Here are some comments from men: 1. "I was 29 and dated a 28 year old and everything was a push to get married as soon as possible. We lasted about two years with lots of fights in-between and everything. She gave me the ultimatum and I said I wouldn't marry her. Looking back, I can't believe I ever considered it. Women are masters at guilt tripping and making a guy feel obligated to wife up and have kids."
2. "I'm 32 and dating a 27 year old, so I know what you're saying. I keep telling her to chill the fuck out and give the relationship time to progress to gauge long term compatibility. She's constantly feeling the pressure though, but on the other it pushes me away because it's difficult to figure out if she wants me, or just the idea of me to fulfill her desires.
I actually broke up with her and told her that she should move on, because I wasn't going to get married until I had more time to gauge compatibility. She completely backtracked and apologized, said she was happy and didn't need marriage etc. straight away and wanted to start over and move forward gradually. So I gave it another chance. Of course, now she's acting like she's in a rush all over again. I don't think a woman's word means much to her, it's subconscious manipulation."
3. Last girl I dated was 28 and I actually started in on the "so you need to get married quick huh, need to have a kid soon?" She was a psychologist and swore up and down that it didn't matter to her, later on started talking about how birth defects start happening around 30. Basically trying to rationalize her thought process to have a kid ASAP, not because it's a biological feature in women. She was super picky with every guy she dated after that (looking for a sugar daddy, only dated well-off guys). We weren't very serious and she trusted me so she'd tell me everything. It's really scary what you can find out from women when you gain their trust. (don't show judgement and they'll spill the beans).
Why do women constantly pressure men into marriage around 30 ?
It's interesting... I think it is because it is more of the association of marriage than the actual act itself... A lot of women view marriage (especially the older generation) as something that should and needs to happen - and after marriage comes the kids... It is stated everywhere that a woman who gives birth after the age of 35% is very likely to have a child that has birth defects. This puts them in the mindset to have kids between the ages of 30-and hopefully before 35. In order to have kids, they want to have a stable relationship and many feel that is often found in marriage... Or because after you are married, the logical step would be to have kids. So hence the pressure to get married.
But the problem with this line of thought is that marriage is actually a legal contract between 2 parties and then people (or religion) puts the meaning behind it... "married for life, until death do you apart, in sickness and in health", etc. So because of this, many people want to be 2000% sure before getting married... but then those kids are supposed to come and you have a time limit, that 2000% sure decreases down to... I don't know what %... Irrational percentage I guess lol. So I guess that' why if they have been with a boyfriend for a while (a few years) and see that it is a stable relationship, why not proceed it further so that they can have kids? But my question is... WHY do you need to be married to have kids? If you have a good solid partner whom you're living with for a few years, whether you are married or not won't change the strength of your relationship. I dont know.. To be honest, it is a complicated situation when feelings are involved and people (both m (en and women) tend to become irrational. I am 25 and I do not want to get married nor have kids for the next 5 years (I would say in general... but everyone keeps telling me yeahh thats what I said when I was 25) so let's wait and see when I am 30.. I would adopt though and live with my partner (without getting married) - which is the samething as a family... But maybe because I dont want kids (of my own) I won't feel the pressure to 'marry'. I don't know to be honest. I can get married later on in life... What I do for sure want is a stable relationship and partnership in the future... Someone I can get to know in a few years and then see from there whether this is a person that I can actually share my space and life with.. But then again, at the end of the day, we all change, so who says that whether
you are married or not, you will not break up later down the road? We don't know and that is a risk we all take when getting in a serious committed relationship and choose to have kids and/or adopt them... Marriage doesn't guarantee anything.. but people use it as a way to feel better or 'safe' about the choices... Just like companies give us one year contracts to ensure that we are members and pay for that one year... To be honest, I don't think or know if I can really answer this question because people and humans are so complex that, we all do crazy things and want crazy things and then the next day may change our mind and want something else... So yeah, it is just consequences of our actions. But my advice is just this: If you are not "FUCK YEAH!!!" about something... Simple as this: JUST, DO NOT DO IT. If you are FUCK YEAH about something, Go right ahead. Simple as that :)
This is precisely the reason it's very important for a woman (esp if she's in her late 20's or early 30's) to find a man that's marriage-minded and wants a family soon. Both of them have to be on the same page. Also, it would be helpful if she doesn't do cohabitation. I've moved in together with a boyfriend and never will; I'm kind of old-fashioned in that aspect. I believe there is a place to be dating and being intimate (relationship) and a place to moved in together (that to me would mean getting engaged at least and with a date set on).
Coming from a woman that formerly never wanted kids during most of her 20's and just recently had a change of heart after her 28th b-day, I can understand that but even so I would never pressure a man into marrying me. I simply would not be able to go along marrying someone that only did it for me and that it was only my idea but not his. That would only create resentment.
I think part of the reason is because if you want a woman that's in her early 30's (32 for example), within 2-5 years it's going to be difficult for her to have a child, esp if she wants to have kids within a marriage which is something I would want. I don't want kids outside marriage.
I don't understand it. I don't believe in marriage nor do I want to get married. But I'm also 5 years from 30.
I've been told by multiple 30 year olds that I'm friends with is that their hormones get screwy. People that don't want to have kids suddenly felt an urge to have them even though they still don't want them. There is a clock.
