Girls, do you honestly prefer nice guys or bad boys?

[Anonymous]

I always say I want a nice guy, someone who's sweet, kind, caring, considerate, mentally stable, understanding and loving. I really would like a guy like that. But then I realize most guys I dated came off as those qualities but also was tough and just bad but fun. I got my heartbroken lots of times by bad boys. I noticed most of the nice guys I met maybe were gay and effeminate. But i realized they were just being friendly and respectful. But the bad guys has 'confidence' and just straightforward about what they want. I keep choosing to date bad guys because I like their tough attitude and if they're hot, then yes, I'm very attracted! But as for nice guys, they're just being friendly and very respectful and that makes us girls think three things. 1. He's gay 2. He has a girlfriend 3. He's not interested in me because he isn't showing me signs.
Not all girls think like this but I know some can relate to me. Some girls geniunely like bad guys and some girls appreciate the nice guys.

Sorry, to say but I love the bad boys! They're so much fun!

I like the nice guys, girls who chose bad guys are idiots.

[Anonymous]

I'm very shy and gentle and I've always loved these guys who are badasses and really need someone to be there for them and I feel I've found my perfect man. He's been arrested, spent time in jail, has been in many car accidents, has a very bad temper, was in physical relationships, he used to race cars and I could go on forever. I don't want to change him because I like that he's a little tougher and rougher but it seems not many people have been there for him or have been nice to him so I am there for him and he talks to me about things and I'm always very polite to him and show him there is kind people out there and he sees that. He's told me before how him and his ex would get in fights and he'd go off on her and end up getting arrested but with me we never fight or argue and have never gotten physical, he hit me once while we were asleep and he said sorry about it for a week and I had hardly known what happened because I sleep so hard. I feel I have a man whose very manly and isn't afraid to do things which I want but he's also very sweet and caring to me, I have the best of both worlds.

[redeyemindtricks]

My boy is cold steel nails. He was thrown away by 2 different families, was shit out onto the streets at 15, and is hard as fuck. He doesn't have very many friends. He smiles maybe quarterly, and his dick gets hard when women cry.

Our relationship was a LDR for the first year. One of the times when I went to see him, I arrived at his place earlier than expected, walked into the open door, and saw him hunched over a tiny baby bird. Something had hit it or injured it in some way, and this bad-ass motherfucker was nursing that tiny baby bird back to life.

Girl, that day, I found that my own heart was bigger than I'd ever known it was, and damn did that fucker melt.

Been married to him for almost 15 years now. He's perfect for me. I'm more extreme than most, but, yeah.

You gotta have the yin and the yang, and neither means anything without the other.

[Tomsta]

That's not being a 'bad boy' that being 'battle hardened'

[redeyemindtricks]

@Tomsta
"His dick gets hard when women cry" is not a joke. You've got a curious definition of bad boy, if that's excluded from it.

[Tomsta]

Bad boy to me is the guy at school, who always misbehaved and thought he universe revolved around him, the rebellious guy before teen years. "Dick get hard when women cry" granted is not a nice thing, but that giving off more "arsehole" than a "bad boy"

[redeyemindtricks]

@Tomsta Those sound like two sides of the same coin.

Unsurprisingly, this whole thing has already been worked out by the psych people. Google "dark triad traits" and there's the exact definition of what's relevant here. My boy is the exact fuckin' spitting image of the dark triad, and I'm pretty far up there on all three myself.

[TheHooptyMiata]

Checked out that dark triad thing. Worryingly, I tick all the boxes.

I like your posts, Red. I always learn something about myself.

[redeyemindtricks]

@TheHooptyMiata "Worryingly"? Got some work to do on that narcissism component, there, I see.

[TheHooptyMiata]

I think anyone who knows me would disagree on that comment, I'm almost overpoweringly narcissistic. I say 'worryingly' because, well, dark triad is not portrayed by Wikipedia as a good thing to be... And I have no childhood trauma to blame, either. :D

[redeyemindtricks]

@TheHooptyMiata Step 1 is to own it. You are what you are, and it's stupid to deny it.

Step 2 is to decide what you stand for.

