Why are girls so into you one minute then the next avoid you like you're the plague?

Question

I mean I know inside girls go crazy emotionally... is it to try show they are strong? Don't they know a guy has feelings, too?

How can a girl go from being so into you, to just pretending you don't exist? How does a guy deal with this?

Fiqah · Accepted Answer

well, this is what I think. cause I think I am doing the same thing to the guy I like.

anyway, well. the guy I like has known that I liked him for about 10 weeks now.

well, the thing is. there are different possibilities.

1. She has lost interest in you.

The one thing everyone hates to hear. She has lost interest in you. She might think that she has been waiting for too long or maybe she got to know you and your personality and realised that it is not what she thought and wanted. Again, don't ignore her. Be friends. You might never know when she starts liking you again. Women are like that. We are indecisive.

2. She is embarassed

Haha. So me. Well. the thing is she doesn't know that you like her. If she did, she would have probably pursued and you wouldn't have this problem. Now, she doesn't know that you like her. She might think that you don't care about her that way. She might feel like a fool for even pursuing someone who doesn't feel the same way. So, she uses the 'i am emotionally strong' face. She doesn't want to show you that she gets hurt easily. She is not clear about who you like. So, this is basically because she doesn't wanna look like a fool.

3. She wants you to make the effort.

Again, the play hard to get scenario. She might be playing hard to get by making herself look uninterested in you to see whether you would pursue her. Some girls will make you chase them for quite a long time. Some girls may make you chase them for a short period of time. Again, be aware of the situation. If she plays REALLY hard to get, she might not be a girl that you should be chasing.

I guess, you have to read the signs. If she looks at you a lot, she does like you and wants you to chase her. Well, I hope this helped. Based on my experience anyway.

bluekitty · Accepted Answer

I read almost all of the comments here. I can totally relate to this since I am sort of this kind of girl (I have a childhood crush that I can say I still have a crush on, even if I am now married happily to my husband).
I agree that the girl you’re talking about has a crush on you. I can’t really be sure, but to me, I guess it’s quite serious for her, and she fears rejection, so she rejected you first when you finally made a move. You’re right maybe it shocked her and she’s avoiding you, because if in case she let you get to know her you would find out things about her you may not like and lose interest, and leave her – this is a very bad thing for girls who have a serious crush on a guy they like very much.

I can say this out of experience. I am the quiet type – can act normally around girls, I rarely talk to guys even if they are my classmates, and I never can talk to my crush normally.

This is exactly how I felt about my crush. I just stared at him during class, and when he stares back, I turn away. I never validated my feelings with him, since whenever he talks to me, I stutter, or just say “Huh?” because I was quite busy admiring him in my head that I am not sure what he’s talking about – I’m sure he thinks I’m dumb coz he can’t get me to have a simple conversation with him. Another thing why I didn’t ask him about how he felt about me is that he already has a girlfriend that time, a popular girl in our class. I wasn’t angry at that girl, I was just happy seeing him happy. For me, admiring him from afar is good enough for me. I’m what you call plain-looking, which I think is not his type.

shes-a-lady · Accepted Answer

i do that all the time. as soon as he shows interest I ignore him :-/

fear of rejection & commitment, it's pretty simple.

if you want her to open up again, you have to make clear that you like her and that you're totally serious.

she might also doubt how serious you are, so she pretends you don't exist and waits to see how much effort you put in getting back to her.

either way, what I mentioned above will work out :)

Fais911 · Accepted Answer

I can you simple advice. DELETE HER FROM YOUR EYES. This means, IGNORE HER!. This girl disrespected your ego of manly. She arogantly started, walked, and stalked you but refused to accept your polite aproach to even get know each other. In otherwords, becareful because she might be spying you for somethings you don't remember now. Did you have friends you fought with, maybe she is a hired hatewomen who wishes not be seen talking to each other but studying you? maybe she is suffering from common autism sydrome? Or maybe she is suffering from isolation and wishes to have friends or even boyfriend but due to circumstances she is unable to socialize?  Be polite but also ignore her as she is not there. if she becomes more interesting in you and stars at you. Than look around, sit in front of her and say, "hey, I think you are hatewomen and you want to kill me! Is why you are staring at me?! Her anwer shouuld be answer of her life. Because she would either protest and say, NO, I don't to kill or and you initiate the conversation from that. Otherwise, ignore women who ignore you presence because it is very disrespectful and humaliating act and behavior.

mrliisheretorock · Accepted Answer

This is EXACTLY what's happening to me!!! Except my case is even more creepy! This girl I love gave me tons of signals when she was my client last year, and I asked her out as soon as she stopped being my client. She ignored my message for a month and then told me she has a boyfriend. Just when I thought it was over, the next week she is working in the same place as I am. She gives me cold shoulders everyday now, her behavior is almost the same as your case, she would stare at my chest with no feeling revealed on her face and then say nothing. She has been trying to avoid seeing me, but then give me a beautiful smile for 2 seconds then ignore me again. By ignore I mean she treated me as air. I don't understand it, you go out with someone and have a good time if you like him, or stay away from him if you don't like him. The problem with giving subtle hints and signals is that you can always feel something is wrong but they get to deny it later if they want to. Please keep me updated with your case, I'm really confused and have no idea what to do.

