What do you think of ambitious women?

Question

I am an extremely ambitious and career-driven girl. I am independent and am okay with doing things for myself. However, it appears that guys WANT to be needed. Recently I read this: "When you're a successful woman, there's a price to pay and it's loneliness. It's almost impossible to establish a relationship. You're too much for everybody. It's too much. The woman always has to play the this role of being fragile and dependent. And if you're not, they're fascinated by you, but only for a little while. And then they want to change you and crush you. So lots of lonely hotel rooms."

This really scared the shit out of me because I am really will never be a weak, obedient woman and if a guy can't deal with that, then I would just leave him but then I might never fall in love if all guys are like this.

Explain?

thetundrawolf · Accepted Answer

"Play a role of being fragile"

A true woman doesn't "play" anything. She is loving, devoted, and caring to her man because she wants to be- and because he has earned it. (And deserves it)

You have a lot of self- pride which tells you that it's weakness to submit to a man.

Your attitude of "If he doesn't like it, he can leave!" will forever keep a man from truly bonding with you- and ever really loving you. You are saying your wants are more important than his. That will never work in a meaningful relationship.

Life isn't a movie, that you can pay, sit down and watch. it requires participation, and sacrifice. People just do not know what the word sacrifice means anymore.

To answer your original question, what you quoted is 100% true.

You can hunker down, humble yourself, and wait for the right man, listening (hopefully) to God and your instincts, prayerfully asking him to come into your life, and when he does- he will ignite that loving desire in you, and being "submissive" or whatever will be something you WANT to do, perhaps raising a family and finding true meaning...

OR you can devote your life to your career, have empty relationships where the man only ever has sex with you- because you can never truly give him your heart, and be left feeling successful- but cold and empty at the end of the day.

The choice is yours, really.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Most men are attracted to qualities in a woman that would make her a good mother, wife and nurturer. That's just human nature and is the counterpart to women wanting a strong, capable (masculine) man who would make a good provider and protector. The fact is that ambition in a woman is typically not consistent with that job description and is therefor unattractive to most men. Men prefer feminine traits in a woman; women prefer masculine traits in a man.

I'm not saying it's not possible for a woman like that to get a good man, but the odds are certainly stacked against her. I know that goes against the popular "wisdom" of the past 30 years, but it's fact nonetheless. I have been around long enough to see this all play out, and today men are realizing more and more that they don't have to settle. Most good men are married to good women before age 30, and those good women are the family oriented type, not the ambitious career oriented type. That's half of the reason ambitious women have a hard time finding a good man by the time they realize the want one in their 30s. The other half is that good men simply don't find them appealing.

Marihorror · Accepted Answer

This is 100% true for most men. Men like to pretend that they don't mind a successful woman, but at the end of the day they do. They want a woman who makes them feel strong. A woman who NEEDS them. The minute a woman becomes emotional and financially independent, he essentially has lost his "dominance." That's why an overwhelming majority of males are attracted to the "damsel in distress" image.

kangy · Accepted Answer

i think guys would feel intimadated somehow whether they admit it but for the women i really think if they want to crave a good career then go ahead. when i think of ambitious women i think of success but again i am concerned for their health. health is most important than the guys issue

CommieDearest · Accepted Answer

Some guys are intimidated by it, some aren't. Beware of any man who describes himself as an "alpha," they don't do well with independent women.

Eugene · Answer

There's a lot of truth to that.

It's not bad to have a good career and to be ambitious, but don't get me wrong: it's like when girls dream about "rich-generous-handsome-strong-caring-loving-macho-younameit" guy, but get completely shut down when you ask them "so why would a guy like this need a girl like you?".
In a same way a guy will start thinking if a girl is way too independent, earns a lot herself, does everything herself etc: guys will feel unappreciated when they start to take care of a girl like that (or they will see no need to take care of a girl like this) and this kinda goes against our genes: we're attracted to femininity, we want to take care of a woman and feel strong near her. You're killing an opportunity for a guy to do that if you're powerful enough yourself.

Basically if you will be way too competitive, too independent, too successful etc, guys will stop looking at you like at the woman and will start to look at you like at the competitor without a cock.

If I had a girlfriend that, let's say, earns more than me (by like 10 to 50 percent more) I'd be okay with that, really, unless she's rubbing it into my face. At some point it would push me to get a better job.
But if she's making few times more than me, I'd start thinking that she needs someone from her "upper class" and not me.
The problem in here lies that men from upper class are spoiled with shitloads of cheap sluts and failed gold diggers, therefore they are WAY more likely to objectify a woman than an average guy. And even if you will get one your that upper class, you'll be more like a trophy wife: not exactly because you're good looking, but because now he feels like he "tamed a lioness" to tickle his ego.
So your chances to become lonely will skyrocket: average guys will feel unappreciated or just outright intimidated to approach you, while successful men will be more into "taming" you and will admire your for a while, but not for long.