Step 3 is to figure out how to put that shit to work. Not that hard, really.
Good at manipulating others? Set up shit to help people.
Grandiose pride? Dream up big shit and then do it.
Egotism? Put yr ass out there on instagram and get known.
Lack of empathy? Stand up for what's right when most people are on the wrong side.
Self-interest, deception, etc? Get good at business, make money, then do good things with it.

Also, step 4 is to get rid of this idea that there are good guys and bad guys. The single biggest youth-cause philanthropist in Colombian history was... Pablo Escobar. Some of the pimps in my neighborhood growing up treated their women better than anyone would back on the bricks. Etc. Life ain't a Marvel comic, and everyone's gna have good parts and shitty parts. Including yrself.

Just focus on "hacking" your own strengths, whatever they are.

[TheHooptyMiata]

See I have no problem being an evil dude - for now. I'm in college, enjoying manipulating women and being over-confident and egotistical are pretty much necessities for getting laid (especially if you have a mental block against being in a relationship).

My problem is I always figured at 30 I'd just quit being that guy and start being a 'good' guy, look for 'the one', all that bullshit. I always considered the way I am to be effect, rather than cause. I mean that like, I needed to get laid, so I became the guy who gets laid, as opposed to these traits were always there so I had little choice. What if I never snap out of it? I mean, if these things don't vanish when you tell them to and you just have to learn to use them for good, I suspect I'll just keep using them for evil because it's easier.

Sometimes I just think about things I'v done, and the chain reactions they cause, and wonder why I don't feel bad about it. At least this kinda explains that part. Maybe I should see a shrink

[redeyemindtricks]

@TheHooptyMiata "I suspect I'll just keep using them for evil because it's easier. "

Maybe. It'll be easier until it isn't. You don't write like you have a bankrupt soul, so you probably don't. You just write like an innocent.

Read my mho thread here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1845769-would-you-want-this-person-out-of-prison-or-no-please-state-why-you (the good stuff is 2-3 posts in)
Dude, I watched a lot of people die growing up. Die. Not alive anymore. Bam, fuckin' dead. Yr either bout that life or yr not.

My brothers and me, we made that decision early. Not bout that life. Don't know why, don't care why.

All this thinking you're doing here, about cause vs. effect? Don't get it dude. How is that the least bit relevant? It is what it is. You are you. This is like one of those gambler's fallacy problems. If you have $x left, then there's some optimal amount $y that you should bet (or you should just walk). Doesn't matter how much you've already won/lost; x is all that matters.

... And "easier"? That's the basis of the rest of yr life on this earth? Easier?
How bout having balls?

[TheHooptyMiata]

I don't think I'm soulless, either. I think 'innocent' is pushing it a bit though, I've done some pretty despicable things.

As much as I've done despicable things, I ain't 'bout death and misery or anything like that either. Your posts are wise and insightful, but I'm not in anything close to OP's situation and I'm not mourning a death, so it seems useless. Maybe I'm being dumb.

If it was effect it means I can choose at any time to be something else. If it was cause the onus is on me to make myself something else, which seems hard.

I don't base my life around it, but I can't ever see myself sitting home on a Friday night and thinking 'Y'know what? I'm not going to go out and get a bar slut so drunk the word 'no' vanishes from her vocabulary, I'm instead gonna start a foundation to help homeless children'. In this specific case the easy option is also the fun option.

I was hoping like I say that at 30 I'd 'grow up', but it seems like I'm gonna have to actively change. Dammit. :D

[redeyemindtricks]

@TheHooptyMiata The way I'm using it, "innocent" is a function of what has happened TO you. What you've done to others is neither here nor there.
You are making my point about the OP on that other thread: You are an innocent. Nothing has forced you to pick a side, in the game of life. The dirty bloody deadly unfair tragic game of life.

I'm also not going to moralize about what you do or don't do, because I have my own choice words for women who get drunk and do stupid shit. Whatever. Again, neither here nor there.

