Why does the girl who loves me sleep around when i'm gone?

[dj-jam-iii]

I have a very tricky and emotionally taxing situation. I am deployed overseas and the person I am in love with broke up with me and has slept with other guys 2 times now since I left 2 months ago. Every single night though she cries on the phone and tells me I have her heart and I'm her only love in life and she never wants to loose me. And she tells guys she is sleeping with this too. But they obviously don't care cos they are getting what they want.

Some people tell me to leave, others tell me its just a coping mechanism to deal with the pain of me being gone. I know she is really depressed right now. You have to understand also I was her first and she was 17 when we started dating and were together 4 long years. It seems she has thrown away her body and is trying to act her age now that I'm gone but she keeps her heart with me. You can call me a sucker I guess, I already forgave her and told her I'll always be there for her and I think she is using it against me now. It really hurts

She constantly tells me just wait till you get home and we'll work on us. I truly believe she still loves me but why does she feel the need to sleep around?

Do all girls go through this phase? She is very attractive and I know every bar she goes to there is guys trying to take her home and giving her attention. Are all girls faced with the situation to give into taking all they can get from meaningless sex and attention from guys?

I don't know at this point whether to hold on, try and be her friend, or what. I tried to convince her she is making a mistake and she is hurting herself in the long run by making herself feel good one night at a time. But she won't listen.

Please help gals, why do some girls give into this temptation when they love another guy but he can't be there physically, is the only way for them to learn is to mess themselves up and become jaded. How do young women especially these days give themselves away without their heart in it.

I am so lost and confused right now, my heart is heavy and I can't be home to do anything about it =( I can't pretend I don't love her and want her in my life, but I can't take the pain of hearing what she's doing to herself

Updates

+1 y

One of the replies asked if I was in a war zone. Yes I am. She knows I'm going out every week through some pretty shitty stuff. She tells me no one can ever replace me and that I am her only love before we end each call. Usually with her in tears

[allen-jamee]

Sweetheart I am only answering this not because I have done it but I am a girl and I know the answer to this one. I've seen this so many times and I have went through it but a guy has done it to me. Make sense. Anyways hun. I think you need to tell her your moving on. She broke up with you because she is one of those girls that can't commit. She has to be wanted and needed all the time. So now that your gone she has no use for you. Make more sense. Think about it. She might love you and say you have her heart but that her playing you defensively. She wants to make sure that no matter what she has someone. I also think she is a (what I refer to as) a horndog. She can;t keep her legs shut for even the serious relationships. She wants to make sure that when you get back she can fall back in to your arms and her loneliness will be cured because she knows she has you by the balls. She is playing you, and hard to. You told her you love her and she is definitely going to use that against you. I'm not saying just up and forget about her because I still haven't forgot about my ex of 2 years ago. But I am saying get out there and you date someone new. She isn't the end of the world you know, and if she really cares about you and really loves you and wants to be with you and sees that you are serious about moving on with your life. She will ask for you back, but draw the line hun. She can't leave you when you are deployed nor should she cheat on you. Make it clear. Your better then what you are getting back for all your efforts. I give you praise though. Your a true gentleman and I thank you for that. Your one of the good ones left. But give it a try. You'll see her true side when you leave her and she knows your with other people. Either she cares or she doesn't. It's up to you though. This is just my advice. Hope everything works out for you. You never know you might actually meet the true love of your life if you try this. Whether it be her or not in the long run. Good luck.

[ionlife]

Listen to this girl. Your girl is just exploiting you by equating your sympathy with weakness. When you are in a war zone you need your mind to be clear and focused and the last thing you need is a lot of drama playing out in your head. Remember, givers need to set limits because takers rarely do, so set limits for her and don't entertain nonsense. I do have a question though, what advise would /you/ give if your friend approached you with the same situation?

[TrustBex]

I would suggest not to rationalize and make her a victim. Trust me she's not jaded or no where near the definition. If she's were tainted by your absence she'd be pissed/bitter with sprinkled with feeling abandoned and concentrates so much on missing you that she's become a homebody. Now that is what jaded refs. To.

