I'm not a girl, but I am a nice guy and this is what I've learned:
Girls who go for the douche bags tend to be younger and inexperienced. The roller coaster highs and lows that tend to come with relationships with douche bags are often confused for emotions associated with love and are in fact closer to addiction than an emotional bond. The alternating effect of high and low levels of dopamine in the brain duplicate the patterns that occur in the brains of people with addictions.
The other part of this is the effect on the girl's/woman's perception of themselves or their self esteem. The douche bag continually sets the bar higher: Your not good enough, I don't get enough, she's prettier than you etc. This leaves the girl/woman feeling demoralized and less then who they really are because they've let some douche bag define who they should be and so the young woman starts to think or believe that if only she were prettier or smarter, or whatever, the douche bag would love me more. After a while the douche bag gets bored and tosses the girl/woman on the scrap heap and moves on to the next conquest, leaving behind a person who's self image and self confidence have been destroyed. This makes it difficult for the girl/woman to trust, then we get in to the testing to prove intention etc. This is why the dating process is so, well, fucked up!!
Confidence is admirable and charm can be intoxicating. Unfortunately these are the common personality traits of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well as Sociopaths and Psychopaths and psychopaths. By the way, these personality disorders also common in females as well as males!
After being abused verbally and psychologically, most females and males catch on and spot the trouble coming down the road! Others who have sustained too much damage have trouble coming around and may suffer a crueler fate.
Learn the traits of a healthy relationship and put them into practice. Don't put up with poor treatment!
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Being nice doesn't mean you have to be a total pussy.
Once guys figure that out, they'll be better off.
In any case, I don't know why guys would want to change themselves anyway just for a girl. I think that's weak and desperate. I'd rather spend an eternity alone than ever change my personality just so someone can like me.
Us, girls, prefer nice guys (this is a generalization, but it is like this most times). Sometimes, nice guys believe they are friendzone because of being "too nice" or becayse they are not ignoring us or doing the things douchebags do. The problem is not that you're "too nice", it's that you, nice guys, never make your move, wait too long for it, and we believe you want nothing more than being friends, so you become a kind of "best friend", or what's even worse for you: "like a brother".
There's no way to know when the girl is ready for you to make your move, but if you don't want to be friendzoned, just don't act like you just want to be friends. Make your move when you're ready and when you believe it's a good time to make it, don't be scared, be confident and sure of yourself.
A fact you must never forget, either if you're a nice guy or a douche... Girls are humans and we are guided by several things that human nature leads us to (scents, hormones, moments, looks...) and we are all different so you need to guess and be confident about yourself because that helps a lot. If a girl doesn't like you and she likes you as a friend, that could happen to a nice guy or a douche, so don't feel bad about it. (Yup, human nature can seem to be a bitch sometimes) Some girls are friendzoned too, so we get the feeling. Don't stress over it.
You call them douchebags because they're the ones who always get the girl. You should get to know them before you call them that. You don't consider the fact that they get the girl but they can't always keep them. Nice guys keep the girl.
"Douchebags" have confidence, they make the first move, they have loads of charm, they know how to make a girl feel special, laid back, cool, they're usually handsome etc. It's what "girls" want and they're usually a bit of fun. Most girls don't expect to stay with a guy like that or expect him to stick around for her unless they've deluded themselves.
Nice guys usually have little confidence, are reclusive, don't make the first move, don't know how to make a girl feel special, uptight and nervous speaking to girls, feel they're entitled to women because they're "so nice" (we can tell), not very good looking etc. It's not what girls want.
Eventually, those girls grow up to be women who have learnt from their mistakes, whilst nice guys have had time to self discover and learn how to get a girl. The "douchebags" either learn that their behaviour isn't enough to keep a girl when they choose they want to settle down, or they never learn and live life like a bachelor.
I think I'm with the guys on this one. Here's why. I constantly hear the complaints of my girlfriends about their bf's/husbands. I also know them (and bf's/spouses) well enough to know their history and they all have a past that includes being attracted to jerks. It's not that I'm not a good and sympathetic friend, I am! But I cannot forget that we were all warned when we were young about the choices we make and the consequences that come with them and I know for a fact that all my friends were warned. I was only one of many who warned them... These are very unhappy women now in their 30's and 40's. The fact is there are millions of women out there who are going through what they're going through and it is USUALLY for the same reasons. In fairness guys make awful choices too. If you really are a good guy, I would suggest going after the girl you like and try not to be resentful about what you don't have. There ARE "nice" girls and guys out there. Them finding each other is VERY DIFFICULT WORK for both!
