My 13 year old daughter wants to be a boy?

Question

Ever since my daughter was 10, she loved wearing dresses, makeup, pink, etc. But her friend gave her some boyish clothes and it all went downhill from there. She plays sports, gets dirty, and refuses to even touch girl clothing. I buy her dresses but she never wears them. A couple weeks ago she asked if she could get a haircut like a boy and I refused. I don't want her to have one because I'm afraid she'll get bullied or not have any friends. Then a couple days ago she asked if I would buy her a chest binder. Again I refused because I want her to show off her curves. She said, "I just want to look down and actually be able to see my feet, without these nasty balls in the way." I bought her a dress for her History Day Regionals Competition and she didn't wear it. She actually took her longboard up to Target and bought mens formal wear. I also think she's a lesbian because I once asked her, "Well you're not attracted to girls," and she didn't say anything. I also found her math notebook has hearts with the name "Kyra" in them. I want to know what's wrong with her and how to fix it.

Azara · Accepted Answer

It's not a crisis. She's rebelling against being put I to a box. That's healthy. Women and men really are not split down the middle there's no reason to think just bc she's a girl she'll want long hair or dresses or like her breasts. And sports lol c'mon women are in the Olympics obviously girls like sports. I never did wear dresses or hang out with people who liked spending their time fretting about appearance or boys or gossip-- supposedly girl activities- the only thing I changed on was my breasts which I only started liking like last year and that's when I became sexually active. They feel good to be touched - but I could do without having them in my way.

Girls behavior / boys behavior it's all decided very arbitrarily and obviously not based on the actual child or no kids wood be choosing not to confirm. And probably many more would reject if there want as you say bullying. But the bullying goes in as long as adults act like girls or boys have to act one way or the other to be normal. Kids bully when they see other see adults treating people badly for being themselves. You keep telling her there's sonething wrong even though she's acting perfectly normal. Dresses are impractical as us long hair if you're active. Sports are fun and important for healthy development and who " wants" bouncy things when they are used to not having to bother with them...

This is all very heathy preference. It's the prefrfbce if someone who wants to be active as most kids do. She didn't invent dresses or " girl" behavior there's no reason she should be limited by it, Esp when There's no real reason a girl or boy should have such narrow possibilities of self expression.

Just bc a kid sees that there is no sense in being pigeon holed does not make them not a girl or a boy. it makes them not willing to live the life if a slave.

Makes just being a kid and finding who she is. You block her it won't make it go away it'll just lower her confidence and trust in you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

the problem with this is that most homosexual beginnings start with an identity crisis or gender crisis, while i'm not against homosexuality I would like them to realize what gender they genetically are and why they need to understand that by going gay especially at such an early age they're bound to be bullied and harassed by their classmates & friends and discriminated by people of all ages, before hating your gender ask yourself why first, because you like boyish clothes? because you wanna be flat? because your attracted to a girl? its too early for you to make up your mind about it especially when you are likely just confused about it, but if you really wanna be a tomboy then I hope for your sake you have a smooth life, because it is very rarely the case.. good luck

aamy811 · Accepted Answer

She'll do what she wants whether now or later. Even if she gets bullied, who cares as log as she's happy with herself.
It truthfully seems like your the only ashamed of your daughter. She's obviously fine with herself and that's all that should really matter. My mother didn't let me be myself as now we have almost no contact. Is your daughter being girly really important enough or you to damage your relationship. Possibly forever.
She could be doing drugs, she could be drinking, she could be having sex, she could be doing a lot of worse things then figuring herself out and experimenting. She's growing into her own person and you need to let her

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Your mom may not be very fond of your choices but the world is changing thanks to both our generations mine for starting stupid trends or making things possible where your enervation follows and expands it.

They may say its a phase, it might be but people change they don't change over night but they change your mom will just have to adapt to your choices and make compromises with you like haircuts for example you can have it short but not so short she still has limits on your life as a growing member of society both in and out of the home. Eventually you will see eye to eye on the matter or you will adapt enough to her liking and still be yourself.

Only time can tell trust me when you reach high school people are to busy with their lives to big sure they will be the few jack asses but they need to learn more than you do if that's the case. Good luck with your situation, remember compromise, and adapt then everything should turn out fine.

GoodDogNigel · Accepted Answer

You're probably just going through a phase, (maybe not, but you're only 13). And what's with all these weird new sexualities that keep being created? It used to be just straight, bi, gay, but now there's a niche for everything!

Genie23 · Answer

Okayyyyyy.. So you are18-24 year old.. and you have a 10 year old daughter? Nice try.

Mesonfielde · Answer

The fact that you label yourself as "pansexual" is just proof that people's sexuality is partly influenced by culture. This label didn't exist until like about a year ago. You should wear clothing because you like them, not because they're "boyish" or "girlish".

