How can I help build my girlfriends self confidence?

[Anonymous]

Ok I am 19 and my girlfriend is 17. We have been going out for about two months. She has very bad self confidence and self esteem. I always tell her stuff like how beautiful she is, she is drop dead gorgeous, and how lucky I am. And I always tell her she never has to be nervous around me and stuff like that.

I am a very lucky man to be dating her. She is a virgin and I am not. By the way I don't plan on changing that. She has a great family and mine is messed up. She is a good girl that never goes out and parties and I used to be a party animal. I used to get around and she is waiting for marriage. The point is she is more than I could have ever hoped for but she doesn't think she is anything special. How can I help her build her self confidence and make her see that she is very special to me?

[springdragonfly]

It is good that you are telling her these things (don't stop! ) but I really believe that actions speak louder than words. If you think she is special your behaviour towards her and treatment of her needs to reflect that. That doesn't mean you have to plan something elaborate (not to say that is a bad idea - if it suits both you and her), but sometimes just small & simple things almost seem more honest and natural. It is strange, but of all the things elaborate and simple my boyfriend has come up with, here is what made the biggest impression on me. During the last while before my first rough draft of my thesis was due, I was really stressed out, working really long hours & pretty cooped up in my apt (I live alone). I was still talking to my boyfriend on the phone, but the last week or so, I really didn't have time to take an evening (and night, lol) off to see him. Then the saturday night/sunday morning before the monday I was submitting the draft, he called me around midnight (i was still up polishing my work) and said he knew I was busy but he had left the friends he had gone out with and was 5 minutes from my place to bring me my fav. snack food, which he had picked up. I think I must have been running on adrenaline and totally exhausted or something at that point but I really almost cried (i'm not the type who cries easily - the last time I actually cried was about 4 years ago) when I realized how conscious he was of what I was going through and what would cheer me up. He was leaving his friends just to have a 15 minute snack with me because he knew I could use a little support. I think that's really proved that he wasn't just around to have fun or just saying he cared, but that he really knew me and sincerely cared about me.

[tontow]

Girl just wants attention. While she has obviously grasped yours, it's not enough. Girls lie a lot for attention too, just letting you know. Girls love (and some need) to be taken care of. I didn't say that to offend you or her, but it's just the truth. It could be that with you being older and who you were, she is just looking for your approval. To prove that she's special to you, plan a romantic night. Let it be a surprise ya know? Pick her up and instead of going out to eat at Chick Fil Le take her to a picnic in the park that you set up yourself. The more elaborate, the more she'll realize all the time you took out of your day to let her know you care.

[castaway00]

Maybe tell her she's "not like other girls" and that she's perfect to you. Girls like hearing we're perfect because we spend so much time striving for perfection. Other than telling her how wonderful she is, I'm not sure what you could do because she obviously has some serious problems with herself. But she sounds like a great gal. :D you guys seem perfect for each other. Opposites attract!

[ramkid]

First of all congrats on falling in love with this girl, she sounds amazing! That said,you just need to treat her wonderfully and let her know how spectacular she is. You have to realize, she looks at herself and asks why YOU like her because for some unknown reason she doesn't. However, this really worked for me in the past, you can say something like, "It doesn't matter what you think of yourself, or what other people think of you, because in my eyes you are perfection in every meaning of the word! " it's only one idea but I can practically guarantee you it will work.

[tegdim]

Maybe be with her as much as she wants, hug her/hold her hands in front of people, her friends, your friends etc. Spend a lot of time with her until she's comfortable. Do some romantic things(maybe in front of people) like kissing in the middle of a crowd?

[wildd]

Thats sweet :)

[tegdim]

^^; Thanks, I'm kinda romantic person lol all I think about is that kinda things.