My son is 12. If he tells me this in 7 years, I'll be disappointed, because I don't want to raise a kid who's content to play the fucking demo level of a game over and over again. I'd at least want to know he's stepping up to SOME sort of challenge. Sports, job, not-totally-smashed-drunk chick... SOME challenge.

You really gna tell me you actually LIKE sex with girls so drunk they can't even pronounce consonants?
Now yr just making me think you've never had non-awful sex.

[TheHooptyMiata]

Oh, yeah, I get you now. Yeah, life's been nice to me thus far.

I don't EXCLUSIVELY fuck drunk chicks. Well, actually, yeah, for the most part I do. But varying levels of drunk. I used that as an extreme example, haha. Like, most my pussy comes either from a bar or from a party. The drunker she is, the easier she is. Again, you're gonna make the point that easier=/=better. Sure, the sex is mediocre compared to the sex I have sober (I dated for, like, 2 years and have had fuckbuddies and shit), but it beats no sex at all. What are the alternatives? No matter how good your game is, chicks who are DTF don't congregate anywhere other than bars and house parties. If you try running game in a coffee house or a bookstore or whatever, you'll just get either slapped or chucked out...

I consider studying Physics my 'challenge'. This is all extracurricular. :D

Drunk doesn't necessarily mean shitty sex, either. It varies. Sometimes it loosens them up just enough to get really into it.

[redeyemindtricks]

@TheHooptyMiata
"but it beats no sex at all"
But does it?
The value of your time isn't zero. #freelancelife

"If you try running game in a coffee house or a bookstore or whatever, you'll just get either slapped or chucked out"
This statement isn't incorrect, but you are misidentifying the mistake. You're thinking the venue is the mistake. Nope. "Running game" is the mistake.
I know exactly the kind of "game" that you're "running", and, despite what "pick-up gurus" will tell you in order to sell things, it's not universal. Far from. It pretty much works on... well, tipsy chicks in social hubs.

I mean, I'm a girl, and a nerd, and I had lots of meaningless sex, of which the vast majority was with men I met dead sober during business hours. I suppose I could be the only such person in the entire world, but... I doubt it. (My husband's stories, oh my lord.)
You just have your home turf, and you're not used to playing "away games". You don't have many wins on the road. (cont'd)

[redeyemindtricks]

I mean, ok, I will admit personal bias here. I am very very easily bored, and so is my husband. He has literally collected 'em all. Probably somewhere between 1500 and 2000, he's had. All ages and colors and sizes, walks of life, blind, deaf, disabilities, dude, you name it. His only 'type' was "not like the last few". I am not THAT promiscuous -- in the literal, original, dictionary sense of the word "promiscuous" -- but, I have the same tendencies. So, I just wonder how yr not bored shitless, fucking 100 avatars of what's essentially the same girl.
I mean... At least it bodes well for your ability to fuck actually the same girl, if you're monogamous someday. (:

It sounds like you're in college, by the way. If you're in the USA, do be aware that there's this trendy new thing of having drunk sex, then turning around and crying rape. I hear that's all the rage these days.

"Again, you're gonna make the point that easier=/=better."

Am I?

If easier means less TIME, I'm bout that life.

[existing_not_living]

I like the nice guys, but I have a fear of commitment which causes me to subconsciously choose a guy who is a f*ckboi which means our relationship will inevitably end in failure and won't last for long. I don't want a bad boy, but I'm scared that I'm not good enough for a good guy and I don't want to be vulnerable.

[KatherineJ]

I prefer my man to be polite, respectful, and sweet, but with the ability to not take any nonsense.

[utopianromance]

These ambiguous categories that people tend to use are vague and abstract.
I don't ascribe to any of these flippantly thrown together categories.
Why has dating become such an esoteric task for intelligent and empathetic people either gender?

What about guys who look like bad boys but who are loyal and kind hopeless romantics?
We are out there...

[Asker]

I dated a guy for 10 months who was bad but broken. He was loyal i guess, and he felt like didn't deserve me but he was so sweet and romantic. but he let his bad boy get the best of him and break my heart.

[Octavius]

I think most want a kind thoughtful dude that can also manage to not be a "yes man." Girls like to win arguments against their guy but they don't want to win THAT EASILY.