Maybe you should find your own individuality, rather than pick from binary boxes?

Just make sure you'll look presentable in the end. Short hair is usually not attractive on females.

jacquesvol · Answer

Peter Pan:  in my opinion it's a refusal of responsibilities (and inconvenient things) coming with growing up. Some stay that way till their mid twenties. That's when girls start to hunt and shave all that new body hair , some even get anorexia.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

This is odd, you're 18-24 and have a 13 year old daughter?

If this is a real question and not trolling, there's nothing you can do to "fix" her. If she is a lesbian or wants to be a boy, that's just who she is. You can try to keep forcing her to wear "girly" clothing but that might just cause resentment. I think you should just accept it, no matter how much you dislike it, it is what it is. It's highly unlikely that she will change.

justwannatalk · Answer

Wanting to wear guys clothes is not wrong. I can vouch that they are incredibly comfortable. The chest binder is a little far, you should be comfortable in your own body. Tell your mom your pansexual and hope she understands.
It's a question of, "Who am I to judge?"

Mustachekitteh · Answer

Are you sure your not a transsexual?

Also that's wrong of the mom to treat you like that. It's your life and I'm sure your smart enough to know what comes with dressing and being that way. As long as your happy that's all she should really care about. The mom sounds more selfish that she couldn't bare you living that way. She should care way more about your happiness than anything else.

Straight up tell your mom how you truly feel about the way she is being.

Sehaj · Answer

Lets hope its just a phase.
But just so u know. There have been cases one that i saw myself in a talk show. A boy was born but ways felt more like a girl.. As he grew up he decided to have a sex change and explained his parents how he is not a he.. He said..
I am a girl trapped in boy's body..
So hope its not that.. Whatever it is..
U need to talk more with her. Let her be very comfortable and open to you.

Nik1hil · Answer

FINALLY SOMEONE PLAYERS April FOOL TRICK NICELY, you mom won't be worried now, once you complete your puberty and cross 16 then it's matter to talk about, you are just 13 so don't worry. Enjoy childhood it's really short, do all crazy stuffs and be a kid. You can think about it once you are 18+ cause you cannot be a kid again ever.

RationalMale · Answer

You're 13 years old and you've decided you're "pansexual"? Seriously?

You're a child. A 13 year old deciding they're a boy or they're pansexual or whatever is about as deep as a 13 year old saying they're a dog or a horse. Your mom is right to not go along with it... you need a steady hand and to get through your phase of weirdness.

Coolguy1928 · Answer

Hmm, okay. Tell your mom everything you just said, being Pansexual. And also tell her "If you won't accept me for who I am, then you're better off not having a daughter!" There's a chance for you to get kicked out, but if she really loves you, then she'd accept you.

Good luck. :-)

muspelhem_5 · Answer

You are one smart 13-year-old. I wish you the best of luck with getting acceptance for who you are.

Tomsta · Answer

She is hitting puberty this thing might just be a phase, but if it isn't then it isn't something you can fix, people have gender crisis all the time, she might just like guy clothing plenty of women i know are more commonly seen in jeans and a tshirt rather than a skirt and blouse

Anonymous · Answer

What's wrong with you? She's not broken, she's different, and the more you try to force her to be the way you want, the more you will only push her away. Wake up and educate yourself on gender roles, and sexuality. The world has changed, and we're not just "men and women" anymore.

xMoonlessNight · Answer

I know what you mean. Parents can be judgmental. It want makes them parents I guess..
But here's what you tell her...

"Mom, if you really love me you'll except me for who I am. If I want to wear boy clothes then let me. I'm not your little girl anymore. I'm a big girl now."

If she still wouldn't let you wear boyish then you'll have to to listen to her. You are living with her...
But yeah, see how it goes..

Anonymous · Answer

Dear Troll,

Regarding the update, you're claiming to be the 13 year old girl... who are you claiming wrote the question? Your mother (who like pretends she's half her age)? Or you pretended to be your mother being disappointed with you and asked a question about yourself? (In which case why does it say 18-24?)

Takada · Answer

13 year old daughter, but you're only 18-24 yourself? Uhuh, sure.

Anonymous · Answer

If I was in that situation I would fully support my Child. Yes at first it may be different. But if that's what they want and feel you can say or do anything that will change it. ♡

nert73 · Answer

This whole question has confused me. I understand some parts, but there are still some things I don't understand.

AkumaKira · Answer

Dont worry its just a phase. Tell her in a few years that by acting like a boy she won't have a boyfriend. that should scare her that time lol

Ryosanada · Answer

So why not look into changing to a boy? Mhu, I have some friends whom are doing gender changes.

My 13 year old daughter wants to be a boy?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

My 13 year old daughter wants to be a boy?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.