Why do you men melt when a girl cries?

Why is this? My boyfriend will do it when it's any other girl but me...why? It p*sses me off because I am the kind of girl who sucks it up and simply says F*ck it! But I am a girl deep, deep, deep down and I do cry and when I do he acts weird and says things like "Seriously stop being a baby" but one of his friends that is a girl called him crying and he is the most understanding guy in the world!

Why doesn't he act like that with me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • for a lot of us its how close to home the tears are hitting, most of our lives we're being told we're men, and we DONT cry. you're our other 1/2.. that's as close as it can get without being a serious weakness of ours.. for thoes that do wrap their arms around you, its not just them being sensitive towards you, its them being able to bypass their personal feelings to help yours as well.


What Guys Said 33

  • A lot of us wish we could let go like that, so when a girl does it we're sympathetic. It's weird your guy doesn't react to you in the same way!

  • A girl who's crying upsets me.

    If it's one I know wel and I'm sure she has no great sorrow or pain it irritates me. It comes over as a kind of emotional blackmail.

    If it's one I don't know I'll never be sure she hasn't a real problem and I 'll show sympathy.

    Not honest, I know.

  • That's easy..

    Have you ever heard the expression "weakness is a woman's hidden strength"?

    As people, we tend to have no sympathy for the strong, but we sympathize for and pity the weak. We won't cut the strong any slack, and in fact, we'll feel more comfortable being harder & tougher on them. But we'll do exactly the opposite to the weak. We'll give them chances, we're not as hard or tough on them, we basically play favorites.

    Growing up, boys are taught to be strong, and more importantly, to never show weakness. While growing up, girls are usually in their environment. Boys grow up next to girls who have no pressure to be strong, and no restrictions against being or "acting" weak.

    One of the ways girls do this, is by "crying".

    In fact, the tear ducts of boys and girls are very different. It's much easier for girls to turn on the water-works than it is for guys. So for guys, it takes a lot to cry. So when guys see crying, it implies some strong negative event (since that's what it would take to make a guy cry); but that's not necessary to make a girl cry. In fact, no strongly negative event is necessary for girls to cry. Many girls can simply "make themselves cry".

    It gets to the point where when guys see girls crying, they feel it's "dishonest" & "manipulative".

    But these are only feelings they feel when a girl is interacting with him (in other words, has incentive to lie, be dishonest & manipulative).. If the girl isn't interacting with him, or isn't in the position to get anything from him; then (HE), the guy, is in an emotional position to feel safe enough to sympathize and feel bad for that girl & what she's going through.

    But if it's a girl that's close to him, like his wife or girlfriend; then the breaks of reason & logic jump in FIRST, BEFORE any information is passed along to any emotional process.. This explains why guys might appear "colder" or "less sympathetic" towards crying from their girlfriend, than say, crying from some totally random girl..

  • Perhaps because you suck it up all the time and he can see it/knows it, so he thinks he's supporting who you are, it seems like a common problem for stronger women, just, because they try to suck everything up and not show their pain men end up thinking she just wants to be strong and never show how much she's hurting so words of "encouragment" "help" her more than words of comfort.

    Sometimes understanding, good guys get confused or forget that you're still a woman in pain that could use some comfort instead of being told to keep on doing what they're doing. You could try letting him know how it makes you feel, or asking him personally... that or just show a little more of your distress.

    Hope this helps andd best of luck to you.

    • Agreed. I'm the same way and have had to set it straight that I'm human/a girl too and not just one of the guys. I'm allowed to have my moments too. Hearing hard ass guy talk isn't helping me any. I'm still wired a female so going the male approach doesn't always help, dears.

  • Perhaps because your behavior does not demonstrate you are delicate. When tough people cry it is can be uncomfortable to be around and people don't know how to respond appropriately. I know that my father has cried about 3 times since I remember, and when I was younger and he cried; I walked off, I didn't know how to handle it. Even when he cried when I was older, I tried to hold him and it just felt weird. If you demonstrate tougher, more masculine characteristics it is difficult for people to feel sympathy for you or even support you when something goes wrong. I am in the same boat as you, I really control my negative emotions, and pain, and when I express them, people act weird and try to change the conversation or move away from me. If we wish that to change we will just have to act more fragile.

    • It's the opposite for me.

      When I see over-sensitive girls and boys cry, I don't think much of it. I do feel sorry for them, but I know they do it all the time for every little thing. It hardly makes me feel more sympathy for them.

      On the other hand, when people I have never seen cry or strong people break down, then I know it is serious. That's when it really touches me - and when I really want to help.

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What Girls Said 24

  • Totally get what you mean. Sometimes I wonder if it's because they think you're using it to get something from them, like someone else has said. Maybe they just don't see the other girls crying as much so it affects them more because they've seen you cry a few times before and got used to it?

  • I'd much rather be with a man who melts when you cry than one that doesn't even seem to notice or one that reacts with a lack of empathy, that's a far bigger red flag.

  • Bad case of "double standard" maybe?

  • Guys are impossible to tell. But you should tell him how you feel about that.

  • maybe cause he know's your stronger than that. if you act tough all the time he has the impression you can handle yourself, or maybe it just makes him uncomfortable seeing you cry, especially if its caused by him.

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