Is it a big deal I hang out with my girlfriend's sister?

[Anonymous]

I'm 27, girlfriend's sister is 26, my girlfriend is 23.

I've known my girlfriend's sister longer than I've known her, and both of them are pretty, but her sister is a really good, supportive, loyal friend.

We never dated. In fact, we always were with other people, but we always looked out for & took care of each other.

My girlfriend and I have been together 9 months, and I've never given her any reason to believe I'd lie. I've always come through for her when I promised & put her first.

She gets jealous cuz she thinks I want to ditch her to be with her sister.

I told her both of us have insecurities, but her sister was my friend before I knew her, so she needs to get over it.

Like, a couple nights ago, I was home sleeping, and woke up to find texts, "I know you're with my sister" "fuck you both" and other stuff.

Her sister is very nice & supportive, goes out of her way to make it clear we're just friends, and tries to help me deal with my girlfriend's insecurities.

I've never told my girlfriend no when I was free, or put her sister ahead of her, but I'm not stopping being friends with her just because we started dating & she needs to confront her insecurities.

Her sister has a boyfriend, but when my girlfriend is busy at work or out with other people or whatever, sometimes her sister and I will go grab lunch, or do stuff when both of us have nothing else to do.

She hangs out with & talks to other guys, and I told her like any other girl she needs to either trust me or break up if it makes her that uncomfortable, cuz if she can't' trust me then it's never gonna work between us.

Updates

+1 y

Also I consider her sister isn't going anywhere. If I'm with her both are always going to be part of my life, so trusting me isn't an option. If our relationship is going to work she's going to need to or break up.

[Anonymous]

Similar situation with my sis and boyfriend but she did not curse, just was worried about me.

Anyway, whenever my sister gets jealous, he (her bf) stops talking to me. Even if we are in the middle of a conversatiom, he will stop talking if my sister gets upset.

My sister is fine with it but she use to worry I might start to have feelings for him and she did not want me to get hurt.

Anyway, the thing is he puts her first and I am cool with that.

He talks to me when my sister calms down.

Now, we are all cool but my sister always comes first for him. (Same goes for her.)

[Asker]

See I'm different. I told her we're friends, and we've been good friends for a long time, had each others backs, and always been there for each other to support each other. Along the way we've dated other people. She has a boyfriend right now, but I'm not gonna hurt her sister, because her sister was always good to me, and ruin my relationship with her and cut her off just because my girlfriend is insecure. I had insecurities about her hanging out with other guys, but I stepped up & worked on myself, and I'm telling her she needs to do the same.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, you're essentially putting your sister's girlfriend before your girlfriend by saying yo I think you could be a little more sensitive. Yes, it's an insecurity she needs to move past, but she won't feel any better about it if you don't show her that you understand why she feels jealous. She shouldn't have a problem with you guys grabbing lunch or meeting up randomly during the day,

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, my stupid phone was spazzing.

*By saying you're going to keep being friends with the sister and don't care if that makes your girlfriend feel worse.

*Randomly during the day, as long as you're not cozying up together at one of your houses/apartments. However, your girlfriend clearly wonders if something's going to happen with you and her sister whenever you guys are together so I suggest including your girlfriend whenever possible. Even if she's busy, let her know you're grabbing lunch or whatever with her sister but wish your girlfriend were there instead. Take a funny pic with the sister and send it to your girlfriend to show that you guys really are just friends.

The bottom line is that if you think anything could EVER happen with the sister, you need to stop hanging out with her. Your girlfriend deserves your respect and you deserve her trust, and the only way you'll get there is by being totally honest with each other. And let her know those texts are unnecessary since you'd never make a move on the sister.

[Asker]

I've never gone out with her sister ahead of her. If my girlfriend needs me & her sister asks something I tell her my girlfriend needs me & she comes first, but if she's at work, or doing her own thing, or even hanging out with other guy friends, and both of us are free, we go hang out and do stuff or get lunch. I've rarely ever even been in her house with her.

[Asker]

Also when I used to bring up her with other guys I basically get told I'm paranoid & need to trust her.

[Asker]

Also, the three of us have been out together many times, and beforehand, because it's her family, I ALWAYS let her know when her sister & I are hanging out, and tell her beforehand what we're doing.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm. Then you gotta sit down and ask your girlfriend what the issue is and why she doesn't trust you, especially since the sister has a boyfriend. (Does he have a problem with you two hanging out?) Just hash it out and get to the bottom of the issue, even going as far (if you want) to tell her there are only two ways this can end: she can either be an adult and accept that you're going to continue to be friends with her sister, or her insecurities will drive a wedge between you two and you'll eventually break up. Assure her she's the only one you want and that just because you enjoy having her sister as a friend doesn't mean you want to spend less time with your girlfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you ever cheated on her or been caught looking at other girls? Like something that would make your girlfriend hesitant to trust you? If not, it really sounds like your girlfriend is creating these issues in her head. When I wrote my initial answer above I hadn't read the part about the sister having a boyfriend, but since she does, your girlfriend literally has nothing to worry about. My guy is 29 and I'm 22 and I struggled with insecurities when he went back to school and made some female friends, but I realized that a) he's 100% trustworthy, b) he's too good of a person to ever betray me, and c) most of the girls he hangs out with have boyfriends anyways.

[Asker]

No. Everyone who knows me, all my friends, her sister, mom, dad; everyone trusts me completely because I've never given anyone any reason to believe otherwise cuz I don't lie about anything, but I'm not feeding her insecurity either.

When we're together & she starts blowing up her sister will even go, "your boyfriend is trying to talk to you" & try to help her calm down & talk to me - she wants us to be together.

[tizz704]

I dont think this girl is mature enough for you but maybe thats just the vibe im getting. 23 and 27 are very different ages, maybe its just not the right time.

[Anonymous]

No just don't fuck the sister " by accident"

[BertMacklinFBI]

I honestly think its fine