Juic3 · Answer

Although their difficult.  I'll hit you with Some realness.  Ignore her.  Most women if attracted respond to a man who blows them off.  Works for me.  Its like you gotta beat them at their own game.  I know it blows but it works.  Most of the time their not worth it but if you do want to give it a try.  I would just ignore her to the extent where you convince her she doesn't exist?  If she's really interested she might make an attempt to be on speaking terms or more.  Don't know what it is with women and men who ignore them but it works every time.  Lol It's actually pretty funny.  Think I'm lying try it with multiple women.  Through them idle hints like they do you, guaranteed a few of them will respond others you might need to make the first move.  But you already have made the first move with her.  Usually when they turn the tables like that hitting them with their own game usually works if she was interested.  Definitely seems like she has feelings but do you really want a women who devout that much attention to you while in a relationship, lies to your face, or a ridiculous attention seeker.

cdeyoung · Answer

One of two things...

- She either lost interest in you because you are "too nice" (nice guys finish last, overly sensitive ones don't place at all), or she's playing hard to get. I'm willing to go for the first one. I stopped giving a **** about what women thought, and that landed me a girlfriend after two dates.

I was in your position. To be successful, you need to be..

a.) Funny

b.) Cocky

c.) Independent

If you have all of these three traits and know how to use them in unison with one another, then you're golden. It's like the quote goes, "If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything". To keep a girl interested, you need to stop being at her every beck and call, stop following her and chasing her (make her chase you), have a life, be funny, be charming, and for God's sake, be confident.

How would I deal with it? I WOULD MOVE ON, because there are MANY pebbles on the beach. That's the type of attitude you have. I have told my current girlfriend many times, "if you don't like me or the person that I am, there's the door.." and I would point to the door. That type of confidence landed me four rounds of you-know-what. Take my advice.

Elcristoph · Answer

Hello,

I tend to not get involved with girls like this.. if she's gets scared and runs off then she's frankly crazy.. I have no time to spend trying to "convince" a girl I'm interested in them.. I've done it too many times in the past and there were always 2 outcomes..

1: She gets bored with you and finds another guy.. (its a mirical I know all a sudden she's not scared of getting hurt)

2: She comes back to you before getting scared again and running off, and the whole cycle repeats itself

In both case the women cares nothing for your feelings in the matter.. after all if a women really liked you why would she do somthing that hurt you?.. the answer is she wouldnt.. she would get over her fears..

But the big question si WHY would you want to convince a women like that.. after all dating a women is all about finding the one girl.. if she runs in the early stanges what's she going to be like if you ever get marrid or have kids? will she run EVERY time life gets hard.. could you trust a women like that to pull her weight in the relationship.. I would say no you cant

Leave her alone for another guy to deal with

Good Luck

-Chris

thetheme · Answer

You need to move on from girls that do this and don't be friends with them. She KNOWS that you are chasing her and she is getting her fix, not to mention boosting her ego. She is wasting your time playing these games, and sooner or later you will see her with someone else, and that will hurt even more. Don't talk to her again, your time is more valuable. Start dating other girls. If she tries to talk to you, say you have something to do and leave her standing there, stay busy. By doing this you stay a mystery, unpredictable, thus making her attracted to you. By telling your feelings you show your cards too quickly and you are no longer a challenge so never do that. These are the advantages that the bad boys have compared to the nice guys, and nice guys finish last. Girls get attention from guys all the time, so they wonder why someone doesn't pay attention to them when it happens. Be confident and move on. Don't be upset or hold any grudges, just have fun and live your life. It's call self esteem for a reason. Stop focusing on this girl or any 1 girl and focus on yourself. It's a game, but in this game, it's not how you play it's whether you win or lose. Change your game man.

purple4ever · Answer

I was like that, the difference being that this girl is veeeery shy.

But then she's proven she ain't as shy because she obviously followed you around.