Anonymous · Answer

Being career driven is not a quality that I find sexually attractive but it's not sexually repellent either. It's just neutral. Girls are often turned on at the gut level by men who are powerful and can provide. Men do not feel the same way. It's one of the many differences between men and women.

At the rational level of mind, I don't find it attractive either. I know that at best we're gonna go 50/50 on paying for dates. I know that at best I'll be spending just as much on gifts for her as she will on me. I know that if we get married I'll probably not inherit because she'll outlive me. I know that I'm not safe from the threat of having my money taken away from me through divorce settelements unless she is significantly richer than me, in which she almost certainly won't marry me anyway.

But at the rational level of my mind, I don't find it repellent either, provided it's a job which is morally good. If you're working on Capitol Hill trying to take more of my freedom away, then that's way more evil than just sitting on your butt at home doing nothing. Also don't pretend that getting any old job is some kind of an achievement, because that's repellent.

That said it's difficult to be career driven without being aggressive. I find aggressive women repellent. But if you can switch that off when you come home, fine. Again, a difference between men and women: men don't usually find aggressiveness attractive; we usually find it repellent.

Many guys might worry that a career driven women isn't interested in or doesn't have the time to have kids. But again that's not a problem with career drive itself.

ExpatDuma · Answer

EVERYBODY wants to be needed. Maybe not financially but it is a basic human nature to want to feel needed. It's what drives our society.

I am, personally, very attracted to successful/independent women. Unfortunately where I grew up and where I currently live, it is a very rare thing to run across. I've been successful most of my life and money hasn't been an issue for a long time. When both people are financially independent you can take a relationship to a better place with out worrying about the small stuff. Money problems... the number one reason for divorce in the US.

wolfman39 · Answer

Do you honestly believe that out of billions out there, none of us guys would be interested in a career-driven woman? At the end of the day, one can be successful yet not have her emotional shit handled. The girl that wrote the article may have an insufferable personality but only attributes her relationship failures to her being successful. Don't just swallow people's shit up. It is impossible for ALL guys to all want "weak women", and the same can be said for "strong women". You just have weed out those that aren't interested in your type and find those that are.

If that makes you feel any better, I personally do not like "weak women". I prefer independent and ambitious women, in other words, I prefer your type. I am sure there are others out there that feel the same way. Again, don't just swallow people's shit up.

Roycaryn · Answer

An overly weak/dependent/obedient girl is something most guys will try and avoid. That being said, most guys do want to feel needed. The feeling that an ambitious girl is "too much" seems to be accurate; I guess the main fear is that if a woman is more successful than her partner, she'll start looking for one who better sizes up.

On the other hand, I do feel like guys in general (at least as they mature) do seem to be attracted to genuine success much as it is the same for women. I think that guys are more turned off by competitiveness than financial success itself.

pavlove · Answer

You should probably date older practically speaking.

Men don't like career-driven women because they are insecure about their masculinity and think that if a woman doesn't put them first than they are not loved and not deserving of love.

A mature man (usually in years but also in spirit) wants a woman to reach her full potential just like a woman wants a man to reach his full potential. And just like it's not all about how much a guy makes but also how he treats his partner, friends, and kids, a woman's whole self isn't just in how she takes care of her husband but how she uses her brain and her talents to do great things in the world.

Anonymous · Answer

It's true that men need to feel needed, JUST LIKE WOMEN DO. I think it's sad how feminists commonly use that as a jab at men. Anyone in a relationship who doesn't feel needed is not going to be happy or fulfilled and will likely not stick around.

The biggest problem with successful / ambitious women is they typically have the "I don't need a man" chip on their shoulder and that is, as another female poster called it recently, pure penis repellent. I find that sort of attitude in a woman repulsive and so do most men.

This is really not rocket science. It doesn't take a genius to understand how to make a man OR a women feel needed, wanted, desired and appreciated. Unfortunately many / most ambitious women seem to be completely devoid of that skill. Or, perhaps more accurately, they are too proud to exercise it.

JSmuve · Answer

Eh. It's all well and good but if her ambition starts interfering with a healthy relationship then it becomes detrimental. Which can be said about ambitious guys as well. Also, if she starts holding me to her standards of ambition and gets on my case that I'm not as ambitious as she is then that becomes an issue as well.

SomethingWicked · Answer

I doubt all guys are like that. House husbands are a thing now, so...

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