Why do you men melt when a girl cries?

Why is this? My boyfriend will do it when it's any other girl but me...why? It p*sses me off because I am the kind of girl who sucks it up and simply says F*ck it! But I am a girl deep, deep, deep down and I do cry and when I do he acts weird and says things like "Seriously stop being a baby" but one of his friends that is a girl called him crying and he is the most understanding guy in the world!

Why doesn't he act like that with me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • for a lot of us its how close to home the tears are hitting, most of our lives we're being told we're men, and we DONT cry. you're our other 1/2.. that's as close as it can get without being a serious weakness of ours.. for thoes that do wrap their arms around you, its not just them being sensitive towards you, its them being able to bypass their personal feelings to help yours as well.


What Guys Said 33

  • A lot of us wish we could let go like that, so when a girl does it we're sympathetic. It's weird your guy doesn't react to you in the same way!

  • A girl who's crying upsets me.

    If it's one I know wel and I'm sure she has no great sorrow or pain it irritates me. It comes over as a kind of emotional blackmail.

    If it's one I don't know I'll never be sure she hasn't a real problem and I 'll show sympathy.

    Not honest, I know.

  • That's easy..

    Have you ever heard the expression "weakness is a woman's hidden strength"?

    As people, we tend to have no sympathy for the strong, but we sympathize for and pity the weak. We won't cut the strong any slack, and in fact, we'll feel more comfortable being harder & tougher on them. But we'll do exactly the opposite to the weak. We'll give them chances, we're not as hard or tough on them, we basically play favorites.

    Growing up, boys are taught to be strong, and more importantly, to never show weakness. While growing up, girls are usually in their environment. Boys grow up next to girls who have no pressure to be strong, and no restrictions against being or "acting" weak.

    One of the ways girls do this, is by "crying".

    In fact, the tear ducts of boys and girls are very different. It's much easier for girls to turn on the water-works than it is for guys. So for guys, it takes a lot to cry. So when guys see crying, it implies some strong negative event (since that's what it would take to make a guy cry); but that's not necessary to make a girl cry. In fact, no strongly negative event is necessary for girls to cry. Many girls can simply "make themselves cry".

    It gets to the point where when guys see girls crying, they feel it's "dishonest" & "manipulative".

    But these are only feelings they feel when a girl is interacting with him (in other words, has incentive to lie, be dishonest & manipulative).. If the girl isn't interacting with him, or isn't in the position to get anything from him; then (HE), the guy, is in an emotional position to feel safe enough to sympathize and feel bad for that girl & what she's going through.

    But if it's a girl that's close to him, like his wife or girlfriend; then the breaks of reason & logic jump in FIRST, BEFORE any information is passed along to any emotional process.. This explains why guys might appear "colder" or "less sympathetic" towards crying from their girlfriend, than say, crying from some totally random girl..

  • Perhaps because you suck it up all the time and he can see it/knows it, so he thinks he's supporting who you are, it seems like a common problem for stronger women, just, because they try to suck everything up and not show their pain men end up thinking she just wants to be strong and never show how much she's hurting so words of "encouragment" "help" her more than words of comfort.

    Sometimes understanding, good guys get confused or forget that you're still a woman in pain that could use some comfort instead of being told to keep on doing what they're doing. You could try letting him know how it makes you feel, or asking him personally... that or just show a little more of your distress.

    Hope this helps andd best of luck to you.

    • Agreed. I'm the same way and have had to set it straight that I'm human/a girl too and not just one of the guys. I'm allowed to have my moments too. Hearing hard ass guy talk isn't helping me any. I'm still wired a female so going the male approach doesn't always help, dears.

  • Perhaps because your behavior does not demonstrate you are delicate. When tough people cry it is can be uncomfortable to be around and people don't know how to respond appropriately. I know that my father has cried about 3 times since I remember, and when I was younger and he cried; I walked off, I didn't know how to handle it. Even when he cried when I was older, I tried to hold him and it just felt weird. If you demonstrate tougher, more masculine characteristics it is difficult for people to feel sympathy for you or even support you when something goes wrong. I am in the same boat as you, I really control my negative emotions, and pain, and when I express them, people act weird and try to change the conversation or move away from me. If we wish that to change we will just have to act more fragile.

