Women my own age don't like me. What is going on?

Question

I ask plenty of women my own age out and I either get a polite no or I get an enthusiastic yes only to be flaked out on. I'm not socially awkward, I'm very intelligent, I'm quiet but I have a great sense of humor. I'm fairly confident but not arrogant. I'm not desperate or creepy by any means. I've been told that I'm fairly decent looking and I dress better than the average guy. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs but I'm not a buzzkill and I have any problem dating a girl who drinks. My friends and coworkers think I'm a catch and always ask me why I am still single. The truth is that I don't really know. Women my own age just seem to have no interest in me. 

The thing that confuses me is that all the older women (mid 30's through mid 50's) are into me. A lot of them smile when they see me, talk sweet to me and rub my shoulder or back as they walk by or straight up tell people behind my back that they think I'm really cute. I mean the attention is nice to be sure and I'm flattered. I even think one of them is kinda cute, but I really just don't understand why women my own age are so disinterested and 'older' women are tripping over themselves to hit on me. I don't ever see any of them hitting on anyone else, just me and they're often times fairly obvious about it. I'd prefer to date a girl in my own age range, but I can never get it to happen. My last date was 4 years ago :x

So what the heck is going on ladies? Help a guy out.

gardenoflilacs · Accepted Answer

Hi, Anon!

Don't worry, my last date was in 2011. It was my first date and it was wonderful (not in that sense). I was treated like a queen but it had a sad ending but things happen for a reason, I think.

To your question, I'm sorry that you're only getting approached by these women that are not in your age group, or in ours, I should say because I'm 20. I have the same problem too, I am not kidding. I haven't done anything because I refuse to settle for less and I'm sorry for going off-tangent here but it's the same for girls too, Anon...

I go to the library a lot and I see girls in my age group or younger that are with much, much older men (30's, sometimes even more than that, it's ridiculous). I saw a nice-looking guy the other day (I'm not really about looks, just the "down to earth" vibe he gave off was attractive) and we talked for a little but eventually, my mom, who works there, told me he was married. I always run into that problem... and I do get a lot of stalkers behind me (not to be boast here). But still, I'm single and have been for a very, very long time and I refuse to just "settle".

I think you are and I, and other women, are not so different in this case because the first thing we think of is, "What is wrong with me?" I feel like that too. I feel like my demeanor is off-putting because I might seem "intimidating" all because I have glasses and I like being alone sometimes, I could go on.

A sense of humor goes a long way, Anon. Personally, I love guys with a sense of humor because each day with that person is something to look forward to. As long as the jokes are clean, you know! Hahaha. Laughing = happiness and that goes a long way.

I've also been told that best friends, friends, or acquaintances that you've known can might as well be your girlfriend and you've never noticed!

Don't lose faith, Anon, your girl is out there as is my man and we're in that age group where we don't know what the heck is going on but soon, the path will be clear.

Queen_naki5 · Accepted Answer

Well, I always preferred guys my own age over older men. I don't really understand the fad with older men. I feel like the reason many girls your own age are probably not crazy about you is because you have an "old soul", the older men who they're attracted to are usually mature looking "grown boys" and it's a look that they have that draws them in. A mature face on a man can be appealing to many young women as it symbolizes masculinity. However, not only is age on your side, but you show wisdom beyond your years and it can be seen as a threat to them. Many older women enjoy the company of guys who are mature who are still young enough to do things that men their own age aren't up to doing. My mom always told me that a women's prime is her late 30s-40s and a mans prime is his 20s-early 30s, go figure. A women feels much more sexier and liberated as she ages, while she is normally attracted to a much younger mate. I am like you an "old soul". I normally have friends double my age and can hold meaningful conversations with them. I like guys my own age who can also hold meaningful conversations, yet that I can throw in a few modern jokes here and there.

Chocobofever · Accepted Answer

I think, by your description, that you simply don't display the x-factor. Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Or Twilight? As a book I think the former one is terrible, but there is a reason why women are tripping over themselves for Mr. Grey and Edward. Take notes, sir.

As a personal experience, I've had a couple of guys whom have been nice
and very decent, that I could sense were interested and I was considering it, but then they were just so nice and I realized they would never have the guts to do it and I got turned off. So they got "friendzoned". I simply felt they weren't man enough for me. (The other side of the coin are the people that are so insistent to not listen to you that you have to cut them off with a chainsaw, but I assume you don't suffer that problem.)

As for why older women like you... Many of them are very confident and even like the thought of picking up a younger man. Many younger women on the other hand prefer an older man confident enough to pick them up. So maybe this is it?

Sekaya · Accepted Answer

Same boat!
Like another answerer said, I think there's more girls stuck in a similar situation to yours than you might first think. But the problem is FINDING them.
So many in the early 20s appear to associate getting wasted with fun, and I've never understood it. Or, well, to be more accurate, I do, but I've never felt the urge to pursue a similar path. Same with partying. I like going out and exploring, but huge crowds in cramped quarters just stress me out.
At this point, I'm resigned to a longer wait or to widening the age range. That, or totally uprooting and going elsewhere, which is currently in the works. Hick towns aren't terribly conducive to finding relationship material when you're not one that blends in with the bunch, so to speak.

