Am I too boring to be dateable?

[Anonymous]

It just doesn't seem like I'm a girl's idea of fun.

I'm smart, I know a lot of stuff--music, sports, books, movies. I enjoy all that. I'm in medical school and I'm only 21 and I don't turn 22 until the end of the year. I have a sense of humor and I can make people laugh. I'm not afraid to make fun of girls, i.e. I'm not too nice to them and all that.

I don't know if it's just the wrong girls or what, but it seems like the ones I've been "talking" to, anyway, end up ditching me because I'm not their idea of excitement. In other words, I'm not viewed as a guy they'd hang out with---hang out meaning I'm not a guy they'd party and drink with. Which is true to the extent that I don't party and drink. But it's false in that I have a lot to offer by hanging out and doing different things other than party and drink. I think I can show a girl a good time.

Even though I'm naturally reserved, I'm not socially inept, but it is true that big groups make me feel uncomfortable because, you know, big groups are usually aggregated with partiers and so the flow of conversation never is in my strength. I'm not muscular and I'm skinny, but I do work out and keep myself in shape--it's just my fast metabolism that doesn't allow it to shine through. I'm average looking.

But that's just all the superficial stuff. I mentioned my personality stuff. I don't think I'm boring. But it seems I'm boring to these girls. At least the ones I'm talking to.

I've tried going to bars and partying, but it's not my scene and I've begun to feel comfortable with who I really am. But I'm fearing that who I really am isn't exciting for girls.

[Anonymous]

You sound a lot like me. I'll be entering graduate/law school before I turn 20, I'm incredibly ambitious, I've embraced the art of ironic humor and I'm a nice person. As proof that not all sorority girls are vapid party animals, I don't drink and I hate going out more than once or twice a semester. I'm not shy by any stretch of the imagination but I am a strong introvert and I will never shine in the party scene; ordinarily I can come up with comebacks and witty remarks at the drop of the hat but when surrounded by drunk people the best I can do is an awkward joke here and there and a halfhearted laugh. That being said, I worried for the better half of my freshman year whether or not I was too boring to ever meet guys at the collegiate level because of my personality. Eventually I realized I was looking in the wrong places. Drunken hook ups rarely turn into anything genuine but sober connections often do. Through classes and clubs I've met great guys who share interests with me and similar attitudes concerning what "fun" is. If you aren't a party guy, stop chasing party girls. It won't work. Search for girls in the places that you normally hang out; it'll make life so much easier.

[Shlei3]

You're not boring at all. It's the type of girls you have been meeting. Don't give up hope, you will have to meet a lot of duds before you meet a girl worthwhile. Back in my single days I would have loved to have met a guy like you. Don't change!

[Asker]

But, see, a lot of people say that. A lot of people say, "oh, back when I was younger and single, I would have love to have dated you" or strangers say that, but in reality it doesn't happen. Everyone seems to be looking for something else.

[Shlei3]

Nope. I married the type of guy you are now. We are still that way. I didn't have interest in parties and boozing it up. I would have taken a stimulating movie and an exquisite dinner over a party any night. It's not impossible.

[Asker]

Ok, good, so you're saying you're the type of girl who doesn't do that. Maybe I just haven't run into a girl like you. That gives me hope at least. When I ask girls to do the stimulating movie thing, or something different/out of their realm, like ice skating, they always ditch it for going to bars.

[Shlei3]

People like us are few and far between. I know many adults (parents included) that still want to relive their glory days of partying and boozing it up.

[biannnnnnn]

Well you don't seem like a boring guy to me. I would date you. whatz yo # lol. Just relax.There's someone out there for everyone. Your not boring. So get that out your head right now. I'm telling you its the wrong girls your hanging around.

[marcopolo86]

Yeah dude, what she said. I'm the same way..unfortunately I tend to sell out for the sake of being amiable. No longer though, because I've just recently been burned bad as a result of it.

It's far better to be yourself and comfortable first, otherwise you're not just screwing yourself, you're being disingenuine to the girl.

I don't go to clubs/bars anymore with the goal in mind of meeting women. It's all pretentious. It's cliche, but cliches are cliche for a reason - so be yourself.

