Why are some women so insecure?

Why are some girls so insecure? My brother's wife is beautiful and everything but she can't stop complaining about her body. Could you explain?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes it isn't insecurity at all. Sometimes it is realistic. It is acknowledging the fact that, while we may be beautiful, we can still be MORE beautiful. There is always room for improvement when humans are involved because no one is perfect. She is merely acknowledging the gap. It is very American to strive for more - to be the best. Women come by it honestly. A parallel question could be, why are some boys so insecure that they feel the need to put other men down (telling them they have a smaller penis, calling them a fag)? It's the same problem, it just presents itself differently: when women are insecure, they degrade themselves; whereas, when men are insecure, they degrade other men to compensate (it's why you never here some one say: "SHE must be compensating for something") Also, while a man's ideal may be a confident women, we are socialized to be quiet, social creatures, which also requires us to be humble. Hence the reason why when around other women, we may put ourselves down while raising the other women on a pedestal. We are man's mirror. While men are always competing to be top dog, women have always been revered for their ability to submit (to be less than). Hope that made sense, and shed some light :)


What Experts Said

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What Girls Said 29

  • meh. not all women are.. but we are constantly comparing our selves to "Jessica alba" and her bod. its also hard to watch all the girls that look like her, are getting all the attention from guys. I no for my self I set standards for my self. so regardless of how nice you think someone looks. they will always be looking for something better. think about what would make you insecure?

  • that's a huge generalization. I'm not insecure and I'm not insecure.

    Insecurity sometimes comes from an abusive back ground or people who have not been supportive of her.

    But I wouldn't go as far as to judge all women as insecure - because if they all were like that, we wouldn't be in high ranking jobs in this common day society

  • We are like that because we like to hear compliments, well most of us do. Bringing ourselves down gives us a reason for guys to bring us up.

    • I hate when girls do that. It just makes me want to insult them not help them boost their confidence.

  • Some people complain about their body simply because they are not happy with it. Others don't have a person that cares about them to tell he/she that they look good. Sounds like your brother needs to tell his wife how beautiful she actually is every once in a while. She would love every minute of it, trust me.

  • I know I am insecure from all the men in the past knocking me down. After you hear something so many times you start to believe it. Also, look at all the pressure society puts on us women to be beautiful. I always feel if I am never "enough". Never thin enough, tall enough, sexy enough. Men just don't understand the pressure put on us and our looks.

  • Why did Marylin Monroe kill herself? Beauty isn't everything. Women (some) want to believe that a man will just love them for their looks and at the same time they know that is not possible. A man will treat a pretty woman like a princess to get her attention and to sleep with her but that doesn't mean that he would marry her or jump in front of a bullet for her. A man will screw perfect 10's all day, but when the chips are down he would push those skanks out of the way to jump in front of a bullet for his not so sexy 6 who is a beautiful person where it counts (inside).

  • my guess is because of the media and how most "it" girls are portrayed... in in your bro's wife's case, she may just want compliments... who knows. Humans are weird.

  • Through the media, the world (pretty much) has established this "perfect look" a woman should achieve. those women who are not even close to the "right measurements" are considered imperfect and need lots of improvements. people have incorporated the idea or the "perfect look" and therefore blurred out the realistic look of women.

    no matter how we have established that "everyone is unique in their own special way", it is sad to say that because of the influence of this "perfect look" our idea of BEAUTY is distorted.

  • Some women are just insecure......My best friend is a showgirl in Vegas and complains that she is fat.....I never understood it myself. I don't know that there IS a reason for it, but not ALL women are like that.

  • Most of it just in our heads.

  • Its because of airbrushed movie stars and stuff. I mean hollywood really makes people look so beautiful and its unrealistic. Since I've been 16 years old I've been dealing with eating disorders. I'm 5'6" and got down to 108 just because I didn't want to have a crease in my stomache when I sat down, and I didn't want my thighs to touch. its sucky but its just life. now I'm pregnant and I have to get over my self issues , but who knwos what will happen after I give birth. I really feel I may go back to my own way.s

  • thats just the way some woman are. I'm like that. I complaing about myself all the time. I honestly couldn't tell you one good thing about myself. its different things in life that put us up this way. some having to think that we have to look like the girls on tv to be gorgeous or hott or ya know whatveer. barbie dolsl always being so skinny (theres an article that just came out with that you'll have to read it) all this surgery to improve yourself. if girls sleep with a lot of guys they are considered a slut or a whore and that makes them insecure but if a guy does it. then its okay.

  • im a VERY insecure person. because I hate so many things about my body. people tell me all the time how gorgeous I am and how beautiful I am but I just don't see it because there's so many other girls out there that look a million times better then me. and I haven't exactly been treated the best in my past relationships. so. well that's why I am so insecure

  • we find it hard accepting the truth. Some girls are hurt by the past, and some just want to look great in a bikini.

  • because men choose women primarily based on looks.

  • We are sometimes insecure by how people make us feel especially boys because they got this thing where they compare us to other bitches that have what we may not have when every woman is beautiful in her own way.

  • I hate to admit it but I'm insecure because no one in my family really compliments you unless you ask them to. Like, I'm so insecure that even when someone says that I look nice, I don't even believe them.That's sad but it's just not something I'm use to hearing.

  • i think its because, they will always see someone prettier than themselves. Its hard to comfortable with yourself when porn is distorting the images of women all the time. They always amake women look so busty, curvy and perfect, and when a women that is beautiful sees that, than it makes her insecure about herself.

  • We are just women.

  • I get like that some times I just want to make shore I'm everything that he wants. Like me I don't know what else he has seen and I just want to make shore that mine looks good to him at lease.

  • Everyone has something negative about themselves but mostly girls. They want to make their appearance better for guys and themselves to keep them and their boy toy satisfied.