    • It's the opposite for me.

      When I see over-sensitive girls and boys cry, I don't think much of it. I do feel sorry for them, but I know they do it all the time for every little thing. It hardly makes me feel more sympathy for them.

      On the other hand, when people I have never seen cry or strong people break down, then I know it is serious. That's when it really touches me - and when I really want to help.

  • Well let's see here ... your boyfriend knows you, and knows WHY you're crying.

    If you cry because you lost a family member, or a friend, or something very dramatic happened at work, then we'll be there to sympathize with you. We will be empathetic.

    But if you're crying because you want something from your boyfriend, or because he didn't do something you wanted him to do, then the statement he provided is true. STOP ACTING LIKE A BABY. You don't get everything you want so easily. If you want something from us, earn it and prove effort. Don't try to manipulate us by taking control of the relationship.

    Even when a girl asks me 'Do I look fat?' - my response tends to be 'figure it out' or 'grow up'. There's no good answer to that.

  • Your boyfriends sounds inconsiderate. Not that I should judge people I don't know, but that's my impression. He might see you as tough and therefore not in need of comfort, but at least he could take your feelings into consideration and ask you what's wrong and maybe try to make you feel better.

    Personally, if I see a girl cry I feel a need to hold her and protect and comfort her. That is, if I figure the crying is genuine and not the temper tantrum of some spoiled Paris Hilton wannabe. Emotional blackmail and manipulation is just wrong. I'm not saying that's what you do, but maybe your boyfriend has that impression of you, for whatever reason?

    Finally, I want to say that you don't have to "suck it up", and certainly not because your boyfriend or whoever else tells you too. It's perfectly OK to cry when you're hurting, and I think it's plain wrong to judge someone as weak simply for crying.

  • To answer your question in the title.. No I don't melt when a girl cries.. I never did yet.

    I don't know why... not even when my ex-girl hit her head on a door. I kind of chuckled and smiled then helped her because I'm just that type of guy. The only time I've cried is when I've been kicked in the balls, hit in the face, or when someone from my family dies and when my own father started crying -.-.

    I don't think I am cold-hearted though... your boyfriend is cold hearted if he said "Seriously stop being a baby" while you were crying.. That's just harsh... He couldn't comfort you or anything?

  • Real emotion is something that a lot of guys don't experience in the course of their everyday lives. So for you to bear your soul like that is perfectly disarming.

  • lol because he's got you already...he dosnt think he needs to impress you with the sensative guy routine...but on another note, guys don't melt when they see girls cry...not all guys anyways...when your young you do...but once uve grown up and realized how unstable females actually are, you get decensorised to it...

    and when you deeply understand them...sometimes you know you have to make them cry looool girls need a good old cry from time to time...just to get it all out of their system...then you give them the looong sentual sex session...they go 2 bed like completely content babies lol

    ..girls are funny creatures.

  • lol, your boyfriend seems like a d***, make him cry, then call him a baby. But srsly he obviously sees you in a different light (call it good or bad I can't say).

  • Well, why do girls go running when a baby cries? It's the same instinct. I think it's possible that he knows you well enough to tell if you're crying over something big or something small. When we hear girls cry we go running to comfort them. We're not sure why they're crying and we usually tend to fear the worst. Maybe he doesn't react so dramatically because he knows why you're crying and it's not a big deal. If there is a big deal like the death of a loved one (puppies and kittens excluded of course) would he react differently? If I had to guess... with something really worth crying over he'd probably be there for you more than anyone. Just my opinion though.

  • All these answers are so spread out.

    Look if you rarely cry, then he tells you "seriously, stop acting like a baby'" it's f***ed up. If you're not doing it to get what you want, and you're crying because something he did or something is truly difficult in your life, then cry. You're a girl, wtf. I love girls that cry, the best girls are the most emotional. It's feminine and I love it.

