could just be I so and so promise to pay back 100 euro to so and so. Then you both sign it.

[somedude224]

If you believe the money will go to something like food or rent, then go for it. If you have the extra money, use it to help people.

If you think she'll get drunk or something, say no.

What you should do is give her money this one time, and tell her if she betrays your trust, you'll never give her money again, no matter the circumstance.

[Asker]

well, she has to pay for her dorm..
but few weeks back she was traveling every where..
i can easily give her money.. but i dont know , if good investment or not...
Good to go and give to poor children, may be..

[somedude224]

Tell her to give you a handy for it.

Seriously though, if it's keeping her from going homeless, maybe you should just donate the money to her regardless she pays it back or not. It's your money, do what you want with it, but I wouldn't let a girl go without a place to sleep.

Or alternatively, instead of paying for her dorm, ask if she'll bunk with you, then instead of paying for two people, you just pay for one.

[Asker]

I invited her to bunk with me , I have a flat , live alone , two rooms (so, she has privacy) .. But, she does not want to do that //
and thats why i asked this question here, because i was confused

[somedude224]

Ask her why? If you pay the dorm charges, she'll practically be living there for free. All she'd have to do is pay for food. I'm just as confused now as you are, pal.

[Asker]

Well, she can stay with me till she does not have money.. Instead of me paying extra for dorm , she can live in what i am living in without i shed out more money from my pocket

[βιυεsκγs]

She already betrayed his trust and even if the money is for a good cause does not mean he has to give it!!! That's ridiculous! It's HIS money.

[somedude224]

Of course not. I didn't say he had to. I said that's what he should do. I done said it's his money. What I said is that he can decide to be generous and just give it to her anyways. It's a shame no one in this world can give without expecting something in return.

[Asker]

I dont need anything in return, but at least commitment of a good friendship and not contacting me only when she needs anything :)

[kambo_trick3y]

If you need help from other people in order to decide on something so obvious and simple, I'd hate to see how you handle the rest of your life decisions.

[Asker]

Hmm , well i think we are all here on this page to ask questions when we are confused
But thanks for your response
And i am well settled in my life.. :)

[kambo_trick3y]

Hm, if that's the case then tell her no.

Or hey, tell her to suck it, make her work for her cash if you know she's not gonna pay it back.

[Asker]

Yes, but if i give her and she does not return , what can i do?
can't fight her or complain..
she is just a girl i know

[kambo_trick3y]

Make her work for it beforehand, simple.

[HeatherJaney]

Tell her to go fuck herself and then spend that money on someone who deserves it. Like yourself since it's YOUR money.

[Asker]

Really nice advice.. More for my mobile saving

[HeatherJaney]

I'm a lovely person honestly, but from your other responses it seems this girl is a leech. She's using you bro. Spend the money on something you want to, not because she's going heavy on the sad smilies.

[Asker]

Hmm well you seem to be a lovely person.. :)
I dont want to do give that , as i said earlier.. i told her i am bit low on cash.. and may not give it...
so she is pinging me on Facebook and whats app
telling how sad she is

[HeatherJaney]

Tell her your financial security comes before hers and if she can't handle that she's not a very good friend.

[Asker]

hmm.. well , i dont think she is anyways... :)
I just dont want to be rude..
so looking for easier way to say no , or just give her money and get it over with

[HeatherJaney]

Sometimes you have to be rude rather than being taken advantage of.

[Asker]

Perfect , I will try this on her..
New life learning for me... :)

[Panzer103]

100 euros? That's a ton man. Don't give it to her. Id be nervous about 20 never mind 100. And if you know you won't get it back she'll just keep borrowing for no good reason and leave you to pay for her bad habits.

[Asker]

Thats only reason why i am so bothered , if had it been 10-20 , would not have cared much.. bcause some times i can drink for that much and if i can help someone with that money , i am okay with not drinking

[Asker]

And also , had it been a good friend , I would have given it without batting an eye lash

[Panzer103]

Yes. Not doubting that part. If you know where it's going and that it's not coming back might as well not give it to her. She's hurting you financially as well as using you as a crutch to help her get drunk which really doesn't do any good.

[Asker]

Yea, i understood that.. I have told her already , I can't give her the money without guarantee of getting back..

[Panzer103]

Good man.

