Why don't girls like fat guys? Is there a way to be attractive?

I'm fat, it's not like I enjoy being fat, but every time I try to have a relationship with a girl, they tell me that, "You are a really great guy, but you are just to big for me to like". What is it not to like? I'm a very respectful person, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm an artist. Why do no girls feel I am suitable for a serious relationship? I have wondered if it was a matter of sexuality, and the stereotype, "fat guys have small penises", but the girls I like are no where near shallow enough to base a person on something like that, and one of them even asked to see if it was true (it is not true by the way). I can "operate" well in bed, so I just don't get it. I have also been striving to lose weight as well. I sprint on an elliptical trainer for 2 hours a day 7 days a week, I count my calorie intake, and I bench press 250 (5 reps and 2 sets). Despite all this my weight and size have remained only slightly changed.

What I am really trying to ask is why girls don't feel I am capable of a serious relationship and is there a way I can be more appealing.



Most Helpful Girl

  • You may be looking at the wrong sort of girls for affection. In my case at least, I'd rather date a guy who was a bit bigger than a bag of bones. seriously, I have had crushes on skinny guys, and it sucks because I feel like I am bigger than him even though I'm only 114 lbs. It's ridiculous.

    But, honestly, I think its easier for bigger guys to find a partner, than bigger girls. Guys can be funny, charming, good conversationalists, and good dressers for women to consider them for partnership, but women are judged based, overwhelmingly on looks. It's not fair, but I think your lucky to be a man. Take advantage of it, not all women are shallow. Women look for that emotional connection with a man, while a man looks for someone who is visually appealing. If she enjoys your company, and you guys like being around each other, nothing will stop her from wanting to take things to the next level.

    My final word of advice would be, to keep on your diet and exercise, take care of yourself physically, get a professional hair cut, maintain grooming habits, and eat healthy! ooh and don't forget CONFIDENCE.

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What Girls Said 48

  • Well, I like my men to be "bigger then me" and I am deep girl too, like I look at the guys mind before his waist line. Because you can always lose weight, but you can not gain a personality.

    I'm right now with a guy who is almost 100 lbs heavier then me and I did not notice till he told me. and I although I am worried about his health now, I would not dump him.

    I did dump one guy, he was like 6'2 and 360 lbs and he was so small he could not have sex ... not kiddin. but I dump him because he was just too creepy for me.

    But You will find a girl who will look at your heart and soul and fall for you. Because I know when I am 45 and had 2 kids, I am not gonna be 180 lbs, size 13. ( I have wide hips, I could fit in to a size 9 for my waist) Because I know for my family woman get fat as cows, so if I dated a guy who only wanted me when I was thin, then he would not want me later in life.

    so a chick dumping you because your " too big" Is one shallow Bitch, in my opinion.

  • You count your calorie intake but what are you eating?

    The reasons some guys don't like overweight girls is the same reason some girls don't like overweight guys.

    Well, at least you're trying...I'm not sure what your weight is but give it a good 6 months before you worry about results.

    You can be more *appealing* by making sure you wear clothes that are your size or bigger so you don't look *uncomfortable*.

    I knew a guy who was overweight (and tall) but he always looked *good*.

    You could tell he put an effort; clean, ironed clothes, smelled nice.

    It's not about looking expensive, he probably got his brand name shirts at discount stores but he just looked *nice*.

    He was also very friendly and funny. That's always a good thing.

    People associate obesity with laziness and that's a turnoff. So, just don't come off as *lazy*.

  • Some people just don't find fat people attractive. This happens a lot to fat girls too who can't get a guy because guys seem to go for the thinner girls. Do you have a tendency to go after the same type of girls? Do you only pursue thin girls? It is possible that the girls you date aren't the only shallow ones if you do the same thing and overlook fat girls. It is all a matter of attraction. You can either keep working to lose weight or accept it and find a girl who likes you for who you are and doesn't care about your size.

  • Becuase on a physical attraction level girls want their man to look strong, caring and somebody who can look after them and provide for them (much to my feminist dismay) just like how stereotypy guys want their girls to have a good hip to waist proportion, caring and good baby makers!

    I'm attracted to very muscular men! But I have fantasy's about 'fat guys' lol so who knows I LOVE nerdy so if your a nerd I'd love you :-)

    Just keep getting fitter! I'm very skinny so I don't want somebody to crush me :\ Also on some level I'd like a fatter man becuase he'd be eating all the time and when I'm alone I forget to eat lol so it's helpful if there's food around around becuase I'm like Oh yeahh I'm Hungary!

    Good luck and chin up big fella! x

    • I don't go with skinnier girls because I am afraid of crushing them lol.

  • There are so many stereotypes in the world today and it is extremely hard to not be put in one of these boxes. I'm sure you really are a fantastic guy with an amazing personality to match but a lot of women these days - including myself - are extremely shallow and don't pay attention to the goodness on the inside and can only look at the outer appearance. Some of the nicest guys in my life are the ones with a little bit more weight on them, one of them in particular is one that I would trust the most, I'm not attracted to him but he has a lovely fiancee. I don't think weight sould be a problem all the time. I find a guy most attractive through his personality - I like him to make me laugh - the way he grooms himself is something that I take into mind and I like a nice smelling one too - so no body odour. Just look after yourself and be confident. It sucks that weight is an issue, being a girl I have struggled with it in the past but now I see myself differently and I think that is really important.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Jesus, you sound like an athlete!