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It's not that girls actively choose jerks. Let me quote Bruce Lee:
"A warrior may choose pacifism. Others are condemned to it."
I'm not here to advocate men being warriors. What I mean is this. Girls want to know that you are being a good guy because it is who you are and who you choose to be, not because you're afraid to be anything else. They want good guys with a backbone.
I used to think "nice guys finish last", until I started dating. And as long as it came from the heart, they generally appreciated my being supportive. And, maybe I got lucky on this, but they didn't expect chivalry. So when I DID do something chivalrous, it put a smile on their face.
OK, then there was my first girlfriend in college. She handed me the check saying "yeah, you're taking this." And if that wasn't enough of a red flag, any time I tried to be nice, she claimed I was just kissing ass to get into her pants. She claimed a guy assaulted her. He was starting to talk to my friends and it made them uncomfortable, so I reported him. She got mad and stopped talking to me for a week. CLEARLY lack of experience kept me in the relationship until she broke up with me when I told her the school might be changer her apartment. "Clearly you wanted me to panic. What kind of boyfriend are you?"
Needless to say, SHE is where I learned to show a little backbone, which is why she was followed by many nice, albeit short, relationships.Look dude, only teenagers and idiots in their adulthood still think that there are either nice guys, or there are douchebags. Everyone else learns that if you're one extreme or the other, people will avoid you. When you put so much certainty into this polarization you believe in, you never stop to realize that you need to shake yourself out of it because it's not even realistic.
"Nice guys" are usually friendzoned, not because they're nice, but because they're timid and/or awkward. When they like a girl, they tend to either go about showing interest in all the wrong ways... or not at all. The first might show up in the form of professing their love for a girl they hardly know, being far too uptight and serious, or showing really forced "chivalric" behavior that they think will get them in with the girl. The second is simple enough: they're too timid, shy, anxious, or whatever else to show a girl romantic interest and make any moves on her. When she doesn't know you like her, let alone that you exist, what else can you expect to happen?
Douchebags aren't douchebags, they're just part of this same polarized view you have. Excluding romantic relationships, people like others who are fun, chill, natural, and interesting. Just because a guy teases a girl, puts up a play "fight" with her, makes advances on her (this one is the most misunderstood, I'll get to it in a minute), or things like... it doesn't make him a douche. It makes him normal, playful, etc... when you take yourself too seriously, what's the fun in that?
^"makes advances on her"... as I mentioned, this is wildly misunderstood. "Nice guys" see advances as violating a girl's dignity, respect, space, etc. They see it as such a violation... that they avoid it and don't even do it. Instead, they skirt around the topic and try expressing interest in very vague ways as a result (as well as to provide an easy escape in case things go bad).
So stop seeing things in black and white, it's only harming you.Here is the problem. We've been told that we can get good things if we are nice. You can wish for a gift and Santa will bring it to you, only if you are nice. But now, we are grown up and we are trying to get girls, by being nice. After all, that is how we are taught to solve our problems from an early age.
It's time to face the cold hard truth, why the fuck would a fat old man, get up from his ass, come down all the way from the north pole, and bring you gifts? Just for being nice? Whom does that benefit? I have been thinking about it and it's all a SCAM. The only person it benefits is your parents. They lied to us to keep us under control.
Do you know who else lies to us to keep us under control? The girls who voted for nice guys in your poll, and the feminists with megaphones who created phrases like "street harassment", "rape culture", "male entitlement", etc, to stop us from going for what we want, who also advocate the "nice guy" mentality.
You can be nice, just to be nice, but do not be nice, to make someone feel pleased with you. Sometimes you have to be a jerk. For example I hate feminists, and I explicitly say "fuck you" to them. They will hate me after reading this, but fuck them. I hold my ground, even if it means being a jerk to certain people.