  • I don't melt, I just feel awkward. I don't really know what to do or how to react when people start tearing up, so I'd just rather make the situation awkward so that I know my input was heard :)

  • I had an answer prepared after I saw the title. Then I read what you said, and it completely goes against what I thought you were going to say. Normally, I think it really hurts anyone if someone they care about is upset.

    However, this is the opposite. Maybe because of who you are, he has learned to accept you as you. However, it's very strange that he comforts these other girls when they are crying. I have no explanation for that, other then that it is strange.

  • hmm I read other peoples answers but I personally think if I saw a woman who never really cries cry, id think something was really bothering her but maybe he just thinks what you're crying about is something silly? who knows...id bring it up tho.

  • you seem like a tough girl so he probably treats you tough. kinda like a bro. be more feminine and scream when you see a lizard, lol

  • Maybe he's not used to seeing someone strong like you cry.

  • guys are weird.Personally I am like that with any girl.If girls cry I feel responsible like I have to do something,i feel like they should not suffer and that the bottom line.If it is my girl I will be twice as caring and melt even more,that my girl and I love her.

  • Men in general feel that they want to please and make their lady happy! When you are crying, they would like to do nothing more than to take the tears away and bring joy to you! That is true but ridiculous! Sometimes you just get sad or hurt and need to cry! His understanding that and being there in either a consoling way or a supportive way is better! Kick him in the Balls and if he cries, tell him to man up and quit being a baby!

  • I think Forgetable has the best answer.. but for some reason he's blocked me.. so I've blocked him :D

  • You could always tell him how you feel.. it probably won't hurt.

  • when I see a girl cry it makes me feel sad for her and I want to make her happy again its sad to see girls cry...or look sad...but I already know girls don't want me to comfert them cause I'm a guy that's ugly and not wanted by them so I don't bother girls...your boyfriend acts like he don't care is because he knows you can suck it all up and get over it...but I don't really know

  • Reason of cyin'

  • he sees you like an equal. that's why!

  • if she cries because of somethin I did then I would probably start crying too haah

  • hmm..go cry in his arms. And tell him that even though you act tough you still are a girl deep deep inside and have your moments from time to time. Well ok you don't have to cry but just tell him that *-)

    I think me and my girlfriend broke up because she didn't told me any of her problems and a little vise versa.

    But ok you could at least give it a try ;)

  • If he act like this all the time with you, I have a theory: he's now with you, so he don't give a sh*t of what you feel because he knows you'll always be with him now, but when he sees other girls crying, he jump on the occasion to show them he's a nice guy, but the truth is: he's a guy who don't give a sh*t and as long as you provide him with what he wants, he'll never truly care about you and when he'll grow tired he could go to one of the girls he comforted before, he'll have the choice anytime. It's only a theory, but I think he's being hard on you for nothing. He may be uncomfortable, some people are like this when they see others crying, but I'm pretty sure it's something else. I am uncomfortable when one of my friends cry, but I do not tell them things like that, no matter what and god know how many times I've played the nice guy in those situations.

    It's a very easy tactic. Usually really comprehensive people do not act like that, guy or girl, it doesn't matter. Comprehensive people listen to the ones who are crying and comfort them (only if it feels OK), it's one the basic intelligent behavior of a human being. The guy's probably just acting tough and deep inside, he don't give a sh*t, like I said. Sad theory but it may be true. You can also test him to see if he really care, words are meaningless without a good expression. I know that, I'm a writer, after all. Talk to him and if he don't look you in the eyes or even look at you and just nod his head all the time, then he don't care at all.

    I don't know all of the circumstances and/or conditions about your situation, but I've helped a lot of my friends who were girls and most of the time, I was right and they thanked me. Just to make a point: I've helped girls who tried to date really dirty jerks as I am good by identifying the true nature of individuals in just one face-to-face conversation.

    Talk to him and see what happens!

  • Maybe he thinks you don't want him to sympathize? If it was my sister I would flat out say suck it up. But my girl? Well, I'd have to sympathize and tell her its going to be okay. Largely because I don't want an ear full later.

