Girls, Is she using me for emotional support? OR am I paranoid?

[sha00wn]

In the beginning some strong mutual feelings but friendzoned early on due to her boyfriend, but she knew i had strong feelings for her. We didn’t hang out much with the same crowd, but the times we did hang she would always make subtle moves on me when drunk and talk about how in a few years when we are both stable we could be together, how well we get along, understand each other, etc etc. We never talked directly about our feelings, only when she's drunk would she ever bring up the idea of us together. She's also constantly been in a relationship since i've known her.. The summer before she moved away, she was going through a really rough phase and I was there for her.

Now she’s moved elsewhere but she still reaches out to me from time to time. I haven't made much effort to message her since she’s seeing someone and I don’t want to risk hurting myself on her again.

However, over the last year or so it seems she only reaches out when she needs support, or when she’s lonely and wants to feel connected to someone, even though she has friends over there and a stable boyfriend. I get the feeling she messages me because she knows i'll provide that support, but she never wants to get too much into things, only enough for her to know i'm there for her. I respect that boundary, butOtherwise, she never messages me for shits. I don’t get it, why does she keep messaging me? Whenever we talk she says she misses me and asks about my life, but I’m paranoid she’s pretending to care and using me for emotional support, for a confidence booster, and nothing more simply bc she knows I care about her. Am I being crazy or not?

[TrustMe1993]

You're not crazy at all. But she's definitely using you. I was in a similar situation with my ex. He broke up with me after a short period of dating and told me it's because we weren't compatible. Then I found out it's because he knew I was the one for him but was not ready for that sort of commitment. So, for 2 years, even as he dated other girls, he'd reach out to me and act like the girl you mention in your question. It really drove me crazy because I still had feelings for him and it was like I was his "back pocket girl"- the girl he was saving for later. I ended up cutting him out of my life completely.

To answer your question, this girl keeps messaging you because she has feelings for you-to her, you're everything she wants in a guy but doesn't want to act on it yet. I mean, she has a boyfriend and other close friends... She should be confiding in them and not you. Her boyfriend should honestly be worried. She is being very unfair and manipulating you, especially since she knows you like her. It doesn't matter how nice she is... She's bringing poison in your life-seriously don't even f*** with her anymore. Focus on yourself and those around you who really are there for you.

She sees you as a friend, but she's not acting like your friend.

Friendship is a two-way street.

What you're describing is a one-way: You're giving, and she's just taking.

You deserve so much better.

[sha00wn]

Thanks for this.. i guess you're right.

No mater whats going on in her mind, it doesn't matter because she's using me. Why do people do this?

[TrustMe1993]

It's no problem at all. 😊

From what I heard, it all boils down to insecurity. People do it when they're afraid of losing you. It's kinda like you're a bird and she's giving you breadcrumbs (sorry for weird analogy). You rarely hear from her but she contacts you every once in a while so you can take the bait-shes checking if you are still in her life.
So, don't take the bait. Be friends with people who treat you like a human and feed you full meals. You'll be happier.

[mjz00]

Hi, if you re read your words you know everything and how you feel about it, the only point is are you crazy or not? you're certainly not crazy for thinking these thoughts, are you crazy for going along with it? thats your decision, yes she is coming to you for support, is it right is it wrong etc only you can decide that. does it upset you? does it stop you moving on with your life? do you have hope she will be yours one day? are you ok with helping her as a friend? etc xx

[NyomiMcClinton]

She only wants emotional support for you. I will say this, dont let her problems become your own. Dont accept her calls or txts when your not in the mood to be bothered. You have your own issues to be concerned about. She is not your girlfriend so you are not obligated to be there for her. She is using you for her own needs and not concerned about yours. Wow, some friend.