  • She was either hurt before or she is hiding something.

  • For me, it's the media. Every girl on TV is just so much more beautiful and perfect (or fake) than I am. I know that they are made up and photoshopped, etc, but it doesn't make seeing them any easier. I find myself wanting to look like those girls, even though their bodies are unattainable. They are skinnier than me, have clearer complexions than me, dress better than me, and act better than me. Even though I am aware of this, it does not help much. The media creates unrealistic expectations and makes women feel like the TV woman is what every guy (including our boyfriends) wants. I know my boyfriend loves me and not the women on TV, but I still wish I could be more perfect so that I could please him more. I want a flatter stomach, a better sense of dress, and a stronger personality. It's all rather depressing really. I hate the media and the way it portrays both men AND women.

  • I truly don't know.

  • Because I've been made insecure by people making fun of me.

  • It's an American and European thing. Never heard this kind of behavior in Russia or Or sub africa.

  • Media.. stupid guys who base their opinions on looks and the peers. All these factors are the reason for a girl being insecure. I was too but now I realize it wasn't worth it. Maybe your brother should give her more attention and love. If he makes her feel like she's PERFECT, maybe she'll stop complaining.

  • Women are so insecure about their bodies because ads and media focus on looks so much. The dove commercials used models with real bodies and a crowd of men complained they were fat even though they were beautiful and of average build.


What Guys Said 5

  • Sometimes we're so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to count our blessings. =)

    • I agree with this as well--if we were able to concentrate on what is great about our lives we would worry less over insignificant details...

  • Its because of the media.

    - If that were the case, men would have the same problem, as magazines and movies and such portray loads of perfect male specimens.

    Also if men wanted someone perfect, they would go get someone they thought was perfect, but instead they chose you. Women also have their porn in the form of romance novels and soap operas, but you don't see men worrying that their SO will leave them for someone more like in the book they're reading or some character on TV.

    That's just what women are like.

    - cop out, that's like saying men are insensitive, that's just what we're like, but men can change and become more sensitive, and times show they are more so than they were 50 years ago.

    The real point is in most cases is worry and addiction to worrying and wanting a man to comfort you from your worry.

    I believe this comes from the fact that women are comforted as children when they cry and men are told to shake it off, be a man, and don't cry or you'll look like a sissy.

    It is hard and can teach men to be insensitive, but the opposite extreme is also wrong as it reinforces emotional immaturity and teaches that you will get something positive from your insecurities.

    It is not only a psychological disorder, but can be very taxing on relationships that already have real problems to deal with, only to have imaginary ones added to the mix.

    Also it's a self fulfilling curse, because people find confidence attractive and when you lack self confidence, you lose your appeal, and can eventually lose the other from insecurity. I believe this is one of the big reasons that relationships lose their spark in time, and why sex dies down when people live together.

    In the beginning women act confident and sexy to impress the guy they like and are more concerned with the getting together. After a couple are together and especially living together it seems is when the worry and accusations and expectations start. You then appear desperate, and needy and just annoying and the guy becomes less turned on by someone who acts like that, which only makes the woman more insecure that her guy is losing interest, all making a vicious circular downward spiral.

    It's not always the case, but in my experience it's more often than not.

    It's why I always go for good looking tomboys with no more than 5 pairs of shoes, and that liked hanging out with boys even when they were kids. Most are now gay, but the ones that aren't make great relationships and are fun and don't drive you crazy.

    • Men have insecurities too--penis size ( media related), body build and looks come to mind. We are ALL human with human frailties if you can't deal with feminine aspects or behavior then it may be wise not to date them because this probably will not change.

    • Men make penis enhancement and performance into a billion dollar industry--this is because they all buy the "media" hype that a woman want LONG DONG SILVER--believe me hun men have silly insecurities too--but unlike men, who are taught to ridicule human emotions, we try to make mates feel good about themselves despite this. I didn't know ONE MAN who didn't have what could be regarded as a silly insecurity, but I never made them feel small for it, something men like you could learn.

  • Common Ladies do you think men woudl be so Horney all the time if we realy didn't think you looked good. Read between the lines. And I've been in conversations with all guys before and it usualy is a complement session on how great all you girls look.

  • Well how I see it is as follows:

    Girls want to know that they are loved and cherished by men. But history hasn't been so kind to them, rather they were subordinated and humiliated by men. That created a skepticism towards men and all this insecurity of "Does he really like me? ", "Am I really good enough? " etc. Or will he only leave me for someone else as is expected in their minds already because they are insecure in the first place. It is an ingrained pattern in the woman of the world. But it is also very natural for a girl to want to look good for her man, not because she wants to know that she is the best, but rather to know that she can make him happy. So girls are actually doing all these things because they love men, and looks are very important to them, because looks is what attracts men physically. While men don't care about looks in a deeper way, but rather want to show affection and let the woman feel good, which in turn is what physically attracts women. So it is kind of a Jing-Jang effect - they fit together. But it takes sacrifice/ or rather acceptance and giving from both sides to make it work. In todays world all these things, natural and unnatural are all mixed up and confused and then you get what you get today.

    Let it rather be a compliment to you/ guys when she complains about her body rather than an irritation, because she is concerned about what you think and doing it for you after all.

    • God bless you brother--finally a man who gets it and understands!

    • Your a genius...honestly.

    • ;) Thanks...

      I just wish more girls would recognize that. I've been single for a decade now... But I've got to keep patient for just the right one.

  • It could be that she is missing the natural attention he should be getting from your brother and therefore complains about herself so that he will compliment her. It could also be that she is one of those non-stop whiny, spoiled girls who doesn't know anything else but to complain.

    • I would say me being kind of insecure well be from past guys hurting me