CincinnatiRedsfan · Accepted Answer

Well first of all, maturity has nothing to do with age when you hit adulthood, TRUST ME. I've worked with people of all ages and I can tell you I see immaturity of all ages, equally.

Now, you're in the exact situation I am: Girls in our age group don't like me but older women do.

This is because girls our age are gold-diggers for the most part and date these "sugar daddies" to give them everything they want. Older women aren't like this. The problem is, I think this is generational, not age. Another words, when our generation ages 20 years, the girls will still be materialistic.

I don't think it has to do with the fact you don't drink or do drugs. Older women are MUCH more likely to drink and they do it often (go to ANY bar and you'll see the answer) and I also notice they do drugs. Again, that's generational: We're statistically the most sober generation (in America at least) of all time.

Anyway, the point is, if you're not wealthy, you won't be getting girls our age. I say go for the cougars! They like me better too.

Pedantic · Accepted Answer

There are over 65 respondents to this question. I have gone through many of the answers, and some are very good. It is a daunting task to add something truly different to the discussion, but I'm going to go there.

I want you to turn left. Meeting girls is great, dating sites are great, your maturity is great, lots of things are great. But the problem, I think, is actually cultural. You're in a generational skew.

It is hard to explain, its a cross between your maturity and your values and the things that influenced you. Your identity as a Western person is, well, either better paired overseas or with someone +20 years your senior. Some foreign women, *especially* Asians are often in the same wavelength as their skewed overseas counterparts. British, Canadian, and American gents seem to have the best of luck with that.

Try branching out to girls your own age but not from your own lands. See if you are in a generational skew or not.

Curmudgeon · Answer

Enjoy those cougars!

Ben Franklin put it best:

Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Younger Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).
June 25, 1745
My dear Friend,
I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the complete human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissors. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.
But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer older Women to younger ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stored with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

MissPoirot · Answer

Maybe you fall for the type of girl that loves partying and just isn't right for you. You sound like a great guy! Older women are generally done drinking and partying excessively and look for the kind of qualities you have. There are plenty of younger girls that will likw you but I think you're just going for the wrong type.

katedepp32 · Answer

there is a high chance that girls your age are looking for a guy to do crazy stuff with, like excessive use of alcohol, drungs, as well as party and hard sex.
so, a girl who's looking for adventures like the ones mentioned before, wouldn't easily choose to be with a quiet guy like you, even if he's intelligence etc. and that's not because you can't do any of the above, but because she can't imagine that you can do any of them.
if i were you, i would date someone older, someone that i could relate to more easily. but that's just me.

alina3095 · Answer

Well people's tastes change as they get older. Younger women often prefer prettier guys probably because of something ti do with appearing to have better genes, whereas older women like a man who's attractive in a different way - a man who seems committed, gentle and trustworthy. Facial features such as higher inner eyebrow or higher cheekbones indicate these traits, according to several studies, whereas younger women like pretty boys who often have larger eyes. Obviously your mannerisms have a lot to do with it too. If you have good posture or a classy accent or if your personality is more calm and subdued than your peers - basically, you're quite a gentleman - this could also be why older women find you so attractive. As for women your age, either their personality is more wild and loud so they're attracted to similar men, or maybe they're just intimidated by your maturity. Men can be too good for women too, despite popular belief.

missingmyfriend · Answer

I've dated a man who was 8 years younger than I was at the time. We had AWESOME chemistry. Even at semi-different phases in life, the connection worked. We had the best sex I've ever had in my life. Glad I didn't miss out on that. It only lasted two years, but I always think back to my greatest sex partner ever. I almost turned him down because of the age thing too. He tried to get with me for so long, then one day I finally broke down. Give people a chance.

SenorAries · Answer

Dude! Enjoy it! Believe me. The older women know what they want and with their experience... Things get real fun! I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy guessing games. I was like you. I was 18 hooking up with late twenties and up. Run to it, not from it

Snoopy88 · Answer

The next time someone older shows interest and you find her attractive just go with the flow and start a conversation. There is nothing wrong with dating women who are older. Might just be what you need. No head games. They know what they want and will appreciate your maturity and confidence.

Blushfairy · Answer

You sound intelligent, you are in your 20s right? Most girls especially in their 20s, my older friends for an example they like to play around and have fun for that. Seeing how you sound quite mature maybe girls find that a turn off when all they want is "play".
I am not saying all of them, but most of them.

They most likely want a playful guy, but since you might not drink and have that in common, they might find you a little... boring? :/
For me; I wish there were more guys like you, but there isn't much to find of them my age either, so older ones for me is better :)

AlternativeUnicorn · Answer

The sad thing is that girls your age don't want the "good guy" that they feel that they can settle down with. They want the untameable guy that will sweep them of their feet only to leave them in the dusty with a broken heart. I'm sad to say that you just might have to wait another four years to get that date unless your looking asst older women who are ready to settle down into a stable relationship. If I were you I'd listen to the the song "bad enough for ya" by all time low. You'll understand why once you listen to it.