Don't be nice, don't be submissive, don't be a sheep.
hereliesmydespair.files.wordpress.com/.../sheep.pngDo girls prefer douchebags over nice guys?
B. Nice guys... don't have in them
In my experience very few gals prefer douchebags over nice guys and those gals had issues.
I find most gals will choose a douchebag over a nice guy if the douchebag is more attractive, has more status/wealth, or is more self-confident/interesting/fun to be around. It's about preferring the looks/wealth/status/excitement and willing to put up with the douchebag behavior. It's not about preferring douchebags as the gals generally try to 'change' him.No. We want genuine guys. Guys who are only friends or "nice" to get pussy or get a date, and then fuss and pout about it afterwards are not "nice guys". They're just a different form of assholes and I know I don't like those. Phonies basically.
I don't want the "in your face" jerk neither.
Basically, someone who's genuinely nice. If he's genuinely nice, he won't cry "friendzone".
I like people who are nice to be nice. Not nice for ulterior motives (like just to get a date). That's why I call the cliche "nice guys" phonies. Cuz when she doesn't go out with you, they begin calling women bitches, whores, etc. That shit doesn't sound like something a genuinely kind person would say.I hate the loud obnoxious guys who are so full of themselves, but I think I'm in the minority on this one. Most girls I know admit to liking douche guys. I think it's unfortunate for both really. The decent guys who tend to be quieter get nothing. The girls who date the douches are the one who end up in their 30's saying "Oh I hate men, they're all despicable" ... Umm HELLO you date em, you take the consequences! I know one girls who's date with a jerk ended at the police station, another who's ended at the ER. I guess there is no cure for this because it's been going on forever and is alive and well today. Have your douches ladies, cuz the fun will end sooner or later and the decent guys will be long gone. Then we can all sit together chanting together (in our 30's) "I hate men"
So, a guy is either nice and in the "friend-zone", or a douche-bag and with a girl?
That's a very black and white, incorrect perception. There are plenty of good guys dating and in relationships. He's not a douche just because he has a girlfriend.
The thing to remember is, "nice" alone is not going to attract anyone, girl or guy. An obese girl can be the nicest person on earth, and that doesn't mean all the guys are after her. Same way, a guy can't just be nice, and being -too- nice, is not good either. He should have opinions of his own, and not let people walk all over him.
In fact, nice is such a basic quality every human should have some of, that you should gloss over it and focus on other parts of your personality. Are you fun, interesting, cool to be around, sexy, confident, have a sense of humor, etc? Those traits are way more compelling than "nice".Nope girls prefer neither actually and guys don't seem to understand this. We don't want a guy we can walk all over, and we don't want a guy who treats us like shit either. The problem is that girls would prefer the douchebags over the nice guys because at least the douche bags have a voice of their own and are confident enough to tell it how it is.
What do girls really want? A confident, secure, stable guy who speaks his mind, is humble and nice at the same time, but doesn't put you on a pedestal and act clingy and like he will be there forever.
So my suggestion is to gain confidence if you want a girl.It's not douche bags they like it's guys with high self confidence and high amounts of self love. You can be both a good person and also have a high degree of self love. A guy without self love is not useful to anybody. A douche bag will lose his self love because he abuses it. You need both self esteem and compassion to be successful.
Some girls are only attracted to douche bags. Some prefer nice guys. Like, this one girl I'm friends with went on a date with a guy friend of hers, but found it wasn't working out because he was just too nice, and as she put it, she's "only attracted to assholes."
I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite. I don't mind guys that act like assholes as a joke or whatever, but I only find myself attracted to guys who are genuinely nice people. Guys that act like douche bags are a *major* turn-off for me.I don't think this has to be an 'either/or' decision -- I've known and served numerous women who ultimately opted for the best of both types of guys. The way it works is, she uses wimps like me to pay her bills, clean her home and provide more personal attention. For example, when the woman I'm serving tells me that she has a date for the weekend and needs a good house cleaning and a couple of loads of laundry done, etc, after I've gotten all my chores done, I'll give her a top notch pedicure, with several coats of lacquer on her toenails and give her some spending money, because I want her evening with her boyfriend to be absolutely perfect.