Women will come, and someone will appreciate your personality, interests, strengths and weaknesses. It's through communication and honesty that we build strong bonds with our counterparts, not pompous projections of who we think others want us to be.

Good luck bro!

[ArtistBboy]

All I have to say is this quote:
Real women like real men.

Find yourself a new venue of ladies to enduldge with; there's no limitation in america of who you can or cannot talk to.

~ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

So by new venue, you mean different girls? Also, it's weird, but with some of these girls, especially the bar/party ones, I sense a kind of fakeness about them when I talk to them or see them interact. Sometimes they're blatantly fake, but I guess they don't realize it. But then I just say that maybe I'm the one who's wrong and should give them a chance, but it never works.

[ArtistBboy]

Party girls = "Fun girls" .. They aren't the type to marry or take home to mom; few are, but most aren't.

By new venue, I mean that you should find a different area to meet and conversate with women: The gym, the local library, a nearby college, at work, through mutual friends, at the grocery store, at a cafe, the movies, the state park.. Wherever you turn, there is a beautiful woman; you are just passing them by because you are more focused on your daily tasks at hand.

[Asker]

This is a little off-topic, but do some of these girls even know they're being fake? Like sometimes it's so obvious, it just wants to make me vomit, or that they're so hypocritical...I don't know if I'm generalizing, but the majority of them I've talked to and basically labeled me as not a "fun" guy are like that and I think they are actually the ones who are boring.

Also, do you think my age is a factor in this, too? Although I am going to med school with girls older than me.

[Asker]

Would an older girl--say 23--discount me automatically if I'm 21?

[ArtistBboy]

If she was real - No, age would not be a matter.

These girls that you label fake - are the girls to avoid; 9/10 times they are being fake because of several reasons that I care not to deliberate. But what I can tell you, is that a relationship with these types of women will not last very long without making you change for their own benefit (or go insane).

Focus instead on making an attempt at understanding what the girl's personality is like; before you get caught up in the drama.

[Asker]

That's really good advice, something I could have used a while ago before screwing myself up. I'm curious why you don't want to deliberate the reasons, though? Could you give me a couple because I'm interested why they'd be fake.

[ArtistBboy]

If you insist; check this.

Remember back to when "driving your car was a new experience"; that's like relationships for these "party girls", they were in our same shoes of thinking THEY were boring and vice-versa, then after a time, the wrong influences led them down the path of fakeness. So as to say: Driving their car was exciting, but they got bored of the same old car, and now they want "what they think is an upgrade"

Women that have already passed that stage (or skipped it) are real.

[ArtistBboy]

(cont) - Prior reason: "They get bored of the same routines, from the same type of men"

Secondly, they have an internal switch to judge other people. If you aren't valuable to their social status (or your just trying to "pick up" on them); that switch seldom triggers. When it does, you are either "Friendzoned" or you are outcasted (they act fake) to protect their current social status.

Prior reason - "If your value doesn't appeal to her personal or social desire, she may not be interested"

[ArtistBboy]

The last reason I'll discuss is mere communication; if you have a great (original) line that makes her laugh and feel attracted, yet you deliver it incorrectly (uneffectively), then it will remove all the attraction and you'll be the friend. You could relate this to confidence; with well known comedians, you can FEEL their confidence in the way they deliver "punch lines"; if you were to stutter on your deliver (among other negatives), you'd actually squash that confidence and lose attraction

[jeannie]

you shouldn't be worried at all. you definitely are hanging out with the wrong girls. obviously they can't see how awesome you are for getting into medical school lol (its actually something I want to do). I mean, I would totally date you :) haha. but don't feel like you're not exciting just cause you don't want to party and drink because those girls are immature.

[Anonymous]

I think It's matter of girls you're trying to date. but if those girls are actually attractive to you, you should be working on your look as well. There is nothing wrong about it.

But I'm sure there will be so many other girls who would love you. And you're 21 so girls around you don't really know how to appreciate other things in life than partying yet I guess.

I bet in few years, you would be the first guy they would want to date.

[menina]

You just haven't meet girls that like your personality. To me a guy like you is not boring.

[cocopuff]

im almost in the same spot man don't worry God has a plan and you will find love

[biannnnnnn]

Hey good answer:)