Overall I'm sure she's a good person the length of the relationship speaks for it and vice versa. However she's being straight up selfish, lacking decency, and respect to let you go. Take away the tears and what you have are very well thought out actions to sleep with a guy twice. Honestly she's taken the time to know another person (doesn't matter how old you are/phase)or had her eye on that dude from the get go. Reality is your relationship currently translates to "OUT OF SITE, OUT OF MIND". Deep down you know this in your heart, too. You need to ask yourself why you choose to "really" stay. Possibly fear of starting something new? Can't stand to see her with someone else just cause she maybe be pretty? History you have together? None of these are good enough to fight for. Your just as good looking and will have another pretty girlfriend but with a better fulfilling relationship. I kid you not she knows this too which could be the reason why she can't let go of you either. Of course breaks up hurt they're suppose to, and they all do. It doesn't mean your not going to get someone who's better for you so there's nothing to be afraid of. You gotta just leave all the old and close the chapter cause there's new one to fit the new friends and faces that surround you.

[dj-jam-iii]

I do have a small fear of starting something new because we were so familiar and close, and the history, and also because the her being pretty part. I really wanted to get married to her before we were deployed, and it just seems like she would have been the most beautiful gal in my whole life. I'm sick of listening to sappy broken heart lost love songs and connecting with the lyrics. LOL

[Anonymous]

Personally, I can't bring myself to sleep around in order to feel cared about, so I'd say not all girls go through that phase. But I do have some (girl) friends who do it, so it's a possibility that she really does crave intimacy and affection. I guess even I do wonder at times if it would be nice to sleep with someone to feel that much needed affection, just that I never actually put that curiosity into action.

You mentioned that she tells that to every other guy. Does she cry when she tells them that as well?

I haven't really read the other answers so sorry if I've repeated stuff, but all the best, I really do hope it works out for you.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't love you period. If she loves you she would not broke up with you and sleep around. She came running to you because you are a constant guy in her life that still care about her. You listen her, try to comfort her and by telling her that you would there for her, you will make her running back to you a lot. Just for temporary period until she finds another guy than she would not think of you but if she have a problem with her love life, she'll be back to you again. Its a pattern and I would forget and leave her because she will never change period.

[sexwiseman]

Honestly, I lived in the fort hood area, and a lot of the women that have their men in the military seem to be cheating on their partners. However, I did meet a few that were not, so I think is just based on the strength of character of the person. What you have to know is that even if you came back and formed a relationship, once you go on a trip, even for a night, I have no doubts that your girlfriend will find an excuse to cheat on you. This also comes down to your own standards. As for me, if any girl cheated on me, it will be over; I don't care for the excuse. I have a lot of respect for myself, and there are plenty of women out there for me to be suffering over one. So from that comparison, I don't think you have evaluated what your own personal beliefs are about the concept of cheating. Maybe now is the time to set the precedence.

[gianakopulos]

She doesn't truly love you

shes a liar

[ppfxxx]

It sounds like a strange situation technically she's not cheating 'cause she broke up with you but why is she telling you about the guys she's sleeping maybe she wants to see your reaction it could be a more extreme version of the ploy some girls pull where the flirt with other guys to see if you get jealous thereby showing that you love them but I really don't know. She sounds as if she's in a bit of a self destructive phase at the moment.

By the way when you say your deployed overseas are we talking war zone because that may be the cause of her actions

[Mousey]

Well as human beings and as a female point of view. Women need personal contact. The intimate interaction. Cuddling,touching or love making. Unfortunately in my opinion though if a gal can't wait for her man for a long period of time. Then she doesn't really truly love you. Take it from someone who truly knows. ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT.

Sorry for your stress. Not all women are like this.

[alpinestars-2002795]

Been there myself, you'd be surprised, a lot of women are like this now days. It's because we give them too much sympathy. We feel bad for them, we remember the good times. Not the bad. And as the girl said above because they are pretty, and maybe because we loved them, and yes we don't wanna give up. I personally don't look down on the guy but I understand where the girl is coming from that made it seem that way. A lot of girls out there like this be forewarned!

[Bduffman1234]

Because you met a whore of a wife, look there are times you can distinguish an animal from a person, do whatever you need to do, at least you don't have kids with this woman, because then you would have to put up with her for 18 years

[nusoulmusic]

Uh-uh! Don't fall that mess. Why should you be hurt because she wants to sleep around. If she loved you, she'd stay true to you. Save yourself the pain and go your way while she goes hers.

[j0731]

If she would love u she wouldn’t sleep around simple as that

[Anonymous]

She does really care for you, if she did she wouldn't be cheating on you. You need to find someone who does care for you.