A lot of women have this perception of assuming a guy is gay if he has high standards (just like them when it comes to men) and isn't checking out every 5/10 girl or percieve her as beautiful.
Even more so if they majority of guys go all white knight/complimenting some hot girl consistently but the dude in question acts cool and chill and treats her like she was normal.
Why do a lot of women assume a guy is gay if they aren't acting like horn dogs?
I'm 38 and almost all my life I've being tagged as gay or "suspiciously not into women". I don't have any issues with gay people, and accept them since my 20's; before that, I was afraid because of a scary approach in a party, and the media that -at that time- showed them as a overly-mannered folk, who hang with other gay people only.
I was raised overprotected and grew-up very, very shy. I had my first relation by age 25 (and because she was after me). Before that, I was dying to get a -female- partner or just to hang out with, but my way of being (shy and speaking only the necessary) were my cross to face the real life.
I went into a lot of dating books and tried to be different. Always choose to be a gentleman. No matter how hard I've tried, my talk (not using slang), my manners (being friendly and polite) and the lack of communication skills, had me the last in the line, or worst, being the center of jokes about my "preferences". My external circles: coworkers and acquaintances, had the mission to warn every friend or friend of a friend, about me. My family "accepted me the way I wanted to be"...
Chance got me on a travel out of the town and met my first love; but to her, all was her way to spend the time while on that conference. I was heart broken and sad (Today, I see that thanks to her at least I lost my virginity). The second person I met was my first wife (I was 26), she was new at work so wasn't poisoned against me yet. Being into movies and books, I was quite romantic about finding the perfect woman, and that all will last forever. I was wrong.
A lesson I have -and wanted to share- is, date a lot of persons, to find, maybe not the perfect but the nearest soul of your dreams. Having found that person doesn't make that the relation will be perfect. The communication is mandatory because nothing is granted, not even your least minor detail. Find common things, share, and create a bond that allows you to have faith on each other.
Getting back to the history. By the first year she got pregnant and our marriage was going to hell because of mutual flaws; when the baby got 1 year, the marriage went from the pan to the fire, she left us to never come back again. Right now, I'm a single father of a 12 yo girl, and for most people "she left me because I'm gay".
I've been in lots of shorts relations. Having a child isn't making it easy, but I'm still finding the woman that can make a difference, not a perfect being but one to lay my trust and love.
I would assume it is because there are so very many gay guys in this world, most do not want nothing to do with a women.. I am not open to the gay guys in any way.. to me that life style is very very sad.. but long as it is kept among the gays in their group and they do not go after the straight guys.. I have no problem with them.. but if they target me.. I will do what ever it takes to send a message to them and if that means knocking them out in a fight.. well so be it.. just hope they Leave me the hell alone
I think its women being self conscious. a woman dose like to be appreciated even if its something disgusting so if a guy ignores her (well for me) its like being told that I'm a hideous toad. Also for me and most of my friends its the biggest ego boost when a guy honks as they walk past (yes we also find it disgusting and we won't date anyone like that). But trust me a man who isn't degrading and as you said "a horn dog", whatever that is, will get all the girls whilst the ones who only want sex won't.
It's mostly guys who proclaim that low sex drive guys are gay, NOT women. Some women even tend go the other way to project on men where they imagine men need female emotional needs met, to crave sex at all.
The only women who have a problem with guys who aren't horndogs, are women who feel rejected by them because they measure their self-worth by how many men look at them in a day. They always fear they didn't meet the man's standards, so they insecurely proclaim him gay to protect their ego.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
That's not how I guess if a guy is gay or not. If a guy isn't acting horny all the time I consider that normal polite behaviour. Right now there's a guy I find attractive but I think he's gay based off of the way he dresses, how his voices changes when he talks to other guys, at times his sense of humour, and how he seems interested in spending time with attractive guys. He's also never mentioned girls he's talking to or an exes.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Women want to be able to control men through their sexuality, it's how they can get a grip. If a guy has too much self control they don't like it. He is "cold-blooded" or "gay". On the other hand a guy's sex drive makes him vulnerable to the attractions of other women and they don't like that either so they complain about him being a "horn dog" or a "fuckboy".
Women would like a guy to be controllable but only by them. It's a nice thing to want, it's only thinking you are going to get it that's insane.
They suffer from the misconception that all men are constantly looking for sex (thank the media and random misinformed members of society for that one), and they're probably also very... firm in their belief that any guy should want to be with them. So when a guy doesn't act the way they expect, they decide he's gay, rather than challenging their beliefs.
I agree with this. I also think it might be a way to save her ego, over admitting that a guy she sees as below her level doesn't find her attractive. I only ever see the less attractive guys being assumed to be gay by women, but never the really good looking guys that don't look at the girl.
@heavensgift2girls That's a very good point, totally forgot about that! It does seem pretty rare for a very attractive guy to get that treatment. Definitely another way they're trying to preserve their egos.
Yup I can definitely relate to that. I'm no stranger to gay rumors, especially when I was in college. All because I'm discreet about my "female play" and wasn't overt about talking how girls' looks and with perverted guy talk.
I will have to agree with @lilac_flowers I have next to never seen a woman actually complain or insult the guy for not paying attention to her. It's always the guys who label you a fag or whatever if you don't look at the passing hot woman.
"a lot of women" not all women.. i personally don't think a guy is gay if he doesn't act like a horn dog i would just think that he is quiet or reserved
I think these are attention seeking women who would get upset they didn't get the attention they were looking for and assume the man is gay, if they think like that.
i tend to assume he's trying to prove he's not gay when he acts like a horn dog. the does not tell me if he's gay or not just that he's worried about being perceived as such.
I don't know anyone who assumes guys like that are gay? Lol The only guys I think are gay are the super fashionable ones or the ones with pretty faces or the gay voice
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