My girlfriend doesn't make the effort to talk as much anymore. Can't figure out why

(SORRY IF THIS SEEMS VERY LONG) We've been dating for a bit more than a month. before we started going out, we were very close friends and talked to each other everyday for at least half an hour, but about 2 weeks after we went out, she started talking less and less. here's what's annoying me:

1. she's often on Facebook replying comments and talking to others (shows on my homepage), meaning that she has heaps of spare time, but she just doesn't talk to me?

2. lately, we'd talk on the phone for like 15 minutes a day before she sleeps, and then she'd go "i need to sleep now" and gets off the phone, and sometimes that'll be the only 15 minutes of communication we have in a whole day, which annoys me.

3. she can sit at home all day watching tv and talking to her guy/girl friends, but not even message me or call me? (I initiate text conversations 80% of the time now, unlike before, where it was 50%-50%)

she's a very independent girl who doesn't like saying anything corny (she barely even says "i miss you"), and she hates clingy guys, which makes it hard for me to talk about this issue with her. I asked her the other night "do I ever cross your mind when we don't see each other?" and she said "yes", which put me into a really confused state of mind. I really need some help here, I just can't figure her out, perhaps you girls could help me?

PS: we see each other about twice a week

PPS: she treasures her social life

PS: I can tell that she wants space, but seriously... this is too much, even for me, and I KNOW that I'm not a clingy guy

by the way, I dun really wanna complain about this to her, I know that it'll just push her further away. and also, I like her very very much.


Most Helpful Guy

  • She's independent, you said. And you also mentioned she has a social life. So she has a variety of activities going on and a fruitful life. If you wanna be with this chick that means you need to preoccupy your time with other things than your girlfriend. Anyone in the world can see you're gassed up with 'feelings' about this girl. It's only been a MONTH, we all get that way. only thing is she's pumpin her brakes, doin the smart thing and noticing that maybe things are movin too fast. Meaning, she doesn't want to make or hear promises she or you can't keep. But then again, she might not have been looking for that to begin with and two things will happen. 1) She'll break up with you if you continue your relentless concern before you actually cool off. 2) She secretly likes the attention and the moment she gets tired of it and something better comes along she dumps you. You have only one choice and the only choice that can also help you out if you think this girl is right to be with.(more importantly, it will stop your current habit with this girl). That is, talk to her seriously the next chance you get, tell her you understand where she's comin from and that you were in the wrong to be accelerating the relationship so quickly only after a month, and then tell her that the only reason for that is because you admire her independence and see something different/special in her (you decide, make the compliment unique but for the love of God DON'T take it too far) and that you'll stop the endless callin and give her a chance to make the text/call first. And then end it with "BUT, if you feel this is done and it can't get any better, let me know so we can end this now". I know you say you're not clingy man. But anyone on this forum including myself will say that you are. We get it man, she's cool and since it's only been a month I'm sure she's drop dead sexy. be a gentleman but stern, and ask her if she means business because you certainly do and won't allow the relationship to drag out into something it never was. Because your right, seeing a girlfriend twice a week (unless it's school/career/family) is no girlfriend. Good luck


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Girls Said 4

  • coincn,

    To be 100% honest, from what you have said about the things you want out of a relationship and the things she wants seem to be conflicting. You don't expect a girl to be by you 24/7, but, at the same time, you would still like to hold a conversation that last more than 15 minutes. Sounds like, she views your time together as scheduling you in. While there is nothing wrong with having a social life and having other activities, there is something off about making your boyfriend feel like you are too busy for him. If I was you, I would dump her, because you don't want to risk this girl turning you into a doormat.

  • *Sigh* This sucks big time buddy. I've been through that phase with my boyfriend but it was because something odd happened. Like...he sort of 'lost feelings' for me and then he was slowly drifting away from me and he said that he wanted a 'cool-off' because he's been starting to feel suffocated with this relationship because he said that he could see his future straight infront of him 'like us getting married'. I just thought of him as a sissy loser. He was the one who talked about marriage all the time. I never said anything. We broke up and I stopped texting him and broke off almost all forms of communications with him and realised that I wasted 6 months of my life with a loser. Strangely, after a few days, he realised what he had done and why he thought that he lost feelings and he wanted me back. It turns out that he was spending a LOT of time with this friend (girl) of his and apparently he just felt so free with her. He fancied her I guess. She was the kind of girl with no aim in life and always partying and sh*t and he thought he wanted that and he wanted more freedom. I didn't get it. Just because I was the one with religion and respected the curfew my parents set up for me, I wasn't fun? I came to a conclusion that I didn't want him back and he just wasn't meant for me.

    Well anyway, in your case, it might be something similar. She might be feeling suffocated in the relationship, wanting some space to herself. Or maybe she's feeling lost and she doesn't really know what she wants or there could be a guy who she finds more appealing (it could be for any reason really). If you don't want this to end. GIVE her that space and if she was meant to be yours, she'll come back to you. Good luck mate. Just don't let something like that affect you so bad. It sucks when this happens at a stage where your attachment is one-sided. I got over it so can you. Trust me, I know I didn't believe it at first either, but there ARE way better people out there. Good luck!

  • You said you know she wants space and this is just how she is. This is her personality and she won't change, ok?

    You also said this is too much for you (i. e. too little contact for you). This is your personality and you won't change.

    So basically you two are incompatible. You like constant communication. She doesn't. If you want to stay together, either you have to give in or she has to give in.

  • Sp then, Don't complain. Just tell her that you effort towards the relationship is far out weighing the benefits- just put in terms of checks & balances.

    See what she wants to do about it, it could just be that you guys have different emotional needs... Doesn't maker you clingy you guys just get your support from different places - that's all.

    G- luck.


What Guys Said 4

  • hey down...actually it might be like ur relationship is effecting her life in some way. I think you should ask her straight away that if she wants that relationship to continue and you should be decisive while talking to her. If she shows any sign of confusions then ask her about the problem. And man, just don't carried away yourself. Talk to her, if she don't wanna be with you then be a man and just leave her on her own, at least for sometime. Don't send her any messages. let her take some responsibility for ur relationship.

    take care man

  • Alright, so here is how it is. She is putting you off because she just needs to relax, if you arr making her stressed all the time then thats got problem, as long as she is spending time with you and Is committed to you then whats the big deal, she just wants some space and worse comes to worse, she isn't the right one for you. But don't think it's a bad thing people do get really busy some times and there are more important things on there minds then to text you back or talk to you all day. I hope that helped.

  • Im in a very similar situation man, exactly two weeks after too, and the whole thing with facebook, and being at home doing nothing but still not texting me. Mine used to say sweet things though but now stopped. How did it go with your girl? and if anything has advice for me let me know

  • I've been dating this girl for almost three months now it's almost the same deal with the others guys conflict but we actually met each other wile on vacation. We started dating and we literally couldn't keep our hands off each other now it's changed, she is not at all a jealous person meaning I could message/receive a thousand messages from girls and she wouldn't care at all, now beginning of our relationship we'd message everyday and as corny as this sounds send kissy face emojis litterally till our phones would freez, a month and abit later she started working more hours then normal now yes she is independent which is great but she litterally will never message me unless I messaged her we live an hour and a half away from each other so you'd think we would talk more because of the fact that we're both in different city's, but no, we litterally see each other once or twice a month. Please explain to me why this is going like this we are both happy but I feel like she can't handle a relationship so I thought I should just ask you