    Take it from me (I've been fat and thin, and now I'm in the middle again) ..

    Mature women don't care about how big or fat you are. They ONLY care about how they feel when they're with you.

    Take a moment and REALLY think about this.

    If you're a fat slob who will embarrass her in public, she'll feel like avoiding you.

    If you're a "big" man who's charismatic, confident, and well liked by others, she'll feel safe, protected, and taken care of.

    So if you're big, OWN it. When you project that you're comfortable in your own skin, it makes everyone else around you comfortable. It's amazing.

    This requires you to understand how to dress comfortably for your size (Don't wear baggy crap cause you're trying to hide yourself, this projects insecurity), understand the fashions, ALWAYS smell good, and walk with pride and good nature.

    Big guys can be intimidating, so smile, be engaging with everyone, and be fun when you're with your girl.

    If you're boring or lazy you'll lose the girl just like any dude with a six pack or a Porsche.

    Remember... it's not your size, it's your personality.

    If girls are rejecting you, it's not your size. It's some other factor. Don't continue to make this easy mistake.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

  • This goes for any guy, not just you. You can improve your success with the ladies by 200% tomorrow by improving your fashion sense. Now, I'm not telling you to go spend $600 on designer clothes, I'm telling you to improve your fashion sense. Take a look at your favorite big rappers or movie stars and look at what they are wearing. Check out askmen.com and check our their fashion tips section for big guys. Go look through some GQ magazines. Find something that suits your personality and start building a few outfits from there.

    Shoes, accessories (watch, rings, necklace, tie, or hat but no more than 2 at anytime), and layers are generally a good start.

    I promise you man, less than 10% of the guys out there really know about fashion. If you can become one of the 10%, women will come to you and compliment you.

    • The problem with askmen is that for some reason they think everyone has at least a million dollars, and there suggestions are expensive as hell. For only 30 grand you can buy this cool watch or only 10 grand you can buy a suit, but some of the articles are cool.

  • As crap as it sounds nobody can have a relationship with someone they are not attracted to. There are girls I turn down because I am not physically attracted to them. It's not that I think they are bad people or that I don't want any of them near me. I'm happy to be friends with them but attraction plays a part. It's like a gay dude asking you what's wrong with him why won't you date him? Well he's not your cup of tea. In either case even when you're in shape its not like all girls are gonna be interested dude. I've been shot down more times than I can count, only once in a very long while does it work out. Unless I end up drunk and have a one night stand which I don't enjoy anyway.

    So anywho I weighed 90KG 3 months ago, I weight 77 today. 2 Years ago I weighed 74KG and you could see my top 4 abs. I made a choice to get into shape and make life easier. Make life easier it does. I can help you with that. Firstly don't train more than an hour a day. Second eat 6 meals regularly throughout the day. Small meals, this will kick your metabolism into overdrive. Finally at the gym jog for a reasonable period of time 1 or 2 days a week. You need to build muscle to replace the fat aswell so endless cardio is not the ideal answer. Do 4 days weight training from legs to shoulders. Instead of doing 250 pounds of 5 reps at 2 sets I challenge you to do 50 pounds at 12 slow reps and 3 sets. By slow I mean 2 seconds up and 3 seconds down. You also need to do 2 more exercises. Work on 3 per muscle group, you can do incline dumbell press and dumbell flys. Peck deck is great too. Just don't work out for more than an hour. Fibre is good, good fats are good too, they slow down the insulin released when your food digests so a small hand full of almonds per main meal will do wonders.

    *So ask around at the gym. 1 session of training properly is worth 3 sessions of training badly.

    *Only train 5 days a week, you can do 6 but that is more for athletes and people without day jobs.

    *3 exercises per muscle group

    *As an example you an use my routine: Chest + Shoulders Monday / Back + Biceps Tuesday / Weds off / Legs + Triceps Thursday / Cardio Friday. Then I can train an extra day on the weekend if I want.

    *3 sets of 12 reps per exercise

    Here's the dieting bible. A quick fix will do nothing for you my friend.


    I wish you luck man. It's not that people are shallow but we all have our hopes and dreams and above all the right to be happy. You don't have to be lean to find a girl, you don't even need to gym, you just need to wait to find the right girl which could take longer. The choice is yours. Above all something that I live by is I can't respect a partner who can't respect themselves. If I expect her to be in good shape I should be aswell. That's just me. Enjoy =)

  • I suggest p90x or Insanity. They have a pretty high level of success in changing fat people.

  • I guarantee you they are using your weight as an excuse not to date you.

    The majority of women are not like men when it comes to external appearances.

    Women usually don't know why they like a guy, instead they have a feeling and then they rationalize it with the knowledge given to them by media.

    I must like him because he's hot, or because he's got money, etc.

    When really the truth of the matter is that she likes him because of the way he makes her feel.

    People rationalize their emotions all the time.

    Emotions come first, then the rationalization comes second.

    Sometimes your right, sometimes your not.

    Most of the time, women are wrong when it comes to explaining why they like a guy or why not.

    Something else about you is making them not want a serious relationship. I'm betting one of the reasons is the fact that you have a hangup about your weight.

    Typically if you don't see a problem with your weight, neither will the woman.

    That's just the way it works.

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