What's wrong with me? I'm too childish for my boyfriend and I'm pushing him away!?

[Innocent_Thunder]

The child in me keeps coming out and i can't always control it. I don't know how to change my mindset so I can act more like a confident adult than a stupid little girl all the time which is slowly pushing my boyfriend away. We've already had a few arguments about this and he's said that if i don't change he'll leave me! "/ I know that sounds bad but it is time I grow up, act more like an adult and just be more confident in general. I just don't know where to start and to tackle a mental issue? Any tips or links to websites would be much appreciated! :) Thanks

[madhatters4]

it sounds to me like you and your bf just aren't a very good match. you shouldn't be afraid to ask questions or be yourself. it sounds to me your desire to be more "mature" is more a desire to please your bf. it just sounds like you and your bf are kind of different personality types. he sounds like he has little patience for you being silly, which isn't necessarily a sign of maturity.

it's great that you are into him and great that you are consider ways to make him happy, but it CAN'T be at the expense of you changing who you are just to be with him. he should love you for you

[Jager66]

I read your replies to other people and it really sounds to me like you guys have some very different personalities and want different things from your relationship, you might not be a very good match even if you do like each other allot.

The only thing you have said that is bad at all in my opinion is the constantly asking questions when watching a program, god that is annoying!!! but being young at heart is a HUGE! plus in my opinion ( I love people like this), same with being open about your emotions or wanting to spend lots of time cuddling or talking about things etc...

[blessed_curse]

Babe.. U don't have to change yourself. EVERYONE has a child in them which comes out when they're with the people whom they're closest to. And yeah lol it may get irritating for him if u act way too immature.. but I say he gotta cope up with it.

[Luna-o3o]

I think you should leave him and find someone that loves you for you. Someone that can be childish with you.
Pretending to be someone else it's just wrong. It won't make the problem go away.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Can you give an example of what causes these fights?

[Innocent_Thunder]

It would be me saying or doing something wrong or inadequate. Sometimes I suppose I can take things a bit too far even if I am having a laugh, just a bit of banter you know. Also I don't know everything so I ask questions during a programme or about things in genral and if I still don't understand he gets annoyed and tells me to f*** off. These little things just tend to build up until it turns into a massive fight where we are on the verge of splitting up Sorry I can't be more specific about it.

[Cid102]

sounds like you guys just aren't a match

[yaddayaddayadda02]

As the other guy says, it's just not a good relationship from the sounds of it.

[Innocent_Thunder]

I was hoping you wouldn't say that =/ annoyingly though is when we're good together and everything is fine, we're amazing and couldn't be happier! I love his family so don't want to be apart from them as well but I know that's not a good enough reason to stay together. I know you guys don't know me and what we're going through but what should I do? I know I need to grow up if I'm going to survive adult life after uni so he's not just being a twat, just the little things that get to me!

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You can start by not pushing his buttons so much. Try to catch yourself doing it and take a break.

when you are having arguments, try to phrase things as how it makes you feel. Rather than saying "You jerk, you didn't kiss me today"... say "I feel like I'm not as important to you if you don't kiss me every day".

It's acceptable to say to him if he's being a jerk "Listen, it sounds like you're having a bad day. I don't want to be part of it, so I'm going to give you some time to calm down. Call me after you've worked through things"

[PineappleBreath]

Could I have an example of a behavior that you consider childish

[Innocent_Thunder]

Crying at things that upset me (not gonna lie I am an emotional woman but crying in front of my boyfriend about what we're talking about pisses him off) being too attentative and wanting to just chill out, have cuddle and a kiss on the sofa, talking/acting a stupid/funny way, thinking in a different way to everybody else... you get the idea! I just don't feel like I've taken that step from child in school to young adult in university =/

[PineappleBreath]

You seem fine the way you are, seems to me the only childish thing about you is the way you still care about what other people think about you. If you just be yourself and not worry about how people want you to act the people who truly like and care about you will stay and the ones who don't will leave.
listen growing up isn't a role or a personality change its being responsible for your actions, honoring your word, and being mature enough to recognize your limitations but being confident enough to still go forward so you can grow. So just don't worry about being grown up, concentrate on your ambitions and l don't take it to seriously because that is what an adult would do.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Don't change who you are for anyone. Trust me, you won't like yourself if you do and you'll keep the person who made you change at arms reach.

[Klaatu51]

your bf seems tobe the serious type... not good

[JSmuve]

We need examples of your behaviour