  • Believe me, I don't remember crying in my life time. NEver ever, I don't remember, I am not stupid to cry like baby. I hide my cry and grieve inside and no need to be like baby yelling or showing some tear. Keep and be strong. Instead of complaining why don't you ask yourself, why do you cry like a baby? you are an adult so why cry? You are girl, right? he does not and acts weird because crying is weakest point of human being and you need to be in control and feel independent and resist to everthing. Stop crying like baby is the right suggestion

    • Stop being an asshole is the right suggestion, and how bout you shut the f*** up because you do remember crying. Also, you came out of your moms vagina crying. I hate people who are full of sh*t.

    • Show All
    • Kudos oceanlover :)

    • My boyfriemd cried when he neede to, and that's what made him a man. he didn't cry because he stubb his toe, he cried when his mom died and when his sis was raped and killes. you gona tell me you wuldnt cry then? be serious

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 24

  • Totally get what you mean. Sometimes I wonder if it's because they think you're using it to get something from them, like someone else has said. Maybe they just don't see the other girls crying as much so it affects them more because they've seen you cry a few times before and got used to it?

  • I'd much rather be with a man who melts when you cry than one that doesn't even seem to notice or one that reacts with a lack of empathy, that's a far bigger red flag.

  • Bad case of "double standard" maybe?

  • Guys are impossible to tell. But you should tell him how you feel about that.

  • maybe cause he know's your stronger than that. if you act tough all the time he has the impression you can handle yourself, or maybe it just makes him uncomfortable seeing you cry, especially if its caused by him.

  • Well, he probably feels uncomfortable because he isn't used to seeing You cry so he doesn't know what to do for you. He might feel the need to comfort you in a different way than one of his other friends but doesn't relaly know how because you are a strong person. To him trying to hold you, and comfort might not seem like the thing to do because you might not be comfortable with it when you're upset. So he might come off as a jerk for lack of knowing anything else to do

    Talk to him, ask him what's up with it, but be calm don't get mad unless he gives you a reason. Discuss, don't fight.

  • > Well I don't know but whoever whenever however someone is upset no one should ever day they are being a baby.

    it is not that he is nice to other women and not to you - it is that he is being disrespectful to you altogether. id care if you are crying or not , but obviously something is bothering you & that is what should concern him not wether or not you cry.

    i can't say that I am able to cry lol BUT I should stress that NOT CRYING is not BEING strong it s just not crying.

    its water & salt you did fall on the ground grab his leg & beg him to do everything for you because you have fallen apart-- its so out of proportion to say someone is weak cause some water leaves there body...

    its what you do volitionally not what happens physiologically that determines wether you are strong or not.

    next time he has to pee or come or sweat, tell him to suck it up and stop being such a baby.

    to answer your question about guys my guess is that since guys are told not to cry they are afraid of it and they want to fix it instead of prolonging it so they do not get infected or 'exposed' in the event they feel they are to blame.. & also ...it makes them feel strong powerful and desired - especially if it is about them...

    ,lol this guy I used to like would say horrendous things to try to get me to cry...once he asked me if I was sad lol & I looked at him & I said, 'are YOU sad'? then why would you expect ME to be lol

    >> Another thing about your guy, he may find you a support system different then his friend...so if you 'crack' he is affected by it dif then if she does,...consoling her makes him feel like a man, consoling you on the other hand, makes him feel like he is losing a piece of his support system...he is with you not her - he may want /needs to feel you are strong in a way that is inconsequential in reference to her*

    (maybe, to him) YOU ARE HIS ROCK ^ ^

  • I think he doesn't act that way with you, because he's with you. & because he knows what you can get over, and what you aren't gonna let go. you know?

  • I completely agree with Anonymousdude2

    You rarely cry or come across as emotional,so when you do,he tells you to toughen up

  • what the f*uck. that's a little bit out of order. have you asked him about it? maybe he feels bad for upsetting you, or maybe he know's you for being a ''F*** IT!'' type of girl and loves it that you're like that? ask him about it (:

  • You need to tell him that that double standards that he has with his friend and you his girlfriend isn't gonna work. He is suppose to support and be there for you no matter if your crying or not. Acting the way he acts towards you when your in need of his support is just cruel.