I am definitely generalizing here...

[tifftaff01]

Exactly, I want a guy that'll challenge me if he thinks I'm wrong, but will also not be all pissy when I'm right (as usual :P)

[WhatAreYouReading]

I don't think most girls like bad boys per say. I think most girls want a guy who has options but choose them. More guys that have options, than not, may take advantage of that which I'm guessing where bad boy kinda comes from. Everybody wants to be chosen, to win, to maybe somebodies exception. Girls and guys are a lot more alike then they try to come off.

[thatkaruguy]

i dont listen to what girls say when it comes to these things but what they do.

they say they want nice guys but their dating record usually states otherwise.

and then they say oh well that was then but i want nice guys now... oh ok why have you been single for so long then because im sure you have a long list of applicants that are infact nice guys. :/

[RachelBrigs]

My personal opinion is that once you are above the age of 16 there is no such thing as a bad boy. When you're still a kid, smoking pot, sneaking out, getting in fights etc makes you a "bad ass", but once you're older that's just.. commonplace? A "bad boy" at 20 is what, a criminal? Not attractive.

[Anonymous]

""that makes us girls think three things. 1. He's gay 2. He has a girlfriend 3. He's not interested in me because he isn't showing me signs.""

Haha. No wonder some people end up in abusive relationships, if they assume guys who are actually not abusing them are "gay and uninterested".

[Asker]

I wasn't in an abusive relationship. And nice guys should be more direct if they're interested or not. I understand they're being respectful and friendly but not being forward does make me think he's my friend and then he feels friendzoned.

[Opinion Owner]

Whether he is forward or not is irrelevant, physical attractiveness and infatuation does not go away overnight. If you were interested in him, you'd stay interested regardless of his behavior towards you (as long as it is not deal-breaker-level negative).

[lolvicky16]

I think all girls (or most) went through with liking the bad boy but then we realize (at least some of us) that he isn't worth it. But really one thing that bad boys have is confidence (or cockiness) and that's attractive. A lot of good guys either fall hard to fast, put themselves in the friend zone on accident, or they just don't approach us like the bad boys do (with confidence). But all in all I would take a nice guy any day before a bad boy in the future.

[Randomnumbers]

Girls under 25-30 date bad boys. Women over 25-30 wouldn't be caught dead with a bad boy and are actively seeking good men. Please see how I used the terms boy, men, girls and women because there is a difference.

[ElissaDido]

I like the nice guys, girls who chose bad guys are idiots.
Nice guy with maturity a personality and confidence.

[LaFemmeFatale]

"I may be on the side of the angels but don't think for a second that i am one of them"-I like those kind of guys :D
Definitely nice guys.

[SelenaRandall]

I want a good boy so bad all I ever get are those bad boys who end up breaking my heart... they might seem great at first but most of them are players.

[RedRobin]

I'd rather have a nice guy then be treated like shit

[DrKran]

You should have added a 3rd choice "nothing" so we can see the answers! neouuu!

[fluentjdawg]

All fun and games with the bad boy, but in the end you marry the good guy.

[Mamamialetmego]

What if a person is both. Adventurer, masculine and good also.

[Anonymous]

I'm obviously into nice guys who treat me well. I've never got the whole bad boy thing, sounds immature

[Anonymous]

they make YOU feel like they are girly (or maybe you are talking about a different kind of nice. friendly lol )
to me, that attitude is the manliest and it makes me melt <3

tbh i do like bad guys too, but its the admire from afar kind of like...

[Anonymous]

well i likes bad boys and he hurt me really badly.. it effect me for life and im scared of realtionships now and i needed long time to get confidence back
so nice guys only 😊

[I_am_repulsive]

Yep it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt really badly

[TheEvil]

Right there that attitude , that's why many good guys/girls die alone. Shame Shame Shame on society/mentality or whatever behind it !

[pplnt]

What I want is a really sweet, tender romantic guy with a dark past.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask a woman who they like. Look at their actions. You'll notice a big disparity.

[GoldHeart]

I like the nice guys, girls who chose bad guys are idiots. 😀