This girl 'Brother Zoned' Me, I got upset?

[Anonymous]

I met this girl and we became good friends for about a few months or so. Eventually I told her I liked her and she told me that she only liked me "like a brother"

I got upset and told her why I was upset.

MY main reason for being upset because is not because she rejected me. AGAIN it's not because she rejected me. I can understand someone not being into me, finding me attractive or compatible. However, this notion of seeing me as her "brother", thats what offends me and these are my reasons.

#1 - There has been at least 5 other guys that she has rejected and she has told them that she sees them as a brother. So this "brother" card is something she hands out a lot?

#2 - We only know each other for 4 months and suddenly she sees me as a sibling? I'm suddenly on the same level as her 4 other sisters who she has 19 years of experience with?

#3 - Its insulting to me because I don't want any part of her gene pool or family tree or whatever, I have my own family and siblings. Not only do I find it insulting towards her own sisters to put me on the same level as them, she thinks she can claim some position as her sister to me. I already have a sister. I'm not about to put someone on the same level as my sister and if I were to consider a friend a sister, TRUST ME, it would take a lot of experience and trust.

#4 and even if she didn't mean the "brother" thing and its just some excuse then its still offensive because its dishonest and she's hiding behind the "brother" thing and not being honest.

Imagine having a sister and your sister suddenly calls someone else a brother/sister, like you can easily be replaced or someone can easily share this special title.

I explained to her the reasons for me getting upset and basically just left. I will say this again because I know some of you aren't going to believe me and assume you know more about how I feel then I do myself. I CAN UNDERSTAND REJECTION, The brother this is what mostly and mainly got me upset.

Thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

Obviously rejection hurts and I'm not saying rejection does not hurt.

All I'm saying is the "brother" thing goes far beyond what I can find acceptable and its either bullcrap/dishonest or weird or whatever.

Especially when I consider I've only known her for a few months, she's said it to other guys, she's has other sisters of her own. Etc.

Updates

+1 y

Also its not even like were that close, I mean were good friends and everything but its not like we can talk about our deepest darkest secrets.

Someone who is a brother or a sister to me other then my literal ones, are friends I can count on, friends that I have a long time of experience with. Someone I can share a lot with.

This in no way discribes my relationship to this girl.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

The fact that you got so hyped up and upset at this girl for rejecting you by saying "you're like my brother" may be a sign that she's dodged a bullet. no offense but come on. think about how crazy you have come off.

she called you a "brother" because she has 0 sexual attraction to you. this doesn't say anything about your looks, but due to the nature of your relationship, she sees you in an asexual way much like you'd see a brother. it doesn't mean that i care about you just exactly like i do my brother. it just means "i wouldn't fuck my brother and i wouldn't fuck you."

[Asker]

I just said I understand someone not being attracted to me. I would rather her tell me "I don't like you that way, I'm not into you etc"

She dodhe a bullet because that made me upset? Why stop drawing the line on brother zone, maybe also make a acception for Dad-zoning also or mom-zoning.

Not being sexually attracted to someone does not eaquel like a brother. And tehnically speaking some siblings are attracted to each other historically in culture and certain societies. LOL

I woudn't want to fuck someone is not the same as "they are like my sister"

and if I were to sleep with that person in the future would that be incest then?

[Asker]

"you're like my brother" may be a sign that she's dodged a bullet. no offense but come on. think about how crazy you have come off.

How exactly is that not offensive? You're making it sound like I'm crazy or something, Its not like I exploded on her or yelled at her or went insane what did you think happened between us? Or are you just judging my feeling as opposed to my action.

[Asker]

I have zero attraction to the old lady next door, does that make her my sister?

I have zero attraction to some of my female friends, that does not mean I see them as my sisters

I already explained what it would take for me to consider someone a brother or a sister. Its not a label I just go handing out for no reason or to hide behind rejection. If I don't like someone I would just say I don't like them like that or I'm not into them.

[Asker]

Also some people have friends that are like brothers or sisters but they still find them sexually attractive.

I've seen relationships where friends who were actually close for many years and called eachother brother sister because of their closeness, their relationship evolved overtime to a romantic relationship

[Asker]

The fact that you got so hyped up and upset at this girl for rejecting you by saying "you're like my brother"

No, my main reason wasn't the rejection, it was the brother thing

If I met a girl I was not sexually attracted to and did not want nothing with and we became good friends for a few months and suddently she started calling me her brother even though out friendship is not that long or that deep, I would still find it weird and cringy, even though I was not interested in her romantically or find her attractive.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Ok you are doing wayyy too much here lol. Just for the record most women kind of find it a turn off when a man is so hyper sensitive about little things like this.

[Asker]

Ok you are doing wayyy too much here lol. Just for the record most women kind of find it a turn off when a man is so hyper sensitive about little things like this.

People are going to have hyper sensitivities towards different things. Just like for example in some cultures sexism isn't a big deal but in the west it is.

I'm part black and latino and its not a big deal with latinos or black people say racist shit towards whites, however I get offended because racism is racism no matter who its from.

