How can I make her scared of losing me?

[Anonymous]

I'm not heartless or a player or anything, please hear me out:

My girlfriend honestly means the world to me yet I often feel like I don't mean the same to her and it's getting to me and hurting a little bit sometimes. We've been together a few months now, so I know it's still early days but still..
She has recently started coming out of her shell a little bit lately but something tells me that she's crawling back into it, yet I hear that apparently she always tells her mum she really, really likes me and that she's told her she can see me and her being long-term and the more she gets to know me, the more she is enjoying hanging out with me. Yet I hear things like this from her mum and not herself. I even feel like her mum just tells me this to make me feel better sometimes and often makes me wonder if it has really been said.

All I want to know is from herself that she cares about me and she cares about our relatiosnhip as much as I do. And I was thinking of somehow trying to make her scared of losing me somehow without actually losing her..

What should I do?

[pnl86]

I really have no idea why people thing of their personal relationships in different terms than how they think about their business relationships. It's not some fluffy wonderland that simply endlessly rewards you for being unique and awesome! It's a give and take. It's an exchange of value. It continues to exist because both sides continue to benefit from voluntarily associating with each other.

If you're feeling nervous or insecure (I don't mean that in a negative way), then what you're really saying is that you would like to better understand your "bargaining leverage" and "negotiating power" in this relationship (i. e., what's in it for her, and why does she benefit from being with you).

If the only answer you have is your "personality" or because you're "such a nice/good person," well, it's time to work on that.

Sex, Money, Power - the holy trinity of what keeps people together.

Sex is simple: (a) look good, (b) be masculine and sexy as a man, (c) be good in bed and give a sh*t about your partner's sexual pleasure

Money is simple: look at your bank account and tax returns

Power is the multi-dimensional one. "Power" is either broad or specific. Broadly, it can range from things like "political" power, to things like a large "social network." Maybe your social circle includes very influential people, or very fun and interesting people. Now, you are actually "powerful," in the sense that there are easily identifiable benefits to associating with you.

Power can also be "specific," for example, your ability to influence individual people you interact with (e. g., charisma, humor, flirting). It's the weakest form of power, but it's still important and worth considering.

Which one is the easiest to "improve"? Your "specific" power (e. g., humor, flirting, social and outgoing personality). Next? Sex (go to the gym, dress better, take better care of yourself in terms of grooming, feel better about yourself as a man, radiate this aura of genuine natural masculinity, and just listen and care about what your girl wants during sex (not what "you think" she wants). Next? Money. Self-explanatory. Most difficult and last? "General" power. Unless you have money, nobody really cares who you are - because you are nobody.

I used to think money was the most important thing when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I know it is.

Be the guy who "knows people who know people," and everyone will want to get to know you.

[pnl86]

The best way to increase the "risk of loss" for your partner is to just make yourself "more valuable." It's a "passive" method. Don't waste your time with these stupid "active" methods like flirting with other girls, etc. There's nothing more powerful than you simply doing "nothing" but simply existing, and guys trying to be a part of your social circle, or girls trying to get your attention. That kind of stuff (a) doesn't give your girl a legitimate reason to be mad at you about anything, and (b) makes her aware of the alternative universe in which you and her are no longer together - and how life would be in that alternative universe.

So, the best thing you can do is to just keep bettering yourself and stop worrying about how she immediately feels towards you.

[R3d_Anonymous]

This guy knows his shit!

[hnrya20]

You are over thinking things which could damage your relationship. You should never make a girl feel afraid of losing you. If they are, they are insecure and you don't really want that in a woman. Seriously go with the flow, and if you smother her to much it will push her away and turn her off. If you keep worrying like this, she will become exhausted and distant. Best thing you can do, is be the calm, cool, confident guy that most woman look for. Confident shouldn't be confused with cocky. Good luck bud.

[Asker]

I know you've only just answered this a matter of a minute ago but this honestly made me feel so much better. I think I've started to realise that me and her are actually getting closer and when I asked this the other evening, I was over-thinking things a lot

[hnrya20]

I'm glad you have a more positive look on it now. Try not to over think things to quickly. It's only harmed me in the past by doing so.

[Anonymous]

Best thing to do is ask her how she feels about you because communication is very important in a relationship. You shouldn't have to do anything to Scare her because that is just playing games.

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't make your girlfriend feel anything. . . but you can show her that you are a game player who wants to try to manipulate her feelings. That would be a horrible mistake. Be patient; everyone doesn't move at the same speed.

If you really love her, you will be patient and wait. If you can't be patient and wait, maybe what you're feeling isn't really love.

[Alvokite]

I would not try to make her scared. For a number of reasons, possibly the most important being that it would be a mean thing to put her through for your own benefit.

I agree with the anonymous girl, just talk with her about it.

[ThatBritishLad]

Meh, Destiny Bond?
38.media.tumblr.com/.../...9C71qmqw7po1_r4_400.gif

[OrdinaryGentleman]

I think there is really nothing you can do, seems like you are doing everything possible.