Once you approached her she realized how she screwed things up, in that now you

know that she followed you and that = to really really...really liking you. And that p*sses her off or just simply makes her feel stupid and awkward around you. But trust me, she still likes you, how can I possibly know this, I don't know 100% but am damn sure she likes you. I just tell you because I did the same thing and so has every girl in this cite in knowing your schedule and 'accidentally' bumping into you. But you caught her, approached her and now she doesn't know what you think but trust me, she's dying to know. Next time you see her, stare her straight in the eye while smiling at her. That will make her feel better in that you both share the same attraction. Make your move when she keeps the eye contact and smiles.

Good luck

Samantha

Anonymous · Answer

It depends...if I liked a guy and I knew that he like me and wanted to be with me, I would tesll him that I had a boyfriend if I had one. If we were just flirting I would not tell him.

now this girl that you are speakin of seems extremely shy and prob said what she said so you don't think she is a total loser. if she had a bf, she prob would not follow/ stalk you. the next time you see her, say hi, ask her for her name and then out on a date. I'm sure one little gathering couldn't hurt and will prob give her a chance to open up.

Forgetable · Answer

Great question! I'd give you my opinion, but you've clearly gotten plenty of good answers... and not so great answers. I think ultimately it comes down to how interested someone is in someone that runs like that, either hoit pursuit and come off like an obssesive prick and or end up with her through sheer determination, or try to put her out of sight and out of mind. At least those are the two things I usually end up doing until something happens, I usually end up going with the second choice, I'm not into those games, if someone's into you they should at some point show it, especially if you've been blunt and or very apparent/upfront about your/my interest in someone, at least that's how I see it.

Anyways, best of luck to you and hope everything works out.

IrishMetal · Answer

I've been in a situation like this in the past with my current crush, you need to be her FRIEND, not just some guy trying to pick up a chick, girls often are unsure of guys they do not know very well, they think he is just planning a set-up or doubt he actually has feelings for her. I have been freinds with my crush for a long time, and she knows I like her, she definatley likes me too, but  is having trouble coming right out and telling me. If you really like her, be her freind and eventually the inevatible will happen. My crush is taking a long time to come out and say it but she is slowely starting to show me how she feels about me.

biannnnnnn · Answer

your right we are emotional. I use to play mind games with this boy. And it would be so much fun to get him upset. I guess I did that because I hated that I liked him, so in someways I could have my cake and eat it to. I liked this guy so much that I couldn't show it. I could only show hate. I was embarrassed to show that I liked him.  I didn't want to like him.    I hated him and I just wanted to cause him pain for the hell of it  He  did somethings I didn't like and I wanted to get back at him. It was fun cause he believed things I told him. I think the girl whos doing this cold shoulder thing likes you and she wants you to talk to her badly. I never did think about his feelings, I didn't care. It was all about me. she could be mad that you won't came and talk to her. Or it could be my crazy reason. I have a strong feeling that she wants you to chase her, and make her feel wanted. Well I hope you can solve this problem. Good luck :)

Sweetescpe13 · Answer

Sometimes girls are TOTALLY into a guy..Like ther head of heels for them. But once they get to know them more..they don't like the way they are (like too clingy etc) so they ignore them. Then they complaiin and say "Jeeze, why won't he leave me alone" the next day. And its just the way we are (not all girls) Its just tht if we get over a guy..we want him to get over us too..otherwise we find it too creepy. But anyway bottom line is..If we like you one day and we don't the next day..its  because we found something out bout you or discovered something from ur personality tht we don't like and wanna get away from.

kittycat933 · Answer

Unfortunately sir, not all girls can admit that guys have feelings. Those who do know don't exactly know how to react to that.. Personally a guy with emotion is a beautiful thing to me, but I am the opposite type; I'm very enthusiastic and wear my heart on my sleeve.. Also, I would not lie about something like that.  If the situation arose, I would politely say "I don't have a boyfriend but I'm not honestly interested in a romantic situation with you right now.. Maybe we could be friends?"   Personally I think that girl was very shy, and probably doesn't know what she wants from you, if anything.  Good luck sir! ^_^

MissUnderstoodx · Answer

For girls, guys always seem sweet and nice at 1st than boom the guy changes , and some girls don't like that change. For me if a guy seems like a player or I find something about him that is unexceptable like being a killer or a spy than I just stop talking to them. The reason I don't tell them is becasue guys are really good sweet talkers and plus if you ask them something or try and tell them they can just denie it like always. Also for some girls the best cover is to say that they have a boyfriend when they are single becasue it seems like a nice way to tell a guy your not interested.  Also maybe she really did like you but you came off way to stronge or wanted to move too fast , she probabaly wants to talk to you but is afraid of what the conversation will lead to.

markml · Answer

A lot of girls really don't know what they want, and they change their mind based upon their mood. This is at least what I've noticed.