If I have the temerity to even suggest that I'd like her to let me fuck her, she'll just giggle and tell me I'm lucky to even kiss her feet. A day or two later, not only will her boyfriend enjoy the privilege of fucking her, their romantic evening will be paid for in its entirety, by me.
Its neither nice of douche, sure a guy might be known as a douche to other people, but it all depends how the guy treats that girl, if he's the biggest douche to everyone it doesn't matter, he may treat that girl like a prized possession, and that's all that matters, If a guy treats that girl right that's all that should matter. And I hate all this douche vs nice guy shit, it's either we like the guy or not, it's not based on if ur nice or not, it's based on your personality, and how you treat us.
As a girl who's dated several douchebags, I can honestly say I NEVER went into the relationship thinking the guy was a douche. I was simply physically attracted to them, and they did a good job of putting on the "I'm just a sweet, honest, sensitive guy looking for a girl to spend the rest of my life with" front and I fell for it. Thankfully with experience I've kinda learned how to spot the douchey guys, but even still, they're good deceivers..
There are girls who would go for these kind of guys, but they're generally immature. They're either interested in status, money, or solely good looks. But those girls would be a good match with the douche bags because they're probably both equally as shallow.That's not necessarily true. I've never went for the douche bags. I've always went for the nice guys because I get along better with them. I don't friend zone people and you shouldn't generalize girls like that. A lot of us like nice guys better.
Obviously no one is completely nice and no is is completely bad. Every person has a bit of both. So stop worrying and you'll eventually see that the girls who choose the douche bags are the ones with the better status/wealth/looks but in the long run, they'll the ones who wish they would of chosen differently.I obviously want a guy who's going to treat me right and be nice, but "nice guy" just seems so.. dull. Like, I want someone who'll rase me and flirt and maybe be even a little mean, because I'm quite mean in a flirty way. And besides, this whole talk about "nice guys finish last" is probably because nice guys don't put themselves out there enough. Like, if you think you sitting there quiet and never flirting with her makes her like you more, that's wrong, because obviously she'll go to the guys that make her feel special or who flirt with her, even if you think you're just giving her the space she wants.
A "nice guy" is what boring guys call themselves. It's the word you resort to when you can't think of anything more interesting to say about yourself. Nice is milquetoast. Nice is bland. Nice lacks personality and conviction.
Who ever went to a fancy restaurant and called the best meal of their lives "nice"? Who describes their favorite movie that way? The sport they obsess over? Nice is a word you use for things that are neither offensive nor memorable. It's such a low bar to set for yourself.Nice guys do not finish last. Its about the way you present yourself. if you have the mentality that you are a loser and never gonna get a girl, you are never going to get a girl. Stop looking down yourself. When you approach a girl, do not act like a loser full of insecurities, approach with confidence. Yes, I'm not the hottest, I'm not the richest, but I'm a good enough guy to date you. Don't be cocky either. I'm your exhibit A
Speaking for myself I have never carried around a bag of shit, and I don't think I will do that anytime soon so ill go with B because seems like he would smell good.
Ew why carry around a douche bag stud you could prick yourself and get some weird disease.
(Sarcasm is being used.)
usually mostly all the time, the douche bag guy is more out there and talks more to you then the nice guy. Also he knows how to flirt so we go a crawling to him (joking)what my teacher told me today is:
girls want a guy that has the traits of cavemen as it is saved deep down in their brains (same for guys, the reason guys like girls with curves is natural).
-some might not agree but I don't talk about exceptions.
so these are simple reasons so most could be understood. cavemen traits;
-strong muscular (the girl feels protected)
-the guy is arrogant (he has no problem to hit some bimbo who might be dangerous and again: protection)
I forgot the rest, another fact.. you learn 100% but your brain only keeps 20% of itWomen talk shit about the guys they date, and make them sound far worse than they actually are. Some girls do like the bad boy type, and some don't. Most women like strong men, over "nice guys" that let others push them around. No matter how good of a guy she is dating, she is still going to talk shit about him behind his back, making it seem like she only dates douches.
I don't see how you would say that James Bond's a douche. He is educated, drives nice cars, a great fighter, very brave, confident, dresses well, physically fit, and has a British accent. He has a lot of traits women are going to love. You find any guy that is not a secret agent, and has those same traits and he will do very well with women as well.
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