  • You are not going to get the *true* answer with us: ask him that exact question and see what he says! Approach him saying, "Why do you comfort other girls when they cry but not me?"

  • my boyfriends the exact same, when I cry he's like 'oh now I'm the bad guy blah blah blah shut the f*** up' its so mean seems like they just don't care huh?

  • Lol here's some advice, never let anyone see you cry. I dated a guy once and he cried in front of me. I dumped him. I need someone who has more pride not not cry in front of others.

  • He sees you as an equal. I think he expects more from you (which is kinda a jerk-ish thing to do if you ask me).

  • it might be that he simply likes you for the girl he met... the suck it up girl. just cos he melts when girls cry doesn't mean he would date one of them... if he's with you it might show he is attracted to girls who aren't 'babies'... however on the other hand he might just be being horrible to you and that you should consider talking about his lack of sensitivity towards you in particular. I don't know because I don't know him. just talk to him about it and ask him the question your asking us. I hope you sort this thing out soon. x

  • I think there could be many reasons - the easiest answer is to ask himself.

    However it could be something that oftens happends, people don't know what to

    when someone close to them breaks down and cries. Specially when that person

    might be a strong person. And he might panic for example.

    And some of the other reasons did the people below me write.

    Try to ask him directly I say ^_^

    Wished of luck

  • He is a jerk! My man doesn't seem to mind when I cry either. Maybe he just figures that I'm a total psycho when I cry. I don't cry often either. It shows how weak you r.

  • omq I kno exactly how yhu feel my boyfriend is the same exact way I think when we cry they don't like it because they kno its there fault.but when a friend cry they know they had nothing to do whith it so they are glad to help them and when we cry we mae them feel bad and guilty

  • becauae your his girlfriend and he wants to make you think he isn't a pus just talk to him about it

  • Maybe he just knows you, and knows how you are. Some girls just cry to get attention, maybe you do and he knows that.

  • okay, so to be honest, I think you really need to understand your boyfriend more. There are many different kinds of guys out there. I can totally put my boyfriend in your boyfriend's place. And I would know he did that, because he doesn't really care for the girl.

    Your boyfriend cares about you, and is used to you. There is really no need to suck up to you at every opportunity. He knows you are tough, and that he doesn't need to put up an "act" of being understanding. He probably didn't even hear the girl out properly, just instinctively comforted her to shut her up. Believe me, most men, not all, think girls are sissies when they cry.

    My boyfriend was very concerned when I first cried, and that was because he had never thought would. BUT over time we have "both" realized that more often than not, my tears are useless -.- He does tell me it's okay, please don't cry. But mostly, it is, "Oh come on! " And I know he wouldn't treat any other girl like that because he hasn't reached that "comfort level" with any other.

    If he told you to stop being a baby, you probably should feel more special, because he is treating you his equal, and not trying to put on an act of being sensitive. HE wouldn't cry for stupid stuff, and assumes you wouldn't either. You're just his special half, the one he knows he will never lose :)

    So be happy. I couldn't care less about this situation.

  • its probably because you're a tough girl, so he probably thinks you'll laugh or something if he gets all mushy...im the same way, And in 2 years of going out I cried once and my boyfriend actually thought I was kidding...So I think its because you're not a typical girly baby and he doesn't know what to say..

  • Your boyfriend sounds like a d***. He probably doesn't appreciate you or respect you much. I would advise you to think about ending the relationship. I don't like to tell people to break up with their significant others, but seriously that's just wrong. You deserve better from a man who is willing to give it.

    I am like you, in the way that I am the kind of girl who sucks things up and VERY RARELY cries, and very rarely lets anyone see me cry. So for a girl like that to cry, it must be a big deal. So if he acts like that to you then he is pretty much saying he doesn't give a sh*t

    Now if you were crying because you missed the ice cream truck...that would be totally different LOL but other than that your man is just insensitive and a d*** to you, that's the only way I can put it.