Theguyoverthere · Answer

As a guy who has hooked up with older women I understand. Honestly, here is the dilemma.

Girls in their 20's are partying or intensely school focused and won't date.

Girls in their 30's are hellbent on marrying if they choose to date and will rush into marrying and/or having kids.

By the time they're in the 40's if they're single they're either doomed to be single or are recovering from a bad divorce.

So honestly, enjoy the older women if my suggestion and do not care about dating unless you feel you've been hanging around a good girl for quite some time. Girls these days date with very specific intentions. I'm not saying they're necessarily "bad" intentions but they're only interested in very specific types of relationships.

oldanddecrepid · Answer

Probably because you come off as to mature... girls in your age bracket (not all) are typically looking for the loud boisterous males who stand out and make them laugh.

You may just be really mature for your age, and that's why the older women favour you.

Your unique... count yourself lucky that your young and women already get a mature vibe off you. It may suck for you now, but when those 18 -24 year olds get older... like a couple of more years you will seem quite attractive to them, because they are looking for a mature guy to spend their life with.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude, stay away from the cougars. They're suck you dry. Any women in their thirties or forties, especially, who go after a guys in their twenties are human garbage. I know from the experience of several young men. Those women are predators and the younger girls and women telling you to go for it are naive fools and sexual promiscuous themselves as they have no consciousness about the disrespectful way their slutting themselves without regard to the hearts of their future husbands, dragging their jizzed mouths to his marriage bed. American girls and women are all such sluts anyway. Dude, I'm telling you as man of more experience than you, they are out to use you and discard you, and they want you to fall in love with them. It's all about their egos. No decent older women does that to a guy in his twenties. The men their age don’t want them because they know what they are, and that’s why their going after you. Theses are women with no sense of motherly instinct for your heart and wellbeing. Ask you’re mother what these women are about if you don’t believe me. And I don't want to hear anything about double standards. Older men genuinely love and watch out for the younger women they engage. It’s an entirely different dynamic. Don’t get suckered in by feminist doggerel that is utterly out of touch with the way things work in the real world. Decent women don't do that. It's pure ego gratification at your expense. I have personally watched this happen in my office. It is especially dangerous for if you work with these women. When they are done with you, I’ve watch them get these guys fired or harassed out of their jobs. You are liability to their sense of place once its over. Make no mistake about it, and the same thing happened to other younger I know. Don’t waste one moment of your life or energy on a Succubus like that. They’re emotionally dried up fish who rode the cock carousel in their twenties, just like most sluts here. You’re nothing to them.

Anonymous · Answer

The struggle is real, haha. I'm the same way, except I really can't stand girls my own age, they are too immature for me. I finished school early and went right to work. I have a house, 2 vehicles, and a very good and stable career (Not just a job). I don't mean to sound cocky, but I think I have done very well for myself. All the girls my age are still in university, or they aren't, and they are doing the whole bartender, waitress thing, going nowhere and just trying to find a man to support them. I find that a lot (not all) women my age are very naive and have no sense of what the real world actually is. That's why I like older women, and like you, more older women seem to be attracted to me than the younger ones. But maybe I don't notice the younger ones because I'm just not interested in them.

Michael6084 · Answer

You should take your situation as a blessing - I was in the same boat years back. Many women in their early 20s don't know what they want and are typically not as emotionally mature as women in their late 20s or older.

AnissiaXO · Answer

i know you're giving a lot of pros but there just might be something you're lacking if you are continuously being turned out in all honestly. and since we dont really know you personally itll be hard to say what that is. OR maybe it ain't time to be in a relationship:) be patient xo goodluck

Anonymous · Answer

I had same problem as you. I'm 29 now and it took until I was 25/26 before people my own age were interested. I dated two older guys (one 10 years older; one 15). It was great! And the only thing we couldn't relate about was our childhood experiences (TV/films/toys). That's such a small part of conversation, it doesn't matter. Plus older partners can teach you a lot!

Skip_Crazy · Answer

Well... I am a freshman in high school and I like older guys because they are more mature, not like in their 30's or anything, but about 6 years older. I like them because they are honest and respect my opinion, maybe these girls are more of a party type and want a "bad boy" to take them through the loop. Don't get discouraged, there are women out there who WILL go for you!

Monkeys · Answer

I think the reason why girls your own age don't like you , because they probably want a man that's opposite of u. But the reason you attract older peeps because , they think your decent and there should be more men like u out there.

Anyways my opinion could be wrong , but I hoped that helped (;

bluehairgirl21 · Answer

Maybe all the woman your own age which you are attracted to are not mature enough for your level. Why don't you try dating an older woman see if maybe you hit it off, you never know.  Good luck

Scrambled · Answer

My dilemma too

Women my own age don't like me. What is going on?

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