Also they could just feel old and want to have their fairy tale. I realize it's stupid of me to answer this since I don't have an answer but that's the information I have.
Both @CrazynKinky and @Vesuvius87, are right in this case, women do have an internal biological clock in regards to reproducing, the marriage thing is actually a social or environmental belief system, where as the women that want and or desire marriage was taught to them to be of value. Not all women however desire marriage, however they do consider marriage often at times as the ultimate solidification of commitment, to many men it's just a piece of paper or legal agreement as to the division of assets to women it's often more than that, often it's a right of passage for many rooted in both romance as well as the other two reasons I gave above. I would suggest if you do not want to get married then be upfront with that as to not waste your or any woman's time to avoid resentment. There are women like I said that logically see commitment as a state of mind and will absolutely do long term relations without marriage. You just have to ask them, if they do however put up the barrier that they don't want it, but really do, try to see that early on as many will do everything to push for it, but not directly ask for it. There are women as well that think sometimes guys don't want marriage but if the woman can do everything right he'll change his mind, however many men need to put it out there that this is a right now thing or a forever thing, just because time and feelings are involved.
Its all about biology. They hear their biological clock ticking and want kids as well as financial stability. Pretty much all women strive for that in one way or another and when the biological clock starts ticking some girls strive for it way more.
Its a big myth that people say we aren't influenced anymore by our biological drives. We are. Some are more, some are less, but there isn't anyone who isn't affected by our biological drives. Those women in your examples are obviously more driven than your average woman and I would say they are often quite unaware of it to be honest.
well biologically speaking women at age 30 are really at their peak in terms of fertility and after that (around 35) their fertility drops precipitously. so if they want a family by age 30 they really have to start making in roads towards that
but generally speaking 30 is about mid-life so it also makes sense that in the hopes of settling down a person might feel some pressure to do so around mid-life
This basically. In a way we're kind of screwed in that area. I'm getting to the age where I would want a child but I don't want kids outside of marriage and have never done cohabitation ever. It's not easier finding a guy in the same page whom the woman doesn't even have to pressure nor remind him of marriage and kids.
@Vesuvius87 well a good thing to know is that with science and better foods/healthier living women are able to have children later in life (like early 40s) with less risk of difficulty than even as recently as 10-15 years ago. of course, according to most doctors, every year after 35 the risks become greater but not like they used to be
Ok, so you have 3 opinions there and you assume EVERY woman is like this? There 7.125 billion people on the planet. Around 3.5 billion are women. I can guarantee you not all these 3.5 billion people are looking to pressure men into marriage.
Because their fertility is about to start dropping, and can drop fast after 35. My wife had kids in her late 30's fairly easily, but you don't want to count on that.
So if they want to have a few kids in their early 30's, they dont' have years to sit around waiting to -see- if you're on track to get married in a couple years. If your'e not, they need to move on.
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Anonymous
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As of now, I don't see myself getting married. I don't want to, and I don't plan to. If I could spend some years with someone I love, that'll be good enough for me! I've still got a few years left before I turn 30, but I sure know I won't be rushing into marriage when I get there! Every female is different, you just have to find the right one. One who won't want to get married right away lol.
It's a waste of time to pressure a man who never wants to grow up. If you're together for over 5 years and he doesn't want to get married (if you believe in marriage) drop him.
Haha that's exactly the problem. Who told u marriage is part of growing up? Why can't a man be mature and grown up having a girlfriend in his 30s why does he have to show he's committed? Women like you don't actually realise but it's scary how a lot of women assume commitment= Marriage. Commitment is a state of mind. That is all.
@orphan I guess if your actions never show how committed you are 5 years in you probably don't have much of a right to complain that they want commitment. But if his actions have shown how much he cares then it is likewise unreasonable for a woman to demand a show of commitment in the form of marriage.
@tyber1 the financial benefits make it stupid not to get married if you're committed for life.
but i question your interpretation of commitment. it's easy to be rational about things when you're not upset. someone's word that they'll commit isn't a commitment from a species that naturally manipulates to evolve and surivive
@orphan financial benefits? What financial benefits? You're more likely to be screwed financially if you get married, especially if you're male.
Besides, marriage does not guarantee commitment, fidelity, truth or love. All it does is create barriers. If you don't want to get married, your partner may choose to leave you. If you get married and your partner chooses to leave you, it may require a lengthy and expensive legal process. Marriage does not bolster love or loyalty, it is cancerous to love.
@orphan they have everything to do with each other, what kind of an idiotic statement is that? Dumbest thing I've heard all week and Donald Trump is in the news.
@orphan I guess birth control pills have nothing to do with sex because it didn't exist until modern times. What a weak argument. It never existed until relatively recently because it was prohibited by the church, go back to school. Haven't you ever heard of Henry VIII? How he killed his wives because divorce was outlawed by the church and they werent giving him a male heir and how he created his own branch of Christianity to allow for divorce? No, I guess you didn't pay attention in middle school.
its not just women i have my buddies dad getting on me about getting a girlfriend and having kids. i have a strong feeling he wants me to date his daughter. im even being pressured into buying a house but i dont feel comfortable doing that.
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