LOL. Girls probably think about guys the same way as they think about desserts. At first they see the strawberry shortcake, and they think that looks really nice and tempting. But then, they say to themselves, "But it has a lot of calories and will make me fat," so at the last minute, they decide not to eat it. Or they take a bite and then stop.

One minute the cake is a good thing, the next it's a bad thing.

Some girls like to just have the cake in front of them, even though they know they're going to say no. Other girls try to not even look at the cake, because they're afraid they're going to say yes.

Guys on the other hand immediately decide whether they want to eat the cake or not, and then they do so for-better-or-worse. Even if we later realize we made the wrong decision, we try not to admit it.

kmcarras · Answer

You said she has a boyfriend? She probably really does. I bet she's interested in you, and that's why you picked up those signals like her blushing, etc. However, the fact is she isn't ready to part with her boyfriend (and if you ask me, you should respect that, unless for example, he's a total abusive turd), and you being persistent scared her away. She's basically afraid of falling for you and ruining her current relationship, so she's avoiding you. She doesn't want to be MEAN because she does like you, but she won't be nice either because that will encourage you. She probably just wishes that you would avoid her too, so she can forget about you and get on with her life.

Nyssii666 · Answer

I know girls are very confusing and complicated to guys and vice versa. This girl's running hot and cold as she's confused too... But the best thing to do is just be straightforward and talk about it with her. Communication often solves problems.

And the boyfriend thing? It's an effective defense mechanism. We don't want the guy to know so we lie about having a boyfriend in case we do something that'll make it obvious. I once used it was because people kept bullying me about liking someone, so I lied to get them to leave me alone. But I wouldn't worry about the lying about a boyfriend. Just ask and you'll find out.

Hope this helped :)

silentlywaiting · Answer

well often girls are indesisive. another thing could be that she was just attracted to u. and then realizeed that she really didn't like u. ( no offense) Attraction to a person can be blinding, And then all the sudden we realize, o man I'm really not into this guy at all. better that way then end in a seriouse relashionship with a person who was only attracted to u. people let it fog their judgement , & end up having to have a hard break up or divorce.  because usually attraction doesn't lead to greatness, unless another element is involved.

bobblehead · Answer

Several options. As always. But I guess its up to you to see which one you want.

She could be unsure how you feel. She could be insecure and not think that you would want her. Very shy if she does like you and you get a cold response when you talk to her.

OR and I could be wrong on this but she might not be interested at all. Has noticed you checking her out and can feel you like her but doesn't want anymore hence the mentioning a boyfriend.

Im guilty of saying that when I want to get male attention off my back. BUT I could be very wrong. If a guy is keen on me and I'm not keen on them I will ask them for advice on males. BUT lot of males cannot be stopped. They will keep trying.

DIPEPDINGOLD · Answer

Honestly, when a guy hits on a girl...and the girl is not interested...she sometimes feel awkward when she sees you again. I do it also, a guy @ my job tried to hit on me--I avoided him like the plauge because he was like old enough to be my father--BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY! =(

Sometimes a girl may say she has a boyfriend...because that makes her more desirable in the OTHER guys eyes. Hey, its only normal to want something that someone else has.

If I was you...I would move on from this girl. She seems to be shy but following you around like a puppy is a little wierd. You have to determine wether she is worht your time or not. I think she isn't...but if you want to find out...just confront her! ASK her...

DishLady · Answer

Sometimes the feeling you thought was there just vanishes -- or wasn't really there to begin with. At certain times of the month, girls are biologically programmed to be horny/seek out a mate. Really. So a girl may be strongly inclined to locate some eye candy, flirt like crazy and form an attachment. HOWEVER, because all the hormones are tamped down by logic, concerns they learned about STD, untimely pregnancy, and other responsibilities guys tend not to think about when they hit a horny patch, it seems like girls just switch off. It's not from a lack of wanting a guy, but from concerns based on logic and experience.

liveyourlife09 · Answer

i have to admit I'm guilty of this.

for me, I was scared at the thought of him suddenly changing his mind about me. there's hotter girls out there, and who's to say that he won't get up one day and ditch me for one of them? then I thought, what if I start to get turned off by him and his quirks? and by then I had already freaked myself out.

i would start avoiding the guy like they're the plague because...well, I was embarrassed. although he didn't know about the thoughts I had of us being together in the future, I felt as though he just knew. I felt very naive for having these thoughts in the first place, and I got very frustrated and just avoided him altogether.

in my experience, it's the girl's fear of rejection.

Why are girls so into you one minute then the next avoid you like you're the plague?

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