[Anonymous]

if she wants money make her work it make her clean your car or do the lawn but don't let her take advantage of you she's going to keep coming at you for money until your broke if you continue

[Asker]

Ahh that sounds like some thing O. o
so i should ask her , come clean my house and you can take the money.. will not be rude?

[Ghosty]

It will be slightly rude, but she will get it that she can't play you anymore.

[PrinceofFoxes]

Quote Shakespeare: "Neither a borrower or lender be."

[Asker]

Well said

[Acassa68287]

Sounds like this chick is using you. I'd tell her no, unless you like that sort of thing...

[Asker]

No, I am not in that sort of thing..
I refused politely few times... but every time she will ping me with sad smiley

[Acassa68287]

Well that's her issue then. Tell her to get a job. And if she has a job, tell her to manage her money better. Why is it your job to give her money?

[Asker]

Correct , not my job..
I helped her in finding job , but she does not care.. :/
So will cut her loose ,

[Acassa68287]

I think you have to. She's only making you upset over this. I'm sorry it has to be this way.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Whatever you want. If you like throwing money at a chick, go for it.

[Asker]

I can throw money at stripper because i get something in return
I can give money to a friend , because he\she needs it..
But i dont know about her.. :/

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I'm not sure where the confusion lies

[Asker]

Dont want to be rude and refuse
I refused twice, though :/

[yaddayaddayadda02]

How is it rude to not allow yourself to be taken advantage of?

[AdamThomas]

Say you don't have money to lend her, let some other sucker pay for her.

[Asker]

I said.. I can't lend you right now..
and she keep making sad smiley every day..
she has to pay for her dorm..

[AdamThomas]

She's a user, she's just trying to make you feel sorry for her so you'll give her money even after you've said you're low on cash. She doesn't care about you, she wouldn't do the same if you were in her position. She needs to get a job. It isn't your problem. Don't give her the money, don't let her take advantage of your kind nature.

[Asker]

Thanks , i will not ^_^
I know so thats why i have been trying to avoid her..

[TheLastGirlScout]

Stay strong and tell her to earn her own cash or stop living beyond her means...

[Anonymous]

Don't give her the money. :/ She is using you and it's not worth it.

[Asker]

Yes, I wont.. :)
Thanks for advice

[Keyspirits]

If thats the case.. i wouldve told her that im worth a night of dat pocket money ;3

[Asker]

hehehe :D
yeah , kind of good idea to make both parties happy ;)

[Keyspirits]

Deal or no deal ;D

[Strider90]

Then don't do it. I have a same experience and I now regret it.

[Asker]

What happened with you?

[Strider90]

She promised to return the money to me soon. Since then Im always hunting her to take it back until I met her and asked abut it face to face and she said Im not the only one she owe money and that she will find a job to pay us back (yeah sure). I gave 500 British pounds!!! Not 10,20,30 or 50 but 500!!! I could give this money to my sick mother but gave to her because I had feelings for her and now I regret it. So I suggest you don't give her shit.

[Asker]

Ahh that sucks really.. some times girls take a lot of advantage of guys who like them...

[βιυεsκγs]

Grow some balls , mate! Don't lend her the money, she's waing all over youhk

[Asker]

Thanks.. And i told her already few times i can't lend her...
she is still pushy..
But i told her again and have made my mind not to give :)

[Steve13]

do not lend her the money...

if she tries to emotionally or sexually blackmail you to get the money... I'd run like wind

[Asker]

hahaha :D
I am running \ignoring.. probably time to face

[JohnWhilkins]

Why would you lend her?

[Asker]

I dont want to

[JohnWhilkins]

Then fucking dooont, what's the question haha!

[marissab101]

Lend it to me instead...

[Asker]

Well, frankly i'd love to give it to you then to her :)

[ieatDaCake]

Tell her she's gonna have to earn it...

[Ghosty]

That's already the 2nd good comment of yours that I see today. //nohomo

[Asker]

So, i should ask her what will i get or something like that :/

[ieatDaCake]

No, you don't have to ask her, you're the one with the $$ remember? You put the rules.

[Asker]

Ahh okay. sounds like fine..

[ieatDaCake]

Be smart or she'll play you and use you as a piggy bank.

[Anonymous]

Cut her off. She's using you

[Asker]

I told her I will not lend her money with no guarantee :)

[Anonymous]

Tell her what do I get in return.

[Asker]

hmm i think of asking that, because then either she will not ask about it or give some in return :/

[Anonymous]

Ignore her