You're considering something a "small thing" based on your own biases and experience and are not considering that to some people personally and to other cultures calling someone a brother or a sister is meaningful and not something to be taken lightly. People don't do this in my culture, but since living in America it seems girls use this "brother" excuse whenever they want to reject a guy instead of simply saying "i don't like you"

[Asker]

Doing way too much? You mean what I wrote? This is a platform to exchange and express opinions, not sure what you mean by doing way too much

[Asker]

It seem you're just doing the whole

"I don't see someone thing as a big deal therefore it should not be a big deal"

based on that logic then everyone is guilty of being hypersensitive because someone else is going to think you make something big our of nothing.

It seems you're more interested in talking to me in a condescending backhanded manner instead of actually having a conversation.

[Blink101]

The brother thing is pretty weird... Telling someone you're only interested in them as a friend makes perfect sense but this baffles me. I assume this is the easiest way she knows to let someone down for fear of retaliation from a scorned suitor, but it is a very, very odd one. Part of me sympathizes on the grounds that turning a guy down can be scary since some can turn nasty or violent unless you're careful, but it does come across as a little insulting and devalues familial bonds.

[cherrymarina]

Many guys have been complaining about the friendzone, so we are now switching to brotherzone. It just sounds more honorable. Poor girl has brotherzoned 5 guys. Give her a break. She doesn't see you as her brother. She probably feels awkward rejecting someone.

[Asker]

If you don't like someone or are not attracted to someone that makes sense to me.

I just said I can understand that, it makes sense in my head. I'm not saying "friendzoning" does not hurt, but I can understand that.

Brother zone is stupid, especially when she only knows me for a few months and we don't have a relationship anywhere near what friends like sibilings would have

[cherrymarina]

She does not see you as her brother -_- more likely as a friend but she probably thinks it's better to call you a brother. I can understand it's a bit insulting.

[Asker]

I'm like starting to wonder if its a culutural thing. I'm from south america and to someone a brother or sister in my culture has meaning,

And I'm not talking about the casual way of using bro or sis like when guys call eachoteher bros or when people speaks to certain culture or tibes like "MY fellow brothers and sisters" or religously like "my sister in christ" or whatever.

I'm talking about when girls say it to guys they don't like. I don't know its not something I saw in my culture a lot. In america it seems that way and to be honest, most of the time, Like you said, it just seems like a dishonest thing to say.

[Asker]

I also seen a lot of guys when they break up with girls make bullshit instead of just saying the truth that they aren't into their girlfriend anymore or that they don't love their girlfriend anymore or that they are tired or want to see other people or that the relationship has reached their end.

To some extend, if she didn't literally mean it, and it was her way of using it as an excuse, it still bothers me because I see way too many people hide behind things instead of being honest and taking responsibility.

[cherrymarina]

Yes, it's a bit insulting yes. I know it sucks but try not to think much of it. She didn't mean to insult you. It's her way of saying no. You're just a little freaked out cuz you probably flirted and stuff and now she's calling you a brother :D

[cherrymarina]

Rejecting someone is awkward as hell. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings. You can only be honest if someone telling you they like you. Then you tell them you don't feel the same. But if u haven't told her that she can't just come up to you and tell you she doesn't like you that way. It's too awkward. She has to drop hints. Since guys are not good with hints, she went for the most obvious one. One that you would not question.

[sassygirl13]

Is she a Muslim?
Cause the word brother is used for anyone whom you are not currently in a relationship with or at least not yet.

[Asker]

No she's atheist, she does not call guys brother, the only guys she's calls brother are those she has rejected when they have liked her

[sassygirl13]

Then I'm sorry it didn't work out.
I almost used the word with many guy friends but I know how horrible it's usually received

[Asker]

Well there's a difference between a cultural way of using it and more of a literal way I guess. For example.

As latinos we consider ourselves brothers and sisters in a family.

When I used to be christian we considered outself brothers and sister in christ.

But its different to call someone casually a brother or a sister vs actually for real considering a person so close to me they are like a brother or sister.

Like I'm seperating a cultural/casual usage of the word vs a more literal one

[Asker]

In this context its different because she used it as a point of rejection as opposed to just saying that she does not like me because she's not into me. I don't know if that makes sense, sorry if I'm not explaining myself right

[sassygirl13]

I totally get it.. that's why I asked about her background... because it may just be cultural but it doesn't seem like it.

[Anonymous]

Wow obviously you're not comparable to her siblings and that's probably not what she's saying lol. Think you need to cool it on "offending her sisters" I wouldn't be offended if my brother or sister told someone that.

[Asker]

Well i just said it depends on the context, I understand people make friends with someone that get so deep they become siblings.

What I'm saying is that for someone to be anywhere near the level of my actual sibling, it would take trust and a lot of time together. I don't go around calling people brother or sister lightly.

I already explained everything. Even if I was not into a girl romantically or sexually and became friends with her for a few months and even though we were good friends we werent that close, and she called me